Any advice on discussing kids buying outfit and reacting to this newness?

[Aka_Donna]

Our family has always enjoyed finding thrift store bargains. Girls are looking for an outfit for one of their costume parties and had question to ask "would it have been ok to buy you a dress"?

I said, guess so. A safer way of saying yes and talked about sizing. Other daughter was amused by it. But wife was embarrassed to have this discussed. We need to dig deeper tomorrow. Any advice on dealing with her anxiety?

[Amelia_Rose]

I am assuming a few things here...one, that your discussion happened in a public place, and two, that your wife is not as comfortable with your crossdressing? The only way to really deal with her anxiety is to get to the root of what is causing it. Is she worried you will be found out? Or is she worried that this is not "just a phase" and that she is going to have to accept this as part of her life forever? Or is it more about the kids? Maybe she's not totally on board with the kids knowing at all. Bottom line, the only way to deal is to be direct, not aggressive or forceful, but don't dance around it either. Tell her how you perceived her reaction, and let her explain why she reacted and how it made her feel. It is never a bad idea to consider couples therapy either, it really helped my wife and I get "over the hump" so to speak in terms of integrating this into our lives.

[kimdl93]

So, your cross dressing is common knowledge now, right? I guess the next step, as a way to deal with the anxiety your wife is feeling, would be to simply find a quiet time to sit down and talk. Just ask her and listen to her answers to that question we so often forget: How does that make you feel?

[docrobbysherry]

U neglected to mention their ages? With kids, that's quite important!

U may be surprised how much young kids think they know. And, not all of what they hear/know is factual!:doh:

[Aka_Donna]

They are about 40. We had a brief discussion, and it's "just too weird". So told daughter to hold off for now. She was good with that

[Stephanie47]

I believe last year you posted a similar thread concerning a party touching on the cross dressing issue. You are out to your wife. Your kids know but have not seen you. If your kids know, then go for the whole nine yards. Not campy stuff. Go for broke; wig, makeup and all the proper undergarments. Your wife may feint from the anxiety, but, hey you only live twice; male and female.

[JenniferMBlack]

I don't have children so not much help either way. I am a bit confused what the issue is though. Is it the current buying a dress or thay they even know to want to buy a dress?

[char GG]

If your daughter is in her 40's and wants to buy you a dress, give her your size and dress preferences (color, style). If she sees something that she thinks you will like, let her buy it for you. Obviously, she wants to do something nice for you.

I am assuming that you are dealing with your wife's anxiety/embarrassment, not your daughters. After the first time, maybe she won't feel quite so anxious.

[Aka_Donna]

Yes, hopefully. The dress she found would have been great if it were not a size 2. She couldn't come close to wearing a size 2, much less me.
We did discuss sizes briefly. The problem I has with her choices is her tastes are either ethnic or skin in your face and neither am I comfortable with.
I'll follow up with her later and explore further.

It is indeed because of wife. It's new to her and it took a long time to tell the kids. We'll just play it by ear other things are more important. Like wife saying "you need to go change". It's always challenging with step fathers and mother-daughter tensions. Tiptoeing on tulips....

[Rachelakld]

My step daughters often give me their old dresses that I have shown interest in. I'm kind of lucky that all 3 of my step daughters and I wear similar styles. My own daughter hasn't yet discovered "girls clothes", she prefers boy(ish) clothes.
With the wife's anxiety, my girls (19-27) are discrete when gifting me dresses, not so much at Christmas, when I have a second Santa when I get handbags, make up etc.
Wife's okay with me dressing, just not at home or locally.

[BLUE ORCHID]

I really don't want to burdon my daughters with this program, >Orchid**0:daydreaming:0**