How does your SO support, or better yet, encourage your CD?

[Aka_Donna]

My last query was "successful", i.e., 3 pages of responses, so I thought I'ld take another stab at creating a subject that others might read as a lengthy and comprehensive library of good personal experiences.


I'll start it off: For me we've moved from "don't do this" to "don't show me" to "ok, I'll play show me."

Our practice is to end the night in relaxed mode. She'll get into comfy clothes and if I'm pre-occuppied with something remark "hey you haven't changed yet".

Today this practice is described as "nightly eye candy". What an encouraging comment.

I'm not a good story teller. So many here are much more skilled in telling. So

What's your story?
How does you SO encourage your CD experiences?

[Misiokaku]

Hello SirDonna
I am not crossdressing "typically". For me it is all about the hair. I am 39 and dreamed of having long girly, then feminine hair for my whole life. Well after 11 years I finally told my girlfriend. My SO found out about my "hair fetish" maybe 8 years ago and I told hair the half truth and started growing my hair. She didn't like the fact and I liked my long hair but it wasn't what I wanted. Last year we had severe problems but one thing I told her was the whole truth about my desire to to have hair like... A typical woman, long, styled, colored, layered just beautiful. I cut my hair prior to telling her. Since I know my own hair will not be what I desire I bought a! Very expensive! Wig... But just beautiful. She helped me to choose it. first she was not convinced and confused but after lot of talking she now fully understands a knows that this is a part of me and I told her with hair like this I feel like myself finally. Now I have ordered the next one and again she helped me to choose and also this one was very expensive but she knows how important this is for me and for her it was also kind of a priority. So now I can't wait for the next one. I wear the first one as often as possible in my free time... Just at home. To small city. But I told her that for a longer vacation somewhere away I want to go with the long hair. And she was accepting but the pandemic crossed my plans. So right now no new plans.
I also told her about wanting to have earrings. so this is something I want to try when the new wig arrives, but just clip earrings. I also told her about maybe wanting to "try" women clothes but this was a little bit too far. Maybe I will get back to this topic one day. But as of now with the hair I am happy!!

[Charla]

It’s not so much CD as it’s acceptance of my transgender state. I came out to my wife about 2 years ago. She agreed to my throwing out all my male underwear and gave me recommendations on panties and jeans and bras. She’s been accepting of my HRT regime and the weekly routine of washing bras and panties. We’ve done mani and pedi sessions together.

[kimdl93]

My SO story doesn’t end well, so I won’t repeat it again here.

[Kat42]

She puts up with me/she, but absolutely no encouragement/participation. I asked for a small favor at a most tender moment. NYET! Not happened, not likely gonna happen...

[kayegirl]

Well, not exactly encouragement, but my wife knows. I have no male underwear whatsoever, wear nighties every single night. All of my clothes are kept in plain view, the only items that are not are my forms and wigs. She knows that on the days when she is at work, I will be full enfemme, even leaves notes asking Kaye to do some shopping or domestics. Most of my day to day clothing is from the ladies side of the shop, BUT, and it is a big but, she has no desire to participate at all.

[Gi Gondin]

Great topic SirDonna! I believe SO support is crucial to achieve our potential, not only in crossdressing, but in many aspects of our life? work, spiritually, family relationships, hobbies, study goals, etc?

I have an amazing girlfriend and have told some experiences we had together. But I?ll share a new detail of our relationship that will show her encouragement.

For more than 10 years she meticulously prepares new years resolutions and have them written down by december 31st. Since we have been dating, she asks me if I want to participate in some resolutions and I have for the last 3 years. She takes this process very seriously and checks and works towards this goals in a weekly basis. There are usually from 7 to 12 goals, varying from weight goals, academic, financial and leisure. Just for example this year we have a minimum 130 days of reading for at least 30 minutes, at least 130 days of exercise, etc?

