Confidence Advice Needed

[Trixie1]

First time posting and still trying out my look. I've been wearing skirts and dresses around the house on and off for a few years but recently (the last 12 months) its become more frequent. I wouldn't say I'm trying to look like a woman, the beard sort of gives it away, but I enjoy the clothes and feel more comfortable wearing skirts, leggings etc. and just recently I've started wearing padded bras which I'm finding comfy and compliment the look nicely. I've always wondered what reaction I'd get if I went out dressed up and just recently have had a few outings out with large jumper dresses on with leggings and it went a lot better than I expected, of course people looked, but there were no silly comments or giggles so its given me a great confidence boost. SO is very supportive and even helps pick my outfits and we've been talking about a having a night or 2 away and me being able to dress how I want, even dressing up for a nice meal or something like that. Problem is I'm not sure I have the confidence to be that public yet as I'm still finding my feet with it all and was wondering if anyone had any advice?

[Julie MA]

Trixie,

You have made it over three of the biggest hurdles already. Self acknowledgement, SO acceptance, and getting out dressed. Sounds like you are becoming more comfortable with dressing, and are finding your look and style. Well done. With all this progress, your confidence will grow. don't see any issues on which you need advice. But there are plenty to consider. Safety. Job/employer/family/friend outing and acceptance, and loss. And that is a huge hurdle. Possible SO reversal of support. I had that happen. What are your actual confidence concerns?

Julie

[Karren H]

Yeah! What Julie said! Take it slow and keep progressing. Your look will evolve. Hell I am still trying to find my look! Looks! The amazing thing is you can be or look how ever you want! Masculinity.... nothing a little makeup can?t fix!! And a wig..... corset....

[Trixie1]

I suppose my biggest concern is the reaction I may get from others, especially somewhere where you can't really get away from people like a hotel. In a way I would like the familly and friends we have near us to know, it would make things easier even if a little strange to start with. I think my first hurdle is going to be going out in a skirt dressed up, it's one thing having a big jumper dress on with leggings it's another having a skirt and nice top on. I think if I can get past this then having time in a hotel should hopefully be a bit easier.

[Suranne]

This may seem to be contrary advice, but the best way to get confidence is to go somewhere really busy and during the day time. Why? Because there are lots of people about all going about their business worrying about what they're having for tea or what the kids are doing or a million other things rather than who that is across the way or what they are wearing. And, even if they do see you, you'd warrant no more than an "Oh, there's a man in a dress" and if they did mention you when they get home, all they'd say is "I saw a man in a dress today" and the thing is that none of it matters. And then, after a short while it just becomes normal. Certainly early on, and perhaps generally, the three things to avoid are lonely spaces, dark and drink. Here's hoping all goes well for you.

[Trixie1]

Well I think the baby step for the day is going to be going out in something less baggy to show off my curves better, not sure how far or how busy will see how I feel when I am out. Really good idea about finding somewhere busy, totally get the idea that if people are busy with their own lives why would they pay too much attention to me and even if they do notice they'll soon have gone never to be seen again

[Connie D50]

Trixie
if you shaved off the beard then get a make over it always give me confidence to go out in the real world.
Connie

[Sandi Beech]

Trixie

Actually a hotel is one of the easiest places to ?get away? with whatever level of dressing you want to try out. Most people do not know anyone else other than their own group, and people mostly just pass by each other. Of course a beard does kind of send mix signals but most people are not going to care. The only thing I avoid is the breakfast area unless I am fully en femme because there are likely to be little kids with protective parents around. They may not want to hear their kids ask why that man is in a dress. Other than that, it is all good. If you look at some of my recent posts, I talked about putting on a little fashion show for the lady at the front desk very late in the evening and it was fun. Go for it. It is mostly scary in our heads. Over time that will fade.

Sandi

[Trixie1]

Never thought of it like that in a hotel, sounding more appealing the more I think about it now. Still 50/50 with the beard, I've had it a long time and whilst I'm very comfy in womens clothes I'm not sure about going fully en femme, that might be one step too far for me at the moment

[Barbara Jo]

IMO, it all comes down to how much you want to appear in public as female and pass.
A beard is one sure way not to pass of course. I would suggest that you might shave off the beard. It can always grow back if you do not like it.

I suspect that the only reason you do not want to shave it off is just because you had it for a long time. We can all be creatures of habit at times .
Perhaps you might be ready for a change..... and a clean shaved man looks younger . It's your face and no one else's. :)

[Sallee]

I would agree a beard is a dead give away and you can always grow it back. Shave it and get a makeover and you will be surprised how well you pass. The down side no one will notice you. You look just like one of the girls Have fun

[Trixie1]

I understand the problem with the beard, I'm just not sure if I'm at the stage of wanting to totally pass. I'm really happy in the clothes but that's one step I'm not sure I want to make at the moment (although a good makeover could be fun)

[docrobbysherry]

R u from Down Unda, Trixie? I'm thinking your "jumper dress" mite be what we call a sweater dress?

In any case, after you've reached 10 posts u can visit and post your photos here in the "Pictures" forum. With or without whiskers. By the by, I have a beard and stash in nearly ALL my pics posted here!:heehee:

We can review your looks for femness, prettiness, or with whatever criticism u like!:daydreaming:

[Trixie1]

Not from down under, from the UK. Jumper dress is similar to a sweater dress. Will have a look at posting some pics when I can, would be good to get some other opinions on looks and outfits

[Helen_Highwater]

Trixie,

It seems to me you already have a good amount of confidence. The bigger issue is as others have alluded to, is going out dressed with the beard. There are those who's confidence knows no bounds. There is a member her based if memory is correct, in Germany who goes to the office everyday in a skirt blouse and heels.

