I'm glad you did it now !

[Teresa]

I know we still have to take care during the lockdown restrictions but my mum was getting concerned she wouldn't be able to do the first cut on her lawn so I told her I would load my mower in the car and give it the first cut of the season . She had also run short of potting compost so the first part on my trip was to our local Homebase store to pick up some compost and while I was there I bought a selection of winter pansies for her and a bag of lawn " Weed & feed " for myself . As I knew I would be dragging my mower about I slipped on a pair of jeans and one of my blouses I use for doing odd jobs and a lightweight jacket with small wedge shoes . She was really pleased I'd done the first cut and with the plants and potting compost to plant them in . Afterward we sat and had a sandwich with a cup of tea and chatted for an hour . Obvioulsy the conversation got round to my gender situation and the acceptance issue , she said when I first told her I could no longer do male mode she really worried what I would look like but then added I'm so glad you stuck at it because I know now I needn't have worried . I told her the full story of how I wanted to get things right and why I went to have my skin colour checked , she thought I'd got the balance right but not to overdo it .
Again the question of my sister came up so I asked what was her problem ? We've never been close as brother and sister so she can hardly want to retain the brother , we both agreed that only takes a couple of meetings before most people feel comfortable .

Again this makes the point about the difference between telling someone and the reality of seeing them , so many times I've had a positive reaction because what they think I might look like and what I actually look like is totally different . I still feel much of the blame is down to media presentation and how they project a CDer or TG person

[MonicaPVD]

A wonderful development. Happy for you.

[GretchenM]

That was a wonderful conversation you and your mum had. And there was so much truth in what was said. Once again, when I think back to the way you were when you were struggling to find a path forward and looking at you now, it just brings so much happiness to my heart that you have found the real you and you have become her - Teresa. It is a beautiful story.

I am sure there are still some struggles - that's life. But you have built an identity foundation that seems very solid. Sorry about your sister; some will never realize the truth but most just take longer. Keep trying - gently - and she may come around to realize that Terri is now Teresa. And she really has a sister that is in some obscure ways is also a brother.

[Teresa]

GretchenM,
As usual you have a wonderful way with words , you are so right we need to build a solid identity foundation .

Somehow I feel I owe an apology to some members as they may very much like to live a similar lifestyle but their obstacles appear unmovable , I know I've paid a price but I am in a better place because I've moved or worked round most obstacles , personally at the end of the day I feel it's been worth it .

[Di]

I am happy for you Teresa .

[Teresa]

Di
Many thanks for that , I feel what's more imprtant is my mother is happy as well , I still feel she is amazing for her age to take all this on board and understand what it means to me as a trans person .

[Helen_Highwater]

Teresa,

The point you make about what people's preconceptions are about how we look and behave set against the reality is one that I feel runs though society.

I'm reminded of when the Windrush migrants first arrived in the UK. There were many preconceptions about what they were like and sadly many of those were negative yet most people had never met or talked to even one of those new to the country.

It's not that dissimilar with our community. CD'er, must be Gay. The image people have of us, even people who know us, is distorted by those societal misconceptions dating back decades.

As you say, if we can get over that threshold of those early meetings then funnily enough folks start to see us as human and more the person we are.

[Teresa]

Helen,
It's part of why I offered to mow her lawn , we keep getting told it's not all about the clothes here on the forum so it showed her I can function perfectly well as Teresa , it really is part of my life and not a game or a passing whim . Teresa is very much a person who is geeting on with her life that threshold has been crossed .

I'm sure most of us are guilty of misconceptions sometime in our lives , I guess being self empolyed as a photographer I had to remain open minded as much as possible and try and see the good in people . The downside of that is people had misconceptions of me and probably thought I was a soft touch ( which I probably am ) , it's amusing in a way because the media often depicted photographers as camp or gay , I'm neither but did like to have fun with people , as you say preconceptions are a part of everyday life .

[Beverley Sims]

In my earlier days of coming out I was surprised at the acceptance of others after the second or third visit.

First one was generally bumpy but after the third it was usually only forgetting to use the feminine name.

Never object about mistakes and things do smooth out.

[alwayshave]

Teresa, I am so glad your mom is accepting. I hope things work out with your sister.

[Sarah Doepner]

I love hearing this kind of report and it makes me feel so positive for your future. It makes me think the media is less important in the overall trend toward understanding than our individual efforts and contacts.

Now, when will you be by to do my lawn? ;-)

[Helen_Highwater]

Teresa,

Sorry, I didn't make it clear, when I replied i was thinking more about the situation with your sister. How do you feel that's going now? Will familiarity breed acceptance?

[Teresa]

Helen,
I was invited by my mother to join them for Xmas day , because of the lockdown restrictions I declined but she did say that she'd told my sister and other members of her family that I was invited and that she didn't want any friction or problems . When restrictions lift I will be popping down to share Sunday lunch with them , they know basically what to expect as the photo album my daughter gave her has pictures of me in it with my daughter's family .

If it doesn't work out I'll inite my mother to my home for a meal when it's my turn or take her out for a Suday lunch ,there's no point in me backing off now ., I even feel my mum would be disppointed now .