More progression

[CharlotteCD]

As you'll have seen over the last 2 years, I have been on quite a progression (as so many of us do). I've gone from the opportunity of dressing during the day after I lost my job, to then doing more full makeup, to wanting to go out, and finally accepting that I am actually transgender.

My next progression steps have been to join the Pride network at my work, to be open with some of my colleagues, and with the element of surprise no longer there, I've started wearing women's jeans and trousers out to meet friends, go into the office, and do the shopping.

This has been totally freeing, although really nerve wracking at times. I feel like i'm being watched and judged at all times for the skinny jeans and womanly bum I have on display. At the same time, i've not had a single comment from the few people I have actually seen in the office.

No chance of me turning up in anything frilly, flowerery, sparkly etc for some time, but this has been a start!

[Cheryl T]

A journey begins with a single step.

Long ago I started with simply wearing pretty panties every day. Now perhaps 10 percent of my clothing is male. Most of the time nothing frilly (we don't live in that kind of area, more rural) but I've found I'm just as happy in jeans and a top as in anything. I've found me and I'm happy that way.

One foot in front of the other.

[Pumped]

My next progression steps have been to join the Pride network at my work, to be open with some of my colleagues, and with the element of surprise no longer there, I've started wearing women's jeans and trousers out to meet friends, go into the office, and do the shopping.

This has been totally freeing, although really nerve wracking at times. I feel like i'm being watched and judged at all times for the skinny jeans and womanly bum I have on display. At the same time, i've not had a single comment from the few people I have actually seen in the office.

Well, if you have a Pride Network active at your employment that has to be a positive!

Where I worked there was a certain amount of acceptance to gays, but when the office door was closed for the day it was a different story. It was not a safe place to be different. You had to be a "man", hunt, fish and drink beer, and wear work boots, sloppy men's jeans and t-shirts.

They about lost it when I started wearing fairly neutral, 3 inch western heel boots. All the guys were talking about them, but I just blew it off. Sometimes I asked them if they wanted a pair I could "hook them up" and that would shut them up. Skinny jeans and fem tops? I didn't have the energy to deal with that!

[Helen_Highwater]

That's great to hear. How is 'er in doors taking these changes?

[CharlotteCD]

She doesn't know. I change at work, or in the car, and change back again, putting my clothing in my work bag.

I meant to say that I had a close call today at the shops when I walked towards the checkout and found myself stood 10ft away from my dad. Totally unexpected, and I 180'd silently away.

[Karren H]

That would be awkward... lucky you were not in the check out line and he walked up behind you!

[AngelaYVR]

She doesn't know.

When that hits the fan, the splatter zone will extend to Mars. Rather you than me!

[Geena75]

I shouldn't be one to talk, but I agree with Angela. If I were about telling people I know about my 'peculiar pastime,' the first one would be my wife, and she would be more in the know than they.

[CharlotteCD]

My wife does know, she just doesn't want to discuss it. I'm currently discussing with my counsellor how best to bring up the subject with my wife.

The main challenge right now is to open her eyes to the double standards that exist within our relationship - if I controlled what she wears, I'd be accused of being a husband from the stone ages. Her clothing is an expression of who she is, my clothing is an expression of who society has told her I should be.

I feel like progress is coming on the home front.

[DianeT]

Hi Charlotte, if you are really talking about transitioning as a next step, either socially or medically, your wife should be first to know as this is a life changer. I'm sorry for the loss of your job, but the rest of your statements brings me some perplexity. In no particular order :
- If you think you are on a path to transitioning, and the job loss and the slack it gave you were the trigger to discover it, I would tend to think that you are more exploring a new world and confused by it or caught by some level of pink fog. Or was this transitioning desire there already before the job loss?
- Since you are enjoying your new freedom, is this conflicting with the hunt for a new job?
- When do you plan to tell your wife? If the game has changed she must know. Her decision to not discuss it was based on intel that is now obsolete.
Just food for thought and not necessarily asking for answers.

[CharlotteCD]

I've clearly not phrased the original post, so there is some misunderstanding here.

