How far would you go to be "YOU " ?

[Teresa]

This question came out of a thread in the NB section and my reply to another member .

The point being made was only wearing forms or whatever with the agreement or acceptance of the wife/partner .

From my personal perspective I don't consider myself going OTT because full time has meant finding a balance to achieve an identity , I still love my heels but I also love being accepted as a woman in the RW .

I could be wrong but I feel many members wouldn't be OTT if they were allowed to find a balance , what they truly felt comfortable with . I also think when you reach that stage the wife / partner might find it perfectly acceptable .

I appreciate this question assumes members want to be out in the RW or at least comfortably out of the closet . I also appreciate to some it is sexual so OTT is their ultimate goal given the opportunity .

[Angela Marie]

Forgive my ignorance Theresa but what is OTT?

[Teresa]

Angela,
Sorry OTT is over the top !

[cindylouho]

Maybe I'm even more ignorant than Angela, but by OTT do you mean going out with a 4" mini-skirt, 5" heels and 6 lbs of makeup?

[Star01]

I am more of a blend into the woodwork than over the top type of person. I prefer to spend quiet evenings at home and live close to an hour from the downtown Minneapolis night scene, something I would not be drawn to regardless of how I dress. Often with me it's not so much about the clothes as feminizing my body by shaving, coloring nails, and underdressing to the extent that I am able. I think more about actual physical changes than any item of clothing and am not sure where that puts me on the crossdresser spectrum. Regardless of my place I am not an OTT person and rarely go out at night anymore. Reading about the strong desire with many of my fellow forum members to get out and mingle leaves me feeling like I'm missing out on something but then I remind myself that if I had absolute freedom to do whatever I wanted I'd probably still be sitting home on Saturday nights. Probably in a dress and openly enjoying the experience but I'd still be sitting at home. That is just my personality and age coming out as I think a lot of people get clubbing out of their system by the time they reach 69.

[Geena75]

Given that the 'You' ('Me?'), in my case, is my unvarnished self; not very far at all. How far would I go to be 'Geena' though; so far I have shaved my legs in the past, shaved some chest hair for the sake of my favorite dress, and slacked off on some less important chores. My farthest reaching fantasy, at present, would be to pass enough to take a drive and put gas in the vehicle.

[Teresa]

Cindy,
I mean the whole package to be " YOU " If you were totally free what would your final balance of your look be , on a daily basis would you really want or need to wear high heels and have enormous boobs .

Star,
I feel you get my point . I must admit I've not given up on clubbing or partying the night away , I love my dancing too much even at 69 .

Geena ,
Is that your choice or the choice you're allowed to make , the reason I ask this question is without those restraints .

OK if I give myself as an example my avatar picture was taken in an art room full of people , for me to be " ME " I wore the blue sweater and a denim skirt with 2" wedges . I was possibly the only one wearing a skirt that day but it felt OK .

[cindylouho]

Dressing like a tart is something I'd leave for the bedroom, Halloween parties, or a trip to Vegas. I'd like to look sexy but classy, like Rachel Green from the TV show Friends. Expanding on this idea, if I had the dough to spend I'd have my nose, lips and eyes done, and would definitely consider breast implants as well.

[Pumped]

Maybe I'm even more ignorant than Angela, but by OTT do you mean going out with a 4" mini-skirt, 5" heels and 6 lbs of makeup?

So........most of my pictures I post?

I like over the top, no plans to blend in and pass, so bodycon dresses and crazy heels are my favs!

[CharlotteCD]

I've always found the oversexualised DDD sizes boobs etc to be ridiculous, and damaging to the way that people view us - I feel that they are part of the reason that crossdressing is classed as perverted by some.

HOWEVER, if that's how people want to dress, who are we to say don't.

For me, I like casual style. I like office smart. I like blending in, dressing how any 28-35 year old GG would dress. If I could pass and was accepted by my wife, that is how I would dress all the time.

