In denial!

[docrobbysherry]

Why r so many dressers in denial? I'm speaking specifically about our sexuality!:)

Since I arrived on CD.com I've found so many T's insistent that dressing doesn't turn them on. Or, more commonly, "Not any more".:raisedeyebrow:

So, r u boasting about losing your sexuality, hiding it, or complaining? :straightface:

Then, there's the, "I'm no fetishist", crowd! But, they can't get enuff of talking about their panties!:heehee:

Why r American men so insecure about sex? This, "afraid of being gay", thing is NOT just a T thing. Very few of us r gay. But, why r so many males so afraid of being thot to be gay?:doh:

Please keep all comments Clean!:thumbsup:

[Pumped]

LOL!! I don't know! I am definitely not in that crowd!
I enjoy CD'ing in ways we can not discuss here, The fetish side of it, plus I simply like to dress up too.

[MonicaPVD]

Hah. This is perfect. As they used to say during the analog telecom era, "more hangups than the phone company."

[GaleWarning]

Doc, I'm happy that your libido is still going strong. Mine is not. That is one reason the sexual element in my dressing has declined. I'm more relaxed about my cding too, now that the guilt feelings have disappeared.

[Gillian Gigs]

For some the word fetish has a negative implication, the same is true for the word crossdressing. Some crossdressers are fetishistic, others are not, it's kind of like, "90% of men masturbate and the other 10% relieve themselves". Semantics, maybe, I leave it up to you!

[TheHiddenMe]

I don't think posters here are in denial. I think all of our experiences are different.

Doc, you like going out in a full body suit. You are clearly in the minority here, but it's what suits you. That doesn't mean it suits everyone else.

And let's give the CD equals being gay a rest, please? That's been false since day one. Every survey suggests the majority, or at least plurality, of male CDs are married heterosexuals.

Surveys suggest maybe between 3 and 5% of the population identify as gay or bi, which means roughly 95% are heterosexual.

We don't wish to be outed because there has existed a stigma of being a CD, regardless of sexual orientation. People used to get arrested, not that long ago, because they were crossdressing. Many of us grew up in that era, and those lessons are hard to forget and equally hard to overcome.

Most men tend to have sexual thoughts and it's my firm belief that virtually every man has a kink (just look at the wide variety of porn covering every topic). Dressing, for some (like me) has at least a partial sexual component. For others, dressing may not be their primary kink.

But it has virtually zero to do with being gay or being perceived as gay, and such posts are incorrect and should not be spread on these forums.

[Helen_Highwater]

Sherry,

Your comment;

Since I arrived on CD.com I've found so many T's insistent that dressing doesn't turn them on. Or, more commonly, "Not any more" overlooks one big factor.

When many of us started out we were hormone filled adolescents and just about anything associated with the female form could provoke a response. A desire for sexual gratification. However as we move forward, get both better at and more comfortable with our dressing, while at the same time getting to a steady state with out hormones, those primitive responses fade away.

That's not to say that there aren't those here who do have a passion for certain items as you describe and there a certainly some who either fantasise about a relationship with a man or move on to engage in one. I've no empirical evidence but my gut feeling would be that the percentage of gay CD'ers will be in line with the general population.

[kimdl93]

I would agree that many of us...most of us...made that powerful adolescent connection between women's clothing and sexuality. I had recollections of a curiosity about women’s wear that predated adolescence, but I can’t say with certainty that my early recollections are particularly accurate nor much different than other youngsters’ curiosities about gender identities and roles. But it seems to me that to derive sexual pleasure from women’s clothing qualifies as a fetish. Not that there is anything wrong with that.

And in the years that followed my teens, I know I excused my behavior as a harmless kink or some continuation of the adolescent fascination that might one day fade. Later, I have at times viewed my behavior through the lens of sexual addiction and alternatively as a repressed need for gender expression. My mental state had a lot to do with whether I viewed my behavior as pathology or identity.

To this day, I can’t say I KNOW anything with confidence that either of these is correct.

[DianeT]

I heard and read several CDers looking for or having had sexual relations with men explaining that they did not consider it a gay experience if they did it dressed. This means that the definition of homo and hetero sexuality probably varies from one individual to another, and makes me think twice before drawing conclusions when someone writes about this notion. For some crossdressers there is obviously a strong attraction for emulating a woman to the extent of sexual experience as a heterosexual woman, and I assume that since they are emulating a woman psychologically speaking, they don't live it like a gay experience per se.