- I'm not on the path to transitioning medically, and a social transition would only be the odd night out with work girls, not a daily transition, so only 2-3 nights a year at the most. I won't transition because it's too much stress for me to cope with.
- I have always wanted to be a woman, ever since I was 3-4. I've told my wife I am transgender, and I think in her mind it's not actually bothering me and I don't think about it.
- The lost job was a reference to nearly two years ago, and I was only out of a job for 5 weeks in the end.
- I don't see a benefit in telling my wife that some of my colleagues know, as there is a mutual trust with these people, and no overlap where she'd meet them.

[GretchenM]

In my personal opinion, if your primary gender expression is women's jeans and a mildly feminine top and your wife knows and doesn't want to talk about it then all is well, FOR NOW. But I am concerned about the changing clothes on the way home. It seems to me the next step is to stop doing that and work on getting your wife to accept at least that degree of expression. Otherwise there is a subtle but potentially important conflict existing between you and your need to express who you are and your wife. It seems like you are putting your wife is a lesser and subordinate level compared to what you are doing for yourself and without her being aware of it. Not many wives are going to be thrilled to find out that is going on. Gently open up to her, inform her, and assure her that if she does not want to "participate" that is fine. You may have to make some adjustments, but creating tension my "sneaking" is, in the long run, going to fail. In other words I sense a degree of domination over her with regard to this issue. I think there needs to be more agreement between you two. It will be touchy and rough for awhile, but it will also get rid of the "I've Got a Secret" stuff that can eventually devastate the trust that is needed for a happy marriage.

[Dutchess]

I agree with Gretchen about the domming here . I think that's why I spoke up . I see alot of domming around the forum but still its not good



The main challenge right now is to open her eyes to the double standards that exist within our relationship - if I controlled what she wears, I'd be accused of being a husband from the stone ages. Her clothing is an expression of who she is, my clothing is an expression of who society has told her I should be.

I have always wanted to be a woman, ever since I was 3-4.

Theres no double standard because from everything you have written its alot more than the clothes . You are changing you . I am sure you think differently but from a wifes POV, her whole life is turning upside down . We can tel its more than the clothes .. You could not begin to imagine if she came home wanting to be a man since she was 3-4 but you had o idea until last year etc , your trying to get with this and slowly slowly she starts doing all this ultra butch hyper masculine stuff and joined the LGBT things at work .. I know most everyone here will say they would accept thats immediately but I will never believe that . You have to live it . So many mental things go along with this . The main one if that she is straight and you want to be a girl and you all have a family together and its just not that easy .

She has alot invested too.
Society didnt tell her who you should be, YOU told her who you were going to be when you asked for a lifetime commitment from her . She could only go by what you told her an showed her . She was attracted to WHO and what you showed her .

[SissieScott]

Charlotte,

Be very very very careful about withholding things from your wife. Most women consider *withholding important info* just as bad if not worse than a LIE! It is immediate loss of trust and cause her to question your every thought or move! Also they view it as *sneaking around*..... "Am I that bad of a person, he doesn't want to tell me" "if he doesn't tell me THIS...WHAT else is he hiding". etc.

Been there, done that, bought the T-shirt and it NEVER works out well! "What's done in the dark...will come to light.

[Di]

Third time writing this, did not post because you will not like it but then if I did not care .....I would not even try.
Yes please talk to your counselor about getting on the same page like immediately.
Since you plan progression behind her back.
Most GGs the hiding , changing clothes and being out to others -
I get it you are trying to cope.....but I see this as doing much more damage when she finds out the truth. Since you are not able to explain, getting her to understand maybe your counselor could.
I feel like you are just kicking the can down the road ....just trying to keep her thinking things are a ok.
I just fear you doing this and she finds out she will feel betrayed.

About the jeans ....I am sure no one thinks a thing but you. Unless they were Lacy or embroidered....guys wear skinny jeans. . Some women wear guy dept jeans because they fit better .
No one bats an eye So your feeling watched , is it because you are nervous wearing them ? So as far as your dad seeing them.....he would see jeans.
I think you are adding more stress to yourself.
Like I said I was afraid to write this ....because you will not like it but as hard as this is I feel things will be much worse keeping things from her.
Unless you have an agreement she wants to know nothing ....but I doubt that would include changing clothes and coming out to others behind her back....especially since you are discussing with your counselor how to talk to her.
I do worry....I wish only the best.

[Amy Lynn3]

Di: Good sound words and you mean them for advise.

[CharlotteCD]

Thanks for those words Di.