Moving

[Krisi]

Well, my wife has convinced me (not completely) that it's time to move to an "age restricted" community. For those in other parts of the world, this is a community where one member of the household must be at least 55 years old. Children may visit but cannot live there and are not allowed to use the facilities.

In some ways, she is right of course, but I'm a bit concerned with privacy (as a crossdresser). Where we live now we have a decent sized lot and the houses are a bit separated from each other. The new place has the houses much closer together and closer to the street. Also, as a "senior" community, most folks don't go off to work each day, they walk around the neighborhood. They also seem to socialize with each other more than where we live now.

It's not like I will be going ot and walking the streets as Krisi, but the more modern houses have a lot more windows and as I mentioned, are closer together. It's possible that I will lose the freedom to walk freely around inside my own house and will have to make certain rooms "off limits" for Krisi.

Just venting, of course, like requires compromises. I'm not going to move out in the middle of the woods just for crossdressing freedom.

[Natalie5004]

Our second home is like you described. I hung curtails for privacy when required. Driving in and out of the facility is another problem.

I cannot remember if your wife knows you dress, does she know your concerns?

[Cheryl T]

Curtains are your friend.
We have looked at places like that and I made clear that as long as I am able to maintain the house and property on my own I will never move to a place like that.

[Beverley Sims]

Not all that enthusiastic about close knit communities, too many surprise visits to dampen my schedule.

[Devi SM]

Well, thinking about people aging, with the pass of the years we gain in wisdom and learn to respect others so probably nobody would get into your business, as well, people lose some respect for all those normality and society rules and get more eccentric, so most people wouldn't care about an old crossdresser folk and probably you could make a new "friend" there...you know, birds of the same feather......
I just say...

Devi

[chris80]

don't forget that the older members of the area will not be seeing so clearly. you might get away with more dressing outside.

[CarlaWestin]

Just think of the situational awareness file that you have built in your current area.
Flowing around as Krisi wasn't exactly easy in the beginning until you learned a comfort zone.
I am also relocating to a different community from a very private setting.
Actually, I'm excited about having Carla time in a new venue, fully retired.

[Helen_Highwater]

In the area where I live so many retirement complexes have sprung up the area's nickname has become God's waiting room. In fact when in the local row of shops one became vacant an undertakers moved in!

As long as we're fit and well I can't see either of us wanting to give up our house and garden to go live in elderly only accommodation. Certainly moving at 55 years of age would for me feel like I'd given up on life.

Krisi,

I think the thing to do is go look at possible places and spy out the lay of the land so to speak. When we were looking to move 20 odd years ago I made sure we visited the few we'd short listed at different times of the day. A road that's quiet at 10:00 can be manic at school kicking out time, that sort of thing. Also, are there eateries etc. near by that cause over spill parking in the evenings. That said I assume the areas you're talking about have restricted access.

I do feel you're right to give due consideration to the level of privacy that you can expect. As we all know a CD'er denied dressing time is not a happy bunny as the urge is never going to go away.

[Lori Ann Westlake]

I wouldn't do it, Krisi. Why move to a community with "restrictions" anyway? Personally I hate restrictions. I hate anybody telling me what I can and can't do. Hate HOAs and all their garbage, and always avoided them. Much prefer to live in a community where we all agree to "do our own thing," and to "live and let live." I was just talking about that kind of thing in the Lounge, as "Liberty Lori"!

So what's the motivation for this proposed move? If you like the place you're living in right now, you like the neighborhood and the neighbors, why move to something less? Smaller lot, maybe a smaller house too in one of these "retirement" communities. And if so, what do you do with the treasures you can't find room for? I can't imagine the horror show of trying to move out of this house my wife and I bought last to some smaller place, with all the stuff we accumulated over the years.

Admittedly one of my brothers-in-law and his wife did move to a small "cottage" in a retirement community in their town. But they didn't have to deal with disposing of any goods and chattels, since they left the house they'd built, with acreage, to their married daughter. In spite of that they found the new place was still too small for them. Luckily they were permitted to build a "sun room" extension onto it. But oh! the kitchen! His wife always loved to cook and entertain, and their new kitchen was so small compared with her previous spacious one that her counters were literally piled up with equipment of all kinds that there was no room for. I don't know how she managed.

People need space. Space of course also means privacy, which people need too, and privacy is our issue especially. My wife and I always sought out homes with space around them, on general grounds alone. I could walk out of the house right now with very little chance of being noticed by any neighbors, and if so, it would be at a distance. Why give up privacy, or inconvenience yourself by having to hide behind curtains?

You might also ask yourself whether older folks in a retirement community are likely to be more hidebound and prejudiced against crossdressers. Anyway I'd stay put if I were you. Marshal your arguments!

