purge, spend, repeat

[missynicole]

i purged. again. spending, again. when will i learn to accept me and all that means? i am soooooooooooooooo frustrated. ideas ladies?

[docrobbysherry]

Ya gotta do life your own way, Missy!:heehee::thumbsup:

[Robertacd]

Stop purging. When you feel all ashamed and are ready to give it all up. Just put everything away instead of throwing it away.

[Helen_Highwater]

Nicole,

Fill in the blanks here.

How often do you dress and do you go out when you do? When purging is it done as a, grab it all, put it bags and take it down the charity shop, an impulsive action or does the idea to purge and the act of purging take time?

How long between purging and starting to buy new?

Finally, do you know why you purge? What your motivation, the driver for it.

[NancySue]

When to accept? The sooner the better. Quit beating your self up. Don?t purge! I think you?ve learned by now the Pink Fog will return. Relax. Enjoy.

[Natalie5004]

I purged 2 months ago.

Please don't do it. I miss my things terribly. I had a few dresses I would love to get back. I even went to the Charity Shop where I donated them. Alas, everything was sold.

[Jillcder]

When ever I think about purging and tell myself Im done dressing (yeah right) I think of all the great advice from the ladies here do not do it!

[Pumped]

Lat time I had the urge to purge it all got boxed up and hidden away in the attic of the garage. I unpacked it a couple weeks later.

I don't think you can stop it!

Give up and accept who you are. Most of us have been there, just accept you are a weird guy that likes women's clothing and once you get over that life will be much better.

I never felt weird about dressing, just knowing my wife would have issues with it and spending the money on clothing and high heels was what I had trouble with and trying to hide it. Now that she has come around life is peaceful again.

[Confucius]

I've done that myself. I am glad that my purging days are behind me.

Purging isn't always a failure of accepting yourself. Sometimes we purge because people we love cannot accept our crossdressing. We want to please people we love and we fear their rejection.

Personally, I don't accept myself as a female. However I accept that my brain is hardwired to release feel-good neurotransmitters (dopamine, serotonin, oxytocin, etc.) when I feminize myself. These neurotransmitters just make me happy. I believe I have my crossdressing under control. As long as I keep it under control and I can live within my wife's boundaries, everything is alright.

[NjJamie]

I guess that showed you have good taste!

[Di]

Never Again ok?
I remember when Sher did this over her daughters in the very beginning of our relationship I had her box them up and I told her I would take to the Sally Ann ( ( like goodwill) I did not tell her I was not taking them till after at least 6 months time lol. A week later she regretted it andI pulled them out..Ohhappy day!
So if ever you feel like that pack up and put out of sight.

[Judy-Somthing]

I plan on Purging as soon as I quit cross-dressing!

[NancyTO]

I purged once early in my crossdressing, so fortunately I didn't have a lot to get rid of. Now I'm a clotheshorse.

I got rid of about two dozen really dated dresses during the pandemic lockdown, but still have waaaay too many dresses.

Bought two more dresses during Black Friday sales, with no where to wear them till social distancing is over with. And so it goes.

[CharlotteCD]

I've purged a whole bunch of times, and there are so many things I've thrown, but loved and would pay big money to get back.

[JenniferMBlack]

I have never completely purged. I have downsized to much a few times which is bad enough. That was more of I dont have room to keep all of this, or I dont have room to move all of this. I did get rid of some things I wish I would have kept but oh well. Now I have to downsize again but really don't want to. This time because I upsized way to much. I dont have room for all I have. And I got rid of the boy things so thays not even a factor.

[Steph_CD_62]

The last time I felt like I needed to purge, I did something different.

I boxed everything up and took it out to the garage and there it all sat for about 6 months.

I have purged a couple times and I always regretted getting rid of everything only to try replace things. It seemed like there were always a few things I couldn't replace because they don't make them anymore. First purge I had a nice set from Victoria's Secret, it was kind of a peach color set that included, tap pants, bra, chemise and teddy. I realize they would be to small for me now, but I still wish I had them.

[Teresa]

Nicole,
I've never purged because I knew I would never stop , I must admit it's so good now to have my clothes hanging in my wardrobes in my home and no one will stop me .

Judy,
Which means you'll never purge !

[evadan]

I purged completely once backin the mid 90’s. Oh, how I miss all of that lingerie from the 70’s and 80’s! It’s just not the same anymore. :sad:

[Jean 103]

When you truly accept yourself, there is no guilt. Without guilt and shame there is no reason or feeling that you need to change.

Have you ever purged your guy clothes? If not, why not?

Knowing that you are this way is not the same as acceptance.

On the other hand, you will have new things to wear and the shops will love you.

[Geena75]

There is a lot of talk about accepting yourself and never being able to quit. There are people who have quit cross dressing. They enjoyed it for a time, then quit. (Note that they would not be on this site if they actually quit). Purging is an attempt to quit. I think of the smoker who discards all tobacco products, lighters and ashtrays, but within two weeks has went back to smoking and bought all three. If someone seriously wants to quit, they first have to be thoroughly convinced that crossdressing does not fit into their life, and that they really do not get enjoyment from it (or, at least that the enjoyment is more than offset by the problems it brings). If that is the case, then purge and stay purged. There is nothing wrong with quitting something that is detrimental to your happiness. Just be sure.

[kimdl93]

As has been said many times, many ways, instead of purging, just put things away...someplace safe, dry, out of sight and out of mind.

As for self acceptance, perhaps the act of storing away the clothes will actually help in the sense that instead of discarding (rejecting) yourself, you are simply setting this part aside until you feel you may need it again. Try to think of this as a pause or a change of season.