[Star01]

Star,
I feel you get my point . I must admit I've not given up on clubbing or partying the night away , I love my dancing too much even at 69 .


If your back, knees and hips allow you to dance at 69 by all means enjoy your nights out.

[cindylouho]

@ Pumped - Ok you got me, I had you in mind when I said that ;)

[Janine cd]

All of my dressing experience has centered around being conservative in my fashion choices. My favorite outfit would be a sweater or blouse with a matching skirt and low-heeled pumps or flats.

[sara_also]

Well I have a very accepting wife, and am able to dress as I like at home, when we don't have company. At 76 years young I don't get out much, and have no desire to.
Today I am wearing a dress, bra and boobs (a C cup) 2 inch heels. Full makeup, wig and ear rings.
I couldn't be happier, and count my blessings every day.

[docrobbysherry]

Maybe out of your depth here, Teresa? You've had a ton of experience living as a trans woman. But, how much experience have u actually had with Over The Top or fetish dressers?:heehee:

I have met hundreds of dressers and seen thousands in person. Including a number of regular T's that love sporting giant boobs and sky hi platform heels. And, then there r the truly over the top fetish dressers. Covered in rubber with hideous masks and obscenely large monster boobs sticking straight out. The more ridiculous looking, the better!:doh:

To u and many others here, these dressers r ALL over the top. But, I submit as dressers, that's WHO THEY REALLY R!:devil:

Just as many here r happy to just slip on a dress, forms, and a wig? Others here r like me, all or or nothing! It isn't dressing to me if I don't wear all my shaping gear, hip and butt pads, and tuck before putting on all the finishing touches.:daydreaming:

And, even tho few here approve or understand? Finally, a mask which allows me to appear female.:battingeyelashes:
That's as far as I have to go to be the CD called Sherry!:heehee:

[cindylouho]

Oh the stories you must have to tell Doc, you ought to write a book.

[Angela Marie]

Thanks Teresa. Now that I know what OTT means I can reply. I love leggings and wear them often with a sweater or lighter top depending on the weather. I also like to wear short, tight dresses. At 5ft 6 135 I think I can pull it off. I am 66 so no way am I a spring chicken, but I think my petite size allows me to wear clothes a woman with a bigger build might not be able to.

[Geena75]

Cindy,
I mean the whole package to be " YOU " If you were totally free what would your final balance of your look be , on a daily basis would you really want or need to wear high heels and have enormous boobs .

Star,
I feel you get my point . I must admit I've not given up on clubbing or partying the night away , I love my dancing too much even at 69 .

Geena ,
Is that your choice or the choice you're allowed to make , the reason I ask this question is without those restraints .

OK if I give myself as an example my avatar picture was taken in an art room full of people , for me to be " ME " I wore the blue sweater and a denim skirt with 2" wedges . I was possibly the only one wearing a skirt that day but it felt OK .

It is my choice, and I'm pretty content with it. As far as how I would dress in public as Geena; I've always been a fan of legs in nylons, so I would want a hemline above the knee. I don't think huge bobs enhance Geena, so I'm happy with 'C' cup. Except for the mask, I'm pretty much there, take away about 10 lbs. or so.

[Teresa]

Sherry,
You know that's not the point of my question , I also did make allowances for the fetish element in my thread . It's more about , truly finding youself based more in the RW , that is where you maybe out of your depth . It may be vanilla to you but it's my life now , not boring but very enjoyable .

Geena ,
Thanks for an honest answer .

Star ,
I do have arthritis in my big toes and my knees and also a problem with alignment of discs in my spine but it's not so bad I can't enjoy my nights out , I'll keep doing it as long as I can .

[AllieSF]

If ya got it, flaunt it!! Enjoy life because it is just too damn short. We seem to die when we finally learn how to enjoy it. Start early and enjoy longer!

