Do you ever feel ashamed or uncomfortable?

[Kimberly A.]

Hey y'all! :) For those of you who go out in public crossdressed, do you ever feel ashamed, uncomfortable, nervous or embarrassed? Now me, with as long as I've been doing it, (going on steadily for two and a-half years now), I do not feel that way..... Matter of fact, I feel more comforatable with myself when I go out en femme than when I go out as just plain, old me. LOL Now, I did feel that way the first time I ventured out en femme, but as I kept doing it, it got easier and easier and less embarrassing.

Like for example, I've gotten to the point now where I don't like to do my grocery shopping unless I'm en femme, or even out to eat, I LOVE CD'ing so much! LOL Anyway, just a random thought and question. :)

[BrendaPDX]

Hi Kimberly, Great question, yes I do and yes I have. I am getting better like you say, I hope someday to be more like you, I better get out more! Thanks for asking :)

[Sandi Beech]

Kimberly,

I would not use the term embarrassed, but I do still get a little for lack of better words I would call it hesitant. I am not going out as often as you, but I have been going out almost 5 years now. It is hard to believe it has been that long really. Certainly the confidence and comfort level goes up over time. When I am having a nice interaction with people, the self doubt melts away instantly and that relaxed feeling of being able to be me is something that is hard to convey to those who have not experienced it yet. It can be a wonderful feeling. It seems like that is where you are at now.

Sandi

[nvlady]

You prefer to do your shopping en femme. That means you are very comfortable en femme. The more comfortable you are, the less people will notice. the less people notice, the less ashamed or uncomfortable you will be.

[Karren H]

Never! Since I have been going out enfemme in public, I have felt excited and confident and proud.... never ashamed or embarrassed. If I had then chances are I would still be hiding in the closet.

[mbmeen12]

Absolutely, I have a very large frame and not of a "normal GG stature".

[CharlotteCD]

I always feel self conscious, ashamed, uncomfortable, embarassed.

Which I shouldn't, because this is who I am.

[Suranne]

Nope, not since the day that I decided to head out into the world after living in my shell for many years. I'm me, I'm not changing, and it's for the world out there to deal with - and you what - they do!!

[Sometimes Steffi]

No, I don't usually feel ashamed, uncomfortable, nervous or embarrassed. In most cases, especially when talking with the public, I feel empowered.

The only time I feel uncomfortable is when when I have to walk through a crowd of muggles to get to my car, at night. But, I don't think that's what you meant.

[Kimberly A.]

Thanks for all your replies, ladies! :) That was kind of another one of my little ways to get to know y'all a little more and find out how comfortable you all are with with your CD'ing..... I can relate to a lot, if not all of what y'all said, such as the hesitation, (like what Sandi Beech mentioned). Sometimes yes, I'm still a little hesitant to step out en femme and yeah, I do get kinda nervous as well. Not becuase I'm out dressed like a woman, but because of what some person with ill intentions might try to do. Shucks, I've been hit on by guys and some of them even asked for my phone number, which I most definitely denied them and turned them down. LOL..... But that is why I carry a certain item for protection with me in my purse. :bs: Not because someone simply asks for my phone number, or hits on me, of course not. But in case someone tries to get physical with me while I'm en femme, I have my protection with me at all times.

Anyway, that last statement is sorta beside the point. CharlotteCD, you are absolutely right, you should NOT feel ashamed, embarrassed or anything, because your feminine side, like most if not all of ours here, is who you are and you should embrace it, not hide it...... Well, I hide mine from my family, especially my dad because most of my family is very bigoted, especially my dad.

mbmeem12, I, too have kind of a large masculine frame, but that still doesn't stop me from going out en femme. LOL

For those of you who said you wish you were more like me...... Well, I'm not trying to really be a role model for anyone here, however I do appreciate that. I feel that we should all be who feel we are meant to be, whether that be just a straight guy who has no desire, whatsoever to crossdress, or a straight, bi, or gay guy who crossdresses, or a woman who crossdresses, (I know there are some out there, it's just not nearly as heard of as a m to f CD'er), or a transgender person..... We live in an ever-growing accepting society and should just embrace who we are. :) Gosh, I can sound so stupid sometimes and I hope that makes sense! LOL

[Jillian Faith]

I'm typically comfortable going out but for some reason I get very uncomfortable around certain men, i.e. say the Nordstrom's Ladies shoe department where there are several men sales associates all wearing suits.

[Stephanie47]

As a six foot male weighing 200 pounds I still look fairly good as a male. As a woman, not so much. Actually, not at all. It's not an issue of being ashamed. I am not ashamed. I do take evening strolls in a safe residential neighborhood to "get it out of my system." I would feel uncomfortable shopping among the masses, no matter how well put together.

Decades ago I felt ashamed and had a lot of self loathing as I did not understand why I was wore women's clothing. I now realize the problem I have is dealing with the problems other people have about people who are different than themselves.

