Is Intimacy Gone Forever?

[Jade P]

Is there any way to restore intimacy when wife is not attracted to my gender fluid issues? She does not like seeing my hairless body and I have dysphoria about having body hair. My wife wont go to counseling. She says its my problem you go. I have gone and I accept myself. We have been living as married friends for 2.5 years I miss intimacy and so does she. It makes me feel awful that my isssues have caused this.

[char GG]

Did she know about your "gender fluid issues" (your words) from the beginning? We don't know anything else about you but I wonder if there is some compromise to be had?

[Jade P]

We have been married 31 years and while over the years she discovered some past pantyhose wearing . She always has hated my crossdressing I wrote her a letter 3 years ago that I cant stop dressing and finally accepted my issue of being gender fluid.

[Star01]

I went through something similar but I am 69 and that happened about fifteen years ago after I had been shaving for a couple years. My wife confronted me about my dressing as a result. We continued to have intimacy up until a few years ago when we mutually decided that it wasn't pleasurable for either of us and she had developed some minor health issues. Actually I don't really miss it anymore as it had become quite a chore. Personally I like the feeling of being shaved too much to go back to being hairy again but the motivation to do the deed fades as we get older in many relationships. I'm OK where I am at but if you are younger and have many years ahead of you then I would think some kind of counseling would be in order. It's impossible to answer such a personal question that is unique to you and your wife on a forum like this. All the best to you Jade P, I hope that you are able to resolve this problem as it can have a big effect on a person's day to day disposition.

[Stephanie47]

Jade, you make it sound as if you reverted to a hairy ape, she'd "jump your bones." That may be. My wife and I are in a "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" marriage. We had "The Talk." She has no desire to be involved in my cross dressing. We hashed it out and after so many years of marriage I understand she has her own issues which would affect acceptance. I do nothing to "push it in her face." No body modifications. Fortunately my genetic code has given me no hair on my legs and minimal stray hairs on my chest. No hair on my back.

Your hairless body is a constant reminder for your wife. In some ways it is pushing your femininity in her face. I think it is imperative your wife engage in counseling; not necessarily to persuade her to accept your gender identity, but, to understand it. Your wife may have incorrect assumption about the issue. What it is and what it isn't. I read on another forum comments from a counselor that many women, even if not presented with a picture, create a visual image of their spouse attired as a woman. It is possible your wife has an image of you as Jade. It is possible your hairless body is just a crutch on which to hang her disapproval of your gender issues. If you revert to being a hairy ape it is possible nothing will change. She has deeper issues she needs to address. One of the issues in a marriage is addressing the fact there is an issue. Sometimes the first issue to address is embarrassment the issue exists at all. You and your wife need to hash it out with counseling.

If you're at least talking about it, perhaps she joining this forum and discussing it with the GG's would be productive.

[docrobbysherry]

Jade, if your wife is sincere about restoring intimacy she would be willing to see a therapist, or whatever is necessary. After 2.5 years, it doesn't sound as if she really cares, tho.:thumbsdn:

I think u should do what most non sexual, just friends, roommates do. Start dating and find someone compatible!
My guess it's only a matter of time before she does!:battingeyelashes:

[Suzih]

Jade: Try to be patient and if you go to a counseling by yourself that may give you some ideas on how to get her to understand You as a person.

[Jade P]

Jade, you make it sound as if you reverted to a hairy ape, she'd "jump your bones." That may be. My wife and I are in a "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" marriage. We had "The Talk." She has no desire to be involved in my cross dressing. We hashed it out and after so many years of marriage I understand she has her own issues which would affect acceptance. I do nothing to "push it in her face." No body modifications. Fortunately my genetic code has given me no hair on my legs and minimal stray hairs on my chest. No hair on my back.