As for me, dressing always aroused me to varying levels, from slightly troubled to excited, because that is the way I'm wired, feminine clothes and the line crossing do this to me. But it never was the main reason for dressing, and is even less since I bought a wardrobe and went the full nines, being more concentrated now on getting the look I am striving for than anything else. Really, getting dressed is a job now.

[GretchenM]

We are all different, Doc. It is not one size fits all.

On top of that I am kind of offended by your post. I have the desire but I have no ability to have sex anymore, thanks to prostate cancer treatment. Nothing works!! Thanks for reminding me of my inability. I think Helen and Hidden Me said it best in their posts.

I might add that it has nothing to do with being Gretchen Marie. For some of us it is not about the clothes, not about the being gay, straight, bi or preferring goats, or the multitude of other things people do in private. For me it is about being as much a woman as I can comfortable do without creating reverse dysphoria.

[Micki_Finn]

I am definitely in the “not any more” category. As a younger man there was definitely an arousal factor to wearing certain things, but I think that was primarily because it was “safe” to channel those urges into sexual energy instead of confronting how I actually felt about my gender. Once I got those feelings worked out and that what I really wanted was something beyond “simply sexual”, the arousal from dressing subsided.

I do have to agree though that there are some here who are in deep denial about their dressing being a fetish. Maybe it’s the generally negative connotation of the word “fetish”?

[Pumped]

I am on another form that is specifically for high heel wearers. Many of the members there wear women's clothing. If you bring up crossdressing they go crazy and state it is simply a "fashion choice". They are not cross dressers. I believe there is a lot of denial there too!:lol2:

[alwayshave]

Sherry, Nothing wrong with my libido, but I no longer dress for sexual satisfaction as I did when I was a teenager.

[ShelbyDawn]

docrobsherry,

No denial here and I have dressed since I was five or six, way to young for it to be sexual. I have never dressed for sexual satisfaction.
We are all different and dress for our own reasons, all of them valid.

Let's not get into all the possible reasons for wearing a latex suit, even one with nice boobs, and a full face mask.
Can you even get excited in that thing, especially in the summer heat, and does that even count as cross dressing??? LOL

Love your insights and pointed comments, just a little devils advocate here to roil the waters... :devil:

[BTWimRobin]

So back in the stone age when I was a young teen with raging hormones everything was sexually arousing including wearing women's clothes. Today, it's more about balance. My Male and female sides tend to balance each other out.

Now, if you want to throw sexuality into the mix.... growing up sex and sexuality was something we never discussed. My parents were not open about it and they were very uncomfortable talking about it. It was also a time where if you were AMAB, you were supposed to marry a nice girl, have 2.5 children and live in the suburbs. Exploring your sexuality and/or gender would be a deviation from that path and would likely get you arrested or committed to an institution ... Or worse, have your Italian mother lay on the guilt so thick it would be decades before you could break free from it.

[docrobbysherry]

We are all different, Doc. It is not one size fits all.

On top of that I am kind of offended by your post. I have the desire but I have no ability to have sex anymore, thanks to prostate cancer treatment. Nothing works!! Thanks for reminding me of my inability. I think Helen and Hidden Me said it best in their posts.

I might add that it has nothing to do with being Gretchen Marie. For some of us it is not about the clothes, not about the being gay, straight, bi or preferring goats, or the multitude of other things people do in private. For me it is about being as much a woman as I can comfortable do without creating reverse dysphoria.
Gretchen, I'm sorry about your and others here loss of sexual function.:sad:
But, this post wasn't directed at u. And, I never said, nor meant "all" dressers! As I approach 80, my parts don't work like they did when I was 45 either. But, having sex is an entirely different matter than being turned on! And, it' so obvious that many here seem to bend over backwards denying that they r.:doh:


