Purging then Returning

[Mackem Sue]

So here I am again. I'm sitting here fully dressed up, black dress, satin slip, padded bra (giving the appearance of breasts under the dress), panties, heels, stockings, suspenders, wig (red hair with glasses is actually quite fetching), etc. after a year out of the game.

Before the purge, I'd accepted it was part of me and it was nice to dress up when no-one was around. I'd tried to stop, but it always came back and once I accepted it I began to really enjoy it. However, a family tragedy made me think I had to get my act together and I purged. Everything I had hidden away ended up in charity boxes.

Your mind can work ten to the dozen during lockdown, which I'm under again. For a while the grief seemed to keep the urge at bay, but slowly it came back. The last few weeks, the urge became overwhelming and in one fell swoop, I bought two entire outfits via Amazon plus a red haired wig. All that gear arrived today.

The plan was to go for a jog then change into girl mode once I got back. A mate rang just as I was ready to get dressed, delaying me for an hour when, being honest with myself, I was really looking forward to it.

So finally the phone call finished. After laddering one stocking I finally got dressed up. I've thoroughly enjoyed it and it's clear it's with me for keeps. I live alone at the moment, so it's clear more often than not than I'm going to dress up on an evening when I get home for a girly few hours and I guess the slips double as night dresses.

I don't know how I got the idea of the two padded bras giving a breast effect but they works quite well without needing breast-forms, which I'm not keen on. And I've chosen well with the two dresses, especially a black one where the fabric is quite soft.

My one mistake is the high heels I bought are a size too small. However, I reckon I can probably slightly stretch these to fit better and I've seen advice elsewhere on the forum. Next payday, I might obtain a larger pair. I guess a couple of skirt / top combos might come too.

So here I am again. Purging doesn't work, end of.

All of a sudden, lock-down evenings are a much more pleasant prospect.


Sue.

[Karren H]

Welcome back! I know women who wear multiple bras to enhance their breast appearance. Lol.

[Wen4cd]

Purging is one thing I've never experienced in 40 years of dressing. I recently dug out the first blouse I ever tried on in the attic when I began, and have begun using it as a night shirt.

[Samm]

I've purged before... twice. Both times thinking I didn't need it anymore. But it always comes back.
I realized, way back then, that we can purge the clothes, but we can never purge that which is a part of us. It's who we are.
Now when I purge, it's to make room for new things. I only have so much closet space....

[Beverley Sims]

Don't purge and get used to bras with silicone inserted in the cups. :-)

[candykowal]

Being disappointed about purging your feminine items and learning purging doesn't work is always a tough and costly lesson.
I think we all have done it. You are not alone. Might not be the last time you purge either.
We get to a point where we balance both sides and learn how to store those things for the future.
Enjoy your femme time, it's a great way to de-stress and unplug from all the issues your male self tackles everyday!

[Valerie Louise]

Yup. Purged several times before it hit me ... this is a stupid, costly thing to do, even if it does allow me to update a wardrobe.

[Natalie5004]

I like forms. Some bra's I have allow nipples to show through clothes. Very good look for me. I have not purchased a full pull over forms that some use here. I would like to see major cleavage on me. Made later.
I need a wig first, I need long hair again.

Never purge!!!!! Pack away and store it if needed. The urge will not go away forever. Especially if you go full out like I do. I can fully dress at least 2x a week at home.

[lynn.crossdresser]

Maybe I should have purged a few times but I have never felt the need too.

Unlike my male side my fem side is a bit of a hoarder and having just moved house its worst than I thought. I thought that moving house would be a good time to sort through all my feminine stuff and scale it down a bit, 36 skirts kept and 2 for the charity box lol, well at least I tried.








So here I am again. I'm sitting here fully dressed up, black dress, satin slip, padded bra (giving the appearance of breasts under the dress), panties, heels, stockings, suspenders, wig (red hair with glasses is actually quite fetching), etc. after a year out of the game.

Before the purge, I'd accepted it was part of me and it was nice to dress up when no-one was around. I'd tried to stop, but it always came back and once I accepted it I began to really enjoy it. However, a family tragedy made me think I had to get my act together and I purged. Everything I had hidden away ended up in charity boxes.

Your mind can work ten to the dozen during lockdown, which I'm under again. For a while the grief seemed to keep the urge at bay, but slowly it came back. The last few weeks, the urge became overwhelming and in one fell swoop, I bought two entire outfits via Amazon plus a red haired wig. All that gear arrived today.