Your hairless body is a constant reminder for your wife. In some ways it is pushing your femininity in her face. I think it is imperative your wife engage in counseling; not necessarily to persuade her to accept your gender identity, but, to understand it. Your wife may have incorrect assumption about the issue. What it is and what it isn't. I read on another forum comments from a counselor that many women, even if not presented with a picture, create a visual image of their spouse attired as a woman. It is possible your wife has an image of you as Jade. It is possible your hairless body is just a crutch on which to hang her disapproval of your gender issues. If you revert to being a hairy ape it is possible nothing will change. She has deeper issues she needs to address. One of the issues in a marriage is addressing the fact there is an issue. Sometimes the first issue to address is embarrassment the issue exists at all. You and your wife need to hash it out with counseling.

If you're at least talking about it, perhaps she joining this forum and discussing it with the GG's would be productive.

Your right about not shaving because I had let hair grow back and we still lived as friends.

Jade

- - - Updated - - -


Jade, if your wife is sincere about restoring intimacy she would be willing to see a therapist, or whatever is necessary. After 2.5 years, it doesn't sound as if she really cares, tho.:thumbsdn:

I think u should do what most non sexual, just friends, roommates do. Start dating and find someone compatible!
My guess it's only a matter of time before she does!:battingeyelashes:

You may be right. We still love each other and I have no plans to be intimate with anyone else. My wife has told me that she has thought of other men and that she wants what most women want. She tells me this depresses her and that our marriage is a lie.

[Meghan4now]

Jade, if your wife is sincere about restoring intimacy she would be willing to see a therapist, or whatever is necessary. After 2.5 years, it doesn't sound as if she really cares, tho.:thumbsdn:

I think u should do what most non sexual, just friends, roommates do. Start dating and find someone compatible!
My guess it's only a matter of time before she does!:battingeyelashes:

This is as bad advice as I've seen. Work it out or conclude it. Do not start dating around if you have ANY desire to remain married, remain friends, or not piss her off enough to take you to the cleaners in court.

Jade, you can not force the issue on her. She will decide what she wants. You need to determine if you can live with it, and what path will bring you the most peace.

[char GG]

You say that she misses intimacy also. You also said it has been 2.5 years. Is that when you shaved your body and she found out about your gender fluid issues or has she known for a long time? Obviously your lack of body hair is a turn off but you said that you grew is back and still nothing. Perhaps something else is bothering her but the only way for you to find out is to talk about it. It sounds to me like maybe she thinks you pulled a "bait and switch" on her and can't get past that. (I'm only guessing).

You may have to "start" dating her again. Show her how much you care. Like a new beginning for both of you. Where there is still a spark, there is most likely hope.

I agree with Meghan. If you want to remain married, don't date around.

[Jade P]

I agree with you and I love her and will live as friends

[Pumped]

The "dating" deal has some merit. Do you two just go out for no reason at all for dinner? Go shopping? Go for walks in the park? Many marriages just seem to "dry up". No dating, just the usual come home, eat, watch TV and repeat, then wonder what happened when the spouse looses interest. Toss CD'ing on the pile and it all comes crashing down.

My wife and I went on a "date" this afternoon. She was not going to go at first, but I told her to come with and it would be a "date"! We went and bought burgers at a chain burger joint, ate in the car and talked. Next stop was a couple home stores to pick up supplies for a remodel we are doing. All the time we are talking and joking around, nothing special, but we enjoyed the time together.

[Sandi Beech]

Jade,

It sounds as if my wife and yours are very similar. Mine has always had a huge problem with my shaving. She said she did not want to have intimacy with someone with smoother legs than hers. She also refused counseling after one visit. The bottom line , some women will never accept the shaving and pantyhose.

So I would give it a break every now and then and we were able to get back to normal. If you can not pause the shaving, it may be a big problem. In my case, we gave up on intimacy a few years ago because of her health so it is not an issue for me any more. Still , I always understood her position. It was crystal clear. She would never give in, so I had to balance things as best as I could.

Fast forward to today, and I just do most everything in secret to avoid conflict. That has been my only way to deal with the issue, and keep my sanity.

