A lonely burden

[xNicolex]

Hi girls,

Frist of all I'm so sorry if this sounds like drama rama. I don't mean it to sound anything like that. I'm just find myself lonely in my dressing. I have my GF who I am so grateful for, but I long for a friend I can chill with, have a beer with and then go put some make up on with and have a girls night, basically another like minded individual that enjoys the same things I enjoy. I've got mates that I can hang out with but a night out in dress isn't their thing lol again I'm not moaning I'm just feeling a little low. I feel I need to vent a little. I just feel so suffocated sometimes not being able to express my feelings sometimes. Anyone else ever feel that longing for comradeship?

[Ericka_d]

I've knwen a few trans and cds in my life. They always ended up blowing me off in the end. At this point. I really no longer care if I meet people like me.

Here is what is funny. My hairdresser, wax lady, and nail lady. All treat me as im a woman. We typically enjoy a nice chat. Last week when I saw my waxing lady. We talked mostly about clothes. So that was my girl fix.

[Pumped]

xNicolex, doesn't your girlfriend like to play along with your dressing? Get together with her and have a girls night.

[Bobbi46]

xNicolex, you don't say but does your GF actually know about your dressing? could this be the real reason for your feeling of being lonely?

[Princess29]

after 12 years of living where I do and going out many times and meeting an assortment of people over the years, I have a grand total of zero people now in my social circle from that walk of life. A few people I have really hit it off with over the years but they end up never being heard from again too and that (and a few other things) affects my desire to go out dressed.

The only positive to come out of this year is that I met a nice lady and we have had our ups and downs but we are going along quite nicely again. While I haven't been able to bring up the topic of my dressing, she has seen enough clues to suspect something but I feel less inclined to do it anyway lately and if it comes to having to choose between happiness with her or risking losing it all for something that has been a real mixed bag of emotions over the years and there doesn't seem to be much of a future in it, I will choose her.
If I can bring it up with her and it can be incorporated into our lives, all the better but if not, I reckon I can live with out dressing up

Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result

[xNicolex]

She knows but I guess she's so used to it it's become the norn

[Val_Blackbird]

A thousand times, yes. I'm right there with you.

Outside of work, I have no friends, and I don't have any family at all, realistically. My closest work friend is an e-Marine, so . . . yeah . . . I'm not suicidal. Plus, he has a kid, so . . . .

Anyway, I just you to know I feel for you. It's lonely having what amounts to a whole second life and no one to join you in it. :( Like you, I wish I had someone I could call upon on Friday nights, get all dolled up, and go to the spot for a drag show, etc. Or even just to hang out for a while and have some decent conversation and fun.

Sometimes, I feel like I'm in one of those Vampire Diaries prison worlds . . . . :(

But, anyway, just know that you're not alone. ***HUG***

[Sometimes Steffi]

In my guy world, I don't really have any close friends. If my wife kicked me out of the house, I don't even have anyone to call to put me up (or put up with me) for even a night. But, Steffi has a lot of like-minded friends.

I belong to a CD/TG group in the local area. Before COVID, I used to meet up with them (out and about) every 6 weeks or so. The've started going out again. About 25 girls showed up to the annual Halloween party (at a local motel that we frequent) and they have already scheduled the annual Christmas Gala Ball. I love the Gala Ball because almost everyone wears formal evening gowns or cocktail dresses.

In was to afraid of COVID to attend Halloween and probably won't attend the Christmas ball for the same reason.

Plus, I've grown a COVID (full) beard, and won't look so comely in a dress until I decide to shave it off.

Maybe you can find a CD group.

I found this

https://www.transunite.co.uk/find-a-group/?search_keywords=&search_region=71&search_categories%5B%5D=&filter_job_type%5B%5D=

And this

https://www.teni.ie/

[Sandi Beech]

One of the reasons I joined this site is because I had no one I could talk to about my outings. Some were fantastic, and others problematic. Without someone to share adventures with, it can be quite lonely for us. Very true.

