DADT or otherwise

[CarlaWestin]

You're in the zone and you feel and look fabulous. Photos, maybe an outing. Maybe even more!
Then a noise or a clock let's you know that it's time to go back to perceived reality.

What are your thoughts?

[DianeT]

I'm happy with the experience and the memories I will keep from it, and glad to come back to my wife and couple.

[candykowal]

I think Carla is trolling for a lot of disappointing comments...hey sister! HUGS!
.......what else can you feel when the rush of feeling and looking pretty has to stop? :troll:

Well, there are plenty of times I was GLAD it was time to go home and change back into boy mode. :bringiton:
My bra strap was digging into my shoulder for over an hour, I danced so much, my tootsies were barking inside my high heels, my 8 o clock shadow was starting to show thru my makeup, and my clip on earring was pinching my earlobe with a terrible pain...I was so done! :surrender
Happen a lot when you are out all evening....I would run into my bedroom, undress and jump into the hot shower to ease my pain.
So...I suppose I will be one of the few that didn't mind the transition back to reality....... :Pfft:

[Janine cd]

Yes, I think that having to stop being Janine is a very despondent feeling. It only occurs when I'm fully dressed with complete makeup and a carefully arranged wig.

[Teresa]

Carla,
I'm so glad my clock watching days are over , I know it's come at a price but I wouldn't want to return to those days , life is good now .

Candy,
Sorry but you can keep male mode , I'd sooner have the minor inconveniences of my bra strap and makeup !

[candykowal]

......Candy,
Sorry but you can keep male mode , I'd sooner have the minor inconveniences of my bra strap and makeup !

I've been there Teresa and know your fulfillment, it is nice to be how you feel.
When I was there, I was lonely.
Today, I am happy, especially during these golden years when companionship is more desired...but a am happy in either modes of presentation.
Merry Christmas and all the best dear! Hugs! :hugs:

[Teresa]

Candy,
It's not a lonely place for me , I get that feeling when I have to do male mode . Being TG shouldn't equate to lonliness , I have made more new friends now I'm Teresa .

[Geena75]

It is sort of a drag (pardon the expression) having to watch the clock and get out on a schedule. I have been looking at it as a "glass half full vs half empty" idea. I get to do it, although limited. Often, my response is "Hey! I've got a glass, and there's something in it!"

[LeannS]

Yes I am a clock watcher also!!

[Brandi Christine]

I think I don't get to dress up nearly enough to satisfy my need. it makes me so sad when the clock ticks my time away, when I have to go back to drab life. But then there are the reasons (or really the one reason) I go back, life would be so much sadder without her, so back i go until my next dress up night.

[CarlaWestin]

Not trolling for anything negative. I was just wondering how others felt as I just had that moment this morning.
I've worn some outfits that were so (whatever I'm trying to say here) that it was a comfort to get back to low maintenance mode.
But I'm getting much more Carla time now. And the makeup is easier.
I think I'm finding my real girl instead of the overheated fantasy woman.

And I just wanted to be Carla today.

[Raychel]

I dont have that happen much anymore.
I sure did hate when that was an issue.
Getting back to guy mode was never a lot of fun

With Life changes, Pretty guy mode or Fem Mode only happens when I am in the mood, :heehee

[CharlotteCD]

I had that moment today. I had 2-4 hours free, and I rushed on some makeup before dressing, and I was already an hour in. I continued clock watching and started packing away with 20 minutes until 2 hours was up.

I actually had 3.5 hours available, but couldn't be sure of that. Honestly, I actually cried a little when my wife said she wouldn't be back for another hour, and I'd packed everything away 30 minutes previously.

We're not in a confirmed DADT situation, but we've both made it clear - I don't want to dress in front of her, and she doesn't want to see me dressed.

[docrobbysherry]

I'm with u on this one, Teresa. Sort of anyway!:heehee:|

My days of sneaking around and stressing over getting caught r long gone!:)
And, not long after my DADT ended? I got over the rest of the guilt I carried around for all those years!:doh:

Carla,
I'm so glad my clock watching days are over , I know it's come at a price but I wouldn't want to return to those days , life is good now .

