How many times do I have to get busted?

[Natalie5004]

I must get caught with makeup out, jewelry out, clothes out, closet door open, some makeup still showing, smelling like my wife's perfume, pictures on my phone... and it goes on.

Why is it still an issue? I am not throwing anything in my wives face trust me. I am doing the DADT thing per her request.

I would think by now she can love both sides of me and not just the male side. I am not talking about sex but as friends.

I really think she would like it. But that is her choice for sure.

Natalie

[Britney42]

I would think by now she can love both sides of me and not just the male side.

Natalie

Here in lies your issue...
There are no 2 people inhabiting one body - unless you have MPD and even then you are still one physical being. There aren't sides there are behaviours and themes of behaviours.

If I get drunk and screw up I can't blame drunk me - even if I don't remember it. I'm responsible for getting drunk. And you're responsible for "dressing like a girl" and whatever else you get involved with.

You can't expect her to accpet that your rationalisation as it's a nonsense. Conversely, it's not on you to provide contentment to someone that doesnt completely love you either.

Guess you guys have to weigh up the options. Personally i don't mind a blazing row here and there.

[char GG]

Natalie,
Some of the accepting wives that I know say that their husbands make CDing fun for them (the wives) too. If it can be some kind of outing that she enjoys, maybe she can have fun with you en femme. Perhaps suggest a casino, play or concert, hotel stay in another town. Use your imagination. Then, don't make the outing all about you but about both of you getting dressed up. You may want to stay away from the bars unless she is open to that. NOT shopping, grocery store, walking in a park - those things are just all too common. For a woman, it's not fun to just sit around looking like a girl, going to the grocery store (boring!), or walking around in heels.

You know your wife best, so maybe nothing will work with her. Just try thinking out of the box and see what her reaction is.

[Samm]

I agree with Char. I just spent 4 days in New Hampshire with my wife. She loves hiking, so we hiked in the mornings. I stay in male mode for that, it's just easier.
Then it's back to our motel to shower and change. For me,, into girl mode. We go for dinner, and then stroll the village shops before heading in for the night. We even met a tg friend for dinner one night.
....And we both got what we wanted....
All and all, I spent way more time in girl mode, than boy mode. And the plus side.... wifey said she likes me better that way lol.

[DianeT]

Nathalie I don't understand. Do you mean your wife said she wants no part in it but nevertheless you would like her to catch you dressed and made up? I'm confused.

[Natalie5004]

I am not trying to get caught. But she is adamant that she wants no part of this. I will comply .

[Karren H]

Obviously your not trying to comply very well or you stink at hiding, or both! If your like most (including me), your wife did not sign up for this and should not be held responsible just because you think she should like it. Mine will never like it and it is what it is.

[Sometimes Steffi]

How many times do I have to get busted?

Unfortunately, it's until you learn that you wife does not want to be a part of it.

Like Karren's wife, my wife will never like it and it is what it is.

[Shelly Preston]

I understand you try to be careful. Having said that there are times when something will be left lying in the wrong place.

The good thing is that your wife knows these things belong to you. Imagine the scenario if she assumed they belonged to another woman.

All you can do is apologise and say it was not deliberate. This may help soften her attitude a little.

[Sometimes Steffi]

The first time my wife found some of my stuff, she called me at work about it. I told her that we could talk when I got home.

I seriously evaluated whether I would be in more trouble admitting that I crossdressed or if I should lie and tell her that I had an affair. I told the truth, but it wasn't pretty.

[Lori Ann Westlake]

Natalie, I'm confused here, just as Diane is. What are you actually saying? I take it that your wife doesn't want any part of your crossdressing, and doesn't even want to know about it. So even if she never sees you actually dressed, she still gets upset if she sees (or smells!) any reminder of your dressing.

The key question is whether you're being careful enough to hide these reminders from her. If you're telling yourself "What does it matter if I leave clothes and jewelry around, leave smears of makeup on?" and the rest of it, you're still upsetting your wife if she doesn't want to see these things, and you need to clean up properly before she's around. Or maybe you just need to be more careful about not leaving things around and need a "checklist" of things to take care of after dressing.

Or is it that she has a habit of walking in on you and trying to "catch" you? If so, that's her problem, not yours. How is she seeing these pictures on your phone? Are you showing them accidentally, or is she snooping on your phone? Does she respect your boundaries? "Don't Ask" is her half of the DADT contract. If she doesn't want to see, she shouldn't be looking. However, there could be other problems. For instance, does she have a habit of coming home at unpredictable times? If so, you could ask her to call or text you when she's on her way so that if you're dressed, you have time to clean up.