But what made this year very special is that we have a separate list of new years resolution for Gisele. That was her idea and I loved. We discussed things that we would like to achieve by the end of the year and put this list below. I cannot be happier with my girlfriend and in love with someone so special. Its like she reads my mind and knows me better than myself. Very thankful.

Gisele?s new years resolution - 2021

1. Have a full enfemme trip
2. By a breast plate
3. Reduce waist by 3 inches
4. Have little oscillation in Giseles interest to dressup. ?No blackouts?
5. Finish hair laser removal treatment.
6. Exercise focused on getting a more feminine body. (Waist, butt, hips,?)
7. Take a self makeup course.

Its a short list but for me is very important. We check at least 2 times por month and already have nailed 2 and 7. Have 3, 4, 5 and 6 ongoing as expected. And for number 1 we?re waiting for covid recedes to plan this trip.

As always I hope that this helps to inspire others and bring some joy!

Keep safe,
Gi.

[Connie D50]

My wife has taken me on a roller coaster for over 40 years. "show me" To "lets go out shopping (dressed)" to "stop it" to "It's ok" Now repeat this 10 times in 40 years that is my wife. (life)

[SissieScott]

My wife has taken me make-up and clothes shopping, she has bought things for me, I wear nighties to bed, and there have been times she has asked if I will be sexy and waiting for her when she gets home (like this morning :o).
Going shopping with her is great because I can get her input on stuff that looks good on me, and stuff she may want to see me in.

[erica2054]

Same problem. I get no support

[Jillian Faith]

My ex wife was very much like Connie's wife one minute taking me shopping the next ridiculing me for being a CD. My current wife was very slow coming to acceptance but once she got there she has been wonderfully supportive, shopping online for me, going out as girlfriends to shows, shopping and lunch.

[cubbyd12]

My SO tolerates it. Never any encouragement, no helping in anything.

[cdinmd206]

My now ex SO was tolerant at first and even bought me my accessories, like purses, ear rings, jewellery and would do my makeup. After a few years she did not want to go out with me to clubs anymore and I found out she was having affairs. After the divorce I found out she thought I was messing around with other CDs and that is why she was stepping out.

[Cheryl T]

The encouragement I receive is in the form of constructive criticism.
When we shop for clothes or I wear an outfit I will be given her honest opinion whether positive or negative. It's never a put down, just simply her opinion and why it looks good or not.
I do the same for her in all cases.

[Natalie5004]

support? Just barely tolerates it is more like it.

[Jacke]

My long response was lost in the posting because I had to sign in again. Short version, she has bought makeup for me, shopped for dresses and underwear. She has shared with me some clothes she inherited. Only a few fit, but her willingness to give them to me is encouraging. I can dress at home when I want. She still does not understand, but she knows it is still me under the clothes so she is fine with it. I am so fortunate to have had her in my life for 50 years.

[Joyce Swindell]

My wife buys me cloths, panties shoes, makeup....etc. Basically when she's shopping for herself she always has Joyce in mind as well. She once ordered matching night gowns for us. Pretty awesome!. If I stay in my man cloths after we are finished with our day for the evening. On occasion she will ask "aren't you going to put your night gown on?" If I'm wearing something that was hers she refers to me as a bitch if she feels that I look better in it than she did. (she's just joking around) She will also give me her honest opinion if something looks bad or good.

I'm such a blessed person :)

[Teri Ray]

After the "big talk" my wife has been very supportive. I am quite sure that she may not fully understand why I have this desire but then neither do I. We shop together frequently. When shopping we find things that we believe the other would like. My wife buys me things on occasion. My wife chooses not to see me fully dressed with a wig and make up but does not mind me showing her a new item on me and how it looks. We have agreed on my dressing boundaries and to that extent my wife is mindful of asking when I might want a "Teri" day. Like others have stated I feel I am very lucky to have such a wonderful thoughtful wife.

