Stronger with age?

[Adelina]

Ladies, I just turned 40 (gasp) and wanted to get some advice from the girls who transitioned later in their lives.

It seems like the past couple years, I?ve had periods of strong desire to transition with hormones and become the person I?ve always been inside. I?m very masculine on the outside, have a comfortable life - albeit I?ve always felt opposite to my sex, and am a bit scared of it all.

These intensifying feelings, is this normal? Did they just progress for you until you either pursued them or found a way to discount them?

[Megan G]

So i started the transition process when i was around 37.... so approximate to your current age.

I had times when i was younger (18-20, 25ish i can?t remember all the ages)that I was ready to pull the pin on the Tranny Grenade but didn?t out of fear and then doubling down on trying to be masculine and ?curing myself?. Well It always came back harder and harder until i could not handle it anymore....

My advice to you is to just go see a therapist and start working thru everything. Don?t just go there to be coddled, ask them to push you, to ask you the hard questions...not to tell you why you are trans....but to tell you why your not. And if you survive all that and come out the other side with a more complete picture of yourself and KNOW you are trans..... then and only then start the process....then start discussing medical options with a healthcare team.

Don?t blow up your life on what if?s..... go into it knowing FOR SURE. Cause it would really suck to regret it as you can never put it back in the box once it?s out.

I?m an advocate for not transitioning unless you absolutely have too....

[Adelina]

Thanks Megan, that?s great advice. How has the process gone for you? Any regrets?

[Jeri Ann]

I?m an advocate for not transitioning unless you absolutely have too....

This!

Adelina, you don't mention family, career, community, just your desire to transition with hormones and become the person you have always been inside. I assume the person you've always been is female? And you want to transition from being male to being female? Transition is complicated and involves every aspect of your life. It might bring about changes that you didn't expect and don't want. Plus, it is expensive.

Hormones do not transition you. They might cause some feminization, if you are lucky. HRT is just a small part of a huge, complicated puzzle.

My advice is also to involve a therapist.

To answer your question, Yes, absolutely, intensifying feelings. Unbearable at times. They tormented me all my life. I never wanted to be transgender and wouldn't wish it on an enemy.

[Nikki.]

I was able to suppress it from around age 20 to age 45. Then i was miserable. it seems like 40’s is common age period where many folks who suppressed their trans inclinations/identities finally crack.

[HelpMe,Rhonda]

I made it to my late 50s and if there was a time machine I'd go back and tell my younger self not to put it off so long.

[Teresa]

Nikki,
So many coming out stories on the forum and in my social groups relate to turning forty , I know it hit me hard at that time .

Adelina,
For some transition is a gradual process perhaps we evolve into it . Looking back it is the point to consider counselling because we can sometimes go down the wrong path and fail to see the wood for the trees , that's possibly down to dysphoria becoming stronger . The other point is do what you feel is right for you and not what was right for someone else , it is too easy to find you've jumped on the bandwagon because everyone else appears to be on it , I've seen this happen in my social groups . Jeri Ann makes the important point about hormones , I have a TG friend who claims she's now a woman because she's on them .

I often see people make the comment , " I'm masculine on the outside !" To me that poses the question do want to retain that or would you prefer to lose it , or you making it a reason to hold you back ? If you really need to transition your inner feelings are more important , the physical side can be worked on .

[Angela Marie]

Mine started at about 50. I always wore tights ( what are now called leggings) inside, and eventually outside when I ran. But after 50 the desire to dress and my feminine feelings became much stronger.

[Nadine Spirit]

In a nutshell, yes. I changed my hormones at 45 but did not transition until a year later. I never had any intent to transition. I did not grow up always wanting to transition, knowing for an undeniable fact that I am a woman.

Without a therapists help, I finally arrived at the conclusion that I needed to at least try and change my hormones to see how that affected me. I was not so miserable that everything was falling apart, but everything always seemed very wrong. No matter what I tried, or where I succeeded in life, it always felt off somehow. I ended up changing my hormones about a month after I had my first therapy sessions.

My therapist did not need to convince me I was not transgender, I already knew that. What she did was to give me information, safety, space, and the place in which I was able to come to my own conclusions. She never tried to convince me for or against, most of what she did was to listen. In that environment I was finally able to admit and accept who I have always been.

[Katya@]

A day before I turned 40, I came out publicly on Facebook to ALL friends and family as Transgender, Non-Binary. To me, the 40 marked so to speak the imaginary line for getting over the hill (statistically speaking assuming 80 years as an average life expectancy). I told myself - I am not stepping over this line, even being partially in the closet. You can call it a mid-life crisis if you want. That was last year. I was on hormones for 2 years already at that point. I too had comfortable life, family, career. I didn't grow up knowing I was the wrong gender. Sure, as a little kid I enjoy wearing my cousin's dresses in secret. My male puberty was just fine. I had a nice body with good muscle definition. But it wasn't until 20s, when things started to unravel. I think by 36, 37 I got to the point that I was ready to rage to pretend to be a cis-male. I recall instances when I will go with my wife and daughters to a picnic with friends. They all put skirts, and I almost broke in crying, gettin into my male clothes. I told my wife - and she is like - so go in a skirt. Yeah right, the fear and guilt was enormous. I worked through all of it and finally got to the point I started to transition. Never I imagined how far I would want to progress and I had zero regrets, and my life has been much better since.

[ellbee]

I never wanted to be transgender and wouldn't wish it on an enemy.

Now *this* is the kind of stuff I like seeing here!

Raw truth -- and the courage to say it so succinctly. :thumbsup:


Thanks for that. :)

[MarieTS]

Adelina, a few in this thread wisely advised you to spend time in the counselling process. I second that recommendation with the caveat to wisely vet your therapist. Not all therapists have a pedigree in the transgender arena. Take your time and do some homework to ensure you meet with someone experienced. Do NOT allow yourself to some counsellor's initial foray into the TG arena. This is a critical step for you. Enlist the aid of someone qualified to help.
Good luck!

[Sarah Doepner]

Transition is a challenge. It's more of a challenge when the consequences, both good and bad, impact many other people. Not just their opinions but their well-being or path through life. A good counselor should be able to help you find the full context of this decision in your life.

I've been dysphoric at one level or another most of my life. However, I was fortunate in being mostly successful managing my dysphoria without disrupting the rest of my life (mostly). My life was full of family, work, friends and recreation, all of which helped distract me very well. Each time I tried something new or more extensive to deal with the dysphoria, that became the new baseline I would work from the next time I began to experience that overwhelming feeling. My priorities were meeting the obligations I'd made to others in my life, particularly since my voluntary commitment had become a factor on their path toward eventual success, health or stability. As I aged I slowly got more control over all the unwanted distractions which allowed me to explore my questions about my less controlled gender issues. My kids grew up and moved out, my career came to an end and several years ago my wife passed away. Those commitments had been met, leaving me to deal with my needs at long last.

Over 5 years ago I started counseling to sort all the tangled threads out and now, at 71 years old, I'm in transition. It is the last possible option on the table or I wouldn't have taken it. I wouldn't have been able to do it and still feel as though I'd kept my promises and commitments, so evidently finding that balance was a significant part of my desire. It's not too late or too early at any age as long as you have achieved a level of understanding and can face the consequences of your very impactful decision. It can be joyful or a disaster, so prepare and don't use the calendar as your measure.