Sandi

[Jade P]

Thanks Sandi for your post. I have tried everything mentioned and wont give up. I just feel selfish because my issues caused this. I should have told my wife before we got married. I am hoping some day she finds me attractive again.

[Miel GG]

Jade,

I think Char and Stephanie made good observations. I wonder if you came shaved in front of your wife with her agreement or not. Because if not discussed before, it could have been a shock and create a resentment she cannot get over.

Furthermore, because you seemed to have a good relationship with your wife, she should perhaps more easily agree to go to joint counselling to restore a dialogue on sex life instead of going with the goal of understanding your dysphoria. Just a guess.

You need to define boundaries together (what is acceptable for her in order to restore an intimacy ?). It is not easy but you seemed to still love each other so there is still hope.

[Teresa]

Jade,
It's possibly a mixture of issues , OK your change of appearance isn't what she expected but when women hit the menopause they can lose all interest , despite my gender issues I didn't touch my wife again after the age of 55 in an intimate way for over 15 years , it was how she felt and I respected her for it .

I had the same reaction to counselling , I was the one who was broken and needed fixing not her , so she always refused to take any part .

You can't beat yourself up over every issue because you feel guilty about your gender issues , other people have to live with problems that aren't always of your doing .

OK the other point could be that your wife is using your gender issues in considering the end to the marriage , it does happen , people just move apart , it's no ones fault especially if children have finally flown the nest .

The body shaving issue has two sides to it , your wife may not like it as she knows you are trying to feminise your body on the other hand it is your body and have the right to do as you chose with it . I find it ironic that male members of my family have little or no body hair and no one passes comment but shaving hair off is frowned upon .

[Miel GG]

Jade,
It's possibly a mixture of issues , OK your change of appearance isn't what she expected but when women hit the menopause they can lose all interest , despite my gender issues I didn't touch my wife again after the age of 55 in an intimate way for over 15 years , it was how she felt and I respected her for it .

OK the other point could be that your wife is using your gender issues in considering the end to the marriage , it does happen , people just move apart , it's no ones fault especially if children have finally flown the nest .

The body shaving issue has two sides to it , your wife may not like it as she knows you are trying to feminise your body on the other hand it is your body and have the right to do as you chose with it . I find it ironic that male members of my family have little or no body hair and no one passes comment but shaving hair off is frowned upon .

Teresa, I think you should read more carefully what Jade wrote.

Both of them haven't lost interest in sex. And women need as much as men to have a life long intimacy! Not being fertile anymore is a relief for many GGs who are free to live their sex life with no consequences. :)

And Jade made no mention of splitting apart as far as I can judge.

And no, in a marriage you cannot do what you want with your body. Or you have to accept and shut your mouth if your wife chooses to stop shaving, have a breast reduction and everything that pleases her. I think all decisions which have consequences on the couple need to be discussed by the couple. This is the key of good partnership.

[Paulie Birmingham]

2.5 years without intimacy Is not a good thing. It is an important part of a relationship and human nature. Unless she is physically not able to, hard to believe she would voluntarily give it up completely. My wife and I have reached an agreement if one of us is physically not able to have sex, the other can get it elsewhere. We would rather have our partner enjoy intimacy than go without

[Teresa]

Miel,
I think you'll find many members can relate to women after the change of life and the loss of intimacy , I made an important point in that I respected my wife's wishes .

I appreciate Jade may not have mentioned any talk of separation but it's also important to remember our actions aren't always the cause of loss of intimacy .

I never interferred in any decisions my wife made to herself , it was her body , she could chose any hairstyle in any colour , she decided if she needed to lose weight . OK she might ask what I think , so why doesn't and man apparently have the same choices , as you say it is a partnership but it's not ownership !!

It's also a known fact marriages end when children move on , people move apart , interests change , it's no shame in accepting the inevitable if two people aren't happy for whatever reason . After twenty + years and now divorce my wife has started telling me how much she loved me and has asked me if I still love her , I hate to say this but she's left it too late .

