The Tootsie Effect

[GwenHerself]

Do you feel as if "being" a woman makes you a better man?

[Julie MA]

Yes. It helps me feel complete, and therefore a better person, including when in male mode. It gives me another perspective and appreciation for women.

[Angela Marie]

It has clearly given me a better perspective on how women feel and react; especially since I am identifying more and more as a woman.

[GretchenM]

That is an interesting question. In a sense I suppose it does but I really don't view it that way. My male-like traits are certainly more sensitive and caring in most respects, but that, in my opinion, is a result of greater development and influence of my female-like gender traits and characteristics. That tends to complement and expand the male-like neural networks and I suppose, in theory, that could shift those male-like traits to a more female-like configuration. The problem I have with that thinking is that it presupposes the existence of male and female gender as being separate in a more gender binary perspective that I do not believe really exists. I believe that we are all a blend of male-like and female-like neural networks that drive our individualized blend of gender traits and characteristics. And, through brain plasticity (the ability of the brain to rewire itself in an adaptive way) that blend is always shifting around with all the neural networks interacting in complex ways. So, in that sense, the male like side is always being influenced by the female-like side and visa versa and each is changing. But there are also a vast array of neural networks and traits and characteristics that are not male-like or female-like but are more neutral with regard to gender and yet influence the male-like and the female-like configurations. In short, there is nothing fixed with regard to our gender, but it is always shifting around as adaptation to different experiences occur.

So, I know what you mean and what you are asking, but I view the interaction in the "Tootsie Effect" in a way that is more flexible. I would have to answer your good question as "Yes, in a fashion that does occur, but being a 'man' or a 'woman' are not fixed states of being, so it doesn't happen quite the way you describe it. The final result is similar, but how you get to that result is an important part of the final result."

[cindylouho]

Brilliant answer Gretchen, and I may be proof of that theory. In retrospect, I would say I have a pretty even disbursement of female and male neural networks. Since I started CDing regularly my temper, which was a lifelong issue, has been seriously softened, I mean how do blow your top over some inane thing while wearing a pink nightie? I have several dogs and love them all but never used to talk to them very much before, I do all day now. There are more examples but I don't want to hijack this thread. Suffice it to say that when it comes to the subject of CDing, I believe environment can be a big influence.

[Vale]

Gwen, I think I feel some of this. Could we generalize this to: Walking a mile in someone else?s shoes often makes us better humans? Or are you going for something else here?

I am grateful for the little bit of broader experience I have seen.

Happy Thanksgiving,
Vale

[CarlaWestin]

Gwen, great question. I've found that my dalliances in experiencing the female persona have been fun but I'm no more closer to understanding the true nature of 'being' a woman.
Like, explain to me the attraction some women have to the bad boys.

[Jacqueline Vivaldi]

I think that feeling good and pleased with myself as a female gives rise to an enormous feeling of well being. It carries over to myself as a guy where I also try to look as good and feel as good as I can. This gives rise to an overall feeling of joy which permeates all aspects of my life. Life is good, but I wish that I could get dressed up and go out for dinner and to the museum as Jacqueline. Maybe next year, but it is hard.

[Cheryl T]

I think it allows me to express things that I otherwise would not.
One girlfriend from ages ago once told me that I was the most considerate and thoughtful man she had ever met. I attribute that to my being able to express myself as a woman and that freeing things in me that I would have hidden.

[Krisi]

Do you feel as if "being" a woman makes you a better man?

I am a crossdreser so I have never "been" a woman. Dressing up as a woman doesn't make me a better man. I am the same man regardless.

[Stephanie47]

I think one has to figure out what a "better man" may be. Or, a "worse man." I do understand what you're getting at. I think one has to figure out what compels a genetic man to emulate a woman. In the beginning there is no way I thought I was a better man. I actually went through decades of self loathing for my aberrant behavior (deviating from the usual or natural type; (2) straying from the right or normal way). There was a lot of conflict in my mind that I did not understand. In the 1950's and 1960's men who wore women's clothing were deemed to be homosexuals by the general public. There was zero understanding of what goes on in a cross dresser's mind.

I think there is a "chicken or the egg" issue. In the end, the result is I am totally accepting of others; gays, lesbians, transgender men and women. That came after I became totally accepting of myself. I think it is possible for someone to turn to the "dark side" if one cannot resolve those inner conflicts.