Sherry, Nothing wrong with my libido, but I no longer dress for sexual satisfaction as I did when I was a teenager.
Not my point at all, Jamie. But, u admit it did! So, did dressing as a male ever arouse u? It never has for me, in my entire life! And, unless there is NOTHING about dressing, the way the clothes look and/or feel, a favorite item or items, etc., etc., that excites u anymore? Maybe u have issues with sex and dressing, or may be you're protesting too much?:heehee:


docrobsherry,

No denial here and I have dressed since I was five or six, way to young for it to be sexual. I have never dressed for sexual satisfaction.
We are all different and dress for our own reasons, all of them valid.
-------------------------------------
Love your insights and pointed comments, just a little devils advocate here to roil the waters... :devil:
My post never mentions satisfaction because it's NOT about that at all, Shelby. It's about people claiming nothing about dressing excites and stimulates them "anymore".:battingeyelashes:
R u claiming that, too? Because it is my belief that very many here r occasionally turned on but don't wish to admit it. And, I'm just curious why?:eek:

As for your comments regarding how I dress? I'm simply going to address your, (probably intentional), errors.:doh:

"Let's not get into all the possible reasons for wearing a latex suit, even one with nice boobs, and a full face mask.
Can you even get excited in that thing, especially in the summer heat, and does that even count as cross dressing??? LOL"

I hate latex, period. I wear silicone breast plates, not full suits, out. I wear face masks, not full head masks! And, I am NEVER turned on by myself when I'm out dressed. Nor do I think about sex unless I see or chat with an attractive GG! Or, a T so feminine looking and acting I see a female. :battingeyelashes:
There, see? I'm not gay but I give a crap if u, or anyone else thinks I am!:tongueout

[Jamie1980]

It is an odd experience for me because I have two goals in My efforts. (1) To try and look better than other women and (2) To get men, on other sites to appreciate me. Good? Bad? I am not sure I am concerned but I am happy.

[ellbee]

Busted! :o


Is it sexual for me these days? Sometimes.


I started dressing well before puberty, at around 5-6 years old. Probably would have been earlier, if I had a sister.

Not exactly sexual then, or at least in the traditional sense. :heehee:


I also had my very first, umm, "male puberty experience" when I was like 12 or 13. Wearing a pair of hose with a tight DIY skirt (made from a pair of my shorts). Just laying on the bed, sensually rubbing my legs together. Felt really good... Then it felt *really* good!
Also scared the crap outta me, as that was the first time *that* happened! :confused2:

Definitely more of a sexual component when I was a teenager, for sure.


Things started changing in my 20's. It was still sexual, but to a much lesser degree. By then I was going the whole 9 yards (full outfit, body-shaping, wig, make-up, hair removal, etc.). Damn, I was a total hottie. :battingeyelashes:

I was also venturing out into public. Before that, it was always behind closed doors.

During this time was also my first seriously trying to answer the question, "Am I a TS?"

For a while I felt it was a very real possibility, which was really scary to me. Lots of confusion, followed by lots of introspection.


In my 30's, pretty much the same... Though *waaay* more socializing while en femme. She took over my life, day & night. Still sexual sometimes? Sure. But it was much more than that.

Had a week off from work, for example... Spent literally 24/7 en femme. My home was also turning into a kick-ass bachelorette pad. When running errands, I wasn't *fully* dolled-up -- but close enough. Most GG's don't exactly glam it up all the time, either, LOL. During this era, I had my 2nd soul-searching contemplation of whether I was TS or not.

I should add, this was also when I had my first (and only) sexual relationship with an openly-gay male who was already in a long-term committed partnership. I was basically his mistress, LOL. Though to his dismay, I would only allow myself to get intimate when fully dolled-up. :p


By my late 30's? I was burnt-out, I guess. Lots of new changes in my life, and the dressing just completely disappeared. Had I "peaked" with all this? :strugglin Sure seemed that way. Maybe I finally got it "out of my system"?


Anyway, after like a 5-year hiatus, it was calling me yet again. I was cautious, but it was also a lot different by then. Very rarely sexual. Much more of my own version of a MIAD, both publicly & privately. If someone had to slap a label on me? Probably non-binary. Who knows, doesn't really matter.

The only time these days it *does* get sexual? After spending a day fully en-femme. And that only happens once in a blue moon, nowadays. The other 99% of the time I'm simply guy-moding it as a MIAD? Does nothing for me in that way.

Nope, it's more about being the person I am, on the inside. Presentation isn't everything. "Her" relating to other people, no matter how I look on the outside, is a much more satisfying facet to this.


