Still living among Neanderthals.

[Amanda77]

Was at work today when a co-worker and one of our vendor guys who was filling shelving started to talk about and making fun of a store owner at one of the stores he looks after (neighboring small town) how he likes to crossdress when at his store. Making fun of his heels leggings and painted toenail. Complaining that he was an imbarasment. I walked away not wanting to hear anymore thinking just leave him be. The way I've been brought up is to respect others and not to judge them for what the do or who they are. He is not hurting anyone who cares what he wishes to wear. Yep i live in the land of Neanderthals yet. This kind of thinking pisses me off and I wanted to go slap them into the 21st century. Why cant people learn to respect others, this world would be a better place
After work i had to come home and put on a dress. If they only knew.

Sorry for the venting.

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Amanda :hugs:, The problem is , You just can't Fix Stupid ! >Orchid**O:daydreaming:O**

[kimdl93]

I share your frustration with such attitudes.

[Raychel]

I would have had a hard time keeping quite

[docrobbysherry]

Bithing by tug!:doh:

[tbryant2k16]

Don't be insulting Neanderthals, they are much smarter than those you encountered.

[Pumped]

I usually stand up to these creeps and defend the ones they are putting down. If nothing else they know better to talk that crap when I am around.

A couple of guys at work were putting down gays. I told them I know a gay couple and they are nice guys. I have been to there home for a party. I added I would trust them over many heterosexual guys I know.

[Sometimes Steffi]

I'm not witty enough to think up a good response when something like this comes up.

But a good response might be something like this:

Oh, I think I know who you're talking about. Isn't it great when someone just does what feels right to them and lives his live on his own terms, and presumably doesn't care [give a $#!^) what you think about it. If he heard you talking about him like this, he would probably say that you're the embarrassment, living in the 1950's. Maybe you're just jealous that he can wear nail polish with all the different color choices and you can't. Live and let live, bro.

[mbmeen12]

Its so obvious, the vender is in denial, he only wishes himself to be "one of us".

[TamT]

Unfortunately, my wife could be one of those. I think she uses those opportunities to indirectly insult me because of my CDing.

[DianeT]

It's not funny for the person being laughed at. But still, it's a normal human reaction, even if not a very mature one. Making fun of what you don't understand. Comforting yourself by joking and sharing it with someone you assume will share your feelings. It's possible some people aren't tolerant, but for most it's more likely that they simply never were educated about these matters. Remember that most people only see crossdressers through the (often) disparaging depictions in media. The crossdressing thing is very anecdotal in the grand scheme of things. Very few people are confronted to it in real life.

[bridget thronton]

I cannot control l the general public - but I do not allow that kind of talk in my university classroom

[Helen_Highwater]

There's a saying; "If you see it and do nothing about it, you're part of the problem, not part of the solution".

I know that can be harder to do than say but it is true.

If anyone I'm talking to denegrates Gays I ask them do the know who the Kray twins were (vicious London gangsters back in the 60's/70's) one of whom was openly gay. I pose the question, if he were here now, would you be slagging off gays? "Of course not!" is the reply. "Then why do it at all then. Being gay doesn't mean being less of a man". "For all you know that big bloke behind you might just be gay and might just be getting ready to punch your lights out". "Who's going to look the lesser then?".

[Bobbi46]

The sad thing about life is that there will always be homophobic bigots around and two of them were friends of mine until they knew the real me then the friendship cooled right off.
I do find that hetero men are the ones who cannot accept us as we are, women on the other hand seem to me to be more able to accept the femeninine side of our lives. having said that all of the married men in my hamlet have accepted me for what I am and a whole pile more of people that I know.
Slowly i hope things will change but on the other hand I do not see total acceptability round the next corner anytime soon.

[alwayshave]

Amanda, It would appear that you work with my brother.

[Pumped]

I had a guy at work make some negative comment about crossdressers, how they were wimps, or something to that effect. I looked at him and said, "I don't know, it takes pretty big balls to dress up in women's clothing and run around in public. Would you do it?"

[GretchenM]

Yes, Amanda, they are to be found everywhere. I dearly wish they would go extinct, but I agree with Diane that it is a common human reaction to anything that appears to be outside the boundaries of normality. Normality means of course being like the criticizer. They just don't understand how hurtful that is and I suspect they really don't care. It is their opinion that matters and in their eyes that is the truth to them. That reaction is the way we deal with anything that we find alerts us to something threatening and to be feared, which, of course, is anything that is outside expectation. In many parts of the world, but especially in the U.S. and maybe Canada, this fear of the different has created a fairly dysfunctional society. You encountered an example and I am sorry you had to experience such macho intollorant talk.

As for reacting to it, judge the situation carefully. But if you can safely act then let them know you don't agree and why you don't agree. It is unlikely you will change their mind; that takes more of an overhaul. But at least they might think about what you said.

[JulieC]

Conformity is important to humans. It is likely wired into us as a defense/survival mechanism. That which is different is potentially threatening. As humans, we've been doing this as far back as written history takes us. It's, sadly, likely to be with us until humans no longer exist. It is highly doubtful we can ever eradicate racism, prejudice, bigotry, etc. The angst and riots we currently experience in our society will not alter the landscape at all except in one way, which we are seeing now; people will stop voicing their racism, bigotry, and prejudice out of fear of retribution. One could call it progress, but it really isn't. Such feelings will still be taught at home to the next generation, and the cycle will continue.

Racism may eventually end, many generations in the future. With world connectivity, humans will slowly become one homogeneous type; there will be no 'race'. However, anti-LGBTQIA+ stances will remain, because the LGBTQIA+ community is and always will be a small subset of society.