[Pumped]

My wife and I go shopping together, other than heels we have yet to find anything in a store for me, but we have looked. One trip through DSW that had one heck of a sale and we both left with 5-6 pairs of heels each. I had to wonder whet the clerk though while ringing up two different sizes?

The other day while I was dressed, my wife plopped down on my lap and told me to pucker up and applied lipstick to my lips.

[DianeT]

I consider my wife very supportive from the sole fact that she didn't run up the hills when I spilled it out 36 years into our relationship. Granted, she won't buy me heels* or want to see me dressed anytime soon, but I honestly couldn't care less about these things and am so happy that she simply did her best to cope with the blow and keep our couple afloat (without cutting me out from the dressing either). She is a very brave and very loving soul.

-- EDIT --
* That's not entirely true. She once bought foundation makeup for me, and gave me a khol pen too. And that was shortly after the reveal. She also frequently asks me if I need anything when she has discounts on makeup (she tells me she feels "weird" doing this. But she does it).

[jacques]

hello SirDonna,
My wife supports my dressing by washing my clothes and not asking questions when I have been shopping.
I am so lucky!
luv J

[BLACK STOCKINGS]

Well I am now an older CD (68 years young) My wife is great with my dressing. I have to show her my outfits when i dress which is almost every day when I get home from work. A am able to buy what ever I want which is out of control with 300 pairs of shoes around 100 skirts, 60 tops, and at least 200 dresses. If I do not get dressed one day she asks why I din not dress. She loves the way I look. She also suggests what outfit to wear sometimes as she picks her favorites. The only thing she hates is most of my stuff does not fit her. I even have purchased 2 of an outfit one in her size and one in my size so we can be dressed the same. She also can not figure out how I walk in 5" heels as she has trouble with flats. I guess I am one of the lucky ones.

[Sometimes Steffi]

I think I'll use Kate's response to help me respond

Well, not exactly encouragement, but my wife knows.

My wife knows, she tolerates me, but she doesn't encourage or support me. Unless encouraging me to leave the house in male mode and find someplace to change away from the house.

I have no male underwear whatsoever, wear nighties every single night.

I still wear male underwear every day, except for those rare times that I get to underdress. And if I do underdress, I would have to find time alone to do Steffi's dainty laundry.

Nighties, no way. After the talk, she bought me new pajamas. The men's flannel, cotton, plaid nightshirts that I'd been wearing for years were apparently too femmy.

All of my clothes are kept in plain view, the only items that are not are my forms and wigs.

All of Steffi's stuff is hidden in boxes in my office. I even have a storage locker for the overflow.

She knows that on the days when she is at work, I will be full enfemme, even leaves notes asking Kaye to do some shopping or domestics.

Yeah, right. I she caught me fully en femme, there would be hell (and maybe even a lawyer) to pay.

Most of my day to day clothing is from the ladies side of the shop, BUT, and it is a big but, she has no desire to participate at all.

I have plenty enough women's clothes to wear all week long, but I can't.

[Teresa.Smith.VA]

Deleted by Teresa

[BTWimRobin]

Hi Donna,

My wife is far from encouraging when it comes to me expressing my femme side. She supports me by putting up with it. So far she has never said a word and I am never sure whether she notices anything or not. Her silence is deafening and it makes me very uncomfortable to talk about the subject with her. It's the elephant in the room.

[Julia B]

My SO is wonderful! She loves my both sides and she encourages me to let my Julia out when it been awhile.
We went out to dinner last weekend as two girlfriends. It was so much fun! She always treats me like a lady when I am dressed and always refers to me as Julia with the proper feminine pronouns. She really treats me like a prince in male mode and a princess in female mode.

