Purging

[laurie103]

I want to get rid of it all. I have breast forms, several wigs, and all of my makeup and attire. I hate myself for all of this sometimes, and other times I cherish this crap. I've never told anyone about this. What happens when something happens to me and it's all hidden in my office -- people find it?

I've purged so many times. It's such a waste of time and money.

[Ameli]

Lots of us can relate to this feeling Laurie. All the best to you in whatever you decide to do.

[candykowal]

I found instead of purging my things, I would pack them in the smallest box/boxes I could and seal the box in several layers of plastic.
Find a outdoor hiding spot in a preserve, industrial area, under fallen trees or a rock outcropping, away from public areas and stash it.
If you want it back, go get it! If someone found it and moved it, well at least you had a chance to retrieve it.
Nothing is wrong with you, we all go through it, it is a society issue we deal with....you are not alone in this issue.

[Geena75]

I'm at this point: I really like much of my stuff. Even when I feel sort of disgusted with myself, I still know I like some of the stuff. If I were to purge, I know I would regret some of it. I would suggest that you take and seal up your stuff in secure container(s), and store it away -- out of sight, out of mind. Then go ahead and enjoy not doing it for as long as you like (avoiding a site like this one is a good idea if you really want to stay away from CD'ing). If, after weeks or months, you really want to dive back in, your stuff will be there safe and sound. This isn't a 'cure,' but then neither is purging.

Good Luck -- Geena

[Alice Torn]

I can sure relate Laurie. 3 yrs ago, i gave away a large stash of things, i should have tried to sell. Gave them all to a rescue mission thrift store, and made a strong effort to quit for good. Well, months later, bought a smaller stash of things. As we get old, and our days wane, it is something to consider. I feel the same way. A love, almost hate conflict about my dressing. If i get hurt bad, someone will come here and find it all , and all the videos and pics on my computer, too! If it is my brother and sister, I am toast. I have no one in my region to help me if i go down, or die. All alone in this cold world. My siblings live 130 miles away and never been to my place. It is an issue for some of us. who live all alone. I am not purging. I am keeping all of it in two plastic bins, with ? For Thrift Stores? written on it. If i died, no problem. If i get hurt or serious illness, more concerned.

[TheHiddenMe]

I want to get rid of it all. I have breast forms, several wigs, and all of my makeup and attire. I hate myself for all of this sometimes, and other times I cherish this crap. I've never told anyone about this. What happens when something happens to me and it's all hidden in my office -- people find it?

I've purged so many times. It's such a waste of time and money.

Instead of throwing your stuff away, I suggest you find someone to talk to. You seem conflicted.

Talking about wanting to dress with someone who is qualified in gender issues can perhaps make you feel better about your choices.

[Judy-Somthing]

The reason we hate this is because society says it's wrong.
It's not like, Oh you love to ski, So cool, Oh you love to dress as a woman WTH!
At least on these sites others we can see it's not so abnormal for a guy to enjoy dressing as a woman.
My children think it's no big deal but, my wife hates it so much.
I love my wife which makes me think of purging now and then
Well you could try shock therapy!

[ssandy]

No No No! Purging doesn?t accomplish anything. I guarantee you you will buy it again. It is you and always will be you. Ok take a break but don?t discard what makes you feel good. Trust me, just keep it all you won?t regret it.

[Karren H]

I've never told anyone about this. What happens when something happens to me and it's all hidden in my office -- people find it?
.

That's a real concern! I had to clean out a friend/co-workers office after he passed away suddenly and came across a stash of "granny-porn" dvds. Some he had loaded on his work computer. I took the DVDs and destroyed and wipe the files off his PC before turning it in... Never told anyone (except you just now).

So maybe one of your good friends at work will find your stash and take care of it for you discretely....... or the opposite will happen and your good name will be besmirched across the space and time continuum (big ball of wibbly wobbly, timey wimey stuff)...

