Does it ever go away?

[Sometimes Steffi]

The urge to crossdress, the desire. Does it ever go away?

This question has been asked many times, and the almost uniform answer is that it never goes away.

But, having some education and work experience, I can assuredly say that we can't make an assessment about whether or not it ever goes away.

In statistics, this would be called a biased sample. What would the answer be if we asked all the members on this forum, past and present? There are many that have come and gone, Even if we eliminate all those members with less than 100 posts, and those who were only active members for a year, the currently posting members probably only constitute about 1% of the total members. That doesn't even count the guest that outnumber members sometime by 10 to 100 time the number of members. Furthermore, we are probably the members more likely to answer "yes" as opposed to those inactive members who may be more likely to answer "No".

So if you think you can stop whenever you want, you're mostly right. Some 99% of the total numbers of members managed to stop coming here.

And don't forget that all of the FtM members have moved on to another forum or been "cured".

To put it in layman's terms, "We're preaching to the choir".

[Stephanie_V]

I don't think it's accurate to analyze the membership patterns and come to a statistical conclusion to that question. There are too many variables that can be assigned to why someone would not be a die hard, everyday poster here.

While a lot of us share a somewhat common past when it comes to crossdressing, we are also all unique in our own ways. I'm sure there are some who have packed up their girly things and never looked back. I'm also sure there are ppl here who cringe at the thought of never dressing again. I think as human beings, we all need answers about why things happen. We need to know why things happen. Especially when we are taught that certain things go against what we perceive as "normal" I know I do. I spent a long time trying to figure out what was going on with my life in order to make sense of things.

[Micki_Finn]

A better analogy would be assessing divorce rates by interviewing married couples. If the only people you ask are people that are still married, then marriage never ends in divorce!

But realistically, yes I have heard about people who have crossdressed then gave it up never to return. So yes it is possible. The more important question, as I mentioned in another thread, is WHY you want to quit.

[jenabrooks]

I stoped for 4 years at one time but pink fog hit me and I'm back and it's going to be around for a while.

[Karren H]

If I stop my medication, a short while later the urges will just fade away... It has in the past... but then again my brain tumor will start growing again.... So, pick your poison!!

[Wen4cd]

My personal experience tells me that yes, it goes away, sometimes too often.

Personal experience also tells me that when the urge to dress and express goes away, I am about to experience a nasty bout of depression.

Sometimes I make myself get up and get dressed, sometimes we all have to will our way through life when the energy turns sour.

[Debs]

Yes does go away, but only for short stints, Ive done extreme sports all my life, but nothing, I mean nothing give me a rush like going out dressed in public and completely dressed upto the nines with stilletto heals on and smelling my perfume and feeling completely woman.

[Jean 103]

Are you assuming because somebody no longer comes here that they are cured?

I highly doubt that.

I stopped coming here for a year because I just didn't have the time. Working full-time and a new boyfriend family and everything else good grief I didn't have time for all the stuff here. And I was dressing every day. Living in the real world.

Also lots of them just move on as this site is pretty much stuck , it's kind of like groundhog's day.

I'm not saying it's a bad thing I'm just pointing out the simple truth.

And the simple truth with trans women is they tend to move on into society,and disappear, as this is their intention.

Most people I run into, transgenders, don't know anything of this site. Which tells me the popularity of this site is very low. I found this out at the first diva Las Vegas event I attended.

[DianeT]

I agree with Kim that only studies could give an answer. Not logging into this forum for years isn't proof that you stopped, but on the other hand, if you stopped, would you still log in here? So I could risk a statistics that 99.99% of the persons logging in here have never definitively quit, and some unknown share of the persons who haven't been logging in for years may have entirely quit. Asking the people here or making stats about active members has a huge bias.

[Helen_Highwater]

I would suggest that stopping and losing the urge are not necessarily the same thing. It's quite possible that the will power to stop can overcome the desire to dress.

There are many for whom life dictates their dressing and years can go by before they get the opportunity to dress.

[Mackem Sue]

Are you assuming because somebody no longer comes here that they are cured?

