Advice?

[GwenHerself]

Hello everyone,

If you were to give advice to yourself when you discovered you were trans, what would it be?

[AllieSF]

First thing would be to learn as much about it, not just the technical and medical stuff, but all the good and bad things regarding emotional, social, work, family, etc. affected things. One part of the learning could be therapy with a qualified professional, and the other part is to read as much as possible on a site like this one or Susan's Place (susans.org), and to interact in real life with others wherever they may be on the spectrum. I started crossdressing and was fortunate because someone steered me toward this site. That was in 2007. Today I am living full time as the woman that I am. All of what I learned, I learned from those two sites and people I have met and interacted with along my way. Learning does not mean transitioning. It means getting a good understanding of this specific transgender (umbrella term) world in which we live. Knowledge is power in our mind to understand and then be able to make wise decisions.

Allie

[Nikki.]

It’s a conundrum. My personality is to move slowly...toe in the water vs. jumping right in. So i needed to explore cautiously what i needed to do in terms of transition, both physical and social. Having ended up on hrt, ffs in the next few months, and out to most people that matter, i can say i wish i started earlier. But that’s really 20-20 hindsight. I think you just have to engage and do what’s right for you.

So the biggest item i would change is not being so afraid of every step. i was so anxious about making each appointment...about telling people i was trans. Most people don’t care. I would reassure myself it would be ok.

[Katya@]

That living openly among your old friends and acquaintance will not be hard, that you can be open trans even in a corporate world, and even working with clients, that you don't have to hide who you are to find a new job. These were the huge fears of mine that held me back besides the fear of losing family, which didn't happen either. I'm not saying that all those things don't happen to others, it just means that those things are not guaranteed. It doesn't have to be doom and gloom.

[DMichele]

Gwen,

After I came to terms with with my true identity (i.e. TG-near female), I gave myself permission that I was OK. Self-acceptance allowed me to let go of some fears, of being ashamed and to ignore those that may snicker at me.

I strive to be realistic like dressing appropriately and also being sociable with people I encounter.

[Sarah Doepner]

0- Yes, it's real and that's okay
1- Do your research and learn about the reality of trans-life both good and bad - On-line and in real life.
2- You've picked your friends well, those who are true will continue to support and love you
3- You've supported your family, they should be able to support you and not give into the fear of how your changes will impact them
4- Talk to a counselor who understands gender issues
5- Take your time, it's not a race. But be aware your goals may change and the finish line may move as you learn about your needs.
6- Understand your needs are real and need to be met.
7- Don't end up regretting what you do or put off for others, that's part of life regardless.
8- Respect yourself and others, set that standard early and often. There is no need for anyone to be ashamed or afraid.
9- Reinforce the idea that being happy is a worthy goal.
10- Sometimes it is funny or ridiculous, maintain your sense of humor it may help keep you balanced.

[Teresa]

Gwen,
It's an interseting question but it could be reworded , what advice would you give or like to give others ? That is in the close family .

I found it was a revelation that was hard to accept , it felt almost like I was talking and thinking about another person , so the first thing is possibly find what makes you tick , what drives the need . I agree now that many need professional help in achieving that , if you're still in the closet and you don't share it with a partner , I found it was like a rollercoaster ride .
When I read about others taking hormones to make changes and SRS to make the changes permanent , it was very scary because it was a road didn't expect to be considering . In that context I'm going to say or advise to use the forum it has helped because it made me think about my situation and work out my identity . It gave me the confidence to ask my GP to refer me for counselling , I met a friend through the forum who invited me to join her social group . I never dreamed I would now be living full time as Teresa but I'm sure it wouldn't have happened in part without taking the advice from forum members .

[AliceSandra]

Gwen,

I am not qualified for any advice. However, had you had a chance to browse the web of https://secondtypewoman.info/ ? It was written by Annie Richards many years ago. She updates it once awhile for any major event break through she acknowledged. It is the best and detailed reference I had ever read.

Good luck for your endeavor, Alice (only in my dream)

[Ericka_d]

If I could talk to 15 year old me. As a 35 year old trans woman. The only advice I would give is this. At 35 you will get your first set of acrylic nails, and thinking it will only be a one time thing. As it turns out it becomes a huge interest for you, and then you want to do it for a living. So go do it while you are young, and don't have to spend 20 years working crap jobs. That pay less then what your dad is making in 2000. So you can be able to make a living for your self, and transition sooner. All while enjoying life.

[char GG]

Thanks for posting that advice, Ericka_d.

I don't usually post in this section, however, I have a very good friend who is FtM trans. He came out as trans at 18, is now 31 years old. The best advice he could give is to focus on education when you are young. You will always be trans but being a minimum wage earning trans person's life is usually worse off than being a higher wage earning trans person.

[Maid_Marion]

I'd agree with the the idea that financial success is more important if you are young. I did that as well, paying off the mortgage years ago.
I work with middle aged white guys who would prefer that I not wear heels and nail polish, but they can't say anything as I have seniority.
Not just in years, but as in ability to do critical job functions that wait until l return from vacation. Customers have to wait as nobody else can help them.