[Stephanie47]

I'm 73. My wife is 70. My brother and his wife live in Florida in an area where most of the homes are occupied by retirees or soon to be retirees. Yes, the houses are close together and the length of the driveways are short. The lot layout is not different than new construction everywhere. I thought I was buying a home with a lot of room (60' wide x 140' deep, 70' from curb to front door, park three cars bumper to bumper on the driveway if I want to). My wife and I love kids. You would not catch me living in a senior wasteland that has no young kids; multi-generational. There is a difference between the noise from kids playing together and screaming for no reason. I suspect in a senior area there may be noise because not everyone is wearing hearing aids when needed. :)

Even on the lot I have I have to use some discretion when leaving our home. We have a spacious backyard. Great front yard. The distance minimizes tire noise. I consider senior only living areas nothing but wastelands of constant death and endless talking about ailments and pills. Stay put.

[Cheshire girl]

Krisi I can’t imagine anything more depressing than age related accommodation. It would be a last resort for me. From a Cd viewpoint going out from home might be compromised. Your call but I’d stay put if possible. When I visit people who have downsized I feel sorry for them but of course try to hide it!

[Helen_Highwater]

After I posted earlier it got me thinking and I remembered friends who had contemplated buying a retirement apartment. It all looked lovely, nicely laid out but when then went back for a second viewing they realised there was no where to store things like suitcases.

I can understand moving if things like gardening and general maintenance start to get too much but if you're fit and well then having that space isn't a disadvantage. My next door neighbours are both in their seventies, still active, still doing all their own gardening, playing sports, going walking, looking after grand kids. Use it or lose it is how I look at it.

[AngelaYVR]

It is odd how people forget about net/lace curtains. Apart from that, neighbourhoods like that sound horrid with everyone sticking their noses in your business all the time.

[UsuallyRick]

At 54 now we plan to sell our house (year 6of 10 yr plan) and gather the kids and move to a large plot of land, build all of our own houses and start another homestead/farm/community... and the neighbors will then be of our choosing.. I in no way want to be near any city or large community centers, or near the coast... I plan to enjoy the rest of my life working on more self sustainability and having the family close by...

[susanmichelle]

Kristin, one question I have is it hud based? If so I can give you rights so you?d be ok as far as dressing. I?m not presently in hud but know a lot about it. The last place I lived at knew about my dressing and was handling me with kid gloves. I lived there for 15 years.

Hud would adjust your apartment rent based on your incomes or even charge full rent if it was too high with both your incomes but the rules would still be the same.

[Aka_Donna]

There are good and bad 55+ places. Is the new place listed on 55+ places? Some like villages in Florida don't have fences between properties. Some plot sizes are too small, and thus glorified apartment living. We're in a 55+ place of about 4,000 homes. The glad social group has between 40 to 50 members. It is workable, just depends what you are looking for.

We enjoy:
-- silence, limited air traffic
-- no screaming
-- no racing vehicles
-- no screaming brats
-- no MA halloween party goers
-- no loud music blaring in the wee hours

[alwayshave]

All my windows have Venetian blinds and they give you plenty of privacy.

[Krisi]

Our second home is like you described. I hung curtails for privacy when required. Driving in and out of the facility is another problem.

I cannot remember if your wife knows you dress, does she know your concerns?

She knows I dress but I doubt she has thought about my concerns. Certainly, since she wants to move, bringing up dressing is not going to help.

[Teri Ray]

I guess there are trade offs to be considered for any type of living styles. For example I live on a dead end street outside of town where each house has about 3 acres and trees are abundant. Its private to an extent but............ the trade off is extra lawn to mow and care for tree maintenance and year end leaf clean up. There are times when I wish I lived in a smaller home with less ground to care for. Only you and your wife can decide what is best for your lifestyle. Best wishes Krisi.

[Krisi]

Thanks for all the responses.

I have considered all the things mentioned above. While many folks don't like HOAs and restrictions, they do a lot to keep up the value and quality of life in the neighborhood. Even though our current home is in an HOA, the HOA has failed in its duty to enforce the covenants and some of the neighbors are letting their houses and property deteriorate. Un mowed lawns, inoperable cars in the driveways, shutters missing from the exterior, lack of maintenance painting, etc.

An age restricted community eliminates the teenagers racing around in their cars and loud parties.

Where we will be living, the HOA maintains the grounds and yards. No more mowing, edging, etc. And of course, no problems with neighbors neglecting their yards, it's all done by the HOA.

The lots are small, but in our experience, we seldom spend time in the yard anyway.

The important thing about living in an HOA is to read the covenants before you buy. If you are not comfortable with the rules, do not buy the home. We are comfortable with these, my only concern is privacy when dressing. This can be fixed with proper window treatments, I just have to keep this in mind when selecting them.

My other concern is, in a more close knit neighborhood, it's more likely than now that folks will be walking by and just ring the doorbell to see if I want to come out and talk.

[Teresa]

Krisi,
It basically comes down to how important being Krisi is in your life . I admit it's easier for me because I made that decision and separated from my wife , which we were both OK with . It was mostly to do with how important being Teresa was to me , I had the choice and went full time , telling my neighbours quickly was the only way to go , it nipped the gossip in the bud .

Back to your dilemma , perhaps I wouldn't want to place the restrictions of age restricted communtiy would put on my life , I chose my new home that could still function as a family home if my family had to stay for any reasons , they are still important to me and feel I need to support them if needed .