Just being myself, is all. :thumbsup:

[SaraLin]

Well, Doc - I can't speak for anyone but myself, but your questions are interesting, so here goes:

Why r so many dressers in denial? I'm speaking specifically about our sexuality!
Not so much denial, as just plain "don't really know"
Growing up and living in the male role, other men don't hold any romantic or sexual interest for me.
But when taking on the female role, I have to admit that I sometimes find myself wondering what if. BUT - only as a "girl". M-MIAD still holds no interest.
Besides, I have never had a really strong sex drive to begin with, so - who knows?
If I were to try to define my sexuality, I guess I'd have to say hetero (interested in the sex opposite of what I am at the time), with a strong dash of lesbian thrown in (I still like women when I'm femme). About the only thing that doesn't interest me is male-male. Not sure why not - just "no thanks".

Since I arrived on CD.com I've found so many T's insistent that dressing doesn't turn them on. Or, more commonly, "Not any more".
It's like eating ice cream. The more of it you get, the less of a treat it is. Unless you try new flavors, it gets pretty much an everyday sort of thing.
I wear panties and nighties daily. that's the "limit" for open usage in my marriage. They're just my regular clothes these days. No thrill, no excitement. Just my stuff.
But I still like shopping for or at least looking at something new to add to the closet. It's a minor thrill. Not a big one, and not really sexual. Just something new.

So, r u boasting about losing your sexuality, hiding it, or complaining?
acknowledging reality.
Age, prostate surgery, etc. have lowered my libido even lower than before. That's life. I'm Okay with where I am.


Then, there's the, "I'm no fetishist", crowd! But, they can't get enuff of talking about their panties!
Not me. My biggest issues with panties is finding ones that still look nice but can accommodate the "extra cargo"


Why r American men so insecure about sex? This, "afraid of being gay", thing is NOT just a T thing. Very few of us r gay. But, why r so many males so afraid of being thot to be gay?
You mean besides the fear of being socially shunned, beaten up, losing their jobs, or perhaps even killed? Gee, I can't imagine.
Times are changing, but there are still a good many dangers associated with all this. Besides - many of us are still living with the indoctrination hammered into us in our early lives. That stuff doesn't just go away.

[Paulie Birmingham]

I have been on other crossdressing sites where there is lot more sexual discussions and i would guess a majority of the cd posters are into men or other cds. They appear to have generally a much younger crowd compared to this site. Could just be a generational thing.

Just an observation.

[Star01]

This conversation reminds me of joke that goes something like this. There are two kinds of liars, those who say they have never masturbated and those who say that they quit.

[Jackiefl]

Reminds me of a t-shirt i saw ( I'm not gay but $20 bucks is $20 bucks) lol

[LilSissyStevie]

The first problem is that we have this bad habit of characterizing autogynephilia (AGP) - I think that's what we're talking about here - as a fetish. I'm as guilty as anyone in that regard. It's not a "mere" fetish, but a sexual orientation like heterosexuality or homosexuality. Calling it a fetish is an attempt to trivialize it as if it were just a quirk. AGP is a sexual orientation that runs parallel with heterosexuality in various degrees. For some it consumes their entire sexuality and for others it's just an occasional fantasy. Nobody asked to be AGP and nobody can quit anymore than you can quit being gay or hetero.

A lot of the rationalizations I read here become clearer if I replace AGP with heterosexuality. For example: When I was about 5, I realized I "liked" girls in some strangely different way than I liked boys. I thought some girls were pretty and I never thought that about boys. There we're certain ones that I wanted to be close to and I wanted them to like me back. I didn't know anything about sex so I didn't fantasize about that. I guess that "proves" that my strange attraction to girls had nothing to do with latent heterosexuality. To further prove that my attraction to girls has nothing to do with sex, now that I'm in my late 60's, my wife and I don't have sex nearly as often as when were young and writhing about like crazed weasels. In fact, I think I enjoy her company even more now and we have grown closer over time. That could only mean that all those years I was having sex with her or the others before her, I could have been having sex with a ham sandwich and I would still have enjoyed female company just the same. Somehow I don't really believe that. I think that my romantic attraction to females is an outgrowth of an underlying physical attraction rather than the other way around. That doesn't mean that my relationship with my wife is just about sex anymore than just about companionship. AGP is similar for me. When I was very young, it was fun and exiting to fantasize about being a girl. Around puberty and continuing into middle age, it became intensely erotic fun. Now in my dotage, it's still fun and relaxing but I rarely "finish" anymore (too much work!) Sometimes I dress up just for the fun of it and don't feel any particular erotic drive attached to it. But I don't kid myself about the underlying sexuality of my desire to do it.