I highly doubt that.

I stopped coming here for a year because I just didn't have the time. Working full-time and a new boyfriend family and everything else good grief I didn't have time for all the stuff here. And I was dressing every day. Living in the real world.

Also lots of them just move on as this site is pretty much stuck , it's kind of like groundhog's day.

I'm not saying it's a bad thing I'm just pointing out the simple truth.

And the simple truth with trans women is they tend to move on into society,and disappear, as this is their intention.

Most people I run into, transgenders, don't know anything of this site. Which tells me the popularity of this site is very low. I found this out at the first diva Las Vegas event I attended.

I'm back after a year, life taking me away from it and that says it all really. The urge is strong at the moment and no doubt it will have it's ups and downs.

[Crissy 107]

Funny, ask the members here about it going away and the answer would be no, of course not, we were born this way. Ask someone who joined and was here for whatever period of time and leaves and they may say yes they quit and not looked back. How do we find these people to be in our survey? Don’t worry, they will be back eventually.

[susanmichelle]

I doubt that?s a reason either. There have been spells when I wasn?t on here for a year or two myself. It?s not that I lost interest in dressing I had medical problems that prevented me from dressing for a bit. I have Crohn?s disease and had to have emergency surgery. Soon as I was well enough hello I?m back. Main reason I come here is all the fabulous girls we have here. They are older too like me and with age you have experience. They have many great topics covering everything under the sun. They have great advice and understanding plus compassion since most of us are the same yet quite different.

[Teresa]

Steffi,
If you have GD then it will never go away , all we can do is find ways of living with it .

As for numbers active on the forum , lets not forget this is an open forum anyone can see so , many drop in as visitors because they are worrined to take the first step . I still recall when I accepted I was a crossdreser , after all those years in male mode wondering what my gut feeling meant .

It's taken me time I have to accept some do treat it as a hobby , so they possibly have more control over their needs . All I can say to that is if it was just a hobby I wouldn't have put my wife and family through the heartbreak and anguish .

[SaraLin]

A better analogy would be assessing divorce rates by interviewing married couples. If the only people you ask are people that are still married, then marriage never ends in divorce!


NOT SO!
If I were interviewed, I'd have to say that I'm on my third marriage. That makes the odds of success at one in three.
I'm pretty sure there are a lot of other married people who have been through divorces too, thus ensuring that the "never" conclusion wouldn't pop up.
Now, with that sampling, you might draw the conclusion that 100% of them feel "it's worth it."

But getting back to the "why" of people leaving this site, we can't even begin to conclude that their leaving means that they've stopped dressing.
Maybe they got scared off by something they read.
Maybe they don't need us any more and have found their happiness.
Maybe they lost their password, had a system crash, or some other technical problem and never rebuilt.
Maybe their SO's found out and added it to their "don't" list.
Maybe just reading about it was boring to them.
(as others have said) Maybe their lives are so busy that they just don't log in.
...
And maybe they did quit.

Without asking each person who isn't here any longer - why they aren't here any longer, we'll never know. It's risky to make any assumptions. The chances of being wrong are too high.

[BLUE ORCHID]

Crossdressing is like the Mafia, You just can't quit and walk away from it,

[Teri Ray]

I figure it depends on why you started. If mild curiosity got you started then possibly you might find that you tried it and it might not be something that you want or need to continue. I recall the confluence of feelings I had when I first wore female attire. I felt excited, calm, happy and sensual and at the same time, or shortly after I felt shame and fear. The confluence of feelings for me was always around at the beginning. These conflicting feelings caused me to mentally set aside my desire dress for a while, life, family and responsibility were my priorities but lurking in the background always was the feeling of "how nice it would be to dress". I lived with the desire and disgust of my desires most of my life, until finally I accepted that "why" I had this intense desire to crossdress was a question I would never find an answer to, and frankly did not need to understand. Letting go and accepting my desire was huge for me. Next having my desires revealed to my wife and finding the world did not end was a great blessing. So making a simple opinion much longer than it needs to be I figure the answer to the question "Does the urge to crossdress, the desire. Does it ever go away?" My answer is .............depends on why you started in the first place. For me the answer is no, your mileage may vary.