Sandi

[Lana Mae]

I know what you are talking about! I had to fly to Houston, Texas from NC to go to a GNO! (There is of course more to the story!!!) I share with my adult daughter but it is not the same as being with another trans person! Maybe someone else on the forum from Ireland would go out with you! Best wishes with this! Hugs Lana Mae

[Rachelakld]

If I was 18,400kms closer, and a glass of Jamesons was on the bar, but I know what you mean.
I found a local CD and while we used to have regular coffee outings, garden walks etc, as she moves closer to full time, she hasn't needed me for confidence.
My wife is a non-participant (it's not her thing)
So yes, it can be lonely, especially if we're not into the "scene"

[VS Fan]

100% with you on this one.

[Kandi Robbins]

Finding some one you can depend upon all the time, who shares our interests is often like finding a unicorn. I have some friends, but they all have their own circumstances, which all factors into that. I realized very early on once I finally went out that I had to develop a life in the mainstream, which I had prior to COVID. This, unfortunately, is the life we've chosen to paraphrase The Godfather. That said, keep looking, I know I have and won't stop. It will bring you some successes along the way.

[Liz Jones]

In my guy world, I don't really have any close friends. If my wife kicked me out of the house, I don't even have anyone to call to put me up (or put up with me) for even a night. But, Steffi has a lot of like-minded friends.

I belong to a CD/G group in the local area. Before COVID, I used to meet up with them (out and about) every 6 weeks or so. The've started going out again. About 25 girls showed up to the annual Halloween party (at a local motel that we frequent) and they have already scheduled the annual Christmas Gala Ball. I love the Gala Ball because almost everyone wears formal evening gowns or cocktail dresses.

In was to afraid of COVID to attend Halloween and probably won't attend the Christmas ball for the same reason.

Plus, I've grown a COVID (full) beard, and won't look so comely in a dress until I decide to shave it off.

Maybe you can find a CD group.

I found this

https://www.transunite.co.uk/find-a-group/?search_keywords=&search_region=71&search_categories%5B%5D=&filter_job_type%5B%5D=

And this

https://www.teni.ie/

Hi,
Do wonder as Nicolex says Ireland She is in the Republic of Ireland not Northern Ireland. Do understand poassable mix up--i have the same problem with abreviations of U/S states!
Liz

[Cassiek]

Next time I?m in Ireland (can?t wait to go over). I?ll let you know!!

[Jean 103]

I've been out living as Jean for sometime now. I have lots of friends that I do things with.

I don't have one that is like me. That's not to say that there are not other transgender people around, I'm just not friends with them.

Friends are people that I have a relationship with. That relationship differs with the friend. Naturally how I am most of my friends are women.

When I first started going out I had this feeling that I needed to be with others like me. I didn't let it stop me and went out and made friends . So they are not TG, I don't see why they need to be.

there is a TG group Im part of, I hardly go, of course they are not meeting now.

[GretchenM]

It is difficult, indeed. And the pandemic makes it even more so. Around here support groups ended months ago. And maintaining a strong personal friendship with someone else like us seems to be strangely difficult. I have no idea why. That said, communicating with others you meet here can be a great substitute and it is safe. I have found a friend here and we communicate almost daily, but not so much about our gender variance. It is mostly about normal things people share. And there are others. Perhaps you can reach out to people you meet here using the PM function here and then switch to regular email and texting later if you find a lot in common. Unlikely any of us will ever meet as we are scattered far and wide, but a friendship is a friendship. Better in person, but almost as good through the magic of the internet.

[CarlaWestin]

Good thread. It's had me thinking and evaluating. Other than the entire public of complete strangers when I go out, only two people have seen me transformed and in person. My ex, who did me up fabulously to get that special picture for her divorce. And Amy at Just You during my one and only professional makeover. I've made brief email contact with other Las Vegas girls that I met here but, none in person. I correspond with a fabulous small group by email on practically a daily basis. Some in the group I've known for probably 15 or more years and they are truly valued friends. Our emails include everything fem and CD but also include our whole life situations. It's a special support group that has been awesomely supportive and caring.