It is highly unlikely that my business could find another person with my combination of tenacity, puzzle solving skills, memory skills, and knowledge.

A perfect phone call provides just enough information exchange for my customers to think they solved the problem on their own. No bruised egos. :)

Marion

[Devi SM]

Learn more....knowledge is power and in Spanish we have a said, idk en English but it sounds like fear is the child if ignorance....

[Becoming Brianna]

There is no "orthodox" transition path

Everyone's path is different and that's okay All are valid and beautiful in their own way

Fear itself is not a disqualifier

Uncertainty itself is not a disqualifier

If you're scared but you keep going anyway there's probably a good reason why

Even if you didn't have support before (or it was shaky at best) people change and they might come around to become some of your biggest supporters (Thanks mom and dad!)

It's a marathon not a sprint There are no extra points for finishing early Go at YOUR speed do what YOU need Transition is about YOU and your life can be just as fulfilling if figuring out what you need takes six weeks six months or six years

People will listen to you guide you answer questions for you and even tell their story and share points of contact but they will NEVER tell you what to do or who you are

Get a therapist and Get active in the community Therapists will help you a lot but the friends you meet will help you just as much maybe more You should still definitely have a therapist though

It's okay if you didn't always know Not every trans person figures it out at age 5

There's no shame in taking time to reassess no matter where you are in the journey

By and large this community loves you and supports you unconditionally no matter what.

No matter what you decide to do you are brave and strong to even be willing to find the answer for yourself RE: your gender identity And whatever you come up with is not only valid: it's beautiful

Transition is not a panacea nor is it a sunshine and rainbows euphoria ride You will have bad days and it will not fix everything

You don't have to do everything under the sun for your transition to be real It's already real because you are

[Alexis00]

Would have found a way to help my parents understand “What crossdressing means to me.” They assumed I was gay and doing it to attract men - kind of weird when they catch you at 9! They treated me like their strange damaged son and it impacted my relationship with my brothers: my dad actually told them, “Your queer brother likes to dress up as a girl.” This led to some very mean interactions.

My sister was the only one who made any effort to understand me. Took a long time to get past this. They never changed.

[Lana Mae]

Just be you and the best you you can be! Hugs Lana Mae

[MarieTS]

Be more demonstrative at a younger age. After receiving disapproval, continue to push the envelope. That will eventually lead to treatment, acceptance by others, and ultimately an earlier transition and therefore a happier life sooner.

[Devi SM]

When I discovered I was scaried and excited at the same time so my reaction was to schedule an appointment with a therapist for trans people.....

[Claire M]

Learn as much as you can about the gender spectrum and decidevwhere you fit (but recognize your place will change with time). Find people, groups and other resources to develop a support network for yourself .. dont try to go it alone .. its a long journey. Also recognize the "discover" is not a lightswitch but a slowly rising curtain. I have been "discovering" for about 50 years ....

[JeanTG]

For someone of my generation and conservative religious background, self-acceptance has been my biggest challenge. The advice I would give is to get help with this in therapy if it's a problem for you. If you want to progress forward, you need to overcome it otherwise your true self will die a little death at each moment of doubt. And eventually that will leave you an empty shell of yourself and lead to a depression as deep as you've every experienced.

[Kaitlyn Michele]

My advice would be to time travel to today so I had some information about it...LOL

[Nadine Spirit]

I've been pondering this question. It's difficult to answer well. My understanding of who I am as a woman has been a process. So there never was just one time I discovered that I was trans.

I will answer it from the point of view of what advice would I give to myself when I chose to change my hormones.

I wish I would have started electrolysis as soon as I could have, as in immediately.

[Ann Louise]

That the biggest barrier to my transition was me. That my own thoughts, rather than those of others, were what mattered most. And that no one else actually cared about me being true to myself more than I did.

It is a lonely journey, so learn how to stand up on your own.

All the best, be strong, love yourself. Ann

[Bandile]

I wasn't in a good place in my life to give myself advice unfortunately, but I would still say "don't give yourself a hard time.

[LisaMarieDayton]

I was 12 when I knew I was trans. I would tell myself to go for it; be true to yourself. Life is too short to live it for other people. I don't see the last thirty years as wasted, but would love to have been able to set myself free much sooner.

[Ugly_duckling]

I feel I have to give a bit of back story here first... I was about 3 or 4 when I knew somthing was wrong with me. Sadly, even though my dad wanted a daughter more than anything in the world I knew it would have been very bad for me to say anything about anything like that. Because of how people in my life showed me the world (anything not strait and white was garbage prettymuch) I had horrible self image issues. I think the one thing I would tell my self (especially at puberty) is even if I felt I couldn't live my true life, I should at the very least accept my self for who I am, and to not hate my self for how I was born. Just makes me wonder how much sooner I would have told some one. While to this day I 100% believe my dad would have killed me and made it look like an accident, I think I would have had a much easier time in jr high and high school.

[Jazzy Jaz]

For me I just wish I would have had more access to knowledge and information about trans people and issues so that I could have figured out why I am the way I am sooner. I also wish I would have been less afraid of what others would think or how they would react, especially since I?ve come to a place where I could give a **** about what other people think or wether or not they accept me. Point is I accept myself!