[DianeT]

I am not trying to get caught.
Ok, the "I must get caught" phrasing was ambiguous to me. I understand now. But considering a few past posts I wonder if these evidences you leave here and there aren't what is called "Freudian slips". Maybe you are more or less unconsciously playing a game. Be prudent, judging by the testimonies in these forums, these things typically backfire, sooner or later (sooner is better). Do you talk to your wife about these mishaps? She may be in great pain because of them.

322503

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Natalie :hugs:, You are lucky that you have a DA/DT, Don't abuse that or it may go where you don't want to go,

>>>>>>>>>>>Orchid**o:daydreaming:o**

[Beverly Phillips]

A funny true story... A crossdresser was explaining how his wife had found his stash of clothes in the trunk of his car. He told how angry she was and that she thought there was another woman. He paused and said... "And she was right!" Love and be loved... Beverly

[SissieScott]

IMHO it sounds like she wants you to stop completely instead of DADT if she gets upset *catching* you. Perhaps she even sees these instances as *taunts* or acts of *forcible acceptance*. Either way you have to have a very very very open and honest conversation with yourself FIRST.....and THEN your wife, get her true stance, and decide if it's something you can live with. If she says stop, are you willing to stop 100%? If not, just know every time you get *caught* it will be another proverbial "nail in the coffin". Not to mention...."Hell hath no fury, like a woman scorned"!

[Krisi]

Obviously your not trying to comply very well or you stink at hiding, or both! If your like most (including me), your wife did not sign up for this and should not be held responsible just because you think she should like it. Mine will never like it and it is what it is.

Karren posted what I would have posted so I will not repeat it. (Actually, I suppose I just did "repeat it").

I will add though, keeping pictures of yourself dressed as a woman on your phone is a really bad idea. That's a good way for the world to find out.

If you must keep photos, get a digital camera (they still make those), take your photos with that, move them to an SD or USB card and store it in a hidden place. Delete the photos from the camera and computer.

[Beverly Phillips]

Speaking of getting busted... I've had my share of some pretty close calls. One sunny day, I was out in my front yard, in a subdivision among some real inquisitive neighbors to put it nicely. I was doing some gardening and I bent over to pull a weed... and right in front of God and everybody... my big silicone boob plopped out onto the ground in front of me! I couldn't help but see how funny it was so I laughed the whole time I was scurrying to the house before someone spotted my boob! No one saw the debacle so I was not tarred and feathered and run out of town on a rail! lol. The funniest time I was ever outed was when I was standing in the living room, in my PJ's, talking with my wife. We were cat-sitting my daughter's little hairless energetic kitten named "Mr. Biggelsworth" (aka. Biggie). We were paying no attention to Biggie (which turned out to be a poor decision on our part! lol)... until he came running up behind me and jumped up on the back of my legs with his claws extended, pulling my loose pajama bottoms down all the way to the floor! There I stood, in my bright red lacy panties just beaming! My wife and I just died laughing! I later kept thinking, what if my ultra-conservative next door neighbors were over visiting! I laughed some more! I am truly a blessed woman (and maybe just a tad bit lucky)... teehee. sooo happy with my new life... Beverly

[Pumped]

Seriously, if she accepts DADT, knows there is a man in her house that wears women's clothing and she is shocked when she runs across the evidence?

IMO, for a spouse to agree to DADT she has to accept the little slip ups here and there as long as it is not getting shoved in her face. If she can't accept that, then it has gone farther than DADT to like DON'T!

[Missy Dawn]

I'm sorry but what is DADT?

[NewSally]

Missy:

DADT = Don't ask, don't tell

[Missy Dawn]

Thanks sweetie,
Peace and love,
Missy :hugs::kissing:

[docrobbysherry]

It would BE NICE if it rained $100 bills when we were broke. And, rained drops only after our roof was fixed! But, it doesn't work that way!:straightface:

I would BE NICE if we could all fit into size 10 shoes and dresses. And, if your wife wanted to participate in your dressing, Natalie!:thumbsup:

[DianeT]