Candy,
Sorry but you can keep male mode , I'd sooner have the minor inconveniences of my bra strap and makeup !
I enjoy looking like a woman, not a MIAD, Teresa!:sad:
However, that dramatic transformation requires a lot of time and effort. The result is usually an attractive woman with an uncomfortable, but thrilled, man inside her!:battingeyelashes:

Would I want to be THAT woman, or a MIAD, out in public every day of my life? Not a chance! Totally with Candy on this one.:thumbsup:

[Sandi Beech]

This is kind of a variation of "oops, got to go now" theme, and kind of funny so I thought I would share. It was back in 2017 and only my second night of going out to a gay bar since I figured they would be accepting. I was wearing a sexy black outfit that I posted a picture of some time ago, but I did not meantion everything that happened that evening.

I had been talking with a couple who had actually been hitting on me, and I was having a good time. I only had one or two drinks at most before switching to water for a good while to make sure the alcohol was as very low levels before leaving. The only problem, I needed to go to the bathroom and unfortunately, I had not paid much attention to the order I put things on. In order to get my pantyhose pulled down, I was going to have to pull off a body stocking and remove my slip. And in order to get the body stocking off my bra would have to come off. I know it does not make sense unless you pull up my old picture post. Anyhow, the bathroom had a toilet with no stall and I would have had to completely undress in there. I did not even think to try to go to the womens room, so I came back out and said to the couple, "Umm, got to go now" I barely made it back to my hotel in time.

I did not make that mistake again, because when you got to go, you got to go. Haha.
Oh and one other thing. There was no lock on the door.

Sandi

[GracieRose]

You're in the zone and you feel and look fabulous. Photos, maybe an outing. Maybe even more!
Then a noise or a clock let's you know that it's time to go back to perceived reality.

What are your thoughts?

Disappointment and sadness.

[Judy-Somthing]

People say dressing up is Stress Relieving but, the chance of getting caught and can be very stressful,
I use to think I was getting my Cardio Exercise.

[Helen_Highwater]

It such situations I try to look at it as just moving on to the next part of your day. It's simply part and parcel of how my life plays out and that way I keep positive about my dressing.

While in the closet my life allows me to at least partially dress almost daily so I'm not going to worry if when I do get time to get fully dressed, usually sans makeup, I'll enjoy that time and move on when it comes to that time.

[Teresa]

Carla,
I hope you can travel down that road , some say it's possibly mundane but not to me when I cinsider what the alternative is , NO CONTEST !!

Sherry,
I try not to let the man surface very often because I now feel far more uncomfortable when he does .

[GretchenM]

I am very much the same no matter how I am dressed. It is nice to be expressing that female-like part of my identity, but that part of the identity exists no matter how I am dressed or even if I am naked. My full identity includes both male-like and female-like traits and characteristics. Which ones I use depend on the situation. Validating the female-like traits and characteristics by dressing that way is really no different than validating the male-like traits by dressing that way. I prefer the female-like mode to be quite active, but the male-like mode is also an advantage that my cisgender wife does not have. She doesn't really understand it. But why should she actually understand it - she is cisgender. It is hard for me to understand how cisgender people get by with only one mode, but then I am not cisgender. In the end it works out fine with compromises to allow for our differences.

I rarely get dysphoric, but when I do I go to Gretchen mode as that is more stabilizing. The main thing that makes me dysphoric is spending a day with a group of males and no female contact at all. A lot of women are that way, too. So, it is uncomfortable after a lot of such contact and if I was cisgender male that would not bother me. But I am not. Am I uncomfortable with a group of females all day? Not much which seem to confirm the nature of my personal identity - biased to the female-like side.

[Krisi]

There comes a time when we must return to reality. It's disappointing, but that's life. Learn to accept it and realize that there will be another day to dress.

[MonicaPVD]

There's such a remarkable spectrum of realities in this group. From women who are transitioning to men who enjoy occasionally putting on an article of clothing. It's all good. I really enjoy dressing and going out to interact with the world. I also enjoy coming home after that and changing back into my normal male mode. I have come to terms with my reality and this dual existence works for me at this time.