[Shelly Preston]

Doc

I don't think we are in denial.

I think the issue is more related to the content here. This is a support forum.

As anyone who has broken the rules will tell you. There are a lot of things we don't allow.

I would say there are a lot of people who may not be members here are more than wiling to explore there sexuality in other places.

Also not everyone is as open about there choices on an open forum.

[docrobbysherry]

That reminds me to thank u and all the other Mods for keeping this site the way it is, Shelly. I believe it's popularity is the direct result!:thumbsup:

I also want to thank u all for putting up with my often over the top directness and allowing posts like this to exist here. I wouldn't have dared breech a subject like this 10 years ago!:eek:

[mbmeen12]

Reminds me of a t-shirt i saw ( I'm not gay but $20 bucks is $20 bucks) lol

Now thats funny :)

Doc that's why we support you and each other here (friends, brothers and sisters) but sometimes some just disagree, some agree and others just disagree to just disagree.

[Ressie]

It seems to me that many don't want to admit that they have sexual feelings for women's clothes because they're married. It's hard enough to get a wife on board with crossdressing. Yet letting a wife know the whole truth about sexual fantasies and fetishes is often stifled.

I've met CDs that have been married for 50+ years that won't let their wives know anything about their CDing. They are absolutely sure it would lead to divorce. While others get their wives to go along with the CDing but have to keep sexual escapades a total secret.

[Mackem Sue]

Why r so many dressers in denial? I'm speaking specifically about our sexuality!:)

Since I arrived on CD.com I've found so many T's insistent that dressing doesn't turn them on. Or, more commonly, "Not any more".:raisedeyebrow:

So, r u boasting about losing your sexuality, hiding it, or complaining? :straightface:

Then, there's the, "I'm no fetishist", crowd! But, they can't get enuff of talking about their panties!:heehee:

Why r American men so insecure about sex? This, "afraid of being gay", thing is NOT just a T thing. Very few of us r gay. But, why r so many males so afraid of being thot to be gay?:doh:

Please keep all comments Clean!:thumbsup:

First of all, there's an international element here. I'm English and being from the NE, let's say my thought process can be a little robust.

Crossdressing is classed as a parphillia and on the scale of what is considered the normal range of sexuality.

Fetishism is very specific, attached to an item, including items you'd never think of as sexually alluring, or act (BDSM).

Is crossdressing fetishism? I guess it's a personal opinion. But looking at the two threads on this, I see a range of answers.

Some items of clothing may well cause arousal, some not. I admit I like stockings and garter / suspender belts and find them sexy (on women as well as me), but I also have practical reasons in that tights / pantyhose are clammy and uncomfortable around the crotch for me - hold-ups dig into my legs. But would we find those items arousing on women as on ourselves?

My start was seeing how items of clothing looked on women and wondering how they'd look and feel on myself. That unlocked it for me. I think many can relate to that statement.

At that stage, as a teenager just about anything gets you going so I think you need to take the teenage years with a pinch of salt. Looking at others, some started before puberty so how are they fetishists?

After teenage years, is it linked in with sexual arousal? It can be it's easier to become sexually aroused under the right situations and that might include crossdressing (noting women dressed up can find it easier to become aroused too). But crossdressing doesn't necessarily cause arousal (same with women dressed up) and I can continue to function dressed up without the act being all consuming or even my mind thinking about being dressed when I'm doing something else. I can be aware of being dressed while concentrating on something else, while concentrating on something else and it not get in the way.

This is where I see a big difference with fetishism. With full-on fetishists (and this includes women), it's all about the act when engaged in it. Fetishists from what I see are not engaged in other activities except perhaps acts that help act out the fantasy while engaged (an example, dressed as maids and doing nominal domestic duties - not me before you ask - just an example). They're not functionally engaged in outside or unrelated acts.

There may be some crossover or fuzziness at the boundary, especially in instances where you might dress up with the intention of committing a (consensual) sexual act. But do I dress up normally with that specific intention?

The answer is no. It's a compulsive act though enjoyable one as it makes me feel better about myself. And as I've already said, I'm continuing to function as a human being and the act does not stop me functioning. So to me, it's not a fetish. Certain items (stockings for example as already said) as said may be sexier than others, but that's a brief thought while getting changed in or out of female clothes. Once dressed or undressed, that is not the focus of my thoughts.

