Not a good day!

[Lana Mae]

It probably was just me but... A coworker keeps calling me Harry! Today it just seemed like everyone was calling me Harry! The other CNA at least corrected herself! There are still a few residents that are hanging on to Harry and they don't really bother me-usually! I got so upset, I almost cried! I decided to call her Fred and use male pronouns and see how she likes it! What do you think? Please respond and help a girl out! Hugs Lana Mae

[Leasa Wells]

I hate it when you have a day like that, lets hope its just something that happened today and tomorrow will be better. maybe these will lift your spirits :love:

[Lana Mae]

Aww, thanks, Leasa! Hugs Lana Mae

[Megan G]

You work in a Long Term Care facility, it is there home. Honestly calling her Fred and using male pronouns is unprofessional. While it may hurt (yes it happened to me a few times when i worked in LTC) you have to remain professional and in that moment i would have used it as a teaching moment....

It?s not going to be easy transitioning in a place that you worked as ?him?. Your prob going to get that a lot for a while. It?s one of the reasons i started fresh.....no one knew me.

I hope you have better days ahead, it?s always a rocky road in the beginning.

[GracieRose]

So sorry to hear about your difficult day.
Don't dwell on it. Tell yourself that tomorrow will be better.
317760
-peace
-Gracie

[Katya@]

Lana,
At my current job, many forget about my they/them pronoun. Sometimes people correct themselves on the spot, sometimes write back email apologizing, sometimes not paying attention at all. I too get frustrated and sometimes say "it is he/him" day again. The worst is when someone introduces you to a large group of people using he/him pronoun. The last time it happened, I simply started my speech saying, "Hi, my name is [...], my pronouns are they/them, and today we are going to review......".
I'm in the process of being interviewed for a new position so I sign all my email with my pronoun from the start.

[Di]

Hope today is better.
Was it because she just was not thinking and used to calling you that?
If it is because she is a ignorant jerk....take the high road and if you can (like Megan said) make it a teaching moment.
If it continues do you have a competent HR person?
Here is to a better day!

[Krisi]

Have you asked her to call you by a different name and not "Harry"? Do you think she is doing this to be mean or is she just forgetting? Have you tried not responding to the name "Harry"?

How many times have you asked her not to call you "Harry"?

You have the option to go to her supervisor and complain but I would do that as a last resort because if you do, it's going to be unpleasant around her for a long time to come. I suggest trying to handle this yourself by talking to her.

[Sarah Doepner]

I've always been willing to use a little soft humor to highlight uncomfortable situations rather than calling someone out directly. Sometimes it works and they see their error rather than focus on you attempting to correct them. It may work better with the residents than other staff who may need to be talked to in private first. Don't escalate unless they fail to show you the respect you deserve, then take it up the chain. It's really no different that any other form of job related harassment.

The entire process of finding out who you are and coming to terms with that change has been one of constant positive effort and often taking other peoples feelings and opinions into account. It's their turn to take some of that load off of your shoulders, you've carried it much too long.

[Teresa]

Lana,
I agree with you , call her by a male name .

One question , do you have printed name badges on your uniform ? If you do all you have to do is wave the badge in front of them .

Perhaps some might say I've cheated as I've used my male name but changed it from Terry to Terri , it's works fine for me , some of the painting group knew me in male mode so I made it easy for all concerned , I don't have a problem when they call my name out across the room .

As I pointed out to a TG friend when she was lecturing me on my choice of names , the ones I can't change affect me more , that is I'm still son to my mother , brother to my sister , dad to my kids and grandpa to my grandchildren , there 's nothing I can do about that situation .

[Dutchess]

Lana,
I agree with you , call her by a male name .


Uhm no , Adults don't do things like that .
I agree with Megan that this was very unprofessional and I hope you are not doing that to the residents .

[Nadine Spirit]

It?s not going to be easy transitioning in a place that you worked as ?him?. Your prob going to get that a lot for a while. .

One of the only places I ever get misgendered anymore is at work. I'm a middle school math teacher, I've taught here for 12 years, only the last 3 as me. I am convinced that with my semi-public transition and how many students I taught as "him" I will never be able to escape the misgendering at work. I'll really only ever address it if I think it is done ignorantly as in they just don't know any better, or if it is done maliciously to hurt me. If it is truly accidental I overlook it, and yeah I overlook a lot, especially from my adult coworkers.

[Lana Mae]

Megan: I will not call her Fred! It is a staff member! I transitioned at work prior to Covid! The owner/boss has had meetings with the staff when I was not there and discussed this with them!
Gracie Rose: Mostly forgotten and have moved on!
Katya: Some days it does not bother me but that day... I accept that my residents are not going to change most of the time! Actually some of the residents are better than some of the staff with Lana Mae!
Di: I have had a teaching moment with this one before! She is an older employee and very set in her ways! I do not think it was done nastily! She is just set in her ways! HR is the owner/boss who is on my side! Better days arrived the next day as I put it behind me!
Krisi: I have asked her and others to call me Lana or Lana Mae! I think she is set in her ways mostly! Maybe I could not respond if I was never Harry but I am a nurse and communication is essential! I have asked her not to call me Harry at least 3 or 4 times!
Sarah: Noted!
Teresa: No I must remain professional! She is older and set in her ways! She has worked for years with Harry and then this Lana Mae name came up! You will always be son, dad, brother, and grandad! That is a truth we must all face!
Dutchess: As stated above, I will not call her Fred! I sort of resent the fact that you would even think that I would do that to my residents! My residents represent the grandparents I never knew! No I would never!
Thanks to one and all for your replies!
Hugs Lana Mae

[Aunt Kelly]

Well played, Lana Mae. :)

[Lana Mae]

Nadine: As far a this, I think you and I are alike!
Aunt Kelly: Thanks, ma'am!
Thanks for your replies!
Hugs Lana Mae

[Lana Mae]

Kim: Thanks and thanks for your reply! Hugs Lana Mae

[Teresa]

Lana,
Calling her by a male name could be considered unprofessional but in the circumstances your coworker is being unprofessional by calling you Harry , you would only need to say it once to make your point , people only earn respect if they treat you with respect .

[Megan G]

Megan: I will not call her Fred! It is a staff member!


As stated above, I will not call her Fred! I sort of resent the fact that you would even think that I would do that to my residents!

Well your post reads very differently, just looking at the below quote i took from your original post you seem to be talking about a resident in your LTC home.


There are still a few residents that are hanging on to Harry and they don't really bother me-usually! I got so upset, I almost cried! I decided to call her Fred and use male pronouns and see how she likes it!

If you were talking about a staff member then i apologize but it does read that way. . However what you need to understand is change TAKES TIME..you have not been out that long and if you have been working with these people for a long time, as both him and now her... it?s going to take time and their are going to be slips.......give them some slack and in time it will work out.

If it?s being done maliciously then take them to the side and have a convo with them privately first before going to management.

[Jeri Ann]

Lana,
Calling her by a male name could be considered unprofessional but in the circumstances your coworker is being unprofessional by calling you Harry , you would only need to say it once to make your point , people only earn respect if they treat you with respect .

Responding to inappropriate behavior with the same behavior is inappropriate. Just sayin.