Seriously, if she accepts DADT, knows there is a man in her house that wears women's clothing and she is shocked when she runs across the evidence?
Wow. Reality check maybe? There is no "accepting" in DADT, just compartmenting. If she is uneasy about it then it makes sense that she is shocked when seeing evidence. I mean, letting her see evidence every other morning, isn't that a way of rubbing it into her face? There is the occasional mishap, ok, and then there is the "you don't want to see it, well you'll see some all right until you accept what I am", and these are two very different things. Many members here have a hard time accepting that wives CAN be unaccepting, that it is perfectly their right (at least if they didn't know up front). No surprise these members can't see things from their wives' viewpoint and understand why they react a way or the other. But seriously, it's not astrophysics, just 101 mechanics. If something creeps you, you don't want to see anything of it. Dot.
We are all grown ups who can understand that the world doesn't revolve around our needs and our wives aren't our things, they exist as human beings and have needs too. If you can't pass this notch, marriages will keep going down the drain. Treat them right and with respect and you will stand a chance. Play games and reap what you sowed.

[Lori Ann Westlake]

I'm sorry but what is DADT?

Dawn, I confess there were times in the past when I too found myself idly wondering who "Dad T." was. Thompson? Turner? Tucker? An old song even came to mind. Could he possibly be a river?...


Old Father Thames keeps rolling along
Down to the mighty sea...

So if "London Bridge is falling down," is it falling into "DAD T."?

(This is just the kind of thought that would occur to that late great English humorist, Paul Jennings, whose imagination could take a random idea and twist it into any kind of wacky shape...)

[Allieboy]

DianeT, i think you are right on target. DADT is the ultimate compromise for a wife who doesn?t accept having a relationship with someone other than the person she has emotionally and physically shared life for many years.

Her ultimate love for me is allowing me to indulge my crossdressing needs in private and continuing to share our lives in the same way after 50 years.

[Sandi Beech]

Interesting discussion. Just thought I would add my take on your situation Natalie.

Some of us tend to lump DADT all together but there seems to be varying degrees. The two main categories being:

1. Wife knows you have girly things in the drawer. She knows you dress up when she is away, but really does not want to see it at all. The attitude being- remove everything from sight and do not try to talk about it, but I know you have women?s things.

2. Category two is what I have - complete non acceptance. She knows I like to wear certain things as I have been caught and has been discussed in times past, but she is not going to ask me about it and expects me to not bring it up. In that sense, it is DADT because there is an agreement that it can not be discussed. The difference is I am not allowed to own even a single pair of pantyhose without getting in very hot water. Nothing feminine. Period.

So It seems your wife is really leaning towards category 2 - non acceptance. Category 1 is a small degree of acceptance or tolerance. In both cases DADT applies only because it is not a topic up for discussion, but in reality they are quite different.


Sandi

[Pumped]

Sandi, if you are not allowed to own anything feminine, where does DADT come in? Seems to me it is just DON"T!

[candykowal]

Interesting discussion. Just thought I would add my take on your situation Natalie.

Some of us tend to lump DADT all together but there seems to be varying degrees. The two main categories being:

1. Wife knows you have girly things in the drawer. She knows you dress up when she is away, but really does not want to see it at all. The attitude being- remove everything from sight and do not try to talk about it, but I know you have women?s things.

2. Category two is what I have - complete non acceptance. She knows I like to wear certain things as I have been caught and has been discussed in times past, but she is not going to ask me about it and expects me to not bring it up. In that sense, it is DADT because there is an agreement that it can not be discussed. The difference is I am not allowed to own even a single pair of pantyhose without getting in very hot water. Nothing feminine. Period.

So It seems your wife is really leaning towards category 2 - non acceptance. Category 1 is a small degree of acceptance or tolerance. In both cases DADT applies only because it is not a topic up for discussion, but in reality they are quite different.....

I like what Sandi wrote but I also can imagine several degrees of compromise in between. We do have that choice of just saying "I wanna be me" and everything hits the fan.
Once the dust clears, it's over, done, finite...OR, she accepts. Sure is nice to have a spouse in our soon to be Golden years, hmmmm...choices.
I feel your pain Natalie, I am right there....except my wife has bought me nail polish, satin panties, shapers, and feminine smelling mosturizers.
She know I do things of a feminine nature but I think if she knew the whole story, I would be in the same boat as Sandi. For me, it's best she don't know more.
The things we do to keep our marriage on a even keel....

[DianeT]

Sandi, if you are not allowed to own anything feminine, where does DADT come in? Seems to me it is just DON"T!
It comes in as in:
- Wife didn't run up the hills
- You still have a marriage

[Sometimes Steffi]

The US Military's DADT policy (from Wikioedia).