[NancySue]

For me the complete answer is a very simple NO and I don?t want it to go away. I?ve enjoyed dressing since the proverbial get-go. Enjoy life.

[Pixie_94]

Part of may have wished this was right, it may have been for a month or so after a thread I started, that got deleted. Yet after that while, what some call the "Pink fog" hit like a truck, just no ways to do anything about it.

[alwayshave]

I'm at the point where I don't need or want it to go away.

[LilSissyStevie]

I've always thought that asking people here if it's possible to quit was like going to a skid row bar and asking if it's possible to quit drinking. "No, I tried a thousand times and a thousand ways." Of course, it may be true that person will never quit, but that doesn't mean you can't. I didn't dress for 10 years and before that it was only partial and sporadic. During that 10 years, I got my fix by reading erotic TG/CD/Sissy literature but had no overwhelming desire to act on it. Then, all of a sudden, it hit me like a Mac truck. But, I can't think of a reason why I'd want to quit. It doesn't really interfere with my life in any substantial way other than it seems ridiculous sometimes. I dress because of AGP. I can quit dressing but I can't quit AGP any more than I can quit being heterosexual.

[jenabrooks]

It's easy to quit i've done it a bunch of times.

[CynthiaD]

Is it possible to quit?

Who cares? I’m having the time of my life! :)

[paulinescotlandcd]

You can count on one hand my posts on here but I am still here and I am still CD'ing as and when I can, which is rarely, but in my opinion it can't go away. It's just the you are wired.

[Bobbi46]

I dont think it does, and not for me, its a way of life for me, one in which I am very comfortable with and cannot ever see myself turning my back on it all. I strongly believe and have been told so as well, that I was born to be the way I am. Did I struggle with this ? over the years yes until i find the answers i was searching for. Now? perfectly happy with a reduced circle of friends because some turned their backs on me when I "came out"

[DianeT]

It's easy to quit i've done it a bunch of times.
Excellent, Jena.

[Lacey Peters]

I have come to realize that there is no reason for me to quit something I am enjoying when it is not hurting anyone else. Although, I am divorced and live alone so much easier for me than others.

[UsuallyRick]

30 years later and have "quit" several times, slowed down a few,and been quite active quite a lot in recent years, after the feel of women's attire and being in public XD'd there's always a desire to get dressed up feminine style.. so nope don't think so..

- - - Updated - - -

My wife knows as we have made several debuts on Halloween before our 4 kids and after they were a bit older, and I "missed"some eyeliner a couple times hoping to have a real conversation but when questioned it felt like an attack so I chickened out and could only say "it goes with the rest of the girly stuff"... I wore women's panties,shaved legs, women's pants and grew my hair long before we married and still to this day, also don't any longer hide the corsets,pantyhose,wigs,high heel boots and shoes dresses, skirts, bras etc so she definitely knows, she also knows I am kinda homophobic and definitely attracted to women... but still scared (?)to talk to her.. kinda hoped to get caught so I was put on the spot to have to talk.. I hear if so many of us that their wives are cool and even helpful in our hobby I long for that..

- - - Updated - - -

EXACTLY!!! At 54 I don't really care who cares anymore.. my kids are ok with it and my wife and very few others know and I LOVE IT!! So who cares??!!!??

[candykowal]

Ya almost always come back...even if it means loosing a marriage, home, money, and friends. I know I gamble everyday with this fact, but I come back.
I always wondered is it a artistic trait we all possess?
A lot of us can draw or paint, play a musical instrument, model railroads or make dioramas, woodwork, or make something from nothing. We imagine and engineer, modify and collect things.
Or maybe a stress reliever? So many of us were in the military or are responsible for a lot of workers of critical infrastructure.
For me, one thing is for sure...I always come back. :battingeyelashes:

[Jacqueline Vivaldi]

I do not think that there is any reliable statistical data relevant to the question. I also think that the question for me is totally unimportant. I want to lead my life based on my analysis, considerations and decisions. My life continues to expand and become more complete as a female, and I want only to incrementally move toward an even more pleasing circumstance.