The plan was to go for a jog then change into girl mode once I got back. A mate rang just as I was ready to get dressed, delaying me for an hour when, being honest with myself, I was really looking forward to it.

So finally the phone call finished. After laddering one stocking I finally got dressed up. I've thoroughly enjoyed it and it's clear it's with me for keeps. I live alone at the moment, so it's clear more often than not than I'm going to dress up on an evening when I get home for a girly few hours and I guess the slips double as night dresses.

I don't know how I got the idea of the two padded bras giving a breast effect but they works quite well without needing breast-forms, which I'm not keen on. And I've chosen well with the two dresses, especially a black one where the fabric is quite soft.

My one mistake is the high heels I bought are a size too small. However, I reckon I can probably slightly stretch these to fit better and I've seen advice elsewhere on the forum. Next payday, I might obtain a larger pair. I guess a couple of skirt / top combos might come too.

So here I am again. Purging doesn't work, end of.

All of a sudden, lock-down evenings are a much more pleasant prospect.


Sue.

[Shiny]

Over the years I have purged several times. I never had much stuff at first and purging was basically getting rid of old lingerie---torn straps, runs in stockings, worn out garter belts etc... But, my most prominent purge came after finishing college. I had a lock-box and my own apartment and when I graduated and had to move I didn't want the hassle of hauling all my stuff with me. The lawn bag was huge but ended up out on the boulevard with the other trash waiting for the ride to the dump. Only a few hundred bucks loss. But now I face the "final purge!"

I am at the age where mentally, I am still the same but arthritis is creeping up. Can't move that well and high heels are gathering dust as I can't do the full 6 inch heel stilettos now. This is my big collection too. All the fancy dresses, blouses and skirts and lingerie and heels searched the world over and all my favorite vintage stuff and hard to find stockings too. I shuddered to calculate what I have spent to fill my spare closets over the years. Thousands of dollars, thousands! And a lot of the stuff I bought that didn't fit at being too small, etc... even with practice you make mistakes when ordering only by mail and how they fudge on women's sizes nowadays.

But there's tons of stuff I will soon have to get rid of! Nobody lives forever and you can't take your stuff to the last round up you know. My final purge, when it comes will be a careful plan to rid myself of all my feminine accoutrimants either with a large "Goodwill" dump or a one by one item purge into the weekly garbage bag. Either way the plan is to rid myself of all my "hobby" stuff so when I ain't around anymore, nobody will be the wiser. Hopefully!

[Cheryl T]

I've purged, to my great regret.
So many lovely things just thrown away in some attempt to deny who I truly am.
There are many things I wish I still had. One in particular is a chocolate cowl neck dress with long sleeves. I felt so good in that dress.
Funny too how that is the dress I wore in a picture I had taken. The picture the wife found and began my journey from the closet.

[Claire M]

When I first started fully dressing I would purge pretty regularly. I would dress then go through the emotional cycle of joy followed by fear of being caught, shame, disgust at myself then resolve that I didn't need to do this and would never do it again. Of course sometimes I would be out buying a new dress 2 weeks later!

I went to a counselor who told me it was how I was wired and I should accept it. Being pre-internet days I was sure of 2 things ... the counselor was a quack, and I could definitely stop crossdressing on my own any time I wanted. Silly girl!!!

I later came to accept and embrace this part of my life. Recently we moved cross country. Moving costs were very expensive so we downsized most of our belongings, including about 95% of my wardrobe and accessories. Guess it's time to start rebuilding???

[MonicaPVD]

I purge once or twice a year and have come to accept it as part of what makes me tick. The only problem is that breast plates, nice shoes and wigs are expensive. Other than that, I don't mind renewing my wardrobe every 6-12 months. Thank goodness for fast fashion and thrift stores.

[josie_S]

Oh the purge...Like snoqueen, I purged often when I first started, convinced I could be "cured" and would never need all that frilly stuff once I got a gf/started working out/got a new job/joined the army/moved to a new state...I was always looking for a reason to "quit" and purging was the logical result of "quitting." But I came to understand that I can't purge who I am, and like Monica said: wigs/forms/shoes are expensive! So I stopped. But I think about this beautiful A line skirt I got rid of all the time, among many other tops, dresses, shoes and so on that I wish I still had. Good luck to you and welcome back! But you're likely to find you never really left.

Oh, and I'm sorry for your loss...