"Don't ask, don't tell" (DADT) was the official United States policy on military service by gay men, bisexuals, and lesbians, instituted by the Clinton Administration.

The policy prohibited military personnel from discriminating against or harassing closeted homosexual or bisexual service members or applicants, while barring openly gay, lesbian, or bisexual persons from military service.

The act prohibited any homosexual, bisexual or transgender person from disclosing [don't tell] their sexual orientation or from speaking about any same-sex relationships, including marriages or other familial attributes, while serving in the United States armed forces.

A clear violation of "DT" is leaving your clothes where they can be found.

The "don't ask" part of the DADT policy specified that superiors should not initiate investigation of a service member's orientation without witnessing disallowed behaviors, though credible evidence of homosexual behavior could be used to initiate an investigation.

A clear violation of DA is "snooping", like on someone's phone, computer or "closet".

[AngelaYVR]

The easy solution is to just tell your wife she can't wear trousers any more!

[Pumped]

It comes in as in:
- Wife didn't run up the hills
- You still have a marriage

I think you missed my point. To me DADT assumes some degree that there will be CD'ing done in the home. If CD'ing is absolutely not allowed it is not DADT any longer, it is DON"T!

I guess I can understand the DADT where the spouse will never want to see any evidence, to the DADT where the spouse doesn't want to see you dressed, but an occasional piece of clothing forgotten is ok., but when it gets to you are not allowed to have any feminine stuff at all, that is not DADT.

[Krisi]

Every relationship is different and they don't all fit neatly under one label (unless that label covers a broad range of conditions).

The bottom line is, if you are expected to hide your dressing from your wife but she keeps finding evidence of it, you are not doing a good job of hiding it. You need to take hiding your stuff more seriously.

[CarlaWestin]

In the OP, "... smelling like my wife's perfume....."

Sounds like you need Don't Ask, Don't Smell.

:straightface:

[Stephanie47]

I agree with the concept if a wife is adamant that her husband will not don any feminine clothing, period it is not Don't Ask, Don't Tell. It's "Don't Do That or Else!" Tales of woe on this site are common. The guy has to hide his "stash" in the trunk of a car; in an out building; hidden in the drop ceiling; in the attic. Deliveries made to a friend; a hidden post of office box. Purchases made with cash or gift cards. The stories are endless. Others are able to freely come and go, but, leave a wife out of it; totally.

This forum is full of "go slow." Test the waters. See if the wife will negatively react to a femme article of clothing here and there, then expand it. Hopefully, the end result with be what the guys wants. I view the post to be an effort to test the waters. I would guess if a wife were to blow a fuse over an article of clothing left out, the guy would be more careful in the future. One thing I found very disturbing was using the wife's perfume. If my wife is representative of all females, there is great effort made to find a scent she wants to be associated with. To have a husband co-opt her scent is really asking for a bruising. I think it worse than wearing her clothing.

There are many women, if not a majority, who want absolutely nothing to do with their husband's desire to wear women's clothing. My wife is among them. However, when we had "The Talk" she said, if I wanted to join a support group that was fine with her. My wife has girl friends; that's plural. She has one husband; that's singular. She does not need another girl friend! Yes, I am envious of others who have a support wife who participates, but I also respect my wife's position in the matter. None, of that "if she loves me, she....." That works both ways, doesn't it?

[Sallee]

great comment It strange how we, CDs, can get a kick out of the mall but GGs find it boring. I agree but I still get a kick out of it

- - - Updated - - -

I guess I do get busted now and again but my wife says she doesn't care but I think she does and she doesn't like it. It is certainly not an open discussion but thats me and the guilt I feel. I keep my thing in a locker room with several other girls and don't let my wife know when I visit there. It eases my guilt but limits my CD time. I should probably see a therapist to help rid my of that guilt

[DianeT]