[GretchenM]

Wise words, Teresa, and my experience after 51 years of marriage are much like yours. When my wife lost interest in sex I did not like it or understand it. Then I figured it out. Intimacy has continued, but not sex. It is now close cuddling and that is fine once the expectations of sex are put aside. Actually, a bit nicer because neither of you have to put in that much work which at our age (mid 70's) is not necessarily healthy when you get that stimulated and excited. Sex can be lethal for the elderly.

That said, the gender variance I show was a problem at first and it was always tense. Once again, I respected her wishes and now she accepts a bit more as she has come to realize there is a need there that has to be addressed. But if I showed up in a dress, wig, makeup, boobs and the like there would be hell to pay. Love for each other doesn't necessarily include such drastic changes. But a good deal of love is respecting each other's values and wishes AND finding compromises where we can each have at least of some of what we personally need while respecting some of our individual differences. For us, it works great.

[Judy-Somthing]

From talking to friends, coworkers, relatives over the years I've heard the same story over and over that their wives loose interest in "it".
My wife didn't know I CDed and she lost interest about ten years before I started CDing again.
Last summer I was working with my nephew who's in his mid 50s and is far from a CDer, he told my about how his SO has lost interest.

[Pumped]

Judy, it is like I said, people just let their marriage "dry up". You need to keep things rolling, keep dating, let your spose know you still find her attractive and interesting.

Last night we settled own for a quiet dinner and watch a movie. I was wearing one of my tight bodycon dresses, hip and butt pads, my huge 38M bra and forms and heels. We got done eating and sat and held hands while watching a movie. when the movie was over I tuned the stereo on to some soft jazz and we cuddled, necked a bit and talked. She poked fun at my ridiculous boobs, and I thanked her for putting up with me and my" insanity". We were both tired from a busy day and went to bed shortly afterwards and just cuddled some more and fell asleep snuggled up together.

We will have been married for 38 years this coming June. It hasn't always been this good, but we both work at it and put some effort into our relationship. Stop working on it and we see what we hear about so many times on this group.

[char GG]

This subject has been brought up before. I know many of you "know" someone that can confirm your thoughts that women lose interest. However, having worked many years with women of the age range you are talking about, it's not that they lose interest in intimacy, they usually lose interest in the particular "person" they are with. Obviously it could be for many reasons; a couple of the biggies are lack of hygiene, smoking, lack romance (outside the bedroom), lack of interest in their wives while increasing interests in other pursuits (drugs, drinking are also biggies), or their spouses lack of interest in their own fitness, and medical issues (in either partner). So to all of you who think it is an "age" related thing, think again. There are plenty of women who crave intimacy but are tired of being expected to be "interested" when it suits the other partner, when so much of the passion women feel comes from the brain.

Pumped knows what I'm talking about.

EDIT: I might add that if you are keeping secrets and are focused on those things, your wife might not know exactly what is going on but she will feel that something is off. It's hard to hide "a secret" no matter what it is and that may have some bearing on intimacy.

[Teresa]

Pumped ,
The problem is it takes two to work at it otherwise it's a fruitless exercise , repeated rejection is difficult to recover from . It's hard to cosy down when you can't agree on the same TV program or one can't accept the other's choice of music , like I said some just drift apart .

Char,
Sometimes you have to accept you've had good times but for any number of reasons it's not happening anymore , no one is really to blame . As you say it's not always the wife that loses interest but when the cracks appear they can't always be papered over . We attempted to keep things as amicable as possible through the divorce so we are still able to chat and recall the memories of some wonderfull holidays .

I'm still not certain if my TG issues are the whole picture but we don't throw the blame at each other , my wife understands my issues but she couldn't live with it at the time , she now has doubts if she handled it right but she also accepts she doesn't have to live with the situation anymore .

[DianeT]

Judy,
The fact your wife didn't know you crossdressed doesn't mean that your attitude/habits/interests/etc. weren't impacted by your crossdressing with consequences on your couple.
I find it funny how many of you congregate between males to put the blame of the dimming sex interest on your wives. Maybe it's true for some of you, but generalizing it like you do seems specious at best, and, honestly, not very credible, ignoring a few elephants in the room like the one that led us to subscribe to this forum in the first place.

