Single

[KatieTv]

Why the hell has the feeling gone away?

I was married for years, always wanted to dress, it drove me mad and now....I'm single, live in my own place and i cant be bothered. Its gone.

I have spent over $2000 dollars on clothes and I'm just looking at them. Some of you girls would love this position so i feel bad.

I love to get dressed all glam, like a girl on a night out. Real sexy but i just look and I'm meh!

Normally I dress like I'm going out for the night but then once dressed it progresses and then I'm a totally different girl. At that point I change clothes to a different persona. But...not even that. Nothing at the moment!

[Kelli_cd]

I don't know how long you've felt this way, but I'm sure the desire will return. That seems to happen to all of us.

[Karren H]

I'm guessing the thrill of doing something taboo... the thrill of potentially getting caught... just isn't there any more..... Maybe you need to combine dressing with something exhilarating? Sky diving.... rock climbing.... going into a grocery store with out a mask!!

[Geena75]

I would suggest you relax and go about your life. Dressing up is something we do because we WANT to. Don't push it, but do things you enjoy and don't worry about it. It may come back, and you will have what you need to enjoy it.

Have you become single recently? That sort of life changing event can change your desires for a while.

Best wishes,
Geena

[Jeremie]

Depression has certainly affected my desire to dress before. I consider myself a normal human being and thus, can get down sometimes. If it lasts for a while I find my attitude toward a lot of things change. Spend less time being around family and friends, less interested in TV/movies, dressing pretty, etc... You mentioned being married and now being single. Not sure if that was recent, but either way it's a major life change. I hope depression isn't the issue but if it is, don't be afraid to talk to someone about it. It's normal and it's OK.

[docrobbysherry]

Consider yourself lucky, Katie!:thumbsup:

I need to organize the house. But, why bother? I'll just mess it up with my weekend dress up shoot.

I need to clean up the garage. But, I also need to try on outfits for my next shoot. I'll do that instead!

I need to run into the office and gets that paperwork out. But, I've got to set up everything for Sherry's photo shoot coming up! That's more important!:battingeyelashes:

[Crissy 107]

Katie, After being married for years and now single there is a good chance you are depressed. Depression this year is pretty rampant, the good news is that the desire to Crossdress will come back.

[Debs]

Believe me it will come back, least when you expect it. i did 9 months of nothingness(my made up word to explain it), then wham it was back with a vengeance !!, dont purge what ever you do

[Helen_Highwater]

Katie,

Reading your post I'm assuming you're a stay at home dresser, always kept it between four walls. I also went back and found your introductory post and again from what I read it seems becoming single acted as the green light for you to suddenly be like the kid let loose in the sweet shop.

Going out and spending big, gathering together all the thing you've desire to enable you to dress and initially enjoying the fruits of your labours. However having the freedom to dress, a freedom you didn't have before being restricted to dressing in hotel rooms, has meant that that special feeling you got before when your dressing was rationed, becomes everyday. There's nothing to look forward to. The sense of anticipation is gone.

Add to this the covid effect and it's not surprising than the desire is gone, at least for now.

You wrote; "Normally I dress like I'm going out for the night but then once dressed it progresses and then I'm a totally different girl. At that point I change clothes to a different persona. But...not even that. Nothing at the moment!. " I would suggest looking at it a different way. I don't dress to be different, I dress to be me.

I would suggest getting up in the morning and dressing in such a way as is practical to do the daily household cores. It's my job to tidy the kitchen and prepare breakfast in bed for my SO. Today, like most days it's a simple vee necked tee, a pull-on simple knee length skirt, bra , forms and thick tights as it's winter. Oh, and a pair of woolly socks and ok not a sexy look but practical to keep my feet warm.

So I'm replicating what untold millions do every morning and I'm comfortable in just being me but enfemme. And the thing is I feel comfortable, I'm relaxed in being me and this is someone who's in the closet to his SO. So at some point the skirt, bra and forms come off, jogging bottoms and a fleece pullover go on and I head up the stairs tray in hand to take my SO her breakfast.

It wouldn't matter if I had the house to myself. I'd still do the same, dress just to be able to be comfortable like any other GG might do. Celebrity housewives might get all glammed up from the get go but Ms average either dresses work work or for a day around the house. Try being Ms average, you just might get to like it.

[Teresa]

Katie,
So much going on here . The most obvious point is the dare factor has gone , no one is going to catch you out which removes the adrenalin rush . It could be a touch of depression after losing your partner and possibly struggling with the lockdown .