[Mackem Sue]

Oh the purge...Like snoqueen, I purged often when I first started, convinced I could be "cured" and would never need all that frilly stuff once I got a gf/started working out/got a new job/joined the army/moved to a new state...I was always looking for a reason to "quit" and purging was the logical result of "quitting." But I came to understand that I can't purge who I am, and like Monica said: wigs/forms/shoes are expensive! So I stopped. But I think about this beautiful A line skirt I got rid of all the time, among many other tops, dresses, shoes and so on that I wish I still had. Good luck to you and welcome back! But you're likely to find you never really left.

Oh, and I'm sorry for your loss...

Thank you.

The last year has certainly been hard. And that's just it. Grief masked my issues, but once that faded, everything just came back and I knew I had to make a decision.

I never really did leave as its part of who I am. It's funny I can trace this back to trying on a pair of tights when I was 11 or 12, and it's evolved from there. I saw a meme somewhere that once you try it, there's no turning back. :)

The last two evenings I've gone girly once I knew everything essential was done. That's a pattern that was developing before.

The release in tension is palpable when I do and that I remember from before and I feel happier for it. I guess this is my new normal. :)

One screw up with my buying the two outfits a few days ago. The heels I bought are too small. So they'll have to go back, but a new pair of the right size (and slightly lower heel I can manage to wear) are on their way. I've big feet. :D

[Crissy 107]

Every once in a while we have a thread on purging and it seems close to unanimous that it is a mistake to purge. There are different reasons but shame, disgust and feeling we can dump this part of our life are some. I have done it several times and was sure it was over. I suppressed it for many years but it just comes back and usually stronger then before.

[Mackem Sue]

I've just bought a leopard-print midi length dress (wearing it tonight) and seem to be sorting out the wig issue.

So yes, I'm seemingly working out to be a bit more girly when I wish.

"Yummy" is the best word to describe the feeling when properly dressed, than being bar the bra and heels (if incorrectly selected) the fabric in women's clothing seems so much nicer and fun to wear.

Sue

[Kirsty2907]

Sue

All the best, i too have been down that road many times.

Am trying to come to the final conclusion that it is in me and I?m trying to accept it. As the one unarguable fact is I love being dressed.

Am trying to use this site and all those around to help me and share thoughts and experiences.

Every time I?ve purged has been a fail, so trying to accept it (as never tried that one before)
😃

[Diane426]

I purged one time and regretted it right after I did it. I don't know about any of you but I've learned that this clothing becomes a very important part of my life.

[kristi98]

Once in a while I purge the women's clothes I never wear. I keep the things I like. It's been a long time since I felt bad or weird about cross dressing. I like a smooth body and dressing like a woman

[Judy-Somthing]

I remember back in the days after dressing, then thinking WTH am I doing.
Then I would cut up everything so I couldn't change my mind.

Well here I am at 63 thinking "will this ever end"?

I'm dreading the day when my wife asks me if I'm still dressing, I think she's afraid to ask.

[Alice Torn]

I am almost 67yo, arthritis hitting hard, have had many close calls on the roads recently, and so fortunate to be sucking air yet! I am single all my life, had to move 52 times, may, need to move again soon, too. If i get hurt badly, or very ill, no one to help me. I do not want my landlord to have to call my brother and sister to have to come here and find my stash!! If i die, not so bad, but i would never hear the end of it from my siblings, if they found out. I also have had severe inner conflict all my dressing time in life. A double life? Hiding? No girlfriends. I wish i had not been afflicted with this desire, and habit. I would have had more confidence, which is what women like most in a man. I failed. Also, because life is changing so utterly fast, and so much division, and uncertainty now, as never before in my lifetime. I am considering giving all my dresses, skirts, tops, and wigs, which are not that many, to a consignment shop, for sale. i only have ten dresses. last time i purged, i gave 8 boxes and bags to a charity store. Could have sold 25 dresses, many skirts, tops, shoes, but just gave them all away. Some women or Cd or TG has some very nice classy clothes form that purge. It will be very hard to part with the things again. I would like to destroy my 13,000 photos, and 80 videos too, and that will be even harder to part with!! But, i am old now, and fading some, and feel in my gut and bones, that terrible times we are now entering, when mere survival, will be the main issue. I want less things to be concerned with, and as difficult as it will be , for the part of me that loves it, I feel and think i need to say goodbye to this part of me, before i have a severe health problem, or injuries, or death. It is not going to be at all easy.

[Mackem Sue]

It's to and fro at the moment. I have days I can't be bothered, others where I just want to be girly.