In my personal situation, my wife is completely non-accepting to the point of not even wanting to discuss anything CD. This alone would make a time window for socialising with another gurl nearly impossible. I seriously doubt I'll ever get the chance for another makeover. And when I mentioned that I really didn't want to miss another Halloween, it only lit the fire of a heated string of hater comments. So, I don't know. I have a policy of total honesty and I don't keep anything hidden. I could probably get dressed and go to a support group if it were part of some kind of pseudo-legitimate psychotherapy or something. So far, the only group I've found here is at the LGBT centre. I wouldn't have a problem with it but I doubt she would be at all accepting.

[char GG]

What Gretchen said is exactly how my SO feels. He knows lots of CDers. Some have varied interests and life experiences outside of CDing. Those are the people that he has remained friends with. Others have become rather boring to him if they only want to talk about clothes (particularly underwear), shoes, or do lots of "tee hees".

The people who are "well rounded" are friends that my SO enjoys spending time with, no matter how they are dressed. Finding common ground seems to help when developing new friendships.

[JocelynJames]

I feel the same way. Most of my friends now are work friends. There have been a few from here that have encouraged me to go out and/or meet up with them. Often times I will talk myself out of something faster than I talk myself into it. I could not tell any of my ?friends? about Joss. 5 hours out on motorcycles yesterday with a work friend and not a word about beard cover cover, shapers or wigs. For the majority of the time ,Joss stays in a box in my mind. It is what it is.

[cindylouho]

Socially speaking, my life hasn't changed too much during the pandemic, I've been early retired for several years now, and rarely go out. I haven't had any friends for over ten years, though I used to be a social butterfly. Much like yourself Nicole, I'm in a happy relationship, but you cant live on bread alone right? My point is that although I'm not alone, and have had more than a decade to get used to not having a buddy, that particular emptiness never disappears, So If it means that much to you Nicole, get out there and do everything you can to find that comradeship you long for.

[Pumped]

She knows but I guess she's so used to it it's become the norn

Try get her more involved. Ask for a monthly girls night. It seems to me that most women like to primp and try on clothes and jewelry. Pop the cork on a bottle of wine, turn on some soft music, and let the girls out! It works for my wife and me.

[CrossKimmy]

I hear you girl. I?ve had those lonely nights all dressed up. I actually called an LGBT number just to talk with someone as Kimberly and to hear my voice.

[Stephanie47]

In my 73 years on this planet I have come to the conclusion if you're lucky you may find one really good friend who you can count on. Everyone else seems to be transitory; work, church, neighbors. I have to agree with Char (#19). I have not desire to sit around with another cross dresser and discuss clothing, panties, heels, etc. I do have interests, but why would I get totally dolled up, en femme, to attend a military modeling show? Although my wife is not willing to engage in my dressing she is my best friend. And, I am her best friend. I think covid has borne that out.

Decades ago I searched for a support group which was at my wife's suggestion/urging. There was none. Perhaps, back then, it was a drive to be accepted by someone else other than myself. But, after finding peace of mind and eliminating inner conflicts, it has come down to the question of what else would I have in common?

[jazmine]

XNicolex. Too bad we didn't live close. I'd love to hang out with you & just be girls. There's nothing better than getting dolled-up, pouring a favorite beer and heading down to my basement arcade to have some fun. It would be awesome to share that time with another gurl! Never in a million years when I played (as a kid) Donkey Kong, Space Invaders or whatever, ...that I would one day be doing it in a dress, heels & nylons, AND in my own basement! LOL. Life is strange, but definitely fun at times!

