I gotta be me

[Kendra Sue]

Unfortunately I recently lost my bride
Of 49 years.I miss her terribly.

If there is an upside I Can be Kendra
Whenever I want. I keep my
toenails painted.However I am not
Passable

[GretchenM]

Kendra, I am so sorry about your loss. I am sure it is very difficult. Go through the mourning process in your own way; follow your feelings but still keep on eye on a future. It is good to remember that most likely she would want you to keep going and I am sure you would feel the same way if you were the one that departed.

Actually, that ability to be Kendra whenever you want is a plus side and is a part of moving on. But don't be surprised if you don't feel much like being Kendra. Trauma is that way, but as you proceed through the mourning process that desire will return and perhaps rather strongly. Only time will tell. But for now the mourning process is the way out of those hollow, lonely feelings of profound loss.

[Kendra Sue]

Yes it is a process and some days
I feel pretty blue

- - - Updated - - -

She is no longer in pain she had pancreatic
Cancer for 5 years and ALS for 1

[Michaela Jane]

I am very sorry for your loss Kendra. I also lost my wife, almost 5 years ago now, miss her every day but, as you say, you can be Kendra as much as you like. I also suffer from not being passable (in my eyes anyway), being useless at makeup.

[Julie MA]

Praying for your strength and peace.

[char GG]

Very sorry for your loss, Kendra Sue.

[candykowal]

I am thinking you must have a lifetime of wonderful memories of your time together with your wife.
These are our reminiscing years Kendra Sue, remember those places and experiences you shared, as they can never be taken away!
I keep thinking where did the time go?
Gosh, life is so fleeting, make the most of your life and be as you want, do things to make yourself happy and continue to find those things on the bucket list that time and money will allow.

[Cheryl T]

So sorry for your loss Kendra.

[kimdl93]

Very sorry for your loss.

[Lori Ann Westlake]

Kendra, I am so sorry for the loss of your wife. 49 years is a long, long time. How frustrating not to have made it to fifty years as you both deserved! Anyway it must seem as though she had been with you all of your life. Nearly all of your adult life anyway. Anything that happened before she was with you might seem to have happened in a different life, somewhere else entirely. And yet she was still your "bride," as fresh as the day you married her. Thank goodness you must have many good memories to cherish of a long life together, while she is at rest now. Take good care of yourself. I'm sure she would want you to, until (hopefully) you may meet again one day.

Here is a very old song by a tenor well known in his day, about life (and even death), that you might possibly enjoy:

I'll Walk Beside You (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZrLBbznmCt8)

[April Rose]

I am very sorry for your loss, Kendra. I am sending you a PM

[Kendra Sue]

I will see her again. We must talk

- - - Updated - - -

Thank you for your kind words. In death she is no longer sufferin

- - - Updated - - -

Yes I choose to remember the good times

[Gizmo, Debbie]

Ouch. :weep::weep::hugs: losing your bride of 49 years.
My most heartfelt condolences. Hugs.

[bridget thronton]

Sorry for your loss

[Crissy 107]

So sorry for your loss

[Leslie Langford]

My condolences as well, Kendra Sue, and I can relate on several levels.

I'm at the 49-year mark of my marriage as well, and will hit the big 5-0 later this fall. We, too, had a cancer scare earlier this year when a mammogram showed that my wife had developed cancer in one of her breasts, and we had our lives flash before our eyes as well not knowing how this would all play out. In the end - although she lost a breast - the surgery was declared a success, all the cancer was removed, and there is no need at the present time for my wife to undergo any further treatments.

Needless to say, this experience has been an eye-opener for us, and we now appreciate every new day as if it were our last. Having come so close to the brink ourselves, I can only imagine the emptiness that you must now feel. Everyone grieves in their own way, and I am sure that all the support that you are seeing here will help you get through your loss.

As others here have said, the healing will take some time, but you will emerge stronger on the other side for it and will be able to rebuild your life with the help of family and friends. Who knows...you might even find a new life partner eventually to help you enjoy the remainder of your golden years. If your wife was anything like mine, she would have wished this for you as well under similar circumstances.

[Natalie5004]

I am very sorry.

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Kendra :love:, I would like to Offer my Sincerest Condolences,

You will always have Wonderful memories of your time together, >Orchid**0:daydreaming:0**

[JennyMay]

I am so sorry for your loss Kendra. I always think that the pain we feel when we lose someone is other side of the coin to the joy we experienced in sharing our lives with them. Grief comes in waves and those waves eventually begin to get further apart, but it takes time and not just days or weeks. Be gentle with yourself.

[Rileyaz]

I'm sorry for your loss Kendra.
I lost my wife 19 years ago and still think of her.
I can be Riley whenever I want, and do.
Strangely, the painted toenails helps alot.

PM me if you wish,
Riley

[Di]

Very sorry to hear. Let us know how you are doing.Hope little things like keeping your toes painted give you some joy.

[DianeT]

My condolences Kendra.

[Philipa Jane]

Hi Kendra.
We are kindred spirits.
My wife of 48 years passed in March this year also from cancer.
I REALLY DO feel your pain.
Before I decided to come back here I had already slipped back into my alter ego.
I find this helps me to cope.
When things aren't so raw I may be able to revisit all the good times we had and I hope this will apply to you to.
My sincere condolences to you.
Philipa Jane

[suzanne]

Kendra, I'm sorry to hear about your loss. Aftrr 49 years, she left behind an awfully big void that you need to fill. I wish you good luck going forward.

Don't worry about not being passable. I, too, am in no way passable, so I don't try. I am nothing more than a Man in a Dress, a MIAD, and it works just fine for me. I'd like to share what works for me. I have asked for advice from the SAs in the stores I shop in, and they have been wonderful to me. They have shown me what work on my very unfeminine body and why it works. They gave me all the time I needed to literally try on every dress in the store, allowing me to discover my own personal style. Many of them have since become dear friends.

The result? I am confident that the looks I put together are tasteful, age appropriate and nice looking. The goal is to be PRESENTABLE, not passable (very few CDers actually pass anyway). I don't just think I'm presentable, I know I am because random women come up and tell me how nice I look.

In a nutshell, shop in person and ask the sales staff for their opinions. You will find they are very generous with their time for you because not only do they accept your femininity, they ENJOY helping CDs like us to discover and live our truth.

[alwayshave]

Kendra, I'm so sorry for your loss.

[Maria 60]

I'm so sorry to hear this and wish you strength and courage. I always tell my wife I hope I go before her because I couldn't imagine living one day without her. I could only imagine what your going through.
Sorry for you lost.