It's funny how it comes on you in what can be fairly intense waves.

Sue.

[Cheshire girl]

Diane I agree clothing is a big part of my life. Even when I can?t dress it?s nice to look at the wardrobes full of clothes. Throwing it all away would be unthinkable.

[MiniRock]

There are four things [physical] in my life that I miss when I don't have access to them. The first is a push bike. I don't use it that often but if I'm without one, for example it was stolen once, I just have to get another. The second is a leather jacket, which I've always been comfortable in since the first one I was bought by my mum in 1979. The next is my homebuilt aeroplane, which has been out of action for a couple of years now and is really starting to bug me. And finally I have a box of women's clothing under the bed. I don't put them on as often as some of you girls here - although there are no gf issues, shame issue or health issues to stop me. But I know they are there, enough that I can still put together a new combination and go out for a few hours when I get that irresistible urge. Not an enormous amount of money's worth but quite a bit I think, if I were to count up. And I know absolutely for sure that were I to get rid of them, I would immediately regret it and want to start replacing them. Which would take quite some time as most of the stuff is somehow mixable and matchable, it all fits well and has been collected over quite a lot of years now. So I won't do that. It can stay under the bed, rarely seen, where I always know it will be when I want it. As for my flying, I don't know if I'll ever manage to get that back.

[NancyTO]

I purged once and fortunately it was at the beginning of buying my own female wardrobe, so I didn't lose much. Never again. Now I have enough dresses and other female outfits and accessories to stock a small shop. :)

[Sandi Beech]

As I was going through my entire stash this week organizing things, it dawned on me why it would be difficult to part with all of it. When purging , it is like throwing away memories- like photos from a family album and it can hurt. Consumables like lipstick are no big deal, but when I look at a dress and think - gee I remember when I went out wearing this in Denver or that in Vegas. That is why the items can be painful to lose.

Sandi

[Star01]

I have a question. A common theme on this forum is that purging and giving up crossdressing does not work. Is this an established fact or simply preaching to the choir the things they want to hear. I have posted about the seemingly impossible obstacles to my dressing so much so that the difficulty of stopping and putting it all behind me is on the surface much easier.

I understand that it is difficult to stop but as a personal example I only had one relapse while a member of a strict R for twenty five years. Not that I want to go back to that but it is an example of abstaining for a long period of time.

So, is not being able to stop an accepted fact among mental health professionals or is it simply a common theme and opinion? I am not denying that transgender is a legitimate condition but how far does that understanding extend to crossdressing? My understanding is that we can be crossdressers without being transgender.

- - - Updated - - -

PS, Alice_Torn, I concur. It sounds like you have taken this much further than I ever will but we have come to the same crossroad. Age adds an extra layer of difficulty and causes one to wonder if all this hassle is worth it.

[kellyanne]

Get yourself some breast forms - you will love them - different people like different brands - I prefer Classic Super Softs.

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Sue :hugs:, Crossdressing is like the Mafia, You just can't quit, >Orchid**!:daydreaming:!**

[Leslie Langford]

There is a truism that the only things that are certain in life are death and taxes. Corollaries to that would be the fact that those who don't learn from history are doomed to repeat it, and that one definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different outcome. The latter two points are particularly relevant to the crossdressing "purgers" out there.

I would add that the urge to crossdress will not be "cured" by getting married or by entering into a similar type of committed relationship either. This has been confirmed countless times on this Forum by those who thought that they were stronger than that and could beat the odds. The "House" always wins at the end of the day, and while the urge to crossdress may lay dormant from time to time, it always comes roaring back eventually. It is who we are and the way we are wired. It is a life sentence with no parole or time off for good behavior. The sooner we come to realize this and come to terms with it, the sooner we become at peace with ourselves and the world as a whole.

[christine55]

And that awful feeling (for me) of having to buy all that stuff while in drab. So embarrassing.

[Star01]

My question still stands. Is this an opinion or fact verified by professionals? I have asked my therapist this question several times and have not gotten a simple yes or no backed by the science.

[Leslie Mary S]

Star01 I am a member of a Heterosexual Cross Dresser group. I have had an urge to Purge to the bare walls, but I haven't done it yet.
Sometimes I will settle down as the male me. Then the next thing I know I am in and out of the closest and back in front of the studio camera.
I have come to the conclusion that I am stuck to crossdressing. I have 4 sets of forms and two pull over form tops.
As of yet I do NOT do the butt/hip padding thing. Just last week I tried to work up a Hippo in a tutu photo. I will have to work on the Tutu more.
So I say "Don't Purge, it is a waste of money to purge"

[Davina2833]

Leslie,

You hit the nail on the head. Absolutely 100% true.