Teresa, your obsession about splitting couples when they get old is really getting old too.

[ambigendrous]

Intimacy has continued, but not sex. It is now close cuddling and that is fine once the expectations of sex are put aside.


BINGO! Too many of use are equating intimacy and sex. My wife and I are constantly hugging, cuddling, and just enjoying each other's company but we haven't had intercourse for probably 10 years now - and we haven't missed that part of our lives at all. At our age it's just not something we NEED to do anymore. Next year we will be celebrating our 50th wedding anniversary and both of us will tell anyone who asks that we are more in love with each other now than we were on our wedding day!

[Teresa]

Diane ,
So don't read my comments but it's not going to stop it happening , I didn't want it to happen but the point I'm making is life doesn't end ! Isn't that the biggest fear most people have ?

What's so wrong with being members on the forum , it gives us somewhere to DISCUSS situations we face as it is basically a HELP forum , do you have a problem with that ?

[LilSissyStevie]

What are the chances that after 2.5 years some new inspiration will come along and have you two writhing around like crazed weasels in heat? I would imagine that the probability is very low. It may be time to become dis-illusion-ed and surrender to fate. Our culture doesn't like to accept disillusionment or surrender but, paradoxically, it is often the path to victory and enlightenment. A sexless marriage is better than no marriage at all as long as other parts of the relationship are good. I don't know too many people that sing the praises of growing old all alone.

[Paulie Birmingham]

To each their own, but a lot of seasoned citizens are having sex. Pumped and char are spot on to some psychological reasons sex stops, but there are many medical reasons libidos fade and many ways to increase libido

A 2017 National Poll on Healthy Aging conducted in association with the University of Michigan confirmed what some earlier studies have found with regard to sexual activity in older adults:

Among men and women ages 65 to 80, 40 percent were still having sex.
Among those who were in romantic relationships, the rate rose to 54 percent

[Taylor186]

An interesting article on building intimacy, if that is what you really want/need. And, the author's reminder that intimacy does not require sex, and sex does not require intimacy.

--> How to Understand and Build Intimacy in Every Relationship (https://www.healthline.com/health/intimacy) <--

[Judy-Somthing]

What about all the people who are not CDers who tell me the same story? I had stopped dressing for close to 20 years.
It's a well known fact that that during and after menopause will usually lower the desire and make it harder to become for women to get aroused.

I'm no expert but, there are thousands of articles stating that!

I'm not mad, it's just life.

[Pumped]

Pumped ,
The problem is it takes two to work at it otherwise it's a fruitless exercise , repeated rejection is difficult to recover from . It's hard to cosy down when you can't agree on the same TV program or one can't accept the other's choice of music , like I said some just drift apart ..

Certainly it takes two, but often one can make the difference and get their spouse turn around. Keep in mind it takes years to screw up the marriage, it will take a long time to correct it, it may take months or longer to get your spouse to come around. Pay attention to her and there is a good chance things will improve, but again, it may take months to notice a difference, and years to get back to normal. It is not going to happen over night.

[Joni T]

My wife is accepting and encouraging and I can dress as little or much as I want any time, but I ALWAYS remember that she married a man, and I always show her that the man she married is still here. You might give that a try. Just sayin'.......
Jon

[docrobbysherry]

This is as bad advice as I've seen. Work it out or conclude it. Do not start dating around if you have ANY desire to remain married, remain friends, or not piss her off enough to take you to the cleaners in court.
Jade, you can not force the issue on her. She will decide what she wants. You need to determine if you can live with it, and what path will bring you the most peace.

Meghan, I don't think u understood what I meant. I've been married, now I'm divorced. Our divorce took over 5 years after our separation. But, THAT wasn't when my marriage ended. It ended 7 years before when the intimacy AND the sex stopped! Highlited by my ex walking out of our last counseling session saying, "I'm not doing that! It's up to him to change or I'm done!"