What you and your SO need to discuss is if you can both deal with the attention going out fully enfemme and bearded will undoubtedly bring. It made only be a few looks while dining or it could be name calling or worse. As long as you're prepared for it then all well and good. My personal advice, would be as others have said would be to shave the beard and fully explore just what you can achieve. If it doesn't float your boat then then grow it back. I would also say not to come out to family and friends until you've decided what the correct course of action is for you. This is a bell you can't un-ring so any adverse reactions can't be undone/ erased so be certain of where you want to take things.

[Trixie1]

All really good advice, thanks everyone, its given me a lot to think about. As I've recently started shaving my chest then maybe I take the plunge and shave the beard as well, as people have said it'll grow back if I don't like it

[Julie MA]

Then again, the kids might explain to the parents, why that man is in a dress...

[Trixie1]

Sticking with baby steps at the moment as I'm still trying to figure out my look etc. A lot of good ideas and definitely will think about the beard just not sure if it's one step too far while I'm still trying to figure out some of the basics and getting used to things (and the SO getting used to things too)

[Cheshire girl]

As others have said the beard is a no no if you want to be accepted in public. I wouldn?t go outside unless I was confident I looked like a woman. Otherwise you are going to get some adverse reaction sooner rather than later. Get all the expert advice you can and have fun!

[Trixie1]

The beard seems a sticking point for people, surely I should be confident in who I am and comfortable in what I want to wear rather than having to change for other people

[Sometimes Steffi]

I have grown a full beard during COVID. But, I'm going to (trans) Girls Night Out tomorrow.

I plan to take a few pics of the beard and then shave tonight before going out with the girls tomorrow.

[Helen_Highwater]

The beard seems a sticking point for people, surely I should be confident in who I am and comfortable in what I want to wear rather than having to change for other people

Trixie,

You should, however whether other people see it that way is a different matter. Sadly there are (thankfully a few) Neanderthal knuckle draggers out there who won't see it that way. As I said above, if you're both prepared to see though any adverse consequences then more power to you. You need to give consideration to the possibility that just one bad experience may be enough to make your SO call time and end your adventures once and for all. Discretion is after all the better part of valour.

[Jamie1980]

Trixie,
I had a mustache from the time i was 17 to when I was almost 45. I really wanted to find myself and feel as feminine as possible. I thought I would give myself away if I shaved, since I had the mustache for so long. I finally shaved it and it was life changing for me. It was a better look for me on my male side and it allowed me to be who I really wanted to be on my feminine side.

That being said, I have always struggled with wanting to do more as a woman. My experiences are alone in a hotel. I made myself crazy wanting to get out. But then I realized that we all just need to do what we are comfortable with and find every bit of enjoyment we can.

[Aunt Kelly]

"...beard sort of gives it away."
OK, so you're a man in a dress (MIAD), and want the confidence to appear in public like that. It is a given that you will, to say the least, raise eyebrows wherever you go. In all likelihood, you will be laughed at openly. If you're ready for that, just get out there and be who you are.

[Jacke]

[QUOTE=Sometimes Steffi;4522630]I have grown a full beard during COVID.

I too have grown a Covid beard. I have enjoyed it, but it is hard to practice makeup skills with it. I think that will be the deciding factor for shaving it off.

[Geena75]

I'm working up courage and plan of getting out in public -- in a limited way. My plan would be to utilize a covid mask to hide my blatant facial hair. In my case, I think my MIAD look is awful and would draw attention, and not the sort of attention I would want. Also, my fun is in looking feminine. But that is me. Do what works for you, and enjoy it. P.S. I still have a long range plan of being clean shaven (for a little bit anyway) when I would have an opportunity to fully feminize.

[Trixie1]

Thanks Geena, that's pretty much what I was thinking, a mask if I wanted to hide the beard for now but more importantly I'm doing this for me and I have to be comfy, my SO has to be comfy and I have to be myself otherwise I'm doing it fir the wrong reasons. I understand that my bring some looks and comments but those I'll deal with when I need to I refuse to pretend to be something I'm not just to be accepted

[SissieScott]

Trixie,
Because my upper lip (to me) looks like a turtle lip, I have had at least a mustache if not goatee or beard since age 15. I too crave to feel comfortable in my skin and clothing in public. I am taking baby steps.....I started recently shaving my beard down to a goatee(can be hidden by covid mask) if/when I eventually venture into public. I also shaved my underarms, chest, and waist to just above my knees (so I can still have hairy man legs for shorts.....but I'm already thinking about getting rid of that too. If anyone questions it's for skin/ personal hygiene (I'm prone to boils, festered hair/follica ....not to mention what's sexy about sweaty, matted leg/chest/pit hair.....and like my wife says.... "What makes you think you're so special to think that people even see/acknowledge you enough to judge or criticize
I turn 50 in September and completely DONE with worrying about what others think about me or their version of *normal* and will live MY life MY way! At the same time however, I am doing this with my wife's support/approval/guidance too.....It's one thing for my comfort, but at the same time wouldn't want make a spectacle of her or her feelings either. Best of luck!

[Trixie1]

Agree completely. My wife is soooo supportive I can't thank her enough. Everything I do and we do we speak about first to make sure it's not going to cause problems. It's all about being confident and comfortable for me, I'm not looking to pass or not to pass, I'm looking to be me, to he open and honest about who I am. To those who want to pass, good luck I hope you're happy. Similarly to those who don't good luck and enjoy it. To me its each to their own, why does there have to be a right and a wrong way, its our choice (mine and my wifes) no one else's.