Davina

[Kirsty2907]

As and when, the blue mist descends, I would prefer to put away my items.

Think I?d prefer to put the in loft or something, i say to myself if I can go a year with no activity with everything available to me (then and only then) would I consider purge.

I have recently spent quite a bit of money or clothes and such like, and do enjoy it immensely. For this reason i am now trying to accept it all.

Think it?s about managing the mist be it pink or blue....

[Crissy 107]

Star01, This topic comes up all the time here and the absolute consensus is it will never leave, now that may be a result of asking Crossdressers that are active on the forum. There is no hard core answers a therapist could have as if some Crossdressers that may have quit would be hard to find and ask.
I tried for years to stop, like some others here, but it is inevitable that the urge will be back.

[Beverley Sims]

To add to this, I regularly donate clothing to charity, it goes in a plastic bag that I revisit now and then.

This bag usually sits around for about three months and I retrieve items from it and also add to it.

THEN THE BAG GOES!

[CynthiaD]

Welcome home!

I did the splurge and purge cycle many times, but I never found true happiness in life until I accepted that I preferred female clothing and nothing was going to change that.

[Star01]

Well, it looks like I am in it for the long haul but the resulting dilemma is back to square one. How to navigate a DADT that does not allow any wiggle room.

[Devi SM]

MacKen, Sue?

Can I ask, why did you purge? I know you mention a big event, I don't know, but why to feel guilty or ashamed?

I think those should be the real questions discussed here.

May be other question to discuss would be, what about if is not just dressing? What about it's something else and to dress is just the pain killer to a bigger, hidden cause?

I'd been there, I purge, may be 3 or 4 times, so I know the feelings, and the solution....

Devi San Martin

[Leslie Mary S]

I would say it is OK to trim down some of your innovatory, but a total 100% purge is a BAD move.

[BTWimRobin]

I was a late bloomer. And when I finally started dressing I promised myself if ever get the urge to purge, I would just close the drawer and put the lid on the box and walk away.

[alwayshave]

Mackem Sue, Welcome back. There was a point in my life when I realized the need to dress would never go away.

[Lydianne]

I would add that the urge to crossdress will not be "cured" by getting married or by entering into a similar type of committed relationship either.

The "House" always wins at the end of the day, and while the urge to crossdress may lay dormant from time to time, it always comes roaring back eventually.

It is who we are and the way we are wired. It is a life sentence with no parole or time off for good behavior.

When I was in my mid-teens and resigned myself to having lost the fight against this, the first two things I had to reconcile myself with were 1) the end of my religious efforts, and 2) the end of my marriage prospects.

When I arrived here and saw how many were married, I was astonished by the numbers 😲,... but the results were less surprising.

- L.

[Lacyfem]

It's always nice to know we are not alone as I've purged so many times and have regretted it each time as it doesn't take long before I'm buying again. Lots of times when I dress I also take pictures as love seeing how i look and how I can improve my fem self and unfortunately I've purged those images too. Once I accepted like many of you I stopped this purge cycle and was able recoup many of the pictures I lost as I so love taking them and having a SO take them as they are lovely memories. Well I just need to move on being the gurl I am and love being.

[kellyanne]

There is a truism that the only things that are certain in life are death and taxes. Corollaries to that would be the fact that those who don't learn from history are doomed to repeat it, and that one definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different outcome. The latter two points are particularly relevant to the crossdressing "purgers" out there.

I would add that the urge to crossdress will not be "cured" by getting married or by entering into a similar type of committed relationship either. This has been confirmed countless times on this Forum by those who thought that they were stronger than that and could beat the odds. The "House" always wins at the end of the day, and while the urge to crossdress may lay dormant from time to time, it always comes roaring back eventually. It is who we are and the way we are wired. It is a life sentence with no parole or time off for good behavior. The sooner we come to realize this and come to terms with it, the sooner we become at peace with ourselves and the world as a whole.

Absolutely, agree 100 % - it's in the DNA and that's hard to get out. ;o)

[Teresa]

Star,
Your therapist should be helping you with this type of question . Incidently gender issues aren't a mental problem , the mental problems may arise when you can't deal with your gender issues

OK we are not professionals but we are the ones that professionals come to for answers .