If women's clothes, especially dressier ones were a fetish, then I'd expect some women to be having similar issues.

How can the same items become a fetish simply because a member of the opposite sex is wearing what is not normally expected of their birth sex?

To summarise, I dress up because I need and like to, but not normally or specifically for it to be a sexual act.

That's as honest as I can be.


Sue

[RADER]

Myself, I am as Happy as a Clam when I can put on a skirt. I only dress at home, but when I do, it just feels right.
I am 74 and Handy caped, but I am under dressed all the time. I love it.

[Barbara Jo]

Fact is most women say that certain clothes, lingerie make theme feel sexy and / or more feminine. In other words, certain clothes can turn them on to one extent or another..
Given that females do not haves a penis that gets erect when sexually aroused, does not mean that they are not sexually turned on.

BTW, I had prostate cancer years ago, had my prostate removed, and I am now mostly impotent.
So now, no erections but but I can still get sexually aroused.

In any event males and female have always dressed differently for the most part.
That is because female clothes of a given era make females feel more feminine and male clothes make males feel more masculine
In other words, "it just feels right"
Humans are sexual beings after all. :

Keep in mind that male / female brains are determined in the womb... and do not always match the the physical sex

[Rachelakld]

So, r u boasting about losing your sexuality, hiding it, or complaining?
Complaining - really want more testosterone (or viagra), would love for my manhood to reassert itself every time a see a pretty woman. What's the point of having a monster between my legs if it takes an atomic bomb to get him started.


Then, there's the, "I'm no fetishist", crowd! But, they can't get enuff of talking about their panties!
PANTIES? A decent skirt and a low-functioning manhood means I don't NEED panties

Why r American men so insecure about sex? This, "afraid of being gay", thing is NOT just a T thing. Very few of us r gay. But, why r so many males so afraid of being thot to be gay?
I'm open to options (sex is sex, and it should be fun for everyone involved), found the right woman 5 times, just haven't found the right man yet (or maybe it's just not my thing - NOTE: I have held a gay mans tool "experimentally" decades ago as I was questioning if being a "CD" meant "GAY" - it didn't, and he was left frustrated)

Hope that helps answer your questions.

[Barbara Jo]

Of course, both males and females can have their fetishes.

I have known females that seemed to not even own any pants....... they always wore skirt or dresses
Can this be considered a fetish? I don't think so.... as it just feels right to their female brains to not wear pants . :).

[AngelaYVR]

I’m not so certain that we have great wafts of members in denial. Absolutely there are some but mostly it is true that when you start dressing to go out the sexy factor drops precipitously. I don’t think there is any shame in having a kink in anything that causes no harm and I would say the vast majority of us started out getting turned on by wearing women’s unmentionables. However, I think that the forbidden factor plays into that a lot and so it’s natural once the clothing becomes a means to an end rather than the end itself that you can truly say it is not a fetish.

Also, we should make the distinction between “feeling sexy” when dressed (something both sexes do) and being sexually aroused by the clothing.

[docrobbysherry]

Mackem Sue, this thread is NOT a debate about what is or isn't a fetish. It's about being turned on. And, I think you'll agree fetishes r all about that, too.:thumbsup:

Angela, u bring up an excellent point! When u r dressed and feeling sexy is that arousing? I can only answer for myself. For me it's sometimes yes, sometimes no.:straightface:

If I'm going out for the evening, definitely not! If I'm just coming home, often yes! But then, it's always so late and I'm too tired to do anything about it!:o
U didn't explain whether or not it is for u?:battingeyelashes:

[Glenda58]

At 73 it's not about sex it's about dressing. Sometime it comes up but not enough that I care about. When I was younger yes but not now.

[AngelaYVR]

U didn't explain whether or not it is for u?:battingeyelashes:

Feeling sexy because I'm wearing something that looks good on me certainly can lead to situations with my wife! (And vice versa) But I don't consider this to be different to anybody getting in an elevated mood from a boost to their confidence. In other words, I'll look in the mirror and think I look great that day but don't immediately feel the need to bring anything to a conclusion. I feel amazing in the dress but I'm wearing the dress because I'm going to the opera or a party and not because the dress turns me on, which I think is the distinction.