All the above well meaning posts suggesting what Jade should do to save her marriage r useless wastes of Jade's time and energy if her SO is done in her mind!:sad:

If Jade's wife is done? They can stay together as roommates but no matter WHAT Jade does their marriage is over!:doh:

[DianeT]

I agree with you and I love her and will live as friends
Jade, unless I read your posts the wrong way, this is absolutely not what your wife wants. She says she's thinking about other men. That she wants what women wants. It doesn't sound as if staying friends is going to fit the bill.
Now for the silly (or 1 M$) question: have you asked her what she thinks you should do to restore intimacy? Because she may very well tell you (I know my wife did in the same situation).

[Teresa]

Sherry,
I hate to say this but that is the bottom line , for whatever reason ( not casting blame ) once the damage is done there's no going back , we tried to soldier of for twenty years for the sake of the kids and my business , it really was like trying to paper over the cracks when they were a mile wide !!!

When we both accepeted separation was inevtable we were both happier , it was a relief to know we could still work something out even it meant living apart , both our lives are now better for it , is it so wrong ?

[Stephanie47]

What Char says is true and it works both ways. The only thing I would add is too many people enter marriage with the expectation that marriage will forever be "a bed of roses." What is forgotten is roses have thorns.

Dragging the conversation back to Jade I think it is imperative they enter couples therapy. Short of that Jade's wife really needs to open up and distinctly lay it out on the line. Jade stated the body hair has been grown back. So, that visual stimuli is gone. Obviously, there is something else that is bothering her. Her vision of marriage and her man has been fractured! Are husband and wife projecting non-verbal clues and the other is not reading them correctly, if at all? Sometimes a therapist is needed to get communication started. A trained therapist can wade through the BS someone throws out to avoid saying what is really bothering him or her.

[Dutchess]

What Char said - ALL of it /Period . Posters here need to read and re read what she just said too .

I hate when these menopause / no more sex threads/comments come up , I find it VERY insulting . Nor is it true .
NO , when women pass through the change or however you want to call it we dont lose interest . Jeez..
Miel you will find many here use that lame excuse to dress or to leave or whatever . Its probably the only one they can dig up based on old wives tales and we arent there to know both sides .

My ex husband use to say the same of me but he was so preoccupied with transporn and trying to look like a teenaged girl that he secretly found a bootleg way to chemically attempt to feminize his body that caused him to look VERY offensive . PERMANENTLY .
Seriously I was SO turned off , but on forums and facebook I was just this terrible non understanding wife - when really I was freaked out/almost frightened by his body .

With Kat , we were practically rabbits ... I didn't change , the circumstance/person changed . Kat paid attn to me All.The.Time.- not the clothes or constant FANTASIZING / gender angst discussions .

^^^ both people dressed ...

Please keep talking to your wife and ask her what you two can do to work towards this or like Miel said use the counseling to try and restore the intimacy and drop the dressing for 15 minutes . In no way does intimacy have to stop as long as both of you are still interested .

[Sandi Beech]

While the viewpoints expressed seem quite valid in general, there are always exceptions. In my case, my wife has severe chronic back and shoulder pain and is on very strong meds. She herself, is the one saying that it is the pain which has caused her to lose interest. I even have to be careful how I hug her as to not cause discomfort. I am OK with where were are though. We certainly had enough good times in the past, so I am in no way complaining. Just though I would mention that medical reasons can be an issue as we both grow older.

Sandi

[confused_cathreen]

Jade, the simple answer is yes, intimacy can be restored. But no, it won't, if both are not inclined to do the work needed to restore it. The GGs said it all: female desire doesn't disappear with menopause, the visual is equally as important to us as it is to men and, like always, communication is key. Intimacy, although it doesn't work with an on/off switch, it can be lost in the blink of an eye, like trust. Also like trust, it can take ages to be regained.