To crossdress is simply wearing clothes of the opposite sex and it is the same as transvestite . The need is derived or triggered differently , so there's no single answer why we feel the need to do it . It may start as sexual in some people ( as it did with me ) some say it's an odd curiosity which for some reason they enjoyed . My feeling is most of us have levels of dysphoria , it comes and goes in some people and in others like me it's with me 24/7 . The clothes to me are like a window to the World of my inner feelings , I do have problems with my gender identity , my appearance helps me deal with it . I feel I've now reached the stage where to crossdress means wearing male clothes , I feel very uncomforatable when I do , so I feel I've now entered a stage of transition , I accept I'm transgender , technically some would still say I'm a crossdresser , my answer to that is I'm more female than male so I'm wearing clothes appropriate for my gender .

I've been roasted a few times for my opinion on labels but now I'm full time the labels aren't important anymore , I'm not in a box with a label , I live my life as Teresa , that is the only label that's important to me . At the moment you are seeing labels as a box to feel safe in and I know at times you struggle to exist in that chosen box , so moving forward for you is proving difficult if not impossible at the moment .

Some people also use " crossdresser " to appease the wife/partner , " I'm only a crossdresser ! " suggesting it's a transient state which you can stop at anytime , I can see from your comments now you are beginning to see that is no longer true .

The bottom line is you need the freedom to find you , without that freedom all you do is tail chase , asking questions you can't find an answer to until you are free to experience how you truly feel inside . I admit it cost me my marriage to find Teresa but it hasn't cost me my family or my friends , my wife and I accepted she couldn't live with my gender situation and I couldn't live without , after so many years I was finally in a situation to be honest with myself .

[BrendaPDX]

Sue, Thank you for bringing this up. Like most others here I have purged, I still regret purging a few items, and I end up with more than I started with. I will purge again, I will just be a lot more selective. I mean two wedding dresses, really!!! Brenda

[Davina2833]

Teresa,

Great reply, you are one in a million, what you did is nearly impossibly for the vast majority of us. You are truly brave for what you have done!

Keep posting, for I know you have the good life you wanted and it helps us with our lives.

Davina

[Teresa]

Davina,
When I first joined back in 2013 , reading other member's threads was like they were living on another planet , it would NEVER happen for me !! Some may say I was brave some have thought I was thoughtless, selfish and stupid , it was a painful and very gradual process to find what made me tick , I hope I've found the answer now . I owe some of that to the forum and it's members , I feel I'm now paying my dues and hopefully helping others . One thing I've have learned is NEVER say NEVER ! Consider the alternatives try and be truthful to yourself , once you've managed that then you can start to believe in you and gradually others will start to understand your needs .

Being brave means not backing off otherwise people will continue to control you .

[rhonda]

I certainly know what you're going thru , been there done that , problem I'm still doing it , and right now all I can think about is getting into fem cloths that pink fog is pulling me in so deep I'll never find my way out

[Maid_Marion]

My plan is to be fully out before getting into another relationship.
This hopefully will eliminate the need to purge.

Marion

[Leslie Mary S]

Marion said,
"My plan is to be fully out before getting into another relationship.
This hopefully will eliminate the need to purge".

That sounds like a very good idea.

[erin8042]

If you have to purge, you have to purge. But I still regret throwing out those perfect forms, that perfect jean skirt. Just know I feel for you and I know what you are going through.

[Rochelle77a]

Over the years i've purged a number of times, mainly because I don't live alone. I'm 45 now, the thing I regret now is I wished I would've accepted myself a long time ago and experienced the club and TS scene, it would've been fun to go out dressed up fully but I feel that I missed that opportunity. Also, I regret not making some CD friends over the years.

[jacques]

hello Sue,
once a cross-dresser, always a crossdresser.
purging just don't work,
luv J

[Erin77]

I can't count the number of times I have purged. Huge waste of money and lots of regret. Thanks to my sister Z im getting bolder and more comfortable with myself! No more purges, just striving to be better at this!!

[FrankieB]

I purged once, many years ago. Never making the mistake again. I haven't even felt the need to post and interact on here for a long time.
But like this place, it is important to me to have my feminine wardrobe to fall back on, when the need arises.
I am how I am and no matter how long I stop, it will always be a part of me.

[Stephanie47]

My question still stands. Is this an opinion or fact verified by professionals? I have asked my therapist this question several times and have not gotten a simple yes or no backed by the science.

