The other woman

[Francine]

I have a question or thought that is directed more at the GG's here, but there may be others with comments or experiences that will be related to this message.

For a little background, I am married and have been for the past 31 years. After my wife and I were married for 5 yeas, she found my 'box' of Francine's stuff. I then told her about me being a crossdresser/transvestite, and some of my earlier experiences, some of which I have mentioned in other related message boards in this forum.

I thought I might loose her then, but thanks mostly to her very understanding mother, (yes she knew after consulting with her mother) and an agreement we made, to keep it in the house, and not if front of the children, but she said she felt no need to ever see Francine and except for one Halloween 'transgender/role-reversal' party we went to in '95, never has.

She has never bought any of my clothes, makeup or supported me in any way, but has 'handed down' a few that she bought for her, but were too small for her. (yes I wear smaller clothes than she does now)

One comment she made recently though, after discovering I was no longer hiding my clothes in boxes and such, but had rearranged my closet to hang my fem clothes much like any woman would especially when seeing a full length fur coat! This came as a shock to her.

When we talked about it after, and she quizzed me if I had ever been out, and I have but only for a drive in a my car or when commuting on a few trips. This of course broke our earlier agreement. She commented that she had always felt like "Francine" was the 'other woman' even though, I have never had any 'outside interest' other than her.

My question is this, have you ever felt or feel that your SO's fem side as being another woman in your SO's life?

Or if any other CD/TG with feels his SO feels the same way?

Just wondering.
Thank you.

Francine

[Dizzy GG]

I have only been with my SO for just over a year so I may not be the best person to answer but here goes.
While I knew about Josi from the beginning I didn't spend time with a completely dressed Josi at first. She went out with her GG friends who I didn't know. I have to say I found that tough even though it was at my suggestion she continued to have life outside as at that time I wasn't ready to offer it to her.
Maybe it comes from the feeling that there is something you don't share. Yet even that is not strictly true because I felt no negative emotion when she went out as her male self with friends.
I can only say that as I got to know Josi and spend time with her she became less and less the other woman and Rob/Jo became one person to me.
Sometimes more Jo/Rob but both personas always being present in some measure. That is the person I love and now there is nobody else in our relationship.

I think it's tough for both of you when your partner can only cope with knowing but not participating but it is very understandable. I just know for me I would have hated Josi having a life I knew nothing about.

I'm sure there are married GGs on here who could identify more closely with you but I thought it was worth giving my opinion.

[Francine]

Jennaie & Annie,
Thanks for replying, even if it is just "Bump" Jeannaie. It does seem to be a bit of bump lately. I feel my wife has 'mixed emoticons' over the situation, but she keeps rather quiet about it all. I am surprised in the last 26 years, that she rarely mentions any reference to my crossdressing, but an occasional comment.

I said she never supports me, but I should of said 'rarely'. The pink top in my profile pic was a 'gift' she gave me, but only because it was a bit to small on her, and she didn't care like the way it fit or looked on her. I just happened to walk in when she was trying it on, and hearing her complaints, and after she took it off, she asked, "Would you like this top?" .. "Sure" was my only reply.

She never asked me to try it on, nor did I offer. I just politely folded it and put on the dresser until later.

It's moments like these that show she's standing true to her words, that she has no desire to see 'Francine', and in moments like these, I often note the feeling of jealousy.

Well, again, I thank you for your comments and support.

Francine

[livy_m_b]

There is a book titled "I am my own wife" by Charlotte von Mahlsdorf whose title suggests that it's not altogether a new idea. In some ways the idea is analogous to autogynephilia. And there is an observation that seems more frequent than random occurrence would explain that periods of intense crossdressing coincide with periods of marital difficulties. Personally, I think it can sometimes happen that a person is responding sexually to his/her own image as a woman and that a wife can intuitively be jealous of that "other woman". How common it is I can't say. It doesn't explain much of the phenomenon imo. An individual would have to address her own experience to see if the concept seems to apply.