[ShelbyDawn]

There can never be a single answer to a question like this, it will always depend on the motivations for dressing each individual brings to the table.
Personally, I feel I'd be in line with Teresa, I just want to be comfortable and express who I truly am, no 6" stiletto's or micro mini skirts, although I do get compliments on my legs, and no overdone makeup, my personal style is not too flashy, but I do enjoy looking good and given the opportunity to dress as I wished, would do the same, just more skirts and cuter shoes, yes, lots of cuter shoes...:battingeyelashes:

[Ressie]

I could go OTT (as Madonna would say) at the right venue. But I haven't kept it real low key either. I had a sexy sister and it's rubbed off on me somewhat!

[Brandi Christine]

What exactly is OTT, a woman getting dressed up for going out to the club or for her husband? Then yes I love to do that (the dressup part at least...). But for the last few sessions I was more into being able to go out and be somewhat accepted (Not that I really did that, still too afraid) so I dressed in jeans and wedges/sneakers and cute tops. I found a comfort level that I really liked.

[SaraLin]

If you were totally free what would your final balance of your look be , on a daily basis would you really want or need to wear high heels and have enormous boobs .

Well If I were TOTALLY free, I like to think that I'd be seeking to pretty much blend in as "just" another woman in the crowd. Of course, it'd be a plus if I could be a pretty or least attractive, but I'd be content with people not looking at me with a "what's that?" or "hey, that's a dude!" or any such reaction. I just want to be "one of the girls".
If, besides freedom, I had the resources, I'd probably pursue more medical options as well...


OTT? not for me. I lack the confidence and have no desire to be in the spotlight.
I belong in the audience, not on the stage.

[Teresa]

Brandi,
I had to smile at your statement , " Damsel in Distress " . I don't know if you've heard of the label but I have a black , long sleeved daydress from the company " Damsel in a Dress "

You could add to yours , Damsel in Distress but happily Damsel in a Dress !"

Sara,
I asked the question accepting most might give me the same answer as yours , when I first joined the forum I thought that would be the goal of most CDing members , it's been an interesting journey .

I confess I do like OTT sometimes , there are just too many lovely clothes and shoes to ignore making a splash sometimes .

[Asew]

I don't even think you need to be OTT to stand out. There are women out that stand out without being OTT. Whether it be the click of their heels or a nice dress or well done hair, they won't be seen as OTT but more as dressed to impress. Or a woman at the mall in tall heels and short skirt, and maybe OTT but more something like trashy, ****ty, or inappropriate. But as CDers we might fear being OTT as if we are trying too hard to appear feminine that we go past it into hyper feminine.

But I think when it becomes a regular thing to dress out you become more practical. You don't have time to put in so much effort every day. You will keep the things you like most and trim the aspects that don't matter as much.

"YOU" can still include fun and OTT, but for many that is practical for daily wear. Just like some women like to dress different for a fun night out or in ;)

[Just Dana]

I'm definitely on the blend in side of the fence. I don't really like attention to begin with, so I'd try to not stand out as much as possible. I have no wish to come out, but I really want to start going out - just where I won't run into anyone I know!

Dana

[Vickie_CDTV]

Depends on how you define OTT. Some people think just wearing sheer pantyhose (and a "modest" length skirt) is OTT because GGs don't wear pantyhose anymore. Some might argue most women only wear pants and leggings and don't wear skirts or dresses anymore to wearing those is OTT.

Personally, I will keep wearing my skirts and pantyhose and other traditional women's wear, no matter what people think.

[Jean 103]

Pretty far I would say.

Wearing heels and mini skirts is one of the things I'm known for and one of the reasons I'm so popular.

I live in the real world, as Jean and have been for years now. Pretty much all my friends are GGs including my Best friend. I have boyfriends. These are long term relationships that I have developed, not by blending and hiding, but by being me.