I've been alone now divorced for almost three years after being married 45 years, setting up a new home has been enjoyable , learning to do it as Teresa has been very interesting . I knew it wouldn't be all sexy dressing and nights out . Living full time is quite a learning curve , I've gradually found I can do all the jobs in femme mode that I did as a man , I made clothes the excuse so I bought women's workwear . I need to go to the supermarket and other shopping trips so I bought everyday wear .

Somedays I may think I can't be bothered but I know the alternative is more painful , now it's perfectly normal to shave , put my makeup on and dress in MY CLOTHES as Eddie Izzard pointed out .

Planning your day as a woman is challenging but also very rewarding , I don't get the " Highs " anymore and I know where I will hit the lows so I don't dress as a man anymore . I found going from one to the other became more uncomfortable and confusing not only to me but the people around me .

[GretchenM]

Please, Katie, don't beat yourself up over it. A decline in the desires and needs can fade during times of life change. Your brain is working out other problems that it perceives are more important. Depression can cause a decline in desire and sometimes an increase as it is an escape from the pain that is the source of the depression. It is hard but try to get more exercise, eat healthy, and generally try to treat yourself well. Be friendly and sensitive to other people - it will not only make them feel good but it will be good for you. Keep your life as simple as you can and don't chew on issues over and over and over. That just feeds energy to the depression. I can almost promise that Katie will return once your life is a bit more stable. It is easy to deny the existence of depression and reaching the point that you admit you have a depression problem and it is not Katie's fault. If it seems out of control set up an appointment with your doctor to discuss it.

I was severely depressed from childhood until I was in my mid 50's. I refused to admit it. The psychiatrist told me that I had no idea what normality felt like - I had probably never experienced it. I am probably a genetic depressive - I was born that way. Three years of therapy taught me how to deal with it as well as a continuous diet of antidepressants. It is unlikely you are like that - we are rare. But the important point is in time you will overcome it. And last, for goodness sake, do not purge all those beautiful clothes - that will only feed whatever depression you have. You will be effectively discarding or giving away a major part of who you are. That is never a good action.

[NancySue]

The Pink Fog will return. When you least expect it. Ta Da. You can bet the ranch on it.

[Paulie Birmingham]

Time to find a new hobby. Dont obsess and life will sort itself out.

[Jennifer0874]

When my first marriage ended I was depressed. I was living alone for the first time in my life at 29 and had no desire to dress. For a year, I lived my normal life, went to work everyday and just couldn’t get out of my funk. I finally decided to take a vacation. 2 weeks of relaxation. Around day 6 I felt so relaxed and all of a sudden wanted to dress gain. I hadn’t planned for this and had to run out and get some femme clothes to wear. That was 2005 and I have been going strong since

[Stephanie47]

I found when I had no opportunity to be en femme it drove me to distraction. I was 'grabbing at any crumbs of time' as I call it. If my wife had the kids away at Sunday school for several hours it was a hurried affair. Not fulfilling at all. When the kids and my wife were out for the entire day and I had seven hours of femme time it was totally relaxing. When my wife went out of state for seven to ten days I had femme time 24/7. The more time I had the more leisurely my dressing became. I did have periods where I had all the time in the world to be en femme, but, some other activity took its place. I have found the inner need has to be placated when it arises for whatever reason. If that need does not arise, then why do it?

If I may make a suggestion, why don't you tone it down a little. If you "glam" it up all the time, perhaps there is some disappointment because you are not going out. No woman spends all her time dressed to the nine and waiting for her date. Try a more leisurely, stay at home presentation.

[candykowal]

It happened to me when I retired and was home all working hours when my wife was gone.
I could dress and go out and about anytime during the weekdays!
But ,like you....no desire.
I found I was using my CDing as a stress reliever for all those things in my life that was stressing me out, the stress was gone and so was my desire.
For me, it lasted about a year...and then I started going shopping for sundries for our home, becoming a homemaker and dressing the part.
Today, I am semi-back....covid did stall a lot of my social activities as Candice...so I been Zooming.
I bet, it will return as so many of us are speculating.

[Teresa]

Paulie,
That is where the suggestion of CDing being a hobby falls down , Katie's marriage possibly failed through TG issues , hobbies don't normally cause the breakdown of a marriage , Katie has a problem she needs to work out and get her life back on track .