A counselor I have been seeing for over ten years now for PTSD issues related to the after effects of warfare has made the comment many times that I always think of others before myself. She also believes each man or woman has some dna of the opposite sex within his or her genetic makeup. In some it is more than in some others. In my mind that may answer a lot of questions. I've read numerous times a person's personality or makeup is formed by age four or sooner.

I think "the woman within me" has been there since pre-birth. Perhaps she is strong enough to influence my behavior which may be contrary to the expected societal behavior. I think "she" has influenced my thought processes and hence my behavior. Do "you" want to emulate a woman? Or does the "woman within" want to assert herself over "his" objections or non-acceptance? I wonder sometimes what the motivation is for men to attack transgender women when there is absolutely no interaction with the person?

Straining my brain so early in the morning! :)

[Sometimes Steffi]

So, I won't say I'm better, but different.

For example, I never used to have any concern (while in boy mode) walking from my car to a restaurant or walking back to my car from the restaurant, even late at night. I've never asked anyone to accompany me for safety purposes. Not so as a girl. First of all, I;m much more aware that I'm a target, especially if I am made. Also, I'm much more vulnerable, if for no other reason than than it's harder to defend myself in heels. If a guy was to size me up as a guy, he wouldn't be very much afraid. I'm pretty skinny and don't really have a muscular build. But, he still might be concerned that I might have some super power like boxing or Karate skills. As a girl, I'd look like easy prey.

As a guy, I'm an introvert; as a girl, I am an extrovert, I'm trying to leard Steffi's power as an extrovert to use in my boy life,

As a boy, I hate to dance. I think that I look stupid dancing. But Steffi loves to dance, she doesn't really care what other people think, as long as she's having fun. I'd like to learn to dance a a boy, without worrying about how people think.

I think I know about female fashions to help someone shop, But I wouldn't dare ley that out to my wife or daughter.

[Teresa]

Gwen,
The man struggles with dysphoria the woman doesn't , so I don't think it makes me a better man , I've acted that part out most of my life . It's been a gradual process but I now think I'm a better person as Teresa and I get the feeling other people do as well , in fact I've been told on several occasion they prefer me as a female .

[Robertacd]

It might make us a little more empathetic to their struggles with fashion, makeup, and such frivolous things.

But we really have no idea what it means to be a (AFAB) woman

[kimdl93]

I think coming to grips with being transgender (to the extent that I have) has made me a better person. Many of my personal flaws derive from how I responded through most of my life to the challenge of being transgender. I learned to keep things to myself and learned to lie in a vain attempt to make myself look better. I struggled with volatile emotions resulting from shame and frustration. I still have a ways to go, and sadly, I am running out of time.

[Alice Torn]

Jacqueline, Yep. I could not say it better,, Kim, yes, same here. Time is getting short for me. Too. My emotions are my biggest weakness, and the conflicts with having this compulsion to dress and look and feel pretty.

- - - Updated - - -

Steffi, I was super shy about dancing until in my 40s as a guy. In my 50s danced a lot.. Never got to dance as a lady. At one singles dance, i danced with a CD/tg person, thinking the person was a GG! It went ok. I seldom dress now, and do not go out, but fantasize being the lady in a dance. Stephanie47, Good share. I do not know why i have this either. I know i was close to my mom, but not much my dad, And my mom said my dad did not want sons. I forgive him, as we had war with each other for over 60 yrs. I moved form the Seattle area to go 2000 miles to be with him his last 6 yrs, and in spite of the estrangement, made some peace with him, but my life has many terrible family hurts yet, and with living siblings. Am i a better man for being a crossdresser? Not sure i know that. I sure have torture and torment issues all my life.

[docrobbysherry]

Wouldn't that vary with what each person's definition of what a real man is, Gwen?:straightface:

[Maid_Marion]

I find it much easier to socialize when presenting as a woman.

I was married for 15 years before she passed away and learned a lot about being a woman because we talked about everything.
She also became increasingly disabled which meant that I did stuff like helping her in the women's rest room.

Marion

[Connie D50]

Gwen
Wow I had no idea what a can of worms you opened up when I read your post. What came to my mind was yes it does.

[GwenHerself]

I love a question that inspires a variety of answers. I honestly don't know how I'd answer it myself, so it helps to hear what others think.

Thanks for all the great responses!

[GretchenM]

Great answers.