[Danielle_cder]

Yep I watch that clock.... but that being said, I watch the clock for every thing work, cooking, time out for the kids so in reality it’s nothing new. Even your age is a clock.....

[Star01]

This one is not hard to answer. I would be thinking oh %#@& the fun is over.

[BTWimRobin]

I know that feeling all too well. For living in the middle of nowhere there are way too many things which distract me from my femme happy place. My first reaction is holy @#$% what now? Did I remember to have a quick change handy. Of course the polish us still wet on my toes.... then that gets ruined and I have to start all over.

[Star01]

BTWimRobin I hate when that happens and it ends up being the UPS driver pulling into the driveway to drop a package. The panic is real.

[Stephanie47]

I only reference Charlotte (#13) for an example of what turmoil being a crossdresser can be. I went through a stage that lasted many years. I call it "grabbing some crumbs of time." Wife heads off to run an errand or attend a meeting and there are a few moments available to indulge oneself. There was nothing relaxing or fulfilling about it. I often sensed my wife was also thinking that I was crossdressing in her absence which was usually not the case. Maybe it came with age or change in hormones or whatever compels me to cross dress in the first place that I no longer "grab at those crumbs of time."

Fortunately, I am comfortable with my male self. Fortunately, my wife is not "trolling" me and trying to confront me with all sorts of negativity that I read about on this forum.

[Star01]

Stephanie47, I can relate to your decision to forego those crumbs of time. I am fortunate in that underdressing and a more feminine style of grooming keeps me sane between full dressing opportunities. I do not grab those bits of time but hold out for having the house to myself overnight and being able to shop in preparation earlier in the day. My experience has been that the risk of getting caught is created during those brief episodes. I would rather be able to take my time and enjoy it than not be able to focus on the enjoyment it brings to dress. I have been busted in small ways, most recently an eyebrow pencil fell out of my laundry basket. She asked me if it was mine, I mumbled to her to just throw it away and nothing more was said. Small things apparently must get a pass under her rules but fully dressed might not be so fortunate.

[Jane G]

DADT works for us. I have my girl time and plenty of it. There is no worry of being caught out. If my wife comes home early, we hug and I go get changed. We will talk about each others days. But my dressing is simply ignored. I love to dance dressed or not. So we might talk about what I have been dancing to, but not my dress. The situation works for us. Has done for 40+ years now. My wife knows me inside out. I know her inside out. We both have our individuality. We both except and love who the other is. Doesn't mean life is perfect . Does mean we love each other and always will.

[BTWimRobin]

It just happened on Christmas Eve, my wife was at work and I was home baking a crumb cake to have on Christmas morning. I was wearing capris leggings and lost all track of time and my wife came home. She knows I dress and doesn't mind me dressing, within reason, in front of her. However, she hates leggings on women let alone her husband. So I apologize for the leggings. She said don't worry about it you're baking me a cake and I left the leggings on the rest of the day.

[Alexis00]

My ex-wife was fairly accepting, but only to a point. She went down to visit her mother for a week and I made the mistake of taking pictures while I was getting dressed to go out, and then at a club. Normally I told her if I was going out but she didn’t answer her phone - reception is kind of spotty there and she wasn’t great about following up.

She found the pictures on the home laptop a while after she got home. She immediately assumed the worst. We were already on the rocks but she was very mean about it.

[MindyCD]

Yup it certainly is a come down when I realize that it's time to take off that dress or skirt again.

Now that's despite the fact that due to working from home on weekdays, I have several hours every day to dress up, which is a major improvement than before No matter how much time you have more is better!

I think it does help that when it's time to change back that it's women's jeans of jogging bottoms that I am reaching for plus a t shirt,
I do have to lose the bra and heels also :)

[Devi SM]

It was so intense that took me to out to my wife. In my ignorance at that time, I added the awful ingredient of being bisexual so those were three horrible days for both.

Since then I have all the freedom to dress whenever I want but just at home, that nobody would see me, don't tell to my kids (three married boys).
Soon I realized that it wasn't just dressing. I needed to approval from the world so dyspjoria now was stronger than before.