IMHO purging is nothing more than a manifestation of trying to deal with an underlying problem. I am a child of the 1950's and 1960's. Back then any man who wore women's clothing was deemed to be a homosexual by society. Of course, there were great conflicts. How could I lust after movie starlets and neighborhood/school girls and be a homosexual when I had zero sexual desires for boys or men? So, as a young adult I am carrying baggage around, trying to fit in. Back then there was no internet. The closest thing to resource material was the Kinsey Report which was sequestered behind the librarian's desk. The only other exposure to cross dressing was movie and television comedies.

In the early 1980's I was too chicken to seek counseling, although I called a woman counselor one night; picked out of the telephone book. I was in a profession that called for a lot of investigation and reasoning. That laid the framework for my self analysis. What the hell was I doing wrong? All those manly things I did were expected of me. Perhaps I was overcompensating for my self loathing or lack of self worth? I don't think so because the framework for who I was had been established long before the cross dressing desires arouse. Yes, there is a sexual component to it; especially for boys entering sexual awareness. Yes, boys and the majority of men masturbate whether it is women clothing as an aid or soft/hardcore porn.

I've came to the conclusion I was born and wired in a way that conflicted with society's expectations. A counselor I see for combat related PTSD issues is of the opinion (not scientifically proven) that each man and woman has some degree of the opposite sex in his or her dna. In some it is greater than others. It makes sense to me as it does cover the entire spectrum of sexual identity.

I have never purged. First, my wardrobe during my questioning period was limited; nightgowns and slips. A large gift box that was in my armoire. My wife knew it was there. She and I came to an understanding during our "The Talk" period. One has to examine why "the Purge." Is it unresolved inner conflict? Is it external because a wife hates it and has given explicit negativity? I have come to understand I am what I am. I no longer view it as my inner problem. Others have a problem in recognizing a person's wiring. Hate cross dressers? Hate gays and lesbians? Why? Who told you I am defective? What Book have you read?

If you need counseling it is because of two things. First, resolve your inner conflicts. Then, seeking counseling on how to handle the negativity around you. Yes, one may spend too much money on high heels or panties. That may lead to conflict with a wife in the same way engaging in any activity.

Don't purge! Do some self reflection, if not seeking counseling.

[Lori Ann Westlake]

I purged three times. Twice during ny early and mid teens, when I was still operating in "shame mode." Of course, the urge always came back. Then a third time when I got into my first "serious" relationship. I thought "What if we get married? How can I go on dressing then? Shouldn't this relationship 'cure' me?" Needless to say, it didn't. That's the purge I regret the most, because I'd built up a fair collection by then, and I discarded some dresses and skirts I wish I still had today--even if I can't quite get into them right now. Including a dress I made myself. Still, three was the magic number, and after that I learned my lesson. Never purge again. The urge will always return.

[Leslie Mary S]

Is it really Purging if you just get rid of a % of what you have?

[Devi SM]

Is it really Purging if you just get rid of a % of what you have?
Purging is the action of get rid of your femenine stuff for some rejection, regrets, feelings of shame of guilty.

Many here express those feelings. Not all the time that people is a religious so I wander why these negative feelings come to our mind, fear to be catch? Guilty of cheating and lying your loved ones? I don't know? But get rid of some clothes just for space or change in mood, mind or fashion is not purging.

To purge is like to clean, unfortunately, most of us don't have success on it and the need always come back.

I discovered that it wasn't about dressing but living your real one.

Now I clean more open just to get more....
Like any woman....

[Lana Mae]

I regret the very few items I have purged!
This has not gone away for me! I have Gender Dysphoria and it can be a B----! I stopped for 34years and 5 months while married! I wore panties a total of 5 times when married! My wife was totally non-accepting! She passed away and after a period of mourning, the pink fog came in like a tidal wave! No I don't think it will ever go away! So now as to labels, I am a 24/7/365 pre-op transwoman! I am out to all and sundry and live in NC! I am no one special and if I can do it any one can! Hugs Lana Mae

[DanielleDubois]

I am thankful I never succumbed to the temptation to purge the few times I became depressed and felt guilty about my crossdressing. In the last several years because of some personal events I have realised my crossdressing is not such a big deal and do not have any thoughts whatsoever of purging. I did have to to do an involuntary purge when we moved to Australia seven years ago as there was only space in our suitcases to pack a few precious Danielle items. Didn't take long to start filling up again Danielle's side of the closet and it has now reached the point my wife has commented I have too much Danielle stuff. So I do occasionally thin out my Danielle stuff but only to make room for new stuff :)

[Mackem Sue]

An update into my dressing habits and I seem to have made a decision that whenever I'm home and no-one is expected, I going to dress up. And I actually feel happier for it, actually preferring to dress in ladies clothing when I can.

