how far, how fast

[Angela Marie]

After finally admitting to myself that I am indeed transgendered I have been coming out more and more. Wearing leggings most of the time, in public, the gym, etc. And I wear my denim leggings to work. Transition is not realistic due to my age, family, etc. Right now I'm in a very comfortable place and satisfied with my status. Only my wife knows; but I assume that anyone who sees me in leggings most of the time has an inkling. How many of you have identified as female but stopped well short of transitioning and are you comfortable with your
status?

[MonicaPVD]

It makes me happy to read about your process. I chose a long time ago to not transition and, instead, to lead a double life. It's not something that I'm particularly proud of but it's my reality. I've had some wonderful highs and really bad lows but this is my life. I'm always very much in awe of people who have the courage and/or ability to take that step. You are all amazing.

[SaraLin]

I was (once upon a time) on hormones and transition bound.
One day I looked in the mirror and realized that I'd never have enough money to "fix" all the male signs my body was giving off.
Since the thought of being stuck somewhere between genders terrified me, I stopped. Cold. (this is just me I'm talking about - not a judgement of anyone else)
Lots of soul searching, bouts of depression, and self hatred ensued before I worked my way through to a workable life.
I've found an odd "balance point" between reality and desire. I can't say that I'm exactly "comfortable", but it minimizes the drama in my life and it's OK for the most part.

Panties, always. Nighties every night. Everything else is DADT right now, due to wife's discomfort. I could probably push for a little more, but my love for her and consideration for HER feelings stops me.

[GretchenM]

Good questions, Angela. Back in late 2012 and early 2013 I was serious about transition and explored it thoroughly before taking any steps in that direction. After that I realized that if I transitioned it would most likely simply reverse things - that is, I would be a woman who sometimes wanted to be more male-like. It seemed pretty pointless and I abandoned that path but have always kept it in my mind as a possibility if things were to change dramatically. Transition is still an option, but I view it less as an emotional choice and more as a choice if and when dysphoria reaches shrieking intensity and my male-like self basically dies. A practical, medical-like choice. Since then and now I am basically living with a non-binary or genderfluid identity and it is amazingly comfortable with very little dysphoria even occurring. I guess I have found the sweet balance where the male-like and female-like identities are compatible and supportive of each other helping each other deal with situations. It is good.

[Nadine Spirit]

......I have been coming out more and more......

......Only my wife knows...................

I am confused, what does coming out mean to you if only your wife knows? Do you think that because you are wearing leggings in public locations that you are coming out? Hmmm..... maybe. Typically coming out means that you are telling people something. You seemed to have made an assumption that everybody that sees you knows that you are wearing clothing items that you purchase from the female side of the store and that somehow that says something about who you are as a human.

I wore typical female related items, clothes, jewelry, purse, wallet, phone case, nails polished, etc. I did that for years before I ever came out. Coming out was a far different process than wearing feminine clothing items.

[Cheryl T]

I'm stopped short, but comfortable?? The jury is still out.

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Angela :hugs:, It sounds like you are a Work in Progress, >Orchid**0:daydreaming:0**

[Brenda Freeman]

Since retiring I have grown my hair out, pierced my ears and like you wear leggings regularly. My wife is fine with it. I do not go further unless I go out to meet friends or just want some girltime at home, then I add make up and breast forms and a dress or skirt. So I am still a crossdresser at times only my wife and certain friends know this, but am also enjoying daily life more.

[AngelaYVR]

Do you think that because you are wearing leggings in public locations that you are coming out?

I thought it was evident that Angela was doing it at her own pace and to the level that keeps her happy and comfortable. It is not incumbent on anyone to meet ministry quotas.

[Joyce Swindell]

I'm pretty comfortable with where I am m/f. Once retired I will most likely be more balanced outwardly as I'm now presenting 80-90% male. We get out once in a while but I would enjoy more time out.

[Angela Marie]

I thought it was evident that Angela was doing it at her own pace and to the level that keeps her happy and comfortable. It is not incumbent on anyone to meet ministry quotas.

Thank you for the thoughtful response.

[RylieCD]

Yes, i know I am transgender but due to other obligations i do not see pursuing it as an option. So for me it is the double life.

[April Rose]

Conflict and its resolution seems to be the theme here. Now that I am alone I have been working with a therapist trying to get a handle on where I stand genderwise. I am interested in the idea of non binary, but at 71 it's such a foreign concept to my generation that it's difficult to claim it as an identity. On the other hand, since I dress in women's clothes most of the time when I am home it creates this conflict with the male Identity I present to the outside world. That conflict is very uncomfortable to me. I am out to some friends and not to others.

I have been cultivating friends within the trans community: Last Week I spent A day in Provincetown with someone I met on this site and came back with pierced ears. I have been trying to be more open about who I am.

But getting to a place where I am really comfortable? Not so much.

[JenniferMBlack]

I admitted to myself I'm transgender in 2019. I started dressing more feminine immediately. Meaning skirts way more often. But still male some times. Over a year later in November of 2020 I took the plunge and was more around 95% of the time wearing female clothes. In January this year I went to nearly 100% of the time only wearing male clothes for dirty work. On Wednesday this week the very last of the male clothes with the exception of the 2 kilts have been removed from my house. The kilts are going to someone so I'm holding them for him. I have yet to even start HRT but that is coming soon I hope. I am back to a regular job starting next week so money will be less of a problem and I will eventually have insurance again. I hope to get things going in the next couple of months. No worries with the job I made them aware from the start.