[Mackem Sue]

Mackem Sue, this thread is NOT a debate about what is or isn't a fetish. It's about being turned on. And, I think you'll agree fetishes r all about that, too.:thumbsup:

Angela, u bring up an excellent point! When u r dressed and feeling sexy is that arousing? I can only answer for myself. For me it's sometimes yes, sometimes no.:straightface:

If I'm going out for the evening, definitely not! If I'm just coming home, often yes! But then, it's always so late and I'm too tired to do anything about it!:o
U didn't explain whether or not it is for u?:battingeyelashes:

I think I've answered in the wrong thread. Sorry!!!

Sue

[NickieWild]

I would say I am not in denial, but I am not american either. None the less, i had to navigate through a lot of questions to finally just enjoy what I am. I got rid of the labels, I had sex with trans, men and girls. Didnt like it with men, so now i know ! Need to separate your sexual orientation from your romantic orientation. That helped me.

[docrobbysherry]

Nickie, I'm not sure I understand? To me sexual orientation and romantic orientation both mean the same thing. The gender of the people we're attracted to and have sex with.

Maybe u meant the difference between sexual orientation and your own gender presentation?:straightface:

[Bea_]

An assumption that broad falls squarely into the realm of projection. My preferred wardrobe is sexual in the same sense that a night with the SO in a five star hotel/resort. It sets the stage but isn't the main attraction. I feel sexy in the things I choose and sometimes my body responds. But, I think back at all the photos I've taken over the years and in almost every photo session ends up with me revealing my manhood to the camera (on a totally private patio). There were very, very few erections in the photos. If anything, the clothes tempered the testosterone in a way that I like. The photos are of a man who is comfortable in claiming 'feminine' items for myself while still being totally masculine in mindset.

[NickieWild]

Nickie, I'm not sure I understand? To me sexual orientation and romantic orientation both mean the same thing. The gender of the people we're attracted to and have sex with.

Maybe u meant the difference between sexual orientation and your own gender presentation?:straightface:

No, imo those are really different. You can live a sexual experience without romance, you can live a romantic moment without sexuality. But that is my opinion

[JenniferMBlack]

I can honestly say that just dressing hasn't turned me on since I was 14 or 15. As far as that being afraid of being thought if as gay nit really any consideration. I was a pubescent teenager and nearly every thing turned me on then. I also have identified as bisexual and admitted as much if there was a need for the person to know. In other words I didn't hide it but didn't advertise it either.

[docrobbysherry]

No, imo those are really different. You can live a sexual experience without romance, you can live a romantic moment without sexuality. But that is my opinion

Thanks for explaining, I think I get it now, Nickie. I'm just too binary, I guess! If I were bisexual I think I would have understood rite away!:o
Micki Finn explained it in another thread!:thumbsup:

[NickieWild]

Thanks for explaining, I think I get it now, Nickie. I'm just too binary, I guess! If I were bisexual I think I would have understood rite away!:o
Micki Finn explained it in another thread!:thumbsup:

I know what you mean, i worked hard to get ride of those labels, and dont get me wrong, im no better than anyone here. It is just something that i wanted to be sorted out in my life. Knowing that helped my relationship with my SO.

[sometimes_miss]

Why r so many dressers in denial? I'm speaking specifically about our sexuality!:)

Since I arrived on CD.com I've found so many T's insistent that dressing doesn't turn them on.
Just because something turns you on, doesn't mean it automatically applies to everyone else. It's quite common, for people to want to believe that everyone else is just like themselves; this occurs because of a need to feel 'normal', as if one is no different from anyone else, so we project the idea that they really ARE just like us, only THEY are in denial.

But, they can't get enuff of talking about their panties!:heehee:
I never talk about my panties.

But, why r so many males so afraid of being thot to be gay?:
Because it decreases the number of women who might consider us as mates. Add to that, that I worked in a female dominated profession where guys are automatically assumed to be gay by default, and it just makes everything else more difficult. I don't want to feel the need to be clarifying my sexuality constantly.