Let's just say "Sue" is fining her stockinged feet as regards clothing and appearance. A few errors when the purge period ended seem to be sorted. These include shoe size (I'm setting in a 9 to 9.5 UK) and wigs, possibly the hardest for any CDer to get right to begin with. I can't get away with more than a 3 inch heel though a sligh platfrom on the toe area may allow slightly higher. There's three pairs of shoes, a black patent pair with a 1.5 inch heel, a suede pair at 2.5 inches and a black nubuck pair at 3 inches and slight platform on the toes. I prefer the two higher pairs heels, finding them actually more comfortable.

Noting other's comments on here, I invested in two better, broader suspender belts with three hooks at the back and adjustable for waist size. Larger, metal fasteners have eliminated stockings escaping the clasp and that issue is virtually eliminated. I can't get away with tights (clammy in the groin area) or hold-ups (they dig into my thighs). The two orignial suspender belts are still there though being less comfortable and the clasps not holding the stockings as well, at the moment out of use.

I'm up to three wigs, one red haired wig that wasn't good quality, a black bobbed wig that can be turned round and turned into a mid-shoulder length hair wig and also another black wig with a permed look. I'm up to seven dresses, five of which a jumper-style, midi-length and really comfortatble to wear (my two favourites being a brown and also black leopard-print-style - the others are plain navy blue, brandy - another favourite and, well, you've got to have a little black dress). There's a looser, slightly longer length black dress and also a dark, flowery (small flower design) shoulderless dress. Add to that two top / skirt combos, a red top and plain black pencil skirt, and a leopard-print top with faux leather skirt. I'm wearing the latter combo now.

There's four padded bras (two are plain black, the other two red and black), plus four slips. Two of the slips are black, the others being purple and red. Wearing the slips makes the clothes feel softer, enhancing the dressing experience.

You do certianly feel the compulsion to dress the longer you're not dressed, this feeling enhanced by how enjoyable it feels to be dressed. My female wardrobe is slowly increasing for sure.

I'm in an area where the support groups seem remote or non-existence, though I'll keep looking at that.

Rather than buying individual pairs of stockings, I've hit upon buying a pack of twelve, black, 15 dernier pairs of stockings, which should last me some time. That said, some of the individual pairs marketed and luxury hoisery have been sheer pleasure to wear (excuse the pun).


Sue

[Devi SM]

Mackem, never ever met a therapist for your dressing "compulsion"

[Mackem Sue]

Mackem, never ever meet a therapist for your dressing "compulsion"

I'm just describing my situation and trying to make sense of myself. 🤔

There's plenty on here with far more female clothing than me. 🙂

Sue

[Alice Torn]

Star, Many Cds have left the scene here, since i first got on here many yrs ago. Many! Some said they were leaving it behind for various reasons. Some just vanished, or may have died off. I believe it is possible to stop completely, just like people quit smoking or drinking or drugs for good. We humans are very adaptable creatures. Look at men in prisons, or prisoners of war, and other adverse situations. And people who used to sleep around , and then get married and stay faithful to one mate, I am sure the person will still be tempted to cheat, but find the soul searching with tears strength to resist the urge to cheat. I have not dressed fully in months other than panties once and pantyhose once. The thoughts of dressing never leave totally though. I used to love playing basketball and baseball, and ice and roller skating, but have no chance to do them for years, other than shooting baskets alone once in a while. Now, with my recent shoulder tear, i cannot do much, but i dream of playing sports often at night, and also crossdressing in some dreams. I still may dress up once in a great while, when I feel too overwhelmed by loneliness and feel like finding a woman i cannot have. Itis better for me to dress up, than go out and do something wrong . But, with me, dressing has been both a creative art form, and an addiction which takes over my whole life, which is detrimental socially, mentally and emotionally and spiritually to me, and i cannot let it cause me to not function. I need to tend to my health issues both physical and mental/emotional, and my CDing became highly harmful personally and socially. I am going to try replacing it with guitar playing and song writing, but it is a real part of me, as a complex highly sensitive person, with both masculine and a little feminine traits. I think acting out Cding can be stopped, but the desire and thoughts of it dont go totally away.