Just because you stopped shaving for a while, you think that would be all it takes for her to want to get in bed with you? It's a lot more complicated than you think. There are clearly issues there that, when not addressed, will be like a big solid wall between her desire for you and herself. And of course she will be thinking about other men because there is nothing wrong with her libido. I can tell you from personal experience that life without desire for my partner was not a life I wanted. And crossdressing was the main contributor. The final nail in the coffin was our inability to discuss it and come up with an agreement. Don't let this become you.

You guys really need therapy. Not for you, not for her, but for the coupling. I am guessing there is a lot of resentment at play here. Maybe the feeling of being trapped. Neither helpful when trying to look at your partner as desirable. Maybe there is a middle ground, maybe not. But neither of you will know unless you go down that route. Just be prepared for anything and everything.

[docrobbysherry]

Teresa, I'm so sorry! My ex and I both had heard that old diatribe, "staying together for the kids" all our lives.

When we separated, ours were 3 and 11. And, as it turned out, my ex and I were MUCH happier living apart. And, as result, so were our children!:thumbsup:

[DianeT]

So Jade, you have a choice: listen to GGs here trying to guide you on the road back to love, or listen to divorced males singing the joys of living alone. Which ones will help you understand your wife better? Mmmmmh. Tough one.

[candykowal]

After read all the opinions of the members of this thread, I realized I don't have a lick of advice to give.
Instead, hopefully like you, I will be taking the varied advice with some new incite on my own situation.
A lot of common sense was typed and a lot reaffirms what I am doing to be positive.
Thanks for starting this thread and sharing an issue common to a lot of marriages!

[CD Rachel]

I remember when my wife hit menopause. The men may have paused but her train kept a rollin all night long.

Of course that all came to an abrupt end at the beginning of this year when i completely broke her trust in me. Lying and hiding porn has a tendency to do that.

Jade, there are other issues, she may not want to go to counseling but you need to communicate with her openly and as honestly as possible. I am just speculating but She may need to hear you reassure her that YOU are her man. She may be afraid that the CDing is taking you from her.

Good luck
Rachel

[Pumped]

I also get a kick out of the menopause comments. Sure some women have health or physical issues related to menopause, but they are the minority. My wife had some issues, but it has not stopped us, not by far. We are enjoying the no birth control required years!


Again, most women want attention, they want to feel loved, they want to feel needed by their spouse. Is that so weird? The same works for the other way around. Us guys want the same. Ignore your spouse or even just take her for granted and the marriage slowly dies. Tell her you love her, a little touch on the cheek, any of the four will do. ;-) I can't walk past my wife without reaching over and touching her. In public it might just be a squeeze of her arm, or touch her face. In private it might be a pinch in the ribs, or maybe even a slap on the butt, but I rarely walk by her with out some contact. It might sound weird to some, but it is just a small sign that I love her. A few hugs everyday, leaving or coming home, or just because. If nothing else, a look and a wink, or a smile from across the room at a party works too. We hold hands walking down the sidewalk. I open doors for her, car door most of the time.

How many of you "guys" help out around the house? Cook, clean, wash dishes? Laundry? Or do you get home and crack a beer and watch sports and expect the little lady to whip up dinner, wash you stinky underwear, pick up your crap you leave lying around? Even worse if she works too. I cook once in a while, maybe once a week, and help a bit in the kitchen just about every meal. I generally do all the laundry, except she puts her own away. I help clean and tidy up the house.

She does more than her fair share around her. We are remolding. I nail and screw it together and she paints it. I hate painting. I have not painted one inch of the inside of the house, unless she couldn't reach it. Ceilings she uses an extension pole on a roller. Over the years she has painted every room of this house a couple times, pretty much all by herself. We paint the outside together because she doesn't care for heights.

I know a lot of guys that scoff at house work. That is her job they say. Most of them are divorced.

Take care of the little lady and she will take care of you!

Marriage is a group effort, it takes team work. You need to work together or it will fail.