[Elizabeth G]

The first couple of times I went out I felt equal parts terror and exhilaration. That was a long time ago. Now I don?t have any qualms at all. I'm comfortable presenting female and it feels increasingly natural as time goes by. Shame has never been part of the equation.

[Just Dana]

I've been out a whopping two times now! I was definitely nervous (serious understatement) both times. However, each time that nervousness faded considerably as soon as I made it through the doorway.

Any attention embarrasses me, so I will have to figure out how to deal with that aspect of going out. However, as most of you have said, people just don't pay that much attention. Luckily, shame hasn't been an issue.

Dana

[Melanie Sykes]

Yes, I feel both nearly every time I go out, at least until I've had a couple of positive interactions. The shame element comes from wondering what my wife would think if she could see me. She's not very accepting, although is very slowly coming to terms with it. It makes her sad though that I want to do this. If I've had a couple of good interactions I feel that she'd be less embarrassed, and so the shame and discomfort fades a bit. Until the next time I'm dressed and about to go out through the door, or get out of the car, and those horrible old fears/feelings come back again and again.

[Alice Torn]

CharlotteCD, I can relate. i always feel shame and self conscious, uncomfortable and embarassed, because of siblings would jeer and torment me, if they find out, and i was raised old school and anything effeminate in a man was scorned and derided. And i live in a small town where everything gets around fast. I am conflicted until the day i will die about CDing, sadly. I have not gone out in over3 1/2 yrs.

[Sometimes Steffi]

While I have been hit on by a couple of guys, I've also been hit on by a couple of GGs. The GGs wanted to kiss, and I hod no problem with that. We kissed.

[Claire M]

Ashamed .. never. Uncomfortable or nervous ... I still take a deep breath before I walk out my door or step out of my car en femme. The only other time I've feel nervous is having to wait in line in the women's bathroom especially if there is a group of high school age girls as well.

[mbmeen12]

mbmeem12, I, too have kind of a large masculine frame, but that still doesn't stop me from going out en femme. LOL

I still go out! It is just I am fully aware my frame does dont come close to a nat GG which plays off my energy in my mind and situational awareness.

[HeatherW]

I only ever go out at night. Like you Alice, I was raised old school and the small town I live in has a very traditional way of thinking. I have been to a nightclub in the neighboring city and I'll sometimes stop at a convenience store to get a drink or something, but I don't know that those really count. lol The thought of being recognized or outed is terrifying to me. I need to work on that.

[Aunt Kelly]

First off, let me make clear that I am not judging. Most of us are old enough to have had to deal with the widespread abhorrence that most cultures have for people like us. It's almost impossible to not have internalized some of that. The resulting angst positively drips from the posts of so many here. That said...

Let us never be ashamed of who we are. Such misplaced guilt and shame is toxic to the spirit. Mind you, I'm not advocating that the casual crossdresser shares that with the world (unless they feel like it, of course). There are many valid reasons to keep private our gender identity/expression, but guilt is not one of them.

[Billie]

I've not felt ashamed. It's tough sometimes, I've had my nails done for almost two years now. I've had all sorts of colors, designs, and shapes. AND there are still times when if someone stares just a little too long at them that I get a little uncomfortable. I've not had anyone say anything negative about them to me, and I have had lots of people say how much they like them.

There are days were I can just go for it with other things like a women's shirt and bra, which wouldn't seem like much since I wear women's shorts or jeans and panties every day. And other days that I have a harder time feeling comfortable with that.

I'm just trying to be me and sometimes that's harder to feel comfortable doing.

[Teresa.Smith.VA]

Deleted by Teresa.

[Kimberly A.]

Teresa.Smith.VA..... That's awesome that your wife has been accepting of your CD'ing and has persuaded you to as well!

And unless I misunderstood you, you said "Try it, you will like it!" Ok, do you mean trying to go on a date while en femme? Cause I mean, I've tried really, really hard before on dating sites to get a woman who will date me as a CD'er and I fail every time. :( Of course also, please keep in mind that I'm not gay or bisexual, I'll only date women. LOL Anyway, I see that you're from Virginia, of course and I'm from Mississippi..... Now, I know Virginia is a southern state, as is MS and most southerners, (especially MS and AL) are not yet as accepting of an alternative lifestyle such as CD'ing as people in other states are, which is probably the reason why I have such a hard time finding a date.

I know, I went off-topic from my original post, but still a valid point imho. LOL

- - - Updated - - -


I still go out! It is just I am fully aware my frame does dont come close to a nat GG which plays off my energy in my mind and situational awareness.

mbmeen12, I do apologize, I misunderstood you. LOL..... I thought you meant that you don't go out en femme, it's cool that you do! :)

[Devi SM]

Kimberly, what you relate is just a matter of time to get used improving your make up and dressing skills. The problem is some don't have the many opportunities to dress so few practice.

I remember the first times I was scared but with some confidence too because a lot of guys saw me before in internet and I received just compliments.