[Alice Torn]

I can relate, but never have had a mate. I have lots of room and privacy, but now the desire to get all dolled up is waning, and i seldom dress. I think about it much of the time, but there are other issues like, paying the rent, an other big bills, and wondering what the hell is going to happen to the country. It is a lot of work, to shave, bathe, do all the work of make up, and all that goes into dressing to the nines, and much of the time, i am too tired or lazy/. When i had roommates , I coul dnot wait to dress every moment i could, and i guress part of it was the thrill of it and not getting caught by housemates. Getting old too, and knowing my days are numbered also. It is such a thrill, wheni do dress up, though, but i dont go out anymore, and take alot of photos and videos the times i do dress. I think no longer having the thrill of getting by with it, with risk of being caught, makes it less fun for some weird reason, and the risk is gone.

[Star01]

I have had many times when the urge went away and it always came back stronger. My desire to dress subsided during the time my wife was caring for her terminally ill mother and staying with her. It was only about two miles away and she was dropping in unexpectedly so I knew I would have to wait until after bed time. This went on for a couple of months and intensified as her mother's condition deteriorated and I wasn't in the mood to dress. Finally a day came where I actually felt like dressing and she had told me that the nurse stopped and said that her mother was stable and likely would be with us a while longer. Anyways, I got all cleaned up and was fixing myself dinner thinking I was about to get dressed for the evening when she walks in the door and I didn't have to ask why as I could see it right away. That was one time I was happy that I decided to take my time as the last thing I would want my wife to see at that moment was me dressed.

Anyways, my mother-in-law passed and her funeral was on the late March Friday that we got locked down by Covid at midnight. My desire to dress doesn't matter much right now as we're both around each other 24/7 and she doesn't want to see or know that I'm dressing. I have felt like dressing a few times but have to dismiss the thought due to this ongoing situation. I know the desire hasn't really left me but circumstances are such that I would only hurt myself if I dwell on it.

[MarinaTwelve200]

Teresa--I have heard of a case where a hobby lead to a divorce. The man was of an intellectual bend and had a hobby of collecting deformed human skulls which he kept in a display cabinet. He would often study one in bed at night before retiring. A few times he fell asleep and the wife woke up staring face to face with at his latest specimen, grinning next to her on her pillow. She claimed he did it on purpose--which he denied. And she Divorced him. (I though t it was funny as hell--She shoulda made him clean the sheets)

[SherriePall]

Not to be smart, but I once didn't feel like dressing. Was sick as a dog. Perfect time to wear panties all day in bed and I couldn't be bothered. Got better. Got dressed. There are times when it is a hassle to get all dolled up, so I ease up a little and just dress how I feel. There are times you just can't force it. Let us know in a couple of weeks.

[Maria 60]

I go through my little spurts, it seem like we always want what we can't have. I went through a 3 month drought and my wife couldn't for the life of her figure me out. There was no chance with the Covid anyone was coming to my door and I was home for weeks and all I would do is wear pantyhose under my jeans.
Well I made it up lately from Christmas Eve till now I haven't been in male mood, so I guess I'm back.
If your thinking your lack of dressing is the end, you better think again, were not that lucky. It's going to come back and with a vengeance, it has to, it's in our blood.

[Janine cd]

I've gone through the same experience of losing m wife and losing the desire to dress for more than a year. Now, after purging so many times, the desire has returned but it only occasionally. When I'm depressed, the desire goes away but it returns as strongly as ever, usually after seeing a beautiful dress or skirt while shopping. Trust me, you will feel the need to put on those feminine things again.

[Paulie Birmingham]

Paulie,
That is where the suggestion of CDing being a hobby falls down , Katie's marriage possibly failed through TG issues , hobbies don't normally cause the breakdown of a marriage , Katie has a problem she needs to work out and get her life back on track .

My wife and I went through some very difficult times. I experienced angry, depression, loneliness and many other emotions. I found a new hobby that kept my mind occupied and not consumed by every negative emotion and that helped me focus on the right things. We worked through our issues and have been married 25 years. Had I not found a new hobby, to keep my mind busy I probably would have said or did something stupid.

Not everything is about cross dressing.

[Teresa]

Paulie,
As I nearly ended my lfe through my gender issues I could hardly call it a hobby and in my circumstances the pain and anguish my family went through I certainly wouldn't insult them by calling it a hobby .

