Decisions, decisions

[Sometimes Steffi]

I just got a notice to renew my driver's license in Virginia.

It now has three choices: Male, Female and non-Binary. Do I answer truthfully (Non-Binary) or will that cause me more trouble than it's worth?

[Rogina B]

Depends on how important your gender identification is to you....

[Jodie_Lynn]

be YOU!

If the option is there, take it. From a practical standpoint, if you get pulled over by the Police, with 'NB' as gender, it won't matter how you are dressed.
Unless, perhaps, if you are dressed as a 'working girl'. ;)

[kimdl93]

Serious question: How might this cause you trouble?

[Sometimes Steffi]

Even though I go out with a lot of like minded friends,I'm not out.

My wife knows, but doesn't appreciate Steffi, and my daughter doesn't know.

[LeslieSD]

Learnt that option last year when I went to get my license renewed. I did some quick research while I was waiting and decided to change my gender mark to x. I wrote a story here in this forum, which you may search for and read if it might be any help.

Your mileage might vary. But here is what I have considered:
Pro

This reflects my true feeling (or at least the first step of it - I am still exploring myself).
I used to do quite a bit of travel enfem (that's before COVID). The x gender mark is a safety net if there is ever a question.

Con

What does your spouse think? My spouse saw my picture on ID and threw a fit. She hasn't noticed the gender mark yet.
You may be out to more people even when you are not dressed. There are a lot of places that you are required to show ID, such as checking in in hospital, or picking up some packages.
There were some talk on that the gender mark might affect how medical insurance is processed for some procedures.


Again, your mileage varies. Everyone needs to make his/her own decision.

- - - Updated - - -

By the way, I am pretty sure that your spouse will notice soon if you change your ID. There is no way to hide it, and my spouse usually goes to hospital together with me (before COVID).

The other times of a bit awkwardness is when I am presenting male and showed a ID with female picture and x gender mark. Most people never seem to mind though, but there were a few rare cases. Are you out at work? Do you need to show ID at work, or travel with your colleagues?

[Robertacd]

We can get an "X" (for NB) gender marker on our ID's but I am going to wait until I change my name and take care of all at once and make it an F.

[Stephanie47]

You may want to check out whether changing the indicator cascades through other government systems such as voter registration, etc.

[Teresa]

Steffi,
I don't find those choices are totally correct , if I changed my name officially I would use female but I don't see NB as an alternative choice for me , if they wish to use the NB label then they should accept " other " as an alternative .

Leslie makes a good point , we should be able to answer these questions honestly but some will be too afraid to do so .

This relects the proposed changes to the next UK census , it wil be ask more questions related to gender , we are legally bound to answer truthfully , I was dreaded it if I was still with my wife , who would I lie to the government or my wife ? Thankfully I don't have that problem anymore .

[GretchenM]

A really good question, Steffi. I renewed last year and really carefully thought about it and decided to leave it at M even though making that choice really didn't feel good. It is hard to tell what the consequences are. The law says there should be none, but as we all know, not everybody sticks to the law. If I was 50 years old instead of 75 and considering where I live being the same then I would pick the X. But at my age I really don't want to be hassled by those who would seek some kind of impact on me in the form of nasty comments and snickers or worse.

I guess my thoughts are that if you are unsure, hold your breath, grit your teeth, and stay the course if you are over 65. Leave it to the younger folks to break the trail into this new area. Let them clear out the trip wires across the trail so the older folks can travel more smoothly. Just my opinion. There are a lot of possible hazards, but the fact is there are few clear answers to those possible hazards. That said, I have selected the X choice on other less important documents than the driver's license. Nothing happened.

[Teresa]

Gretchen,
I am posed with a problem this week . I was caught with a speed camera at the end of August , it was a rear view not a front view . I had picked my daughter up and was taking her shopping at an out of town store , so I obviously I was Teresa .

I was doing 63 MPH through a limited road work section with a temporary limit of 50 MPH . In the UK we are offered three options depending on how much you have exceeded the limit by , if I'd been doing 64 MPH I would have had to face a court hearing . Otherwise the choices are a ?100.00 fine and three penalty points on my driving license or a safety driving course which costs ?85.00 but no penalty points . The problem is with the pandemic all courses are done Online , at the start of the course which is done with Micrsoft Teams the course superviser has to be shown a current passport picture or a photo driving license as proof of the person who committed the offence and if they reside at the registered address . Normally these courses are held in conference rooms in a hotel or classrooms in driving centres , so I was prepared to attend as Teresa , obviously I've been told by my wife and sister to just do it as a man . I was determined to do it as Teresa so called them up to explain the situation , the lady who took my call was very helpful and thanked me for raising this situation because she hadn't come across it before , she went onto say she would contact the course superviser and get back to me . Her reply was the supervisor was also grateful I'd notified them because he also hadn't come across this situation , to resolve it all I had to do was show a household bill or document to prove the person registered on the driving license was the person who resided at that address . These precautions came about because some drivers have been asking other people to accept they were drivers who committed the speeding offence obviously front shot pictures solve that problem which would have made it easier for me . To come back to the penalty points on the driving license , when you accrue 12 you face a driving ban , also you should inform insurance companies of these offences otherwise you might have a situation where they won't honour a claim . People haven't been informing their insurance companies because it may mean a rise in their premiums or even a refusal to insure them again .

[Krisi]

My choice would be to choose "M". What's on my drivers license has no day to day effect on me and when I have to use it for an ID (to vote, for example), it would seem simpler to have it match my appearance.

[GretchenM]

Teresa, it sounded like you were describing the kinds of things that happen here with speeding. Most people just pay the fine, but I think the UK might be a bit more progressive in correcting the behavior than we are over here.

But in your case it is a really difficult thing because it was a rear view and so you (TERESA) is not visible, only that the vehicle was being driven by someone. It is good that you are being honest about it and admitting to your error. Many might claim somebody else was driving it and that opens up a whole new can of worms with a risk of discovering that you lied which only makes matters much worse. Obviously, the solution is to not speed, but there are only 3 people in the world who can drive who have never exceeded the speed limit. But they probably lie about other things as well.

I think you taking the class as Teresa and using other identification to prove you are you is good. You might consider taking along a picture or two of yourself in male mode in other situations that show that the person on the driver's license is actually you. If there are questions then I think you just proudly explain that even in the past you "expressed your identity" in the way you are now, but just not full time as is the case now. Don't say "you dressed that way" because that makes it sound like an option. With you, my friend, it is not an option. It is who you are.

[Teresa]

Gretchen,
I have pointed out that I'm now a full time TG and what name I use , I'm pleased I stuck to my guns because it has helped them understand how to deal with the situation in the future , the nice thing is I was thanked twice , once by the lady in the office and also by the person running the course .

Sorry to keep on the motoring theme . To relate something that happened last week , I was returning home with my shopping , when I was held up by a car doing 15 MPH , the label on the back of the car said " All Electric " . I'm wondering if this is the way of things for the future , everyone driving at that speed to conserve their batteries , I now have visions of a man with a red flag being reintroduced . I'm thinking it will be easier to buy a bike !

Many years ago I had to appear in court for a speeding offence , as I was driving into the town a car flashed by me . I realised when I stood in the court facing the presiding judge it was him that had sped by me .

[Mezzanine]

Hello from someone else who is fluid!

It's important to be yourself, but I think safety has to come first. If you're not out, you run the risk of being discovered. And having it on your license can open you to discrimination, sometimes even that you can't see. Either way has plusses and minuses. It's a difficult mental calculus.