Then, after my wife knowing about my cding, I started going out dressed very often, even twice a week. Once I invited wife with me but she was reluctant. It took a lot of time to get her going out with me. Watching pics from those days I can, now, understand why she was reluctant, she was actually embarrased of being with me because my attires, make up skills were really poor and I looked like a man dressed.

Today I'm a tramswoman, I'd been living full time more than two years, we go together most of the time but now she's not embarrased but took some time for her to confess how embarrased she was.

So one thing is to get used to go out without noticing what people see and other is to improve to really "pass" st least unnoticeable and blend....now I'm in voice feminization therapy because when I reached the point of bleeding, she was embarrased when I open ky mouth, and I could notice heads turning towards me....lol

Btw, if you feel more comfortable in femme, it says something about being trans. Ever get in therapy?

I can see here many that would be real happy living as a woman....but I know fears...buy fear is a children of ignorance...

Devi

[kimdl93]

I would like to say that feelings of being conspicuous or embarrassed are long gone, but really these can reemerge at any time for me. I managed to get out once in a while during the covid lulls, but lately its been more difficult to do so, and I expect that when I finally do, I will feel the same apprehensions I experienced a decade or more ago.

[MonicaPVD]

So long as I am not anywhere near my home, I feel perfectly normal and comfortable going out dressed in any setting or environment. If I am close to home, the concern over being spotted by an acquaintance who recognized my car, bumped into me at the store, or something like that is strong. Therefore, I refrain from going out dressed in my town.

[Alex!]

This is an important question because I think it reveals a deeper truth about ourselves.

I would say I am uncomfortable when en femme in public; not ashamed but certainly a bit embarrassed. This is because of two reasons. One is feeling a bit like a fraud while pretending to be a woman superficially. This is exacerbated by an awareness that I actually don't want to actually be a woman and though I get a momentary charge out of being noticed for good reasons, I also would rather blend in and not be noticed at all. Secondly, I am physically uncomfortable wearing a wig, smack on my face, and body shaping stuff. Indeed, in the summer months, I pull back on the CD throttle a but because the heat makes everything worse.

Why the question is important is that I believe if one is comfortable being en femme in public, that might help confirm that taking the next step is indeed the right decision to make.

[Territx]

I always feel self-conscious, ashamed, uncomfortable, and somewhat embarrassed about any "extra" attention I get - but also, exhilarated, composed, comfortable, and serene. After all, there are many parts to my persona and there are also many parts to the emotions I have when I have been out dressed as my "other self".

[Beverley Sims]

I lost any inhibitions years ago.

I just go out and interact with anyone without any negative feelings at all.

[BTWimRobin]

I tend to venture out in more of a hybrid mode. Each time I go out, I try to push the envelope a little more. While I feel very comfortable with my state of dress I am, at times, self-conscience. I am proud of who I am and try my hardest to display confidence even when I am out of my comfort zone.

[Devi SM]

Alex, if I can ask, with so many uncomfortably and fears, do you go out or just dress at home?

[Geena75]

My initial response would be "Of course I am, all of the above. Otherwise, why would I be concerned about being seen by someone I know." I really appreciate the point of getting away from usual haunts when going out feminized to alleviate that concern. I've been dreaming of an outing and it would be about 10 miles from home to a town where I'm not going to run into anyone who would know me. Were my dream to come true, I wonder how I would feel then? If I do it, you'll certainly find out.

[Alex!]

I go out a few times a year as my schedule allows. I dont experience fear, just uncomfortableness and I am hyper aware of my surroundings. But these feelings are no match for the pleasure I experience temporarily letting go of culturally defined masculinity and hanging out with like minded chums.

[Julie Slowinski]

The short answer is, no. The honest answer is, sometimes. I think we all have internalized transphobia that rears its head every once in a while. The key for me is recognize that it is happening and have my conscience mind shut down my subconscious with a little ?shut up, you!!? If I?m out and about and I start feeling uncomfortable and self-conscious, possibly because of the people around me, then I get a bit of tunnel vision, where I just focus on what I?m doing. Of course, that?s a great idea if my safety is in question, but that is quite rare.

[Devi SM]

Julie Slowinski, I think you have a huge misconception, we CANNOT control our subconscious or unconcious mind, for that is call that way, it is something buried in areas of our brain that have huge control in our lives but we have no control at all, at least in the way you mention like "shut up".
I believe what you're talking about is you recognize some areas in your personality that you don't like and try to help yourself saying words like that buy to control you unconcious mind? It's very laughable....

[Jodie_Lynn]

I always feel self conscious, ashamed, uncomfortable, embarassed.



Then don't. If Charlotte is your true expression of self, why would you feel any of those emotions?

[Cheryl T]

Of course I've felt that way.
The first few years of going out I was always nervous and afraid. Now I no longer feel that way. This is me, this is part of the whole and I want to enjoy being whole. I spent too many years in pieces and now that they are all put back in their proper places I no longer feel nervous or afraid.