[Sometimes Steffi]

I'll make you the same offer that I've made to others here who thought or purging. Pack it all up and ship it to me. I'll put it in my storage locker with my stuff. If (when) you want it back, I'll ship it back to you (at your cost.)

Or better yet, find your own storage locker near you and put all your stuff in the storage locker. If you don't want it after a year, then purge it, or find some needy CD your size to gift it to.

[Princess29]

yes, it doesn't seem to get any easier. My desires come and go and I have gone years without dressing up at all. I enjoy doing it and how it feels but I don't enjoy the risks and negative things associated with trying it so that usually wins out plus after 12 years of living in the city that I do, I have a grand total of zero places to go out and zero people to go there with. I have spent much of my adult life doing things on my own (rarely by choice, nobody just wants to spend any time with me) and so I have little desire to keep doing so

[Stephanie47]

You may want to give us a little more background about yourself. All you have stated is your wardrobe is at your office. Wife? Kids at home? History? If you do keel over from a heart attacks or die in an automobile accident there is always the possibility you're going to be exposed after death to your co-workers or your family, if your clothes are sent home. That would leave your wife (?) and family to fill in the pieces of your secret life.

For some of us the possibility of passing on and family members discovering our secret life is real. My wife is aware. She does not know the extent of my wardrobe. If I were to predecease her, then she'll get rid of the stuff. It's a haul. If my wife and I die together, then my shit's in the wind. Mom does not wear size 13 heels! :) Oh, the perils of being a secretive cross dresser. We do not know of your family life, so no advice from me. A purge, buy again, purge again,and on and on will not solve your angst. I would suggest finding a counselor who is trained in gender issues to help you resolve your inner conflicts. You can get to a stage of self acceptance rather than self loathing and disgust.

[mbmeen12]

PM and Ill share with others who are not so fortunate...

[Lacey New]

Sometimes you do what you have to do. I just did my fifth big purge. I still have a small collection of a few of my favorite things and I probably won?t acquire much more. What is left is easy to hide and will be easy to dispose of.... but I hope that is still some time away.

I can just imagine a flock of seagulls flying around a landfill someplace carrying many pairs of Vanity Fair nylon panties.

[sweetdreams]

Interestingly, I've never purged. Never had that urge. If the mood goes away for whatever reason I just kept my stash somewhere. I've always come back to it at some point. I guess I've accepted that this is part of me and no need to worry about it too much. I just go with the flow. Sometimes the urge is strong, sometimes not. No need to do anything drastic. Getting rid of my little treasures never appealed to me.

Now my wardrobe is fairly modest but complete. I couldn't imagine getting rid of what I've carefully built up. It breaks my heart even thinking about doing that.

[laurie103]

I appreciate all the advice. Reading all of your posts has made me feel AWESOME today. Seriously. It's amazing to think that there's all these people out there who are just like me. I've never had that before, always dealing with this crap on my own. I think just expressing my thoughts and experiences with you guys might help me deal with all this stuff.

I've decided not to purge. There's too much work there, too many things I wanted or had to have. I'm going to hang on to it all.

Thank you guys so much for being here. It's insane how much just typing about all this makes me feel like... what... not a weirdo/freak?

[Raychel]

Definitely not a weirdo or freak Lauie
Most all of us have been in the same spot you are in
I have purged several times over the years,
My stash had been found by my girlfriend who later ended up being my wife
That did not go well at all

Either way we have all been there, done that
I have purged and cant guess how much money was wasted doing that
I would highly recommend against that

[Deborah G]

Laurie, Don't purge. I did so one time and regretted doing so. I too think I can go without but I always come back. Put your things in storage and wait for another day. Please don't hate yourself for any of it.

[Cheryl T]

Been there done that more than I care to admit.
Felt those feelings, that guilt, the shame, the concern someone will find out.

It took decades for me to accept who I am. Then all the burden disappeared like a mist lifting with the morning sun.