[Beverley Sims]

Sad I know, but the only one I knew about developed altzheimers and forgot what all the dresses in his closet were for.

Yes, he just didn't do it anymore.

[sometimes_miss]

Sometimes our minds can repress urges subconsciously, to the point that we can go for years, not knowing that the desire has never actually gone away, only hidden in the back of our minds, out of consciousness. That was the case for me; when everything else was going okay, I didn't experience any urge to crossdress. That went on for about 10 years. I thought that either I had grown out of it, or 'beaten' it.
It was only when my life was seeming to go down the toilet, that the desire to crossdress came back with a vengeance, and I became short tempered, impatient with others as well as myself, and had incredibly strong feelings of a need to buy women's clothing and crossdress, and immerse myself in female specific activities again. My own thoughts are, that our minds work in a similar way to computers; we can multitask, but only to a point; when there are too many things going on, something has to give, and we 'crash', because there aren't enough resources to hold back the feelings of wanting to crossdress while doing so many other stressful things as well, and the crossdressing genie escapes from the bottle.
Once the stressful things are gone, the desire to crossdress can decrease, especially if life once again becomes loaded with pleasant things that keep our minds busy.
At least, that has been my experience. It don't think that it ever goes away entirely. But that does explain why some of us can go for years or decades, before the urge to crossdress comes to the forefront of our consciousness.

[ellbee]

The urge to crossdress, the desire. Does it ever go away?

Personally speaking?

Yes, it goes away. And then it inevitably comes back! :heehee:


Will it ever go away for the rest of my life?

Well, our time here on earth seems to pass by in the blink of an eye. Yet, it still lasts a lifetime... And hopefully that's a long time! :thumbsup:


I have no idea what the future may hold -- even when I *think* I might.

Plenty of times & for various reasons I foolishly thought I had "licked" this thing for good, only for it to come roaring back somewhere down the road. Sometimes I tried forcing it (hint: purging doesn't work! ;) ). Other times life just took a different & unexpected path for a while due to outside forces. And other times, it just naturally (and temporarily) went away on its own.

However... It. Always. Returns.

For me, anyway. :p



What has changed, however, is how I "approach" it.

After much organic experimentation & deep navel-gazing over the years & decades, I learned to stopped fighting it, first & foremost. Kinda pointless, really. In fact, it's usually even to one's own detriment.

Also, when it hits? It's not like, "Well, okay... I guess I have to perform the same time-consuming routine & fully shave everything, dress really femmy, plus wear the wig & make-up & fake boobs & the whole 9-yards stuff. And photos! Don't forget all the selfies! Oh, and let's see if we can push the envelope even farther! Of course, as the session nears the end? Self-pleasure time!"

Yeah, all set with that, thanks. :bonk:


These days? Throw on some clothes & guy-mode it. Oftentimes just chilling out at home, maybe run a few errands. Good enough for me. Usually.

No point in making this big production out of it -- every single time, at that.


Do I still get all dolled-up? Yeah, once in a while... When I have no choice not to, that is. That dysphoria can be a cruel bitch when she rears her ugly head! :confused2:


Also, part of it for me, was simply getting a lot of this "out of my system" in the past. And I hate to use that phrase, but I suppose it's one many can understand. I've never really had a "bucket list," per se... More of simply played things by ear. And while I might not have done everything I may have wanted to experience at the time, I've already done a *lot* with all this. :devil:

Ah, to be young & stupid (and thin & pretty!) again. Had a pretty good run, truth be told. But, I've had my fill, thanks. :shots:



Anyway, I dunno. That's just me. Evolving & progressing? Doesn't necessarily mean you have to transition, or something, ya know. Sometimes just naturally toning & winding things down & enjoying a laid-back CD "semi-retirement" *is* evolution & progress.

Oh, and remember, kids: No one likes a quitter! :D


:2c: