Open questions

[Kirsty2907]

Hi simple questions, not so easy answer. I have been CD since as far back as I care to remember... still wrestling with the usual issues.
So do you think a CD can ever stop ? And is it a blessing or a curse ?

Suppose I should say
I think I see it as both
Keep wanting to stop but keep enjoying it too much and find an inner happiness when CD

[Wen4cd]

Due to unknown karmatic forces, I have found that seeing it as a blessing will suddenly make the first question seem a bit less relevant.

[Crissy 107]

No, I do not believe we can stop, we can take breaks but the desire is in us and will never go away.
For myself it is a blessing, it makes me happy and we all need more happiness right now

[Teresa]

Dd,
I know you don't mention your age or marital status so your question could be answered in different ways .

If you take a look at the threads running questioning if it's genetic or not you may get a more balanced answer .

At times many of us may go through the notion it's a curse , some argue you can stop . So much depends if you have dysphoria and how bad it is , some find it waxes and wanes they may go weeks , months or even years thinking it's behind them then out of the blue it hits them again . No one can fully explain why but it's probably best to consider it doesn't go away so you will have to find ways to live with it .

I had a gut feeling 24/7 that something wasn't right so finally I now live full time as Teresa , I no longer wish it had gone away because I'm so much happier and content . Would I go as far to say it's a blessing ? Perhaps I would now because my life is in balance , I no longer have to pose myself these questions .

[MonicaPVD]

In my case, I tried many times to stop in the past. A few times I went for years without dressing, convinced that I had overcome the desire. Wrong. It never went away. I learned to manage it, to find alternative outlets, but being Monica is ingrained in my DNA, in my mind and in my heart. Of course I could stop again, but I would be profoundly unhappy as a human. Why would I want that? I don't see it as either a blessing or a curse, it's simply a part of the complex human that I am. I didn't ask to be this way but it's me and I'm alive right now. Got to get busy living.

[Karren H]

It is a curse... and it never stops so accept it and figure out how to enjoy it... that is what I did and it worked... for the last 6 decades.

[Jean 103]

It would depend on your definition of the words, stop and CD.

Like if you're talking about the act of wearing clothes then, yes.

If you're referring to a state of being then, no.

The last question depends on your point of view.

[BTWimRobin]

Dor the better part of my life I thought it was a curse. I would experiment a here and there and think boys are not supposed to do this and stop. While the desire to dress has always been with me, I stopped acting on it. Two years ago it hit me like a ton of brick and I decided to accept this was never going away. I acted on it and started dressing. I've seem to find some kind of inner peace when dressed and have realized it's a blessing.

[Michelle1955]

You stated “inner happiness” and your profile does not provide any additional information such as age and martial status.

The inner happiness statement tells me it is more than just cross dressing in my opinion.
Clothing can be fun, or just required (inner happiness) it is clothing ultimately. Casual clothing blends into most activities.

You will have to ultimately determine where you are on the transgender spectrum. Transgender is a broad spectrum is basically all in compassing and CD is just one aspect, you will have to decide how much of the spectrum you are. This forum is a very good place to learn and their is a lot of advice, take it in then you have to decide where you fit in we are all somewhat different.

I’m 65 years old, been crossdressing for at least 60 of those years. In my opinion I was born with the desire to be female.
For my inner happiness to be managed, I got have at least one from of female clothing on 24/7 to have the calming effect I need.

I do not need to dress up to the nine’s, to manage my needs it can be as simple as panties, bra, forms on most days and just working in the yard / garden being casual. Outer clothing can be a mix depending on what I am doing, it about managing my inner happiness.

Curse, born in the 1950’s yes definitely a curse. But society is constantly changing so not so much a curse these days.

[Star01]

I do not believe that it is possible to stop. My current situation tells why I think that I cannot stop.

Still semi locked down in a DADT.
Gained too much weigh this past year.
Family lake home sold so I can?t get away or be home alone with a free place to stay.
Put off replacing vehicle and went a year too long, it?s not reliable and without wheels I am DOA.
I could list more challenges but I think it is obvious that I have an uphill battle just to get back to where I was.

In spite of those challenges plus my age I shave and underdress daily. One might think I would give up but we got a treadmill and I am down ten pounds so far looking forward to shopping and dressing again. Vaccination will be any day now and after that buying a newer second vehicle. The obstacles will eventually fall one by one and I plan on coming back better than ever.

I have found that the best way to deal with challenges is to have patience and meet them head on. It will take a while but some say that we will follow with a Roaring Twenties so I am looking forward to that.

[Georgia_Maine]

I look at my gender variance / CDing similar to being left handed. If asked I imagine most left handed people would prefer to be right handed if only because most tools, etc. are designed for right handed people. Is it possible to change? Yes, but it is extremely difficult and for most all left handed people not worth the effort. CDing, like being left handed, may cause problems but certainly is not a curse nor a blessing. It is just who we are.

[alwayshave]

I don't believe I could ever stop and at this point don't want to.

[Teri Ray]

Nothing in life is absolute. Your question was "can a Crossdressser ever stop?" "Can?" yep it can be done; human beings are capable of doing amazing things under the right circumstances. But is it likely? I say nope. Based on my own experience and the information I have gleened from others in this forum is that the odds of someone quitting crossdressing (who is really a crossdresser) and stop forever is crazy low.

Is crossdressing a blessing or a curse? I think there is no generic answer for everyone on this one. So my answer is yes, it will be either depending on your individual life experience.

The real thing you got right on this question was that its not easy to answer.

[Stephanie Michelle]

The only curse for me is that I cannot share this openly. Otherwise It is a blessing.

[Beverley Sims]

Maybe a curse, I wonder what mylife would have been like otherwise.

Been at it since about five.

Had fun all the way.

[CynthiaD]

Blessing definitely. I can stop whenever I want. Why would I want to?

[Jacqueline Vivaldi]

Many years ago I purged all of my outfits three times. Since then I get so much joy and pleasure out of being Jacqueline that I feel very blessed. This condition has existed also for many years and I can see myself growing into a more lovely creature with each day. Just be joyful and let yourself be natural. For me I will never let it go away, because this is who I am and the person I want to be.

[Maggie3210]

Curse or Blessing?
It has been a blessing during stressful times. For me, I find dressing is a stress relief after rough day, maybe it is a escape from the reality of my male life to a fantasy life when dressed up since I am primarily "in the closet".
It is a blessing to feel comfortable wearing women's clothes. The beautiful styles colors and materials are so different from most men's clothes, and feel soft and wonderful against the skin.
It is a blessing when dressing makes me feel happy and peaceful.
It is a curse when dressing makes me feel conflicted and different, like I don't fit into my place in society.
It is a curse when it brought emotional pain and distress to my wife who was only slightly tolerant of dressing. While we always maintained a strong love for each other, she certainly did not accept my desire to dress, and I know it distressed her sometimes.
So Yes, for me it definite has been both a Blessing and a Curse

[Cheryl T]

Can someone stop?
I'm sure someone can, but I certainly can't and don't want to. I've come to accept the woman I am and believe that all of the better qualities of my personality are attributable to my feminine side. I feel so much more comfortable as a woman and expressing all those qualities in that way.
Is it a blessing?
Yes, I believe it is. It has opened so much more of the world to me. I've experienced and enjoyed things I never would have otherwise. I think it's those that don't understand how we feel that believe it to be a curse.

[GretchenM]

You can stop, but it is unlikely you will like the result. Your need is most likely a part of who you are and denying it is part of denying yourself which is usually not a particularly great idea. But the behavior, like all behaviors, can be managed to be reasonably comfortable in most situations. It is a part of your sense of self and drives what kinds of behaviors and physical expressions you use to tell others something about yourself and who you are.

Is it a blessing or a curse? Depends on your point of view AND the point of view of you that others have. So, it can be both in the social world depending on the expectations others have for what they think is right for you. Ideally everybody should accept everybody else and have no expectations at all. AIN'T GONNA HAPPEN! But you have the final say in what is right for you. However, morals and ethics are still critical to being a successful human in the human world.

Accepting within yourself who you are can bring a great deal of personal happiness. But if it creates unhappiness in others then some adjustments may be needed and the adjustments need not be traumatic. Compromising is an art and we gender variant people are often really good at it because, in some environments, it is the way we survive being different in sometimes very significant ways. Unfortunately, compromise doesn't always work, especially if you have to compromise yourself into being someone you are not. That never ends well for anybody. It is a balancing act.

[Paulie Birmingham]

The people that can and do stop never come back to this board.

The people on this board either dont want to stop (a very clear majority including me) or can't stop. What kind of answer would you expect from this site?

Tg and some other issues aside, I do think one can stop buying pantyhose, opening the package and putting them on. There are many mental and physical calculations that one goes through to do that. Most women dont wear pantyhose so it can be done.

[Geena75]

The answer to the second question will determine the answer to the first.

Is it a blessing or curse? How do you feel when doing it as compared to when you are not doing it. Is the total impact on your life a real positive, negative, or neutral? One one hand, is it like playing a musical instrument that makes you feel good, and enriches your free time. If it does not negatively impact your family life or take you away from other important aspects of life, it is truly a blessing. On the other hand, is it more like alcohol which can turn into a destructive behavior that you regret, or hurts your family, or makes one irresponsible. Kept in check (a glass of wine on occasion) it can be a blessing. Run out of control, it is definitely a curse. It all depends on the individual.

Consequently, if it is a blessing, then you are not likely able to quit, nor should you. If it is a curse, it is probably something you should make the effort to give up, and keep giving up. Most likely, it lies somewhere in between, and remain something that you control according to your circumstances. Once again, I marvel at my ability to say both yes and no. Like J.D. Salinger once said, I don't have the answers, I just have the questions.

[Pixie_94]

At least from my experience:

1. I'm not sure yet, I have been looking for a way to fo so for years. Always without success.

2. A curse, one I don't know what to do with, it doesn't even serve for any trolling or anything hillarious, only embarassing situations.

[MaryAnn1963]

Well, My wife says it is no different than smoking & one can quit any time they want... I have never smoked so I cannot say she is right or wrong. I however KNOW that I cannot quit and have even a small resemblance of happiness. Curse/blessing... both.

[JeanTG]

You can't stop "being". You may be able (or not... depends on the individual) to stop "doing".

Curse or not depends on your state in life. I'm married to someone hostile to it. So I would have to say "curse" in my particular circumstances.

[Ineke Vashon]

MaryAnn, quitting crossdressing and quitting smoking are hugely different. I quit a 2+ pack a day smoking habit cold turkey successfully because I was looking forward to emphysema, other lung diseases, being out of breath, not to mention the expense.

I have yet to hear of a crossdresser becoming ill or dying from wearing pretty clothes.

FWIW, Ineke

[Sometimes Steffi]

The people that can and do stop never come back to this board.

The people on this board either don't want to stop (a very clear majority including me) or can't stop. What kind of answer would you expect from this site?

And that's why I call it preaching to the choir.

A statistician would call it a biased sample set.

[docrobbysherry]

Kirsty, I would say, "Yes"!:thumbsup:

[Kirsty2907]

All

Thanks for your replies, interesting reading...

A little context, been doing the CD thing since 9ish and about to hit 50... that?s years not hours 😂

Realise everyone on this site would be somewhat biased, but what with word of mouth, knowing others, own honest opinions I still thought I?d ask... besides last time I checked there wasn?t a stoppedcrossdesing.com site to log onto 😂

With 40 years of on off experience I still struggle with the can I, should I emotions mixed with the love of ?the act?

Would just like to get to a point where I sat on one side of fence or the other

[Teresa]

Kirtsy,
You hve to consider what's the worse that can happen and even then the worse never really happens .

It also depends what sitaution sitting on the fence is , if you go the CDing side what would that actually mean to you ?

[Krisi]

If you really want to stop crossdressing, you can. It's entirely up to you.

If you think you can't stop, it's because you don't want to stop badly enough.

[jacques]

hello Kirsty,
Why would we want to stop? We are perfectly normal people!
Yes it is a blessing, unless we are ashamed of being perfectly normal people.
Stay healthy!
luv J

[Star01]

You bring up an interesting point. I have brought the crossdressers are powerless to stop point up in therapy. My therapist will not commit to an answer when I frame it as a question if it is possible to stop.

In my case I belonged to a strict R for 25 years. In the 80?s my wife caught me in her lingerie, reported me to the R and I was shunned for what I did for a year. Eventually I left the R in 1999 but I went through a lot that I can?t discuss due to the topic and suffered consequences at the time.

[jenabrooks]

This is a part of me, I love fem. eyebrows that is the first thing I look at when I look at a woman face. When I dressed up on Halloween I had a full makeover eyebrows the whole bet and loved it. My eyebrows have grown out but thiner from waxing. Last week I woke up in a very bad mood and the only thing I could think of was my bushy eyebrows.Went to a heigh end cosmetic store and had them waxed and they did a better job then last time very fem. and I love them. It calmed me down so much it's hard to believe. This is very much part of me that I could never stop and I'm in a love-hate state.
In the 60's it was mom's stuff 70's was buying dresses as dress shops scared to death take them home put them on and ended throughout all my stuff being ashamed and buy more. I thought if I got married the craving would go away but it didn't and ended up in a divorce because it wasn't her bag. This is farther beyond our DNA This heart, soul and mind.

[Kirsty2907]

Like that reply
Thanks
I know it?s a journey, but I?ve been on it now 40 years, like to get out the car eventually 🤔

[sometimes_miss]

I stopped for about ten years; during that period, I had really believed that either I had outgrown it, or 'beaten' it, as I almost never though about dressing up as a girl during that time. But all that had happened, was the my life was going so good, that I wasn't under much stress, and my subconscious 'buried' the desire to crossdress, as well as any feelings of being female.
It was a combination of losing my job, and then having to take a job I hated and going back to school full time at the same time, which allowed the crossdressing genie to escape from my subconscious, and demand attention to my female desires. So I guess it really depends on the situation; perhaps if everything else in life goes fine, it's possible that maybe I never would have crossdressed again. But unfortunately, it just didn't work out that way for me.
Maybe it might, for you.

[Star01]

Comparing to quitting smoking and drinking. I quit both but have never been able to completely give up crossdressing permanently. People have heaped praise on me for being strong enough to quit the aforementioned vices. If they only knew my secret of what I cannot quit perhaps they would withdraw their compliments.

One of my theories, and it can be easily proven, is that my happiness as a crossdresser is in direct proportion to other people?s tolerance. If everybody was cool with it and there were no negative social or financial consequences female clothes would be a larger perhaps exclusive thing. Unfortunately, my wife doesn?t want to see or know about it and I live in an area far removed from any social groups and clubs.

This is where it comes down to a simple choice, which is more important, family and marriage or my dressing? I chose family and marriage but cannot give up my stealth dressing which still puts me at risk to lose it all. It?s kind of ironic that some of us are so restricted that we cannot measure up to our peers yet we stand to lose the most if we got found out. Those who are open about it and stood up to wives and family have already crossed that bridge. People like myself stand at the bridge and cannot decide if taking the plunge is worth losing it all.

[Kelli_cd]

I quit smoking (30+ years ago). I broke a cocaine addiction. I have only been able to last a few months without wearing something femme.
Though, this is something I don't want to quit. I've just given into it.

[Rachel05]

I think the thing for me is I don't want to stop, I have learned to like me and I love to crossdress, it is a prt of me that I came to find peace with many years ago now

So I guess the answer for me is it's a blessing

[ellbee]

Aside from those who may have gone through a short, temporary curiosity phase when they were younger...


I believe a small percentage can & actually do stop.

For those who do? CD'ing probably didn't originally affect them much, relatively speaking... That they only had a "mild case." Maybe it was even simply more fetish-oriented with a certain article of clothing, compared to the whole enchilada.


I also believe there may be another subset of those who quit -- and are miserable in life because of that, at least on some levels.

I'm betting that they (perhaps secretly) struggle internally on a fairly regular basis, erroneously believing that sheer will-power can "defeat" this. Other issues may subsequently arise because of that (substance abuse, working waaaay too much, anger management, etc.).

It's this group that may very well be a ticking time-bomb. That someday, they won't be able to take it anymore, and the CD'ing will suddenly explode & come roaring back with a vengeance. They may even possibly take it too far than they perhaps should, otherwise, and dive head-first into the world of transitioning.



As for the blessing versus curse thing? It can be either -- or both.

Or neither.


For me these days, it's just another part of myself. I have certain traits & qualities, likes/dislikes, interests, psychological/spiritual wants & needs, whatever. Just who I am.

I suppose at times it can take on the semblance of being a blessing/curse. But after being in this game for the overwhelming majority of my life, it's just another aspect. Gotta take the bad with the good, and just keep on keeping on. :)

[Devi SM]

It is good you make these questions but find your own answers. As you see everybody here have their own amswers, opinion and comments but some are similar and the more you keep reading or researching you'll find some patterns that fit with your feelings so you can find your answers and finally find your identity because, for me, that's all about it.

I reach to the point of not blame anybody else neither myself and accept my identity as a bisexual crossdresser and confess everything to my wife because I was looking freedom to be myself.

Living on that freedom I realize it was not just about dressing (I had the freedom to dress 100 % of the time but at home). I needed to go out and be accepted not just as a crossdresser but as a woman. It wasn't enough because the identity of a person is not what she/he dress.

I am myself happy transexual woman, and I think that GD is something different for everybody, some don't know they are dealing with it, as was my case was, so I believe that my life, as you think, was cursed, or demon possessed, then I saw like a blessing as being different and unique, but why me?

The bad new it is that it will never stop and the older you get the stronger it will be (not worse).
it's related with hormones( and after the 40s testosterone start decaying) so hormones, HRT, helped me to balance all this weirdness in my life and be in peace with me.

I don't want you to lose the main point of it: it's not about dressing, it's not about a name, it's not about sex, neither about hormones but about identity, and all the mentioned things just helped you as a pain killer help with a pain but the best is to find the cause of the pain....

Mho

Devi