GypsyKaren
04-01-2006, 10:29 PM
It's been a little over a year now since I came out to my wife Kat, and it's been a wonderful time of discovery for both of us. After years of hiding in shame, I now go out into the world more and more as the real me, but it's never enough. It's been a time of evolution for me, a time of growth and discovery, and of hope.
The other day Kat and I went to the beach with a bottle of wine to share some "together" time. I was wearing a new outfit and felt so special, as cute as I can be. We sat down atop a sand dune and listened to our thoughts and to the waves crashing upon the shore. A wonderful feeling came over me, one of peace and enrichment, and I knew then what I had to do with the rest of my life.
I told Kat that I wanted to go full time now, that I couldn't straddle the fence any longer. I had finally found and embraced myself, and it was time to live my life as it was meant to be lived, as Karen. I never felt so right about a decision, I knew it was the only thing I could do. She said to me "be happy, be yourself, and I'll always have hold of your hand". Then she looked out at the waves rolling in and said "we'll be all right, don't worry about the world, and after all, the water doesn't care". That really hit my heart, for then I knew I'd be able to handle the reprecussions about this, that life would go on.
I'm drafting a letter now to post at work to explain myself, I'm already top of the rumor mill because of my jewelry and nail polish. We already have a non-op who is out there, so I've learned a lesson in what to do and what not to do. I won't expect them to call me karen, I'll be happy with Gypsy. I won't wear dresses or my wig to work because it would exceed their comfort zone, and after all, it is a steel mill. I believe these are necesary concessions to keep the peace, and I can live with this.
After great soul searching over the years, I've decided to remain non-op, and no hormones. I feel I'd have absolutely nothing to gain, but I'd lose the wonderful physical closeness that Kat and I share, something I don't ever want to lose. I also don't feel it would make me feel any closer to myself, and the bottom line is I'm happy as is, happy as a clam, you know. I have discussed with my tranny doc about staying non-op, and she's on board with it. I know there are some who believe I can't possibly be happy without SRS, all I can say is that I disagree, and it's my life and decision to make.
So, it should be interesting, and I'm excitedly looking forward to it. I know I haven't posted here much because moderating takes up a lot of my time, plus I counsel several members on living with this tranny business, but I'll find the time to be here more often. I also know that I can count on all of you for help and support with my journey, and for that I'm very grateful. Thanks for listening.
Karen
The other day Kat and I went to the beach with a bottle of wine to share some "together" time. I was wearing a new outfit and felt so special, as cute as I can be. We sat down atop a sand dune and listened to our thoughts and to the waves crashing upon the shore. A wonderful feeling came over me, one of peace and enrichment, and I knew then what I had to do with the rest of my life.
I told Kat that I wanted to go full time now, that I couldn't straddle the fence any longer. I had finally found and embraced myself, and it was time to live my life as it was meant to be lived, as Karen. I never felt so right about a decision, I knew it was the only thing I could do. She said to me "be happy, be yourself, and I'll always have hold of your hand". Then she looked out at the waves rolling in and said "we'll be all right, don't worry about the world, and after all, the water doesn't care". That really hit my heart, for then I knew I'd be able to handle the reprecussions about this, that life would go on.
I'm drafting a letter now to post at work to explain myself, I'm already top of the rumor mill because of my jewelry and nail polish. We already have a non-op who is out there, so I've learned a lesson in what to do and what not to do. I won't expect them to call me karen, I'll be happy with Gypsy. I won't wear dresses or my wig to work because it would exceed their comfort zone, and after all, it is a steel mill. I believe these are necesary concessions to keep the peace, and I can live with this.
After great soul searching over the years, I've decided to remain non-op, and no hormones. I feel I'd have absolutely nothing to gain, but I'd lose the wonderful physical closeness that Kat and I share, something I don't ever want to lose. I also don't feel it would make me feel any closer to myself, and the bottom line is I'm happy as is, happy as a clam, you know. I have discussed with my tranny doc about staying non-op, and she's on board with it. I know there are some who believe I can't possibly be happy without SRS, all I can say is that I disagree, and it's my life and decision to make.
So, it should be interesting, and I'm excitedly looking forward to it. I know I haven't posted here much because moderating takes up a lot of my time, plus I counsel several members on living with this tranny business, but I'll find the time to be here more often. I also know that I can count on all of you for help and support with my journey, and for that I'm very grateful. Thanks for listening.
Karen