Objectification?

[Brianne_bc]

I was recently talking to a woman (possible relationship interest) and had full disclosure of my doings. Over the weeks of conversation this woman actually went out and bought high heels that she thought Ide like to see her wear. She talked of previous relationships where she would dress up in lingerie and heels to look sexy only to be ignored. ( this seems to be a common thread with 50ish women I know) My conundrum is I know ide be very happy being with a woman who basically dresses like I like to as ive never had a relationship with a woman who does dress like this.
As she became more invested in our online relationship she did pull back a lot on her sex/fetish history that she seemed to be ashamed of. I think we were both taken aback at our acceptance of each other in the begining but her wanting to please by dressing for a man was still there. My question for mayself is can i give this up ( dressing) if im living with a woman who does? Not sure how im going to move forward here she got scared and ran yesterday saying we are too different. Ive blocked her on fb just so Im not tortured by my loss.
thanx for listening.

[prene]

I have tried to give it up ... but have always come back to wanting to be feminine and dress.

I am envious you got as far as you did.

I have a therapist, which has helped me a lot. Good luck

[Brianne_bc]

I didnt really get that far, other than full disclosure up front. the question goes un answered, if she is wearing heels
do I need to? I press on regardless

[Di]

Your question
My question for mayself is can i give this up ( dressing) if im living with a woman who does?

I think you know the answer that you could not .
In fact you read here all the time how it upsets the cd when the gf wears something they feel that they can not.

My question if you are upfront why could you not wear heels together?

[KymG]

I would suggest give it a few days then talk to her.
Too different or she cant handle it do you think?

Perhaps unblock her on Fb..

[Robertacd]

My question for mayself is can i give this up ( dressing) if im living with a woman who does?

Why can't you both dress sexy?


her wanting to please by dressing for a man
BTW: I find this rather sexist.

[sweetdreams]

Three thoughts.

1. If you have full disclosure, it seems like that is a door you need to go through with her. Try to make sure she is a part of the process.

2. You need to make sure she feels appreciated for what she is wearing and doing. Make sure this isn't just about you. The more you can make it about both of you the better this could go. It's important to be sensitive to her feelings and needs (as well as yours).

3. It likely won't go away. You will be better off building a relationship with your dressing as part of it. If not, there will likely be problems farther down the road. Why go in this direction.

[char GG]

I'm a little confused. So many questions:

Are you saying that if she wants to dress in lingerie and heels, that you cannot???? Do you want to be the only one in the lingerie and heels??? Is she thinking that she can't dress like that because you do? I guess I'm not sure why you blocked her on FB, why?? From the title of your thread "Objectification?", I'm wondering if you think she objectifying you? or vice versa?

Like Di said, can you both wear heels together?

[JennyMay]

Like others have said, I find what you are saying confusing? Have you told her.that you like to wear the heals and lingerie or just told her you like heals and lingerie? To me, wearing them together sounds lovely.

[Michellebej]

The first thing I observe from your comments is that she likes to dress up, but has been ignored. To me what is obvious is that she likes attention. She sees being dressed up as a way to get attention. Therefore if you are both dressing up then she fears she might not get attention, because you yourself are looking for attention. This makes some sense until you realize that women don't really dress for men. They dress for other women. Not in a sexual sense, rather for acceptance/dominance in the peer group. They are not buying that $200 pair of shoes for YOU, they are buying them to get attention from their peers. Having said that the bottom line is she is still afraid of a lack of attention from you if you are also dressed for attention.

Secondly; people can hide their sexual desires and escapades for years, and decades from their SO's. Part of that is a fear of rejection. Well...OK, most of that is a fear of rejection. In my peer group, which consist of GGs, I am jokingly referred to as "Aunt Michelle"; because most people come to me with their problems. It never ceases to amaze me that I know more of the sexual history and desires of my friends than their Hubbys and bfs. Some of which have been togeather for 20 years. Men tend to be pretty open fairly fast. Based on their own behaviors they expect their too as well. My advice is not to worry too much about her history, as this is a sensitive and common area that is only incrementally opened up. In fact if you go too fast in trying to find her history that may in and of itself lead her to shut down.

Blocking her on fb just reinforces her thoughts that you might not be attracted to her. Couple that with her fear of you not paying attention to her when she is dressed provocatively, and you can see where this is going. I have no idea where this could go, but you should be honest with yourself and admit that if she can not deal with you dressed then you need to walk away. But...make sure that is her attitude and not you reading too much into too little.

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Brianne :hugs:, Crossdressing is like the Mafia , You just can't Quit, >Orchid **O:daydreaming:O**

[Pumped]

I am a bit confused too. Are you asking if your partner dresses sexy will your desire to dress stop? I would say no.

My wife likes to dress up for me in sexy little dresses and high heels. She would wear some crazy stuff out on dates in her younger years but now it is only around the house enticing me to follow her into the bedroom.

I still CD and wear trashy clothes too. Some evenings we both dress up in similar outfits, for a short while anyway. some night they don't stay on long.

[docrobbysherry]

I can offer some useful advice. But, not to u, Breanne. I'm not even sure what your issues r? Or, if u actually have any worth mentioning?:heehee:

But, I can tell your ex FB girlfriend what my 50+ YO, sexually active, female friend told me. If u want a guy that will appreciate how u look and act on it all nite long?

She should start dating guys under 40!:devil:

[Paulie Birmingham]

I would probably dress less if my wife dressed more.

But I am different

[Asew]

I don't understand the FB block either. Seems like more communication is needed to see if you could ever be on the same page since I suspect it is still possible.