Teresa, I see your point, but the fact is women experience dysphoria at the same rate as men, but it is often over different things. If a woman experiences gender dysphoria related to gender expression she is pretty free to present in a more masculine way without consequences. That said, "transexual" females are less common than males, but that is a special class that most trans people never reach. It doesn't apply to the masses.

Gender involves far more than your gender expression. On the whole women experience far more gender related dysphoria because they are treated as inferior by many males, earn less than males in the same job, are sometimes fearful of being assaulted, and so many more. Trans-like behaviors and mental states are often thought to be less in women than men. That is not true when one considers gender as a large set of behaviors that we use in social situations. What women can do is internalize it more effectively so it is not quite so apparent. Many women feel terrible about being paid less than men and being viewed as inferior but they tend to accept that because, in the gender binary concept, they are stereotyped as being submissive. Fortunately, that is changing as women find they can effectively use the more assertive and even aggressive methods stereotypically attributed to men. I may be male, but I am very much a feminist when it comes to gender rights and overall equality.

Unfortunately, it is the gender binary concept that has generated this gender inequality and it has been there for so long that it is built into our social thinking. If one looks at the history of the gender binary concept one can easily see that this concept of gender was created by males with little or no input from females and so its assumptions are inherently biased to favor males. Now we are finding those assumptions were, in many ways, "fake news" created by cherry picking the differences between males and females and ignoring the vast amount of similarities between the two genders. More modern thinking in the scientific world concludes that males and females are far more alike when it comes to gender behavior than they are different. But it will take a long time for this to filter down to the masses because the traditional view in Western cultures and civilizations has been ground into the fabric of social traditions over the last 8,000 to 10,000 years when agriculture replaced hunter-gatherer traditions where sex and gender was viewed as being far more equal than it is today.

[Teresa]

GretchenM,
My apologies I was talking about the woman in me not in general terms .

[Angela Marie]

Gretchen. That is one of the best responses I have seen to this, or other threads.
Great answers.

Teresa, I see your point, but the fact is women experience dysphoria at the same rate as men, but it is often over different things. If a woman experiences gender dysphoria related to gender expression she is pretty free to present in a more masculine way without consequences. That said, "transexual" females are less common than males, but that is a special class that most trans people never reach. It doesn't apply to the masses.

Gender involves far more than your gender expression. On the whole women experience far more gender related dysphoria because they are treated as inferior by many males, earn less than males in the same job, are sometimes fearful of being assaulted, and so many more. Trans-like behaviors and mental states are often thought to be less in women than men. That is not true when one considers gender as a large set of behaviors that we use in social situations. What women can do is internalize it more effectively so it is not quite so apparent. Many women feel terrible about being paid less than men and being viewed as inferior but they tend to accept that because, in the gender binary concept, they are stereotyped as being submissive. Fortunately, that is changing as women find they can effectively use the more assertive and even aggressive methods stereotypically attributed to men. I may be male, but I am very much a feminist when it comes to gender rights and overall equality.

Unfortunately, it is the gender binary concept that has generated this gender inequality and it has been there for so long that it is built into our social thinking. If one looks at the history of the gender binary concept one can easily see that this concept of gender was created by males with little or no input from females and so its assumptions are inherently biased to favor males. Now we are finding those assumptions were, in many ways, "fake news" created by cherry picking the differences between males and females and ignoring the vast amount of similarities between the two genders. More modern thinking in the scientific world concludes that males and females are far more alike when it comes to gender behavior than they are different. But it will take a long time for this to filter down to the masses because the traditional view in Western cultures and civilizations has been ground into the fabric of social traditions over the last 8,000 to 10,000 years when agriculture replaced hunter-gatherer traditions where sex and gender was viewed as being far more equal than it is today.

[DianeT]

Better man that who? Than your male self when you dress in male mode? Or than your imaginary self if you had never been a crossdresser? I guess in the latter case you will never know...

[Geena75]

I would say that developing my appreciation for women has made me a better man, regardless of the source. Getting married and raising daughters has had a lot to do with it. I think I have more appreciation of the effort women make to look good, and that is from CDing.

[SaraLin]

I'm writing this before reading the other responses, so sorry if I repeat things...

the question is: "Do you feel as if "being" a woman makes you a better man?"
My answer is: Um - not exactly. I do think that it makes me a better PERSON, but not necessarily a better man.

If that makes sense?

[JennB]

I think anything that helps us view the world through new perspectives, opens our eyes to other peoples experiences, and builds our cultural knowledge and potentially acceptance necessarily gives us the opportunity to improve ourselves. From there, it is up to us to take that opportunity and learn all we can to improve ourselves and how we interact with others. I know crossdressing is something that has given me perspective that in lots of situation over the years has given me pause to better "see the world from someone else's perspective" even though it may have only been in my own mind that it was apparent.

[JennniferMcC]

I'm in a rather restrictive DADT situation right now but I truly believe it would. When I think of the unresolved angst of my current situation being removed through spousal acceptance I can't help but think it would make me a happier and less stressed out man.
-Jen

[josie_S]

I agree with SaraLin: I feel like I'm a better person, and I'd add to that and say I'm a better person now than when I was denying it to myself and shaming myself for it. In other words, cding alone didn't make me a better person, but when I accepted myself as a cd and stopped beating myself up over it, *that's* when I became a better person

[-lovestruck-]

Brilliant answer Gretchen, and I may be proof of that theory. In retrospect, I would say I have a pretty even disbursement of female and male neural networks. Since I started CDing regularly my temper, which was a lifelong issue, has been seriously softened, I mean how do blow your top over some inane thing while wearing a pink nightie? I have several dogs and love them all but never used to talk to them very much before, I do all day now. There are more examples but I don't want to hijack this thread. Suffice it to say that when it comes to the subject of CDing, I believe environment can be a big influence.

Hi cindylouho, it's interesting you mentioned that environment could be a big influence. I agree. Do you feel more comfortable showing "feminine" traits while CDing? Sort of like a "social license" while dressed up?

[adelinapa]

It makes me a better person, and a better father. My children know and I'd say they would (I hope) probably agree.

[alwayshave]

Gwen, I know that it has made a me caring person, which I believe makes me a better man.

[ellbee]

Yes -- and no. :straightface:



I do think that it makes me a better PERSON, but not necessarily a better man.

This was my answer while I was still on page 1.


And even then? Only on certain levels.

Because what we may gain, could very well be offset by some negatives, as it pertains to all this.

For example: We may sometimes be more self-focused, more vain, more secretive, more dishonest, etc.


I don't share this part of me with just anyone & everyone. And I can spend too much time/money/energy, when that could otherwise be directed elsewhere.


Overall? I do feel as though it's just one big wash.

Then again, pros & cons to pretty much anything...

[DanielleCD]

I think it has helped me, especially after coming out to my wife. Less shame to start with... more acceptance of who I am... which has led em to be a gentler, kinder person... more understanding of people who may have their own issues and struggles. I'm no saint, never will be, but I have definitely softened the last few years.

[Heather2die4]

Many good points have been made below. I feel that anything that broadens horizons, deepens understanding, promotes compassion and empathy for others, and chips away at tired old dogma is bound to make us better humans of whatever gender we are expressing at the moment. Besides, it's just a whole lot of fun.

[Karren H]

Corollary: Pretending to be a woman makes me pretend to be a better man!

[CynthiaD]

No. I’m a woman who was born with male body parts, so nothing can make me a better man. However ...

When I finally realized that my male persona was just an act, it became much easier to play the role. I’ve never actually known how males are supposed to react to certain things. I’d pretend to be angry about something that most males wouldn’t get angry about, or conversely not pretend to be angry about something that most men would get angry about. But now that I know it’s just an act, I can play the role much better. Of course, when the emotions are real, I’m totally, and unapologetically female.

[April Rose]

I don't think it's as much about "being" a woman, as the lifelong struggle to understand myself as a gender anomalous person. Self reflection is usually a good thing, even when it is uncomfortable.

[Edelia]

Absolutely yes, but nobody cares

[DMichele]

I agree with SaraLin, Josie and others that it made me a better person (early 70s). And when I accepted my gender identity, it made me an even better person.

[NancySue]

Very interesting question and responses. There?s no way I can ever be a woman. My need and enjoyment is to look like a woman and pass as one. Things that seem to be nuisance to women, including my wife, (underwires, hose, heels, etc.), are a pleasure to me. I do agree, anytime you can experience and gain insight into something out your realm, will make you a better person.

[Rachel05]

I definitely think it gives me a much broader view of life and makes me more understanding in general and there is a softer side to me tha tI am convinced is my acceptance of my female side, so, I guess yes is the answer, I think it does make me a better man

[AnnieMac]

Judging by how I see most women dress in American Airports,
Being a man makes me a better woman :)