[missynicole]

thank you everyone for the wonderful advice. i hope i can follow through with some of it. if i start again i will scream on this forum first. thank you again.
luv to all.
Nicole

[Cheryl T]

Self acceptance is the key.
I too went through many purges in my time until I finally said, Wait, why?
Periods of guilt and shame always accompanied the purges until I stopped feeling that what I was doing was somehow wrong. It's not! It's just part of who I am.

[ShelbyDawn]

As most of the ladies here, I have been through the same thing more times than I want to admit. Now I keep two large plastic totes, or tubs that I can pack all my things in if I feel the urge. I put them in a storage cabinet in my garage until it goes away, or comes back depending on how you choose to look at it. As for the spending, well, I'm not sure that one ever goes away, a girl always needs a cute dress or a new pair of shoes, right?

[josie_S]

So many lost pairs of shoes, dresses, skirts, WIGS, lingerie, bags, jewelry (usually cheap but still) and even a set of silicone forms...all lost in several purges, each one more painful than the other. It's already been said but self acceptance is key. However you can 'fake it til you make it' and just decide to not purge no matter what, and then start moving toward self-acceptance. That's how i have started. I stopped purging like 5-6 years ago and am working on the self acceptance bit--I'm much better but still working :)

As for the spending, like Shelby says a girl always needs a new dress or new shoes! So quitting purging did not curb my spending :P

[Janet Devon]

Hi MissyNicole,
I know you have already had plenty of good advice but I would like to add that I have purged a couple times. I found that I regretted it later. I couldn't replace some of what I lost. Now that my wife knows, I simply move them to a closet in the basement. Out of site out if mind is the thought. Really, it is harder to get to so I just dress less often. That seems to help my wife who doesn't want to be married to a girl. She is happy to play from time to time but not all of the time.

- - - Updated - - -

Josie, you look like my niece. Very pretty.

[adelinapa]

I'm so sorry for your loss. Not only for the clothes, but the part of you that gets discarded when one purges.

I think we've all been there, but that doesn't make it easier to bear someone else's loss.

[DanielleCD]

I purged several times in my life.. usually when starting a new relationship, in hopes that my desire/need to CD would go away. It never did... it never will. Since my wife knows now I CD, I will never need to, thankfully!

[Rachel Lea]

I have purged a couple of times. Last time was 2 years ago. But, I am not successful, I have a box due next Monday from Amazon. Wig, bra, panties, stockings, suspenders. It just does not go away!

[MaryAnn1963]

The next time my stuff will get purged is when someone ELSE has to clean out my house because I'm dead and gone!!!:D It is a total waste of time and money. It is also a huge strain on ones emotions. But, on the good note, now you get to go shopping for all the things that make you feel happy inside and out...:)

[Stephanie47]

I've never purged. There was a very long period of time that was filled with self loathing for wearing feminine attire. I was not fulfilling societal norms and expectations. Mentally I did create a balance scale in my head. I loaded up cross dressing on one side. On the other side I loaded up all those things a man was suppose to do in life. Well, the scale went totally on the side of expectations of a man in society. That little issue of wearing women's clothing was left stranded high and dry. Images of a small underweight kid sitting on one end of a teeter todder and Baby Huey on the other end. I never went any sort of counseling for gender issues. I think I was able to figure it out for myself. I came to the conclusion the problem was really someone else's problem. I just have to deal with their problem. Sort of shit rolls downhill. Even through those low points I'd look at my small stash of clothing in the bottom draw of my armoire and my night stand I saw those clothes as something that was a part of expressing who I was. To cast them aside would be to cast a part of myself aside. Rather than boxing everything up and storing it away I'd suggest keeping something readily available to reminder you of your true self.

[Edelia]

Normal purge isn't so serious problem, but in my last I made a terrible mistake, I cut my long hair 😔

[Phileena]

I would say life is short to purge, do accept yourself as you really are, there is no harm. Just be proud.
I purged only once, 25 years ago when I moved in with my girlfriend... who became my lovely wife later. At the time all things trashed and especially all tights teared apart in order to make it real in my mind. But my true self came back quickly and then I bought even more girl clothes, makeup, hair stuff, and never stopped... never will now.
Love.

[lucidgirl]

Haha, somewhat reassuring that so many women here have purged. I'm more of the same - have been through so many purges and re-purges over the years. Right now I have the biggest wardrobe I've every had and I think my purging days are behind me :) Good luck you you!

[RachelRose]

Wow I am glad I am not the only one.

[Stevie Allyn]

Sometimes I think purging is like a rite of passage for us CDers. I have purged just the once several years ago and I still miss some of my lovely things - oh my gorgeous black leather Mary Janes, why oh why did I give you away?

I promised myself "never again" and the last time I was unable to dress for some time I put everything in storage boxes in the loft. It was like Christmas when I was able to get the boxes down and wear my clothes again.

[Natalie5004]

Normal purge isn't so serious problem, but in my last I made a terrible mistake, I cut my long hair 😔

Me too. I hate it. Most all people I know are glad I cut it but gee it is mine and I can do what I want. WTF Now I have 2 years to wait again.

[Amelia_Rose]

I've purged 2/3 times I think...the last being just before I met my wife (so...4 years ago?). I think I went about 2 months after we started living together before I started borrowing her stuff in secret. I tried a few times to quit cold-turkey during that time, since obviously I could not just throw away her stuff! But, now that we've had the talk and she knows about this side of me, I can finally purchase and keep my own stuff again, and she lets me borrow freely and openly from her as well. I hope this means that cycle is behind me now, because it is painful and really only harms in the long run, both emotionally and monetarily.