[Elizabeth G]

My wife didn't sign up for this and only found out about it after the fact (let's not get into that here). When she did find out at first it was a question of whether or not our marriage would survive. Over the intervening five years things have come quite a ways. She still prefers not to see me fully dressed, though she has. My clothes are kept in the open in my closet and in a shared bureau. My wife is fully aware of when I'm dressed, which is several days each week. When discussions of eventually moving when we reach retirement age come up she always states that we have to make sure I have space and time to dress. She knows I have no men's underwear and is fine with that. I also keep my toenails painted and she's good with that. As a matter of fact when my 20 month old granddaughter noticed my toenails recently my success reaction kind of surprised me. Rather than ask me to cover them around her my wife commented about it being nice that my granddaughter would grow up thinking it was totally normal.

Those are just a few of the ways she has shown her support and I am thankful for her everyday.

Progress has been slow but steady. My wife has come quite far and I appreciate it every day.

Elizabeth

[Melony1968]

My wife has been supportive of my feminine side all along. We been married for 23 amazing years. It's great that we do everything together. She's taught me so much about beening a woman. From clothes, makeup to walk and act like a lady. We go shopping together all the time. When she sees something that would cute on me she would say go try this on. And I do the same for her. We share each other's clothes, makeup and hair accessories. She'll do my hair and makeup for me when we have a girls night out and pick out my outfit too. She said she picks my outfit so I don't look better the her. Lol. I'm blessed I have a wonderful wife/ girlfriend. She's the best.

[Robin777]

My wife has supported my dressing the 41 years we have been married. At first she was a little apprehensive, then she started fully supporting it. We go shopping together, I help her find clothes and she helps me find clothes. Openly dress around her all the time. To her its just normal.

[alwayshave]

My wife is supportive. I told her when we were dating prior to moving in. She has bought me things, helps me with my feminine movements, gives me her opinion and goes out with me dressed.

[Jannis]

I underdress every day. I wear panties 24/7, camisole, knee high stockings (leggings in winter) and keep my hair shoulder length. I get mani/pedis with painted toes. My wife will make an appointment and sometimes we go together. She does not say anything about the underdressing, but complains about my hair from time to time. She likes a slightly shorted hairstyle. That is as far as we have gone thus far. I wanted pierced ears to wear earrings and she is starting to warm to the idea. After that, I don’t know what comes next. I do try to buy unisex tops and shorts in summer, but unless I go full mode I am stuck at this point. What would you suggest?

[Jamie1980]

I don’t think I will ever get my SO support. Therefore. I am staying in the closet until she finds out and then we will divorce and I will be free and poorer. :). Well not necessarily like that but it is an option.

[Jennifer in CO]

heres a very abbreviated version -
lets start 45 years ago in college. Met this girl who thought I was a girl maybe (I was totally androgynous dressing to the fem side at the time) but she was attracted to 'her' anyway. Found out I was a guy and quite happy. Found out that I was 'ho-hum' sexually but I got turned on by wearing girls clothes. So...once we were married she kept me in girls clothes as often and as much as possible. Three years into marriage she takes me to a Dr and tells him I need curves. Through a medial study, I started hormones and was on them for almost 2 years. I got curves...big curves. Because of new curves transitioned to living as a woman full time - for the next 5 years and sex/relationship was out of this world. At that time she said she wanted a man back in her life so I made the transition back (took almost a year). For the next 3 years I still had to wear a bra and always wore panties anyway. New medial study (steroids) finished the job and now my once pert big 'c' breasts were now looking like well defined pectoral muscles.
Wife still buys me panties, nighties, etc as they are still a turn on...I'm just a guy now but don't really CD any more much especially out in public. Fast forward to almost 10 years ago Wife goes through menopause...or in her case meno-stop. Barely tolerates me in panties and for bed will accept gowns so long as they are not "frilly". Five years ago while out shopping she actually buys me a pack of tightie-whities (No I don't wear them. I even took a pair of scissors to the elastic waistband so they were unwearable). So we're down to an almost 'dont ask-dont tell' relationship. Funny thing tho...almost all my clothes are still womans and I still dress everyday in a totally androgynous manner fully presenting as a guy. I've had many a clerk check her collar or shirt button position and realize that her buttons were on the same side as mine which is quite funny to watch. So at this point, my wife tolerates my clothes so long as they don't look feminine. Its been a long bumpy road for sure...