[Cheryl T]

Decades ago I would have been OTT for sure.
Now that I'm out to many, have full support of my spouse and go out when I wish I've found it's more "average woman".
I'm just trying to be me in the world and not be the standout. I don't really care if I'm not noticed at all. In fact I think that makes me more "average".

[Jillcder]

When I look at way most GGs dress and I?m not criticizing but I would say I?m OTT. At this point with my dressing I only wear skirts and dresses when I go out shopping and like to present as feminine as possible. I know I don?t blend well but that is the thrill of it for me.

[GwenHerself]

I'm a gender blender. Not really interested in the OTT side of things, though I'm an introvert and don't enjoy the spotlight.

[docrobbysherry]

Teresa, maybe I didn't explain myself well. I never meant to dis your life style or choices at all!:hugs:

Just wanted u and others here to realize that to many CD's and fetish dressers, THAT IS their real world!:thumbsup:
Many of us could come out, present and live as women.:battingeyelashes:

We just don't want to!:heehee:

[Teresa]

Sherry,
That's OK but like I said I covered that in my opening thread .

[Jane G]

I have never tried to push things with my wife. We love each other very much and perhaps she would except more but a I am comfortable with what is a DADT relationship at present. I was fully dressed just last evening when she came home from shift early. We hugged as she came in but I instinctively headed straight up and changed after that. It works for us and we are a team.

[Alexis00]

All of my dressing experience has centered around being conservative in my fashion choices. My favorite outfit would be a sweater or blouse with a matching skirt and low-heeled pumps or flats.
Ditto. I worry too much about passing and find if I dress conservatively (and expensively when possible) it’s much more fun and relaxing.

Have a whole bin of “costume clothes” - fishnets, mini skirts, huge bra etc. Could never handle heels over about two inches.

[Robertacd]

I would have to agree with you. I am going full time and I dress to blend as we like to say.

I looked at what GG's my age and body type wear and tried to emulate that while developing my own style.

[Jean 103]

Teresa, Sherry is right.

I don't think you understand Sherry's point.

I have not met as many CDs as Sherry, but I do know a few.

My boyfriend is a CD, OTT, fetish dresser, yes Sherry as you described. I don't really care for it but it makes him happy, and he will never go out in public. Has absolutely no desire to, also has never been on this website as with a lot of others that I've met.

So maybe limited by circumstance, while others as Sherry describes are limited by desire. They are happy with where they
are and have no desire to transition.

I think of it as different levels of gender dysphoria. With some it is so slight as to not even be seen or felt or whatever. And with others there's nothing they can do it just totally consumes them.

It's a matter of finding balance so you can have peace in your life. You can read about it over and over again in the threads as to what the members do to maintain their sanity.

So for many they find the balance and they're good they don't have to go any farther.

This concept can be hard for somebody who feels the need to transition.

it's just what I've seen from talking to people. And looking for the answer to why.

[Karren H]

Think I went over the top when I reached a D cup! Yet for some reason I can't stop...

[Gi Gondin]

I would certainly dress OTT, specially in the highest heels ever made!
What is interesting because is the opposite behavior of my male self...

[Teresa]

Jean,
Before lockdown I use to visit three or four social groups so I have come across the mix Sherry mentions . The groups serve many functions , for some like me it was the final stepping stone to become Teresa full time , to others it's a few hours of escapism to be the cute little girl or the tart . About 25% are accompanied by their wives /partners , some enjoy it and others to keep an eye on what their CDing partners are up to . OK I sometimes use them to go a little OTT , maybe it's still something I need to get out of my system but for everyday being an acceptable lady going about her business is my main aim .

I do feel the majority have GD to some extent but there are the few who are looking for the sexual hookup , sometimes I do question if they are CDers or using dressing as a cover .

[Rogina B]

Think I went over the top when I reached a D cup! .