I have been on other crossdressing sites where there is lot more sexual discussions and i would guess a majority of the cd posters are into men or other cds. They appear to have generally a much younger crowd compared to this site.
'A much younger crowd'. Yes, during the years when males have such an incredibly strong sex drive, that we would get erections while in the middle of a calculus class, oh, that math is a sure turn on! From puberty on, most of us can get turned on at the drop of a hat, for no particular reason at all. So it's no surprise that we crossdressers will also get turned on while wearing girl clothes. Back during those years, I was basically a walking 'erection waiting to happen'. I had crossdressed for many years before I started getting sexually aroused, and yes, when it started happening when I was crossdressing it sure did cause a lot of confusion.... at first. Until I realized that just because the two things happened at the same time, didn't mean they were connected (as another example, I can be hungry and tired at the same time, but that doesn't mean that I'm tired whenever I'm hungry). I was getting sexually excited when dressed in men's clothes, too, without any thoughts of another man at all.
IIRC, this isn't the first time you've brought up this subject, doc. Are you just trying the 'If I say it often enough, eventually everyone will believe me' tactic? Because that's what it seems like. Remember, I understand why you want to believe everyone feels the same way you do.
But we don't. Sorry.

[Barbara Jo]

Also, we should make the distinction between “feeling sexy” when dressed (something both sexes do) and being sexually aroused by the clothing.

Exactly. :)

[suzanne]

Like a lot of other things in a sex negative society, 'fetish' is seen as a dirty word to be avoided and denied where necessary. Who knows how a fetish comes into being? I have an idea, based on my own experience. It's about the emotions around challenging the taboos forced on us by everyone around us, beginning with our own parents. When I first broke through the "Thou Shalt Not Act Girly" taboo by exploring my mom's clothes, I experienced the fear, relief and exhilaration of breaking through, like a kid who just threw out his first F word and then couldn't stop himself.

But why is this any kind of an issue? Nobody gets a perfect life devoid of anything they'd find embarrassing if found out.

[Pumped]

Also, we should make the distinction between “feeling sexy” when dressed (something both sexes do) and being sexually aroused by the clothing.

Well, I am not so sure that "feeling sexy" doesn't include a certain amount of sexual arousal. Were else do the feelings come from?

[docrobbysherry]

"-------------------A much younger crowd'. Yes, during the years when males have such an incredibly strong sex drive, that we would get erections while in the middle of a calculus class, oh, that math is a sure turn on! From puberty on, most of us can get turned on at the drop of a hat, for no particular reason at all. So it's no surprise that we crossdressers will also get turned on while wearing girl clothes. Back during those years, I was basically a walking 'erection waiting to happen'. I had crossdressed for many years before I started getting sexually aroused, and yes, when it started happening when I was crossdressing it sure did cause a lot of confusion.... at first. Until I realized that just because the two things happened at the same time, didn't mean they were connected ------------------------ I was getting sexually excited when dressed in men's clothes, too, without any thoughts of another man at all.-------------------"
Your point jumped rite out at me Lexi! We obviously r very different because I don't recall EVER being aroused by any of my male clothing!:eek:

So, I guess the question is: Am I the only one who's never been turned on by male clothing? Or, r u the odd one out on this issue?:heehee:

How many others out there have been turned on by your male clothing? And, r u straight, gay, or bi? Inquiring minds need to know!:straightface:

[Barbara Jo]

Are not females sexual beings as well as males?
We seem to be skirting around this fact.

Also there are females who like to dress ultra feminine (given the opportunity) and males who like to dress ultra masculine .
Are we saying that these people (male and female) have a clothing fetish?

Humans wear the clothes that give them the most satisfaction . if that were not true, there would be no such thing as "fashion"
So, IMO a big dose of realty is necessary .

[Ressie]

Am I the only one who's never been turned on by male clothing? Or, r u the odd one out on this issue?:heehee:

How many others out there have been turned on by your male clothing? And, r u straight, gay, or bi? Inquiring minds need to know!:straightface:

I kind of have a fetish for (even men's) denim but it's not nearly as arousing as silky fabrics. Like Martin Mull sang in one of his songs, I'm "kinky, straight and gay"!

Oh Barbaro Jo, I like every quote in your signature! :)

[Missy Dawn]

Oh Sherry I agree so very much. So many on here talk like they are just cranky prudish old women and sexuality and fetishes' is something wrong. I dress to get turned on and feel good. I'm not interested in dressing like an old woman going to the mall. And btw I'm 66.

[Beverley Sims]

Dressing constantly does dampen the excitement but other ideas flood in when out and about.

The enthusiasm never fades though. :-)