[josie_S]

I completely relate and understand...and I have to confess that, while I've longed for a cd girlfriend to just hang with and have even met some that I could see myself potentially having that kind of relationship, I have also been the one that flakes on them. Part of it I think relates to how "out" we are willing to be. I know for me I can, when the pink fog rolls in very heavy, talk a big game about being out and going out and so on (all pre pandemic of course), but when the fog dissipates a little or I get a sense of what life might be like if my bubble bursts, I panic. It sounds like you are out way more than I am, Nicole, which probably makes it feel even more lonesome in a way. Most of us take two steps forward and eight steps back into the closet, and so that's how I justify being the flake (to myself). But if you're out and so many of us can't or won't join you there, it's gotta be tough. Sorry girlfriend :(

[Danielle_cder]

You n me both....

[Liz Jones]

Hmm,
Just a thought,--hobbies, there 's no section on here for hobbies(bet someone will prove me wrong...) perhaps thats the way to go. On another site i belong to quite a few are interested in model railways--no way could i join --our Loco weighs 400+lbs........
Liz

[Cheryl T]

Felt the same for many years of being in the closet.
Then at last I came out to my wife and found her full acceptance. It's wonderful being able to be me whenever and have someone to share things with but it's not the same as having someone who truly understands what it's like. Then we found a support group and I became close with one of the ladies. We would go shopping and to dinner or just hang, sometimes video chat as we didn't live that close. It was so much better.
Now we have moved to a rural area, Covid has disrupted everything and it's back the way it was. We all crave interaction but it's just that difference that makes it better. Having someone you don't have to explain anything to because they've lived it.
Hope you find someone to fill that need. I'll keep looking also.

[LydiaL]

Same problem here xNicolex,

Hard to find other cders as no adequate or accomodating venues for us to meet up in this area. So yes, lonely for sure.

L

[xNicolex]

Thank you all so much for your words of encouragement 😘 I'll keep looking in the grand scheme of things I feel as if I'm being selfish, but life doesn't allow us to let time go by wasted without regret. So make the most of it 😘

[Jenny22]

As do you, I have many friends on this site, and when I need, I'll PM a few of them just to see how they are doing. There are 3 who I'd class as good friends. I've met all 3, and we chat/PM.Try doing that.

[KymG]

Hi Nicole,
I know how you are feeling.
My dressing is an extremely lonely existence and i would love to be able to chill with someone else. Nothing sexual, just chill time in dresses.
I have mates to hang with but they wouldnt appreciate it. They know but its rarely discussed, which makes me sad but hey.
Do your friends know you dress?
Chin up, you look amazing.

Kym

[Aunt Kelly]

What, exactly, are you looking for? "Sharing a beer with a mate..." while you're both crossdressed seems a little... undeveloped as an idea. I mean... why go to all the trouble if it's just two blokes sharing a pint?
Are you looking for commiseration? In that case, a support group is probably a better idea.
Looking to spend "girl time" with other TG friends? Sounds like you may have more going on than just crossdressing. Not saying that's bad. Not at all, but I know that it can be a difficult leap, to the understanding that there is a need to interact with others as a woman.

And of course, Covid-19 has put a damper on almost any kind of opportunity for any of that. Our Houston GNO group has been dormant for months. I've gotten together with some of them on a regular Zoom meeting that one of them has organized, but it's pale imitation of dinner with the girls.

[nancy58]

It's a great help when one can find other people to be with. One of my best experiences was going to a transgender conference where everyone was like me (or the female-to-male complement). There used to be a support group near me, and the monthly meetings were a way for me to enjoy this side of my personality. (My wife knows but wants no part of it, which has been a bit of a problem since we have been stuck home together since March.) There seem to be Meetup groups now, which could be an outlet.

I really vote with the suggestions to go out with your girlfriend if she's willing to share this with you. It's a stressor on the relationship when one partner has a very powerful interest that isn't shared by the other, and the more you can share together, the happier you'll be.

[lingerieLiz]

I've had friends of both sexes who know about me. Most are women since I have more in common with them. I've gone fishing with guys wearing a bra and women's top and shorts. Nothing was said. I've had one guy tell me he didn't care what I liked to wear. He enjoyed my friendship. He is very strait as I am. It doesn't take women long to notice my preference for fem clothes.