[Brenda Freeman]

I was married 25 years before I told my wife. It suddenly hit me real hard the urge and need to dress. It was a shock to her not the dressing part but the fear of what might be next. She is my best friend and we support one another so I was sure she would understand. So with in a few weeks she was accepting and understanding that it was important to me. She said, "if it makes you happy you should do it". I am sure she does not understand why as I do not either but with trust and agreed upon boundaries it has worked out wonderfully. She prefers not to see me dressed but has and is fine with it. I respect her wish and try to avoid her having to see me. When covid restrictions hit and I could not go out she was welcoming. I invited a friend over who I meet for dinner on occasion and we all sat in the backyard and enjoyed conversation while dressed. Just three girls enjoying the evening. A very special moment. I feel so lucky!

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Donna :hugs:, We just have a very workable DA/DT,
My:love:Wife just don't want to see me while I am Dressed, Life is Great, >Orchid**O:daydreaming:O**

[Stephanie47]

"If I wanted to be married to a woman, I would have married a woman!"
"When you have a baby tell me about being a woman!"

That was about the summation of her interest in my desire to wear women's clothing. She has not said a word about my interests since the early 1980's. The only thing close to an acknowledgement was when she was cleaning out her nightgowns that not longer fit her, she told me to take anything I wanted.

[Alexis00]

My wife has taken me on a roller coaster for over 40 years. "show me" To "lets go out shopping (dressed)" to "stop it" to "It's ok" Now repeat this 10 times in 40 years that is my wife. (life)
Mine was a lot shorter but went from accepting to experimenting with me to questioning to accusations. But there was a lot going on in her head.

Divorced for years but learned recently she is now supportive but convinced I will transition to full time and become a wife. Full time for me is limited to a few days of vacation but many women seem to believe all CD’s want to transition. Despite many talks to the contrary.

[TamT]

I hid my CDing from my wife until she found a dress hidden among my things. Back then, about 20 years ago, I tried to get her to understand the situation, but she never accepted it. We had couples therapy and she left after a few sessions because the therapist did not give her hope that I would change, and that it was I who should be in therapy, because she was convinced that I wanted to transition. We are still together and have children, but the subject has always bothered her and she scoffs at some situations. She is always wondering if I have done something to myself when my skin has reacted to something in the environment, as if I had worn makeup for a moment during her absence.

[JTChance]

I had it easy. Married a theater major in her undergrad. She said "The day you tell me what to wear is the day I'll tell you what to wear. Plus, you're better at fashion. Let's go shopping."

It helps that our measurements are almost identical except for the extra 6" of legs I get to brag about.

[ShelbyDawn]

Well, she filed for divorce and now I don't have to care what she thinks...

[evangelinaguerrero]

She encourages.... to an extent that we both believe she is bisexual with lesbian tendencies.....just we found each other at the right time.
As she is a gymaddict, she has the figure of a big female bodybuilder ( I always compare her with Rene Campbell) Most of the people believe we are lesbians, many think she is the male and I the female....being me thin and shorter than her...and my appearance is similar to those participants in Miss Engineering (Filipinas)
I do not have any male clothes now but those specific for crossdressers.

[Angela Marie]

I told my wife on our 2nd or 3rd date. No sense in hiding it. I did that with the first one for many years. She understands and in fact will buy me clothes; and if I am going out and she needs some makeup I will buy it for her. She did go out with me a few times when i was dressed but it was really not her cup of tea so to speak. Thats fine. I respect her boundaries.

[NancySue]

I told my wife before we wed, betting she leave, but she was fascinated and accepted it. She is totally accepting and has been the source of good advice, makeup techniques, style, shopping, etc. She has a great sense of humor. She especially hates hose and underwire bras..two of my favorites and teases me when I wear almost daily. We live in a small, nosy town, consequently when I go out, it?s after dark and usually out of town. She?s not comfortable with my going out, but as many know, it?s necessary, especially when the pink fog rolls in. I admit? Discovery would not be good, socially or economically.

