Realizing It Is More Than Crossdressing

[Frank]

Hello All, I just need to share with someone/anyone/scream-out-loud that I have begun to understand that I am not ?only? a crossdresser but I desire to transition. My absences from this website have correlated with strife in my life and battles in my head. I have finally accepted that I am a woman but I can only ever be part-time because of work and family. It is reliving to acknowledge and admit it out-loud, even if it is only among this understanding/supportive community (thank you all for being wonderful, whether we have corresponded or not being a part of this community makes you all heros as you have created and belong to a space that helps people like me fight through these mentally taxing ?growth spurts?).

I can say it I AM A WOMAN! A weight has been lifted! Thank you all for all that you have shared and the purity of your hearts and souls. It has been a bright light at the end of a long tunnel but I feel hope again and I owe a thanks to all of you. Bless you all!

Much Gratitude,
Elexa

[Jeri Ann]

Hey Elexa, welcome and know that everyone here has had to accept at some point who and what they are just as you have. I never considered myself a crossdresser, just transsexual, but regardless of which direction you come from, acknowledging your true self is the first step in getting at least a bit of peace as you are now experiencing.

Like several others here I was convinced that I would never transition. Things change. Hang in there.

[Nikki.]

What Jeri Ann wrote.

It’s a marathon not a sprint. And there’s no rules to say you need to live “full time” as anything. What does that even mean? Princess dresses and heels everywhere you go, and sleeping in satin nighties?

Your gender is your gender. For most people it’s fixed and fixed throughout life. How you express than gender can vary though.

For me (nb femme), being in the closet was actually the worst part of being trans. So being totally out, with no worries about being found out was one of the most important things. I have no secrets about being trans. I’ve had FFS (super fun!), and walked around in public swollen, with bandages on my head and black eyes, wearing guy shorts and tank tops. i like the utility of these guy shorts. It doesn’t make me less feminine to wear them, it makes me practical.

So if for whatever life circumstances cause yon to feel you can only present female part time, that’s ok. To me, transition is ultimately about minimizing the suffering of gender dysphoria*. So if presenting female full time reduced your dysphoria(assuming you are dysphoric), but caused you suffering in other areas of your life, it may not be worth it.

I think of it like Mr. Scott in the engine room of the Enterprise. He’s looking at several graphs of engine room data inputs, playing an optimization game trying to keep all of them within acceptable operating parameters. If one goes too far up or down, it may cause others to shift outta their optimal range.

life is complicated, sometimes more so for trans people. good luck.

[Maid_Marion]

Hi Elexa,

Congratulations! That is a big step.


Marion

[AllieSF]

Welcome to the club. Enjoy your new found and accepted identity as best you can. As Nikki so clearly said, that being honest with yourself is a new type of freedom, and being honest with others will really set you free if you can get there. Take your time and let your steps be your own and also let them fall as they do, one or more at a time. No rush.

Allie

[Devi SM]

It sounds great! But now you're in trouble...youalready pass the wall that many in this website (not this transexual section) don't want to acknowledge.

For me, a guy that enjoy so much dressing as a women, to the point of feeling the need of doing in a routinely way is not just a cd.

Here so many guys (I call them guy because they don't accept they are trans so still being guys dressed as a woman) give very creative arguments and excuses to not transition, understanding it as get in HRT, I differ from that concept.

For me, when a guy, enjoy dressing, is just expressing an internal need of femenine expression.

The day, as you has done Elexa, of acknowledgement, is the first conscious step of transition but the day he dressed for first time, and enjoy it, that was the first day of transition.

It's matter of derrumbing walls.

In my case, I certainly to this web looking to cross other girls like me. I never intended to move forward to hormones. People doing it were weirdos for me. I'm one of those now, more than that, I legally a woman finding to success as one in life now, understanding success as a public woman financially succesful, so for me is not about dressing (I fully dress a woman 100% of my time) is not about to look as a woman and being call mam..but to success in the men's world.

Not even in my dreams I thought this 6 years ago.

So what I learn is never say never or I won't do this because the call of nature is stronger than our will....

[Amanda_Nicole]

Elexa, I understand exactly how you feel. It is a relief when you realize that you have always been a woman but it is difficult when you can't transition due to work and family. For me personally, it has brought me many sleepless nights but I agree with you that this site has definitely helped me cope.

[mbmeen12]

Take it slow and enjoy....
Elexa