I can't understand that two people that vote for love can live with and elephant in the room so DADT for me wasn't an option.

Later I understood that my reality, as many here that don't know, was to transition. My transition had started many years before and not just when I got in HRT, but that's my journey of freedom.

I couldn't keep being an hypocrite, keep hiding and denying myself.

Living as who I am I found that is not about dressing, to dress is just an expression of who we are but the ignorance and the fear of the future don't let us see the reality.

Today my priorities are not what I'm going to dress today or what kind of make up, actually after year and a half on electrolysis I can go without make up at all, now my priority is to succes in business as a woman that many can realize that I'm a tramswoman.
Now my wife, family and friends tell.me are proud of me....

DADT? may be that's for others not for me....

[BrendaPDX]

Heavy sigh... One last look in the mirror... Very happy I had this time...

[Natalie5004]

Devi SM ,,, Nice story, thank you.

I find myself not getting so uptight about dressing at home. My wife knows that I will dress if left along for 8 hours. I would do it every day if she worked outside the home every day.

I am not nervous about being caught. I buy clothes at Macy's and pick then up at the store as opposed to UPS delivery. I think she got more upset with me spending all that money when she has not bought anything for herself in years. She is still the same size as she was 25 years ago.

I told her to buy clothes she needs to toss out something old. It also did not hurt that I bought her a big ring for Christmas this year.
I was hoping for a nice set of earrings and neckless set. Instead I got the outfit from Johnny Rose look alike contest. I will wear that once or twice a year but the earring would get a ton of use.

So, do I get upset when it is time to change back,.. hell yes.

[Pumped]

DADT works for us. I have my girl time and plenty of it. There is no worry of being caught out. If my wife comes home early, we hug and I go get changed.

Definitely not the typical DADT situation. I am not even sure it qualifies as DADT as she is fully aware and sees you dressed from time to time. I suppose it fits because you don't talk about it, but certainly on the fringe.

[Teri Ray]

Well I guess my answer is more along the lines that Candy mentioned. I am pretty happy being male and I love my opportunities to dress enfemme and be Teri. So there are times when my Teri time is great and I hate to stop and then there are times when, like Candy stated, that my earlobes get sore, my corset begins to feel tight, my feet start to ache from my shoes, my wig feels tight and so on and I am happy to jump out of Teri mode and get back to loose jeans and T shirt. Either way I am happy with my life and how my wife treats my dressing desire. I feel I am just one very lucky people to have the ability to be my male self and be Teri on occasion and my have my wife love and accept me along the way.

By the way I love shopping with my wife, and even in male mode its great fun to share with her looking at shoes and clothes discussing what we like and do not like. But like my time dressing, I do get to the point where I am happy to get to stop shopping and go home and loaf around the house.

My take on this question.

[Micki_Finn]

Well when I dress it’s usually for Drag so by the end of the night I’m usually happy to get comfy, especially if I’ve been performing.

[jacques]

hello Carla,
I try to dress appropriately for the situation - be that a suit and tie for a business meeting, shorts and a tee-shirt on the beach, under-dressed for a quiet weekend, glammed up in a dress and make up for a night in with my wife... and I'm just me inside those clothes.
each to their own!
luv J

[Beverley Sims]

I only change back to go to work.

The reaction......

Oh drat! :-)

[Melanie Sykes]

I usually know when the time is coming to change back, and see the whole changing back thing mostly as a mere inconvenience. I don't normally wear makeup or a wig, so I don't have some of the problems other members here do. There's one exception to that: a few years ago I went away on my own for three days, shaving my beard off and dressing completely en-femme, including makeup, nail polish, forms and a wig, every day. It was fantastic. On the last night I went to the theatre to watch a production of Hedda Gabler. I was wearing a lovely black dress, mid-heeled ankle boots, nice 15-denier black tights, and although I was alone (and about 6ft 8 in my boots) the theatre staff were very nice to me. I got no stares or rude comments, and felt a million dollars. When I got back to my hotel room that night and had to pack my clothes away ready to leave the next morning, I felt as though I was leaving behind a person I really wanted to be with. My heart ached. That's the first time undressing had made me feel like that, but I'll never forget it.