My wife has asked me multiple times if she dressed more in the things I like (skirts/dresses) could I stop dressing. As a teenager when I gave up dressing the first time it was because I would rather not dress and have relationships with women than be alone dressed (at least this is what I though back then). Now I can tell you trying to suppress my dressing would only cause bigger issues eventually.

[Amy Lynn3]

Brianna, this is just my two cents. I would open back up all communication with her. Why ? Communication is the key to understanding where one stands in life. After the lines of communication have been reestablished again have a heart to heart talk with her.

The reason for the talk is to find out where she stands on the issue you describe. Tell her the truth about your desire to crossdress and ask her how that would fit into a relationship with her. You know she likes to dress nice, so to me the ideal situation is for both of you to be dressed to the nines. My wife has passed some years ago, but being dressed together was a big hi light for me and she never objected, even in bed.

[Stephanie47]

I am finding the thought process a little confusing. If I am reading this thought correctly the question is whether a woman dressing "sexy" would somehow curtail a man's desire to wear women's "sexy" attire?

I will relate my own experience. When my wife and I were married she was drop dead gorgeous; five foot two, eyes of blue and maybe 115 pounds, brunette. Business office attire back in the early 1970's was dresses and skirts. Beautiful legs she had. The hems lines were above the knee. In the evening/bedtime she wore sexy nightgowns/nighties. She also looked down right sexy in cutoff jeans and a tee shirt. Beautiful smile.

We did a lot of weekend window shopping in midtown Manhattan. She bought many gowns. When I was a teenager I had dabbled in my mother's lingerie draw. I had thought that was a phase I had gotten over. My desire to wear nylon; gowns or slips resurfaced. If anything my wife wearing sexy nightgown (and heels) probably rekindled that which I thought had disappeared.

We did end up buying me several nightgowns and hosiery for me. It was considered "kinky bedroom play" for lack of a better term. When my interests started going further it precipitated "The Talk." She did accuse me of thinking how I would look in them as for the reason for me buying them for her. Not so. But, for a long time thereafter she told me NOT to buy her anymore lingerie.

Anyway, the short answer is 'No' my wife's wearing of attractive clothes/nightgowns did not curtail my cross dressing interests.

[Natalie5004]

Here is a thought. when I can out as a CD to my wife, I asked her if she wanted to see me dressed. She said no right away. She said she was afraid I would look better than her. My 5 sisters are very attractive even in their 60's. I look like them dressed.
Now please keep in mind, my wife is fantastic, lovely woman. But there is some insecurities in her.

Maybe you are experiencing some of her insecurities?

[Brianne_bc]

She isnt into me dressing up in lingerie and heels.
She wants to dress up in lingerie and heels which she has done in the past and been ignored.
Objectification. Am I into the lingerie and heels no matter who is wearing it?

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Hi Brianne :hugs:, Crossdressing is like the Mafia , You just can't Quit, >Orchid **O:daydreaming:O**

I think that knwoing why I have dressed up all my life it may empower me to to quit under the right situation. If I can grow passed hitting my head during a melt down I should be able to do this too.


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I would suggest give it a few days then talk to her.
Too different or she cant handle it do you think?

Perhaps unblock her on Fb..
Oh I know she has struggled with the way she feels about me. I know one reason she has run is out of fear because we got along so well. when you have been used and abused all your life its difficult to hear that a person sees value in you. She does know how to get hold of me if she does her work on herself and grows to a point where she can choose a healthy relationship.

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Your question
My question for mayself is can i give this up ( dressing) if im living with a woman who does?

I think you know the answer that you could not .
In fact you read here all the time how it upsets the cd when the gf wears something they feel that they can not.

My question if you are upfront why could you not wear heels together?

Most women I know are repulsed by a man in highheels.

[Star01]

I wouldn't assume anything. My wife used to dress up in sexy outfits, we're both in our late 60's and no longer sexually active due to her health issues, but she dressed like that into her 50's. Heck, she even used to order the sexy VHS tapes back in the day so she was by no means a prude regarding her sexuality. She was accepting and supportive when our oldest daughter came out as gay and ended a twenty year marriage. Nevertheless, that all changes when it comes to seeing me dressed or any kind of bedroom play that involved me dressing in lingerie. Believe me, I asked more than once.

Anyways, my point is that someone being open about their sexuality does not translate into acceptance of our crossdressing. And one more personal experience, the pink fog hit me hard during that time in spite of her dressing sexy in the bedroom.

[Pumped]

Most women are repulsed by a man in highheels.


That is a fairly broad statement!

I think you would be surprised how many women are ok with it as long as it is done fashionablely. Some fat guy in a beer stained t-shirt, sloppy jeans stumbling around in heels would be a turn off. A well dressed, in shape guy that can walk well in heels I don't think most open minded women would have no issues.

Not much difference if you CD in public.

[cindylouho]

Abso-freakin-lutely! If you can rock the look you'll get nothing but positive attention from the ladies, some men too if that's your thing.

[Pumped]

Just for instance.
I know a guy, full head of jet black hair half way down his back, dark tan, tall and in decent shape. He will wear platform spike heels with super skinny women's jeans. Lets just say he has no problem getting attention from the ladies.

[char GG]

She isnt into me dressing up in lingerie and heels.
She wants to dress up in lingerie and heels which she has done in the past and been ignored.
Objectification. Am I into the lingerie and heels no matter who is wearing it?

I understand now. It sounds to me like she is not the right fit for you as a GF as you are the one who wants to wear the heels but she isn't into it. However, there is no reason that you can't be FB friends. At least you found out before you went further in a real life relationship.

If you have had good conversation in the past about other things rather than CDing, she may be a nice FB friend to have.