[Star01]

My personal world view is that when I am dead I am dead, period. Consequently, if I pass my things will be found as I take the don't ask part as seriously as my obligation not to tell. The way I look at it maybe finding my clothes, makeup and jewelry will impress upon my wife how hard I have struggled to respect her wishes. Sometimes I believe that by her putting her foot down so to speak that she thinks that she scared me into quitting and I am not dressing anymore. Finding my things if nothing else might wake her up to the fact that it really did have a hold on me.

[MonicaPVD]

Those of us who can could create a purge-atory exchange. If you have the ability to store a box for a period of time, you avail yourself to others on here. Those of us who are overwhelmed by the desire to purge can, instead, mail our stuff in a box to a volunteer, along with payment for the eventual return postage. You get all the cathartic benefits of purging without the actual loss. You're welcome. 😂

[Aunt Kelly]

I want to get rid of it all. I have breast forms, several wigs, and all of my makeup and attire. I hate myself for all of this sometimes, and other times I cherish this crap. I've never told anyone about this. What happens when something happens to me and it's all hidden in my office -- people find it?


Who cares? At that point, it won't much matter, will it? More to the point, if such a discovery were made, people would understand who you were; who you really were. That's not to say you need to come out now. There are plenty of valid reasons for not doing so, so guard your secret if you feel you must, but admit to yourself that this is who you are and stop punishing yourself by purging.

[Crissy 107]

If there is one opinion here that is close to unanimous it is to not purge, never ever.
Dumping things that you will never wear or will not fit is not purging, do not confuse the two.

[char GG]

Hi Laurie,


What happens when something happens to me and it's all hidden in my office -- people find it?

I just wondered if you are talking about a "home office" or a work place office? If home, that's your prerogative. If the office is at your place of employment, then I would suggest that you m move it out of there.

[c2candice]

One thing is certain. You will regret the purge.

Like it or not, I think everybody here will agree, this feeling of dressing up isn’t going away.

It’s INCREDIBLY hard to accept, but it’s a part of you.

Like many said, pack it up really well for the future.

[laurie103]

It's my home office.

Also, I agree with everything said here. The urge is not going away. Instead of purging, I just bought a workout outfit (with shoes and new wig!). This is never going to end.

[Territx]

Tough decisions that everyone likely at least considers from time-to-time. No matter the ultimate decisions -- good luck.

[Genifer Teal]

Like everyone else, I'd caution against it. A friend of mine just came out of the wood work after 2-3 years. Unfortunately she has nothing due to purging.

[josie_S]

I regret every time I purged. I decided like 5-6 years ago that I would never purge again, and I haven't. I do *not* regret that decision at all!

[udcd]

I’m glad you decided to keep your girly stuff! I’ve done the purge before and it’s absolutely terrible! I did however complete a purge last week: the last of my men’s underwear is gone!

[Alexis00]

It's my home office.

Also, I agree with everything said here. The urge is not going away. Instead of purging, I just bought a workout outfit (with shoes and new wig!). This is never going to end.Just bought a leotard - which in truth I need about as much as a hole in the head!

[Krisi]

I want to get rid of it all. I have breast forms, several wigs, and all of my makeup and attire. I hate myself for all of this sometimes, and other times I cherish this crap. I've never told anyone about this. What happens when something happens to me and it's all hidden in my office -- people find it?

I've purged so many times. It's such a waste of time and money.

I'm going to leave the preaching to others but I will give you this one piece of advice:

Unless this is your personal office at home or rented by you, get that stuff out of your office. Your employer can come into "your" office or send someone in at any time for any reason. Normally, it would be for repairs, renovation, etc., but he has that right and your stuff can be found and you will have to explain it.

Many crossdressers rent storage lockers for their girlie stuff and even for a place to change (remember though that these places often have video surveillance). Consider this option.

[Alexis00]

Smart advice!