The thing about me is I like people, but if they don't like me that is OK with me. I've lived all over and found people like people who like them. You can push too far, but that goes for all relationships.

[Leslie Mary S]

Hi Nicole. I know exactly how you feel. I am in that same boat over here on the other side of the BIG pond. I too also have two understanding GG people. One of then a local GG who has no interest in doing the pub or town thing with me. The other GG (DarkAnGGel) is about 95 miles (150K) north of here. There is one CD near here that I just can't get our schedules to match. All I can do is offer a bit of chat.

[Liz Jones]

Hi,
Since you are in Ireland (dont know which side ) perhaps this might be of interest,-https://www.flickr.com/groups/sparkle05/
Sorry to say not a lot of info on when they hope to restart but there again the Gmnt dont have any idea ether....
Liz

[Natalie5004]

Hi girls,

Frist of all I'm so sorry if this sounds like drama rama. I don't mean it to sound anything like that. I'm just find myself lonely in my dressing. I have my GF who I am so grateful for, but I long for a friend I can chill with, have a beer with and then go put some make up on with and have a girls night, basically another like minded individual that enjoys the same things I enjoy. I've got mates that I can hang out with but a night out in dress isn't their thing lol again I'm not moaning I'm just feeling a little low. I feel I need to vent a little. I just feel so suffocated sometimes not being able to express my feelings sometimes. Anyone else ever feel that longing for comradeship?

I am 100% feeling the same way. I need women to go out with. So far my wife will not do it. And she opposes me from seeking other women who would.

Natalie

[Star01]

I think that Covid isolation is affecting everyone and that many things that would not be much of an issue is a normal year are amplified by the current situation. I had a CD friend I would go dress with once every other month or so but she ghosted me in April after getting together on and off for a couple years. I would go for six or eight hours and hang around dressed. She offered to accept my deliveries and even put up another CD friend I had never met when she had issues at home. We were drab friends on social media and had even talked about traveling to an air show which was something she enjoyed in drab. We had talked about driving there dressed which would have helped me to break the ice.

Then I got an email stating that she was taking some time off and she even stopped posting on her social media. I don?t know what happened, illness, a change of heart about dressing or perhaps taking on a room mate or moving in with relatives. I can only speculate but Covid puts everything on hold as far as looking for new friends. My friendship with her was a unique one that I expect to ever happen again.

On a positive note I think that when this virus runs it?s course crossdressers and everyone else will be chomping at the bit to get out and mingle. I think it might be easier to find people who share common interests and want to get out and do things when that time comes.

[ellbee]

I don't know what kind of current restrictions there may be regarding this lockdown stuff. So, YMMV.

But...


From past personal experience?

Drag bars/clubs. And drag nights/competitions at LGBT places.

Why? For the simple reason: That's where plenty of folks like us (as well as our allies) may socialize! ;)


And these venues really do run the gamut, in terms of patrons, environments & vibes.

Really something out there for everyone. No matter what your age, your personality, your tastes.



Years ago I had become friendly with an extroverted openly-gay male co-worker -- who also happened to be a drag queen & well-versed in the whole scene.

S/he really opened the doors for me, to a whole universe out there... One which I never previously knew existed in such a broad & diversified scope.


Gay, bi, straight, CD's, TG's, NB's, TS's, cis, males, GG's, young, old, etc. Every demographic was represented (some more than others, of course. :heehee: )


And yes, this friend of mine was so confident, so extroverted, so experienced... That yes, we in my new-found social circle even frequented vanilla hetero places that were known to be friendly to "our kind."


It was a heck of a time. And I'm forever grateful for having all those experiences & meeting all these people.


Get out there! :thumbsup:

[daviolin]

Nicolex. Don't feel lonely. Embrace the day. Can't your GF be your soulmate in thick and thin? I used to go out a lot. I had my day in the sun. Now I'm a stay at home dresser and loving it. Why can't you and your friend have girls night out? Just my thought. And may godspeed you to joy. Daviolin