I think you need to tell these new members about your brake bleeder breast enlarger !lol

[MonicaPVD]

I don't think there is such a thing as going OTT. The fact that a man is wearing women's any clothes could be considered OTT by a lot of people, even if it is the most conservative or inoffensive clothes. Sometimes we work so hard to break down stereotypes and prejudices, yet we are guilty of making all kinds of assumptions ourselves. If you want to dress like a little old lady or like a 19 year old tart, that's awesome. As long as what you do makes you happy and won't get you arrested for indecent exposure, go for it. When I go out during the day, I will usually dress to blend in and I have to admit that it's disappointing to see so many GGs wearing clothes that are basically non-binary, especially the sneakers. In the evening hours I prefer to get glammed up to go out and this can range from elegant and sexy outfits all the way to age-inappropriate clubwear that makes me look like a trashy 80s hooker. I have a lot of fun with my looks, and with the feedback I get from others. It's a part of who I am and I am happy to be alive in a time when you can do that sort of thing and not worry about being assaulted.

[Beverley Sims]

I don't go ott, I don't need to stand out, for instance a B cup bust suits me nicely.

[Teresa]

Monica,
I don't see myself as a man wearing women's clothes , I also don't think I'm guilty making assumptions . I could possibly admit I don't dress totally appropriately for my age but I don't look like an old granny and I don't dress as a 19 year old tart , as you can see from my avatar .

To a point I agree with you about what the majority of women choose to wear but I feel it's the wrong label to suggest they dress like a NB person , ( whatever that is ) .

I posted my thread to to give an insight into presenting as a woman full time and how far I've gone to achieve a balance and acceptance from the general public . Many of the comments I read often contain misconceptions of what it takes to achieve it , people very rarely react badly , in fact in three years I haven't had a bad experience . I find mostly they are on your side , they actually support you , some tell me I'm brave or courageous . I don't usually react to those comments as they are behind me , besides it also shows I've been read .

[Karren H]

I think you need to tell these new members about your brake bleeder breast enlarger !lol

That is still against the law, here, Rogina! Lol.

[docrobbysherry]

Interesting Teresa, you've a secret side!? In all your posts and pics, I've never heard or seen anything that mite be considered Over The Top! (The OTT mentioned here.):eek:

[Teresa]

Sherry,
I do hold some of my pictures back , I can't have you thinking I'm more than " Mumsie Teresa !! "

[Jean 103]

I sincerely doubt we have the same definition of OTT.

I actually got called on the carpet for being OTT. It was for my dress and behavior. She was right, I was out of control. Her words "if you're going to a dress like a lady then act like one".

A close friend and the bar manager, a small town bar. Locals hangout.

I was at the bar playing pool mid day, somewhat normal. I let this guy pick me up. I had a room down the street. When I returned by myself I was wearing a different outfit. I didn't know who he was and he picked me up. I guess he was a regular , a psychiatrist and I should have said no.


It wasn't that big of deal, but it was at the time to me.

I was just finding myself and stumbling along the way.

[AllieSF]

Jean,

Hooking up with someone from your local bar does not have to be an OTT moment. It was OTT in their minds, but you can think and act for yourself. Now if your language and actions at the bar made you look like a hooker, that is different. People hook up all the time in bars, local or not. Why can't you? You made a decision, liked it and if you want, in my opinion, you can do it again if you feel the moment is right. We all stumble and we should all experiment. Then, we can speak from our own experience. You should listen to what your friends say, and then question them more if you still feel you were not in the wrong. Opinions help if given in a good way. Live happy and long, life gets shorter every day!

Allie

[Teresa]

Allie,
My comment about hook ups was referring to members inside my social groups , we meet in hotels not gay bars but I know some have found an interested party while buying drinks at the bar .

I will add that the groups I attend have basic rules of no fetish wear and no dating , that is more out of consideration for very shy members and the wives /partners . Basically the groups are intended to provide a safe environment for everyone .

[kellyanne]

Prefer a cosmopolitan lady look in modest clothing - as others say - the tarty looks are for at home - but for sure less and less tart and more lady over the years.