This is Never Easy

[Kandi Robbins]

Sometimes the seemingly easier "this" all gets, the harder it becomes.

https://www.kandis-land.com/the-fight-of-my-life-me-vs-me/

Life gets in the way and always throws us a curve.

Food for thought.

Cherish those that you love and that love you, always.

[Teri Ray]

Wonderful honest thoughts Kandi thanks so much for sharing this.

[Davina2833]

Kandi,

Excellent post, thanks for sharing.

You will continue to be in our prayers and knowing what you have to do is hard, PM me if you want to talk.

DAvina

[Jacke]

Kandi, sorry for what you are facing. Been there, done that, twice for my family and four times for my wife's. Hard as it is, one step at a time is the only way. What I have found is how helpful it will be if you keep that wonderful smile alive. It will help you and those around you as well. Peace sister.

[JulieC]

That's a great post Kandi!

A couple of thoughts if I may...

You mentioned about splinterings within the community: Much as so many of us here share common ground in our crossdressing, we are all very different. Each of us have traits that make us different in how we feel inside about our femme selves, how we present ourselves, and how we go about our lives as dual identity people. For my part, I greatly respect and admire the ability of so many here who feel (mostly) at ease going out dressed, going shopping, dancing, etc. I've never done that, and there's a fair chance I never will. That makes me different than some here, and they from me. That doesn't make us less kindred spirits in some regards. It's these differences that can sometimes come across as splinterings. I hope I never come across that way to anyone, and I would like to think that everyone else here feels the same, though I'm sure it still comes across that way.

You mentioned about keeping Kandi secret; Throughout our lives, there are very few people who know us in every significant respect. We each present a different face, if you will, to different people in our lives. Our employers know a version of us, our extended families know a version, our nuclear families know a version, our spouses know a version, our friends know a version, our closest friends know a version. Each version has differences from others. We have close family friends that if they knew us wholly might vanish in a puff of smoke. My wife's mother thinks my wife and I have an amazing marriage (and we do! Fantastic marriage!), but would likely disown us if she knew we have an open marriage. Quite a number of my friends would likely turn their backs on me if they saw me in a dress and heels. Outside of my wife, I have one and only one friend who knows me completely. Nothing is secret from her. We used to date 30+ years ago, but now remain (with my wife's blessing) very close friends. That's exceptionally rare. For all of us, in almost all circumstances, really nobody but possibly our spouses ever knows us completely, and even spouses knowing us completely is not common enough. Keeping Kandi secret isn't unusual, nor is keeping other aspects of yourself out of the face you present to a friend, a colleague, a family member. I guess what I'm trying to say is; it's just part of daily life in our social world, just another aspect of you that you may or may not present to someone.

You mentioned about internal joy; that's an excellent point! I share all of my femme self with wife, but I am not Shakespeare and can not adequately convey the happiness I feel in dressing. A week ago, we went shopping/driving for the day out and about around the region. For almost all of it, I wore heels while driving. Not shopping, but driving at least. This gave me great happiness, an internal sense of joy that I could not express sufficiently. I have expressed that I want to do more of that, and my wife is happy to do so. But, I can't express what it does inside. You're right, we can't slice and dice it and pass it around. I think the best we can hope for is absolute openness in as much as it is humanly possible.

[docrobbysherry]

Life would be SO EASY if we could just get out of our own way!:devil:

[CarlaWestin]

Always a good read. And your blog thoughts help us all as we live similarly. In my two lives, no family members (except my daughter) know a thing about Carla. Wife absolutely hates the whole CD thing and won't even entertain conversations about it.
But, I have a vibrant and diverse CD friend group, my BFF of 50 years thinks it's cool and I'm perfectly comfortable out in a world of total strangers when I'm Carla. I've had issues trying to fit the deception component into the reality of being totally honest but,
it's just an unfortunate part of this life that chose us. As our two lives have the inherent necessity to remain compartmentalised (unless you truly are the wrong gender) we have a duty to our selves to not let the internal noise bleed over. There's nothing wrong with
being a stand up man when it's time to be a man. And when you are a woman, just enjoy being a woman. Trust me, life itself will continue around you.

[Natalie5004]

Thank you Kandi for keeping it real.