You possibly had a level of dysphoria which dressing dealt with but another form of hobby may have served the same purpose . I find sharing my art with my art group works for me , art is my hobby being Teresa is part of my life , they aren't the same thing .

[KatieTv]

I looked at the new clothes long enough that I felt it was a waste so I went ahead. It felt so good pullling on a pair of lace panties, a pretty bra, nylons and a chiffon dress....and the rest. I've had a lovely evening!

I'm looking forward to seeing family tomorrow but looking forward to them leaving on Friday! :)

[DianeT]

(Even a short) time is a healer apparently :)

[Brandi Christine]

Hi Katie,

You are living my dream and my nightmare. I am currently married to a spouse that does not understand my crossdressing, I have very little opportunity to dress at all but the pull is sooo strong. I fantasize about life alone where I could dress all the time, I could be me (maybe?). I'd go to work underdressed, come home and transform myself, do my housekeeping, shopping and other things en femme. I'd go out with some of the local gurls and have a great time. I would most likely come out. I'd do all that. But at the same time I cannot imagine life without her, I truly love her, there would be a hole in my life I don't know if I could fill. But if it came to that I'd have to try, it sounds like you are trying too? Good Luck Girl!!!

[c2candice]

Yeah, sounds very normal to have the time but no desire. Life is cruel, isn’t it?

Just a while ago, I was talking about the years of being a single bachelor and not exploring this side of me. But when married or in a serious relationship, the desire comes back. Not sure if that’s human nature of wanting what we can’t have? Or having a partner can be stressful sometimes and the escape is to dress. I really don’t know what it’s all about.

As others have mentioned, the anticipation is a strong part of the process. If I can do something anytime, the motivation wains. If I have one night a month to do it, I am darn well going to make use of that time!! In the space between, I dream about the outfits, dream about that feeling..

Have fun! Maybe build in something to look forward to? I know you said you have a lot of kit now, but perhaps slowly buying one thing at a time will build that anticipation again. Search for it, purchase it, wait for it... then savour the moment that it arrives. It’s no surprise that unboxing things is such a popular YouTube content!

[CarolynO]

This is precisely what i've been going thru.
I'm also single.

Here is what it is with me.My mom passed away march 2019 and i was named executor of estate with all the stress involved with that on top of the sorrow over her loss.
I also retired last june albeit early.Dragging myself in to work everyday became unbearable.Have poor sleep plus back pain from standing too much,exertion etc. Also because of covid,had to wear mask at job, inside without a/c(90 deg inside).All property my mom and stepdad had is now all sold off so estate is ready to be closed.The world they created is now mostly gone.

That being said,since last year I just did not have any desire or any motivation at all to dress even though I now have all the time to myself.Was thinking lately what is wrong with me?I'm not sure who the hell I am anymore.All of this has really gotten me down.
Xdressing used to bring so much joy into my life and it's been missing from me for almost 2 yrs now.Also not motivated to buy new things or spend time at forum either.

I just hope that what a lot of members say is true,that the desire will come back eventually.If /when it does come back,it will bring balance back into life and interest back into my other activities which has been waning.

I'm sure if i just don't force it, let go of the stress and worry it will come back and it should with you too Kate.

[sometimes_miss]

You've spent $2000 on clothes? Is that all? Or is that just this year's expenditures?

I usually spend as much or more than most of the women I've known, do.

I've tried to cut down, but just keep getting caught up in retail therapy. A new dress just makes me feel better.

[Vickie_CDTV]

It is not surprising. We are now living in a dystopian nightmare of disease and economic collapse, I don't think it is surprising for anyone to lose interest in things they enjoy. Not to mention you just went though a divorce. Seems everyone is depressed now, can only imagine how it is to have that and the loss of a marriage.

Personally, dressing is now the last thing on my mind. Certainly something I haven't/wouldn't spend money on now with this endless emergency.

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Katie :hugs:, What ever you do DON"T PURGE !! >Orchid**O:daydreaming:O**

[Alice Torn]

Vickie, You have that right! Very very dark time we are in now, and i do not see it getting better.

[Glenda58]

I went 3 years after my divorce. Dating women then one day while shopping with one of the ladies in the women's department it came back and it hasn't gone away since. That 30 years ago.

[Alexis00]

Don’t know about the rest of you but I’ve made plans many times, spent hours getting ready and stopped at the door.

Taking a few shots of Schnapps while ai got ready helped. Usually removed my inhibitions enough to get behind the wheel.

Need to rejoin a support group!