While it's none of my business if the move is through financial reasons then it might make more sense to you or maybe your wife . She is obviouly OK with living more in a confined communtiy if it's financially right .

There could be another aspect and it's her way of restricting Krisi time , maybe she's hoping Krisi isn't moving in as well !

The other point to consider is you may not be the only CDer in the complex , how do you know there isn't another who has blazed that trail for you ? Most people have secrets they may not want others to know about so you never know what is hiding behind other people's lace curtains !!

[Krisi]

The move is not for financial reasons, the new home costs considerably more than the current home. What I am doing is spending my kid's inheritance but they are both well enough off that it won't be a big deal to them.

As far as other CDers, that's probably true, but one of the unwritten agreements I have with my wife is that nobody but her knows I wear a wig, boobs and hip padding. It has to stay a secret.

I will keep my little hobby in mind when selecting window treatments. "Plantation shutters" (apparently, that name is no longer politically correct in the USA) would seem to work really well but I expect they are costly. More so than curtains, blinds or drapes.

[CarlaWestin]

The important thing about living in an HOA is to read the covenants before you buy. If you are not comfortable with the rules, do not buy the home.

So, 16 years ago we bought specifically in a gated community with an HOA and covenants about noise and disruption. We are moving out of state because the latest batch of new residents have thumbed their noses to the rules. Motor homes on the street, ATV's gunning around at all hours, constant noise all day from leaf blowers and race cars. Exploding fireworks at their drunken loud parties. The new management company just takes the money and does nothing. Folks that retired here are thinking about leaving. We already bought another house in a more civilised area.

[Aka_Donna]

There are other window treatment options. Our place has cheap veritical blinds and we are swithing the family room to to double rod: sheers and opaque drapes as we don't need blackout drapes. In bedrooms we put up top down honeycomb blinds. We leave then down about foot so lots of light and no issues at all with dressing. Have fun figuring it out.

Carla-- leaf blowers are a huge problem, there is no curtailment of them and high govt does not require decibel rating of blowers or restrict noise produced. So much for caring about the environement and noise or light pollution. Not enough money to be made in being sensible.

[BrendaPDX]

We like where we are. I figured it out, if I can't hit it with the riding lawnmower out comes the weed killer. No really, I would have a hard time giving up my privacy. Good luck

[Teresa]

Krisi,
At the moment I'm safeguarding my children's inheritance , I was in a fortunate situation when I separated from my wife that we split everything 50-50 , ( no not the clothes , although she did dump some of her rubbish on me which I found out when I unpacked my clothes after the move .) We both bought homes and as I moved to an area where properties don't cost as much I was able to be a property to ear a rental income , so beween us our children and grandchildren won't lose out .

I must admit I could no longer live with that suppression in my life so no secrets anymore and no worries about neighbours , I chose to tell all my neighbours to nip the tittle tattle in the bud . OK just to make the point again it's also not a hobby to me it's my life .

[Crissy 107]

I feel that HOA’s can be a nightmare if the wrong people are in charge. We had a over zealous group that went around taking pictures of things and before long you would get a nasty letter from the attorney. The next step was for them to sue neighbors. We had to wrestle control back from these ruthless do gooders. I also noticed that at the same time their close friends could do anything they wanted.
I do not think I would buy in a HOA controlled subdivision again.

[JTChance]

When we moved into our house 20 years ago, we had 3 rules:
1. Our realtor must have experience in home building.
2. There cannot be an HOA.
3. The home must be at least 30 years old, because we've both lived in crappy 1990s apartments, where none of the walls lined up.

It is the way.
Yeah, we have the crazy neighbor with three dead jalopies in his yard who rides his lawnmower to the gas station. Still. Worth. It.

[Aka_Donna]

I feel that HOA?s can be a nightmare if the wrong people care in charg.

agree, but we saved 100k by moving and putting up with some crap. one of the costs of living in the dark state of california

[BLUE ORCHID]

Moving to an old folks community never crossed my mind, >Orchid**0:daydreaming:o**

[kimdl93]

Our HOA made a big mistake when contracted with a management firm. One provision paid the management company for each notice of violation it sent out. Predictably, the management company immediately sought to maximize its revenue by citing homeowners for all sorts of supposed violations, actually including things like a basketball left on the lawn, moss growing along the foundation, and ?abandoned cars? left on the driveway. In one case in particular, I recall the cited homeowner remarked, ?that car is what i drive to work every day!? The firm was fired by popular demand.

[lingerieLiz]

We talked about moving to a 55 and above communities but we are not people that like to feel that we have to attend hosted parties. I'm not sure what the reaction would be for crossdressers. We live in a nice subdivision. People know I wear women's clothes. I don't try to pass. I dress the same as the women in our subdivision do. If I lived in a 55 community I wouldn't worry what the neighbors think any more than here.

The other morning, I received 2 heavy large packages that were left on our porch. I was wearing a house dress but decided to go out and get them as I reached over to pickup one, the neighbors walking her dog said those look heavy. I said they are. She was about 20 feet from and never commented about my dress. She is about my age and we often talk because her dog loves me. She has talked to me when I was wearing tops that were obvious with projection.