The store owner that the OP mentions is likely under the impression that the bigoted person is ok with their crossdressing, since they haven't said anything about it. As has been said here many times, just because a person doesn't say anything to you doesn't mean they aren't thinking something quite negative about you. We like to think that if they leave you alone and don't bother you, there's no harm, right? But, that same person is going around saying negative things about the shop owner. That likely has a negative impact on sales. The shop owner won't have any idea they've been victimized by this neanderthal, but they are being victimized nonetheless.

[April Rose]

You don't have to out yourself to speak up when someone is trash talking. Simply by saying something like "eh, I don't care if they do this or that, It's not my business, and people ought to be free to do what they want". Then the jerk has to at least reflect on the fact that not everyone agrees with him.

[Linda E. Woodworth]

My my aren't we being catty.

would you be so righteous if the conversation was on a subject you agreed with? I have my doubts.

Remember, there are a hell of a lot of "deplorable Neanderthals" out there, each with their own opinions and surprise! They don't have to agree with you.

[Sabine Janus]

Five will get you ten that the guy moking the crossdresser is a closet something.

[Cheryl T]

What we forget is that people will always talk about what is "different".
Keep in mind that the vast majority will only do so when in the presence of other small minds and would never have the courage to say anything to someone's face.

It's just like people on the road. They feel compelled to yell and gesture at other drivers as they are "safe" in their bubble, but would never open their mouths to confront someone who cut in line at the bank or the movies.

[Stephanie47]

There's a saying; "If you see it and do nothing about it, you're part of the problem, not part of the solution".

So true! One of my neighbors made the comment she observed that I say nothing and just give a person some more rope to hang themselves before I unload on them. Basically, I let them go on and on about his or her intolerance, then confront them about it. By that time I know exactly what sort of person he or she may be and have no interest in having any sort of relationship with them. It is one thing to profess you do not know why someone does something out of the ordinary, and, it is another thing to denigrate someone for your lack of knowledge or compassion. Generally, I find when someone is intolerant towards one group, they are intolerant towards another group.

In the OP's situation there is the possibility their intolerance towards a person can be overheard by someone else of the targeted group and lead to negative consequences. I know many people who do not patronize a certain restaurant chain because of the owners intolerance towards gays and lesbians. Unfortunately, there are many intolerant people in high places.

[Ressie]

Most of us CDs are quite normal but we do look out of the ordinary. I even laugh at the way I look sometimes!

But when hatred is implied by comments made by someone, it upsets me. At that point it becomes clear that these folks haven't ever met any of my friends or others like them. And it's mostly because they live in rural areas where CDs are afraid to be seen in public. So they tend to hate what they don't understand, right?

There are millions of CDs on this planet yet most folks aren't use to us yet. We're just too incongruous and funny to look at!

[sometimes_miss]

Its so obvious, the vender is in denial, he only wishes himself to be "one of us".
It's homophobia; he has had feelings that he sees as accepted as 'feminine only', and fears that if it can happen to us, then it might happen to HIM! And that scares the stuff out of him, because to him, being feminine is the worst possible thing that a man can be. Most of us grew up being told this, having it pounded into our minds over and over again. Some never grow out of it, often, because they work with other guys who feel the same way, and they all make fun of any guy who dares mention feeling anything emotional that might ever be considered only appropriate for females, desperately trying to distance themselves from EVER being considered feminine in any way.
It's a reason why so many here, feel the need to insist that they are 'all masculine', and then go on to speak of themselves in third person, or create a whole female persona to attribute any female feelings to, in order to protect their fragile masculine ego from being contaminated by anything feminine.

[AngelaYVR]

All those who have never said anything mean or nasty about another individual or group please raise your hand. Better to learn from seeing this behaviour in others than to take to the pulpit.

[mbmeen12]

Then there is the other most simplest reason;

There are just mean, unhealthy life state people out there.

[Aunt Kelly]

Bigotry is "deplorable". Period. Defending it as an "opinion" does not make it otherwise.

[DianeT]

I think you missed Linda's point (and a few others who concur like AngelaYVR), which is about the fact that anyone can be another one's Neanderthal.
If you don't want to talk to these persons, fine. As for for myself, I think there's more hope in discussion than exclusion.
P.S. Poor Neanderthals. In no way were they stupid in reality. Like being extinct wasn't enough...

[Helen_Highwater]

Diane,

Not so much extinct as evolved and perhaps that is the great hope. That as time moves on attitudes change.

As acceptance and tolerance grows the nasties find themselves ever more isolated. Fewer like minded souls to club together with. However that can make those remaining more dangerous as they lash out at the thing they see as challenging their beliefs.

There are two big cities, Liverpool and Manchester that are not that far geographically apart. Manchester has a reputation as an LGBT friendly city. Not true of Liverpool. However in recent weeks a number of assaults on Gay men in Liverpool has seen significant numbers of people protesting out on the streets against that sort of behaviour. A show of solidarity. So perhaps things can evolve.

I have little body hair. If someone comments about it I just point out that some of us have moved further along the evolutionary ladder away from our primate ancestors.

[MiniRock]

He has every right to think, say and offend whatever and whomever he wants. So do you if you want to challenge him.

[Suzic]

Indeed.. you are completely correct Lexi. I hate describing myself as masculine. I love feeling like a girl or at least thinking that this is what a girl feels like. I am one person, not two. I am not shy about shopping because I feel that I am in the right place for a girl like me. It is confusing and dishonest to deny our femininity.

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The one that is the most vocal is often the one that is most curious!