Call me crazy, but I am the one that cross dresses and the wife goes along with it. She has shopped for dresses, panties and high heels with me. I must be doing something correctly! Once in a while she tells me she wants her "man" around, so not dressing that day, but I dress with her around just about every day. She lovingly pokes fun at me, comments on my ridiculously large boobs, gives them a poke or squeezes them. Laughs at my crazy outfits. It is ok, I laugh at them too. I don't dress to pass, I play with it and dress a bit on the crazy side.

We were at a dinner with a large group a few years back. We didn't know the couple sitting across from us, but we visited through the meal. About the time we were going to leave the other wife asked us how long we have been married, about 30 years I told them. They laughed and said, seriously, how long? 30 years! They asked once more and I looked at them and said we got married in June of 1983, so 32 years and a couple months. They both look at us in disbelief and said "You are serious!" I asked them why the question and they said, "Well, you don't act like you have been married that long, you act like newlyweds!"

[Sometimes Steffi]

Jade: The short answer is, "No." I can't remember how long it's been since my wife and I had sex. 8 years, 9 years or 10. She even relocated herself to one of the spare bedrooms. I've tried to talk about it a few times, but all I get is "The Talk Back."

[Jade P]

Thanks Diane. I see what you mean I hope We can figure it out. I definitely would rather be married friends than divorced Sex in important but not more than the love I have for my wife.

I appreciate everyones posts. I am so glad I finally registered with crossdressers.com

I feel more a part of our community.

Jade

[Teresa]

Pumped,
For many years I did the cooking , cleaning , laundry , shopping and the rest , while my wife still went out to work , it was only fair . The problem was she began to resent the reversal of roles possibly because she knew I might be dressed , for my part I enjoyed putting a meal on the table for her .

[Pumped]

Teresa, sometimes it just doesn't work. If you spouse wants out, it is probably over. If they are willing to try then time to get to work!

I should say I am on my second marriage, but I would like to think I have wised up and improved over the years. My first wife cheated on me and even though I told her I wanted to make it work, she didn't. She said she did, but I caught her with another guy while we were in counseling. She ended up marrying that guy, had three kids and divorced him! He was a real waste of skin. I told her it was a bad idea to marry him, but of course my opinion didn't carry any weight. Years later my ex told my mom she screwed up and should have stayed with me. She has had a hard life.

Many of the girls here mention thier wife wants to stay married, so that gives some hope there is a chance to get things back on track.

Looking back, I can laugh now, but when my crossdressing came out we had a hard time for a while. I remember sitting and talking to my wife and I asked her if she wanted a divorce. She said, "Hell no, we will get through this. You are still a better choice for a husband than any one else I know!" I mentioned a couple of my friends that were decent guys and got another "Hell no!"

[Alice Torn]

I also have heard of many sexless marriages nowsays. At the same time, so blasted many stupid male enhancement ED med commercials!!!! I think women are sick of being considered sex objects,ala The Me Too movement. Therapists and counsel can be very very expensive, and in this covid time, when so many are out of work and hurting, wh can even afford it, unless you have insurance?

[Teresa]

Pumped ,
Sadly that is the conclusion my wife has to come to now , she now realises what she lost with me at the time she just wanted a punchbag , which is no basis for a marriage .

[Jennifer0874]

Is there any way to restore intimacy when wife is not attracted to my gender fluid issues? She does not like seeing my hairless body and I have dysphoria about having body hair. My wife wont go to counseling. She says its my problem you go. I have gone and I accept myself. We have been living as married friends for 2.5 years I miss intimacy and so does she. It makes me feel awful that my isssues have caused this.

I am in the same situation. I just started seeing a therapist, but like you my wife has refused couples counseling. I am working to accept myself and hope to be strong enough to decide what is best for me.

[prene]

My thoughts ... ask her to come for you(in seeing a therapist) and help you figure things out.

She might learn something, and her just being there you might also.

Good luck

[alwayshave]

Jade, I'm sorry for the stress in your marriage. I hope all works out for you.