[mbmeen12]

How does you SO encourage your CD experiences?

The sexy compliments and I will keep it "G" rated lol

[Star01]

My wife of 51 years would encourage me to find a new place to spend my retirement if she caught me dressed. She doesn?t want to see it, end of story. I respect her wishes and leave things as they are.

[Missy Dawn]

My last girlfriend encouraged me and was very turned on by my female side. It felt wonderful to have someone enjoy it with me.

[Lucy Long Legs]

Early in our relationship, she realised I was not at all masculine as I was so useless in the bedroom. "For fun", I put on some of her clothes and she warmed to the idea immediately. She bought me shoes, underwear, wig and makeup and I dressed in her clothes. We never went out with me en femme as she was afraid I would be victimised, but I dressed regularly at home and she did my makeup.
Suddenly everything changed as she encountered the menopause and she went off the whole idea big time.
I now have to go away and dress without her knowing, but I have become bolder and often go out for an evening.
I think if she found out, she would be very upset, but not angry or surprised.

[loricurtis]

My wife loves it

[Misty_cder]

I am so lucky to be married to my wife. Told her about my dressing when we started dating 30 years ago. She has purchased clothing, heels and make up for me over the years. We have a simple rule, she does not want me going out in public dressed. I describe myself as a MIAD and are fine with her request. In the past few years, she has helped me purchase more uni-sex clothing and women’s shoes that can pass as men’s so I can “dress” in public.

[Cacique82]

She has never really encouraged me but she has no issues with my CDing. She has commented how good I look in some things which I suppose would be encouraging. Either way I love it.

[franlee]

My wife buys me clothes from time to time along with insuring me that I can dress any way I want. Just a couple of weeks ago she bought us a matching set of satin lingerie with a satin robe, in a very lite but bright violet. This is all the encouragement I need but she makes me know I'm hers regardless of the clothes.

[Kiwi Primrose]

We have been married for 64 years and my wife has always helped with my "second wardrobe". She has given me lingerie, nighties (both sensible and frivolous), tops and skirts.
In other words we work together closely and only occasionally question the suitability of my choices.

[OrdinaryAverageGuy]

Last week my wife did a purge of her clothes. I came in and she pointed to a pile and told me that's the stuff I should look through to see if I could wear anything and wanted anything. Not all of it worked, of course, but I got several pairs of jeans, some lingerie, and a few shirts/tops that I like.

Once in a blue moon she'll surprise me with something from the store that she thinks I'll be cute in. Yesterday she told me about a skirt she thought I'd like but it came with a top that she wasn't sure about. I agreed that I won't look good in a crop top, but if the whole outfit is only $15 it would be worth it for the skirt.

Yeah, she's awesome!

[CynthiaD]

My wife was tolerant from the beginning but ran hot and cold (more like Luke warm and cold). She really didn’t like breastforms at all. But the big turning point was wigs. At first I didn’t wear wigs around her because it seemed too over the top. But when I did start wearing wigs regularly she really thawed out. It kind of makes sense if you think about it. Walking around in a dress with a bald head is a caricature of the female. One could view it as making fun of women. (Historically, the obvious man in a dress has been used that way.) However, making a sincere effort to look female is different. Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery, and this can be viewed as honoring women. My wife is unique. If your wife is intolerant, don’t try this at home.

[Krisi]

I can't say that my wife encourages my dressing, but she tolerates it. She will go shopping with me for clothes and even occasionally brings me something feminine home when she has been shopping by herself.

She no longer wears makeup and occasionally makes a snide comment about me wearing makeup although all I wear is beard cover and lipstick (just enough to hide the "maleness").

As I mentioned in another post today, I really wish she would go out with me in public, even if we had to travel to another city. So far, I don't see that happening.