I Just Told Her....

[laurie103]

My wife. We'd been drinking. I said that sometimes I like to dress like a woman, and she said, "So you're gay?" I told her the contrary. I was about to puke that I even tried to tell her this stuff. She thought it was a joke -- we drank some more whiskey. Maaaaaaan. This sucks.

- - - Updated - - -

Right now I guess she thinks it's a joke, but you have to wonder. I'm hoping she asks me about it tomorrow.

[cindylouho]

She probably will eventually, but just go with it since you've now taken the first step. Good for you for getting it out there.

[kimdl93]

There is no good way to introduce this subject, but doing it while drinking is among the more regrettable approaches. Earlier today you posted that you had just purged and now you’ve told her…I don’t know if the time sequence purged then told or told the purged.

If it is the latter, and you purged after telling…and you just want to be a normal dad, then I would suggest getting some therapy. It may not make the desire go away, but you may be able to learn techniques to diminish the compulsion.

[krissy]

When I told my first Wife she freak out then told all my male friends . she left with my son. but that's another story. oh i was a mechanic by trade that didn't go well at work either . My second wife told me she didn't know what i needed but she would try .well she helped me dress then she told me she cant deal with it .i have stayed loyal i have been with this woman for 42 years and to this day I'm in a dadt . she knows i love to dress but only when she is not around. but now that we both are disabled i don't see me getting to dress and I'm pissed about it I helped raise her children as my own i give her any thing i can but she cant deal with me or this. I wish she knew how important it is to my happiness. she doesn't care :sad: :hugs:i try to dress when i can but i find its not enough. but how can you talk to a person that wont let me talk about it to her. now i have grandkids and a great grand son life is so short i don't know what to do :hugs that's why i love this site we can share :hugs:

[Miel GG]

Laurie please take your courage with both hands and initiate a serious discussion with your wife. Leaving things as they are could harm your couple because you cannot know what is in your wife's mind after your "drinking" discussion. It could be a difficult moment for both of you but you put the subject on the table... Hope the best for you and your wife.

[DianeT]

Laurie, I sure understand the temptation to spill it in a rash moment because you want to rip off the bandage rather than slowly lif it (and probably because alcohol and big revelations aren't generally a good mix). This doesn't change the fact that you blew it big time with your SO, since if you love her then you must get prepared before coming out. Look, nothing is lost. Train commando style for next time, and before the next attempt try answering the two questions below. If one of the answers is "No", then turn back and prepare more.

1. I read the fine manual : How to tell your partner (https://www.crossdressers.com/forums/showthread.php?13841-How-to-tell-your-partner)
2. I'm sober

Like Miel said the gears in your wife's head probably started spinning even if she doesn't necessarily show it. Just think what you would be thinking if she had opened up to you with a similar line. So it's possible you don't have that much time to set things right. If I were you I would like to be prepared in case the next discussion would be initiated by your SO before you even are ready to tell.

And if you tell, brace yourself, because it's probably a very bumpy road ahead and the utmost patience and kindness towards your SO's questions and moods will be essential for success (and even with that success is not guaranteed). The fact that you told isn't instant forgiveness for all sins nor a ticket for breaking your dressing free and entering unlimited pink fog. It's just the beginning of the reconstruction of a damaged relationship (because of the broken trust), and if all goes as planned it will probably take years, or forever, to mend it. Be extremely honest and patient, and be very, very loving. Because if your wife stays with you, it means she loves you very much too, sticking with a man that suddenly became a stranger to her, out of a love that used to be for another man she thought she knew well.

[Meghan4now]

So, how's the hangover?

[Di]

Please read what Meil and DianeT wrote and read the post how to tell your partner. ( Diane gave you the link)

Please do not NOW say now I was just joking
Be brave ….read up on how to explain….again the link you were given,
You must have wanted to tell her from your posts of late,
Do not play games, that will make it much worse after she does find out.
Your saying that why drinking ….will just make her guard up.

[docrobbysherry]

Laurie, bad news! U haven't really told her!:sad:

Good news! Now, that u know what to expect u can woman up and explain it to her the rite way!:thumbsup:

[laurie103]

Two days later -- it's like nothing happened. It's so weird. We watched "Luca" and had a discussion about being trans, and today -- the biggest thing -- my sister-in-law (who majored in the same thing as me in college and knows all the same people) said a girl that I dated in college was now a trans man. And my wife said nothing. I really think she thought the whole thing was a joke. It's really freaking me out.

[Aka_Donna]

Often the SO will take more time to process all this as it is like driving down a strange road with no GPS and no map and no sign posts.

[char GG]

Maybe it's time to have a "real talk". Don't expect her to bring it up.

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Cindy Lou :hugs:, Just go slow and don't overwhelm her with this, >Orchid**O:daydreaming:O**

[RADER]

I believe it was our third date. I was waiting for her in the Living room with the TV running.
She came up to me ad asked if I was ready, Sure I said, I just want to see that dress again.
It was a Commercial with a Lady in a Ball Room Gown. She asked me; You mean that one.
Yes I said. Then she asked me why; I said that I wished I had one like that.
A week later she asked me if I had any dresses. No I said, jut a few skirts. Silence.
Next week we are at my back yard for a cook out, Of course it has to rain. So we grab our
plates and run for the Kitchen and safety. She then ask's, me to put on one of my skirts.
With some reluctance, I did. When she see's me wearing a skirt, she say's is that all.
Yes that's about it. Well we can do better. And so she did, and we where married for 19 YEARS
Until the Angles came.

[Meghan4now]

Maybe it's time to have a "real talk". Don't expect her to bring it up.
Char is right on this. Your wife has not forgotten and now that she is aware, she will established a position after some thought. The problem for you is the question of what information is she going to mull over in the meantime. I would suggest that making sure she has accurate information to form an opinion on is likely to provide the best outcome. If you leave it to chance, and her information comes from negative and inaccurate sources, she may have a very negative result. Not that you have to be in her face, far from that. But she needs to know the truth to form a true impression.

[kimdl93]

Others have observed that you have posted several threads within hours of each other, and its apparent that you are struggling with yourself. My suggestion is that you get yourself to a competent, experienced family therapists, preferably an experienced gender counselor. There are too many issues swirling around here.