I guess I can understand the DADT where the spouse will never want to see any evidence, to the DADT where the spouse doesn't want to see you dressed, but an occasional piece of clothing forgotten is ok., but when it gets to you are not allowed to have any feminine stuff at all, that is not DADT.
Pumped, I am with what Krisi said just below your post. In DADT the dresser is at least expected to hide his stuff properly and not leave evidence. Everyone can make a mistake. I did a couple myself (I'm not in DADT, my wife is ok to talk about it but doesn't want to see it). I apologized each time to her. But when it's every other day or week, there's a good possibility that it is in fact intentional, so, not a mistake anymore, but rather playing a game (the famous drip drip drip and all derivative works). These games are super cruel for the wife (or SO). If you love yours you shouldn't do that to her.
My wife often tells me that a difference between girls and boys education is that girls are told more that they have to please people, to be helpful (put more bluntly: be at their service). As grown up women they may tend to sometimes accept more than they can bear because it is harder for them to say no. For crossdressing husbands this is very important to keep in mind. Because when discussing boundaries there is a chance that some wives will accept to draw the line beyond their comfort zone, which will prove taxing or downright unbearable for them in the medium or long term, and they will regret what they accepted. They will then react in different ways, but some will not dare rediscussing it and their discomfort will surface in different ways, sadness, anger, that the husband will not understand.
I see all the times husbands complaining in these boards that their wives won't let them cross the limits they agreed on. But honestly, if I was them, instead of asking for more, I would ask first if the current deal is still bearable for her. Because it may already be too much, she may be miserable while putting a good face and we don't have a clue.

[docrobbysherry]

Sandi, my adult, live in daughter and I had DADT #3:

I told her when and where I would be dressing in the house or grounds and she made sure to avoid those places or to be gone at those times!:thumbsup:

[Tammy Lynn Tx]

Diane T, I have been with my current wife for 31 years, all (2 ex's) knew before we got married. This Lady and I had the talk the night we met. Not brave, just figured it was better to be up front before we got too far in the relationship. She wasn't to sure up front and was quite awhile before she wanted to meet Tammy. One of the first things we agreed on that there would be a lot more "hubby" time than Tammy. After 31 years together I can dress with impunity, but still spend more hubby time than Tammy. I have gotten to where I only wear under garments when I am with her. It is my choice and I don't have any regrets on my choices. My wife is the Lady of my life and She knows I can't stop and buys me more womens wear than I ever have.

In my case it is self disipline and absolute love for my wife.

[Britney42]

Diane T, that is a lot of empathy there.
Does it somewhat reinforce typical ideals though. The man must be strong for the weak and oppressed woman? Restrain ones folly and become a closed in grumpy old git for the sake of an unsatisfying and unending compromise. Probably exhibiting toxic behaviours and usually the people you love most taking the brunt of it... not necassarily aggressive but miserable, jaded, detached and unable to fulfil.

Is it not more sensible to just realise the relationship is not ideal and tackle the issue head on and just scrap it? Marriage was the mistake to be fixed in most of these DADT cases not harmless self expression. I don't think the expedient language used is very helpful. Girl Mode, en femme... it promotes ideas that people are running around in different modes. Which is hardly true if you're running about in boy mode yearning to be in this girl mode. That's just hidden girl mode surely.

Start with being honest with yourself I'd say. Nowt wrong with Dave in a dress. Performing these acts for other people won't affect any positive change in the general attitude. Its agreement by inaction.

[Dutchess]

First off I have to disagree with the first comment that suggests she doesnt love all of you, thats false. Every time I read that we dont love ALL of you I just cringe .She loves you ( so far ) just not the dressing.
Yes ,as we've said before we don't want a girlfriend ,we want a husband and that's why we marry you all , we should be best friends no matter how you dress .If you cant be our friends/companion without wearing a dress then you have bigger issues that us.

Read and re read posts from Krisi , DianeT ,and Stephanie. They have a good handle on how we (gg's) feel about stuff and they are not hoping their SO's vanish one day either.

With my two , my ex husband did not tell me. At all . Even when I asked what was up he lied and gaslit me. I dont think ever told the truth ., His woman became Monique ( his femme side ) ,period. He slowly fell for her until "she" became his partner so when he dressed I knew he would not care to be intimate with me and I really grew to hate her . I still do ,she absolutely ruined my life and his life too ...He talked about me in the cd/trans forums on FB the same way I see some of you talk about your SOs and its not right . Some of you need to let these women be with someone who actually loves them .. It became such an obsession with my ex ,that he could do nothing but dress ,sneak dress , fight to dress ,dally with other men ,you name it . Life just came to a standstill.

This here ^^^ is why I am less accepting today than I was. I wont let that happen to me again. Life is too short .

My late fiance ,I met him dressed ,he dressed ,in public even but , I was his entire #1 world in public , private . 24/7 and I knew it ,EVERYONE knew it literally until the day he died. He NEVER let me forget it . He would do this elegant glam androgynous male side just for me to enjoy frequently on his own and would never dream of getting rid of me so he could dress or complain/ be resentful about dressing etc etc . It really made a difference . He was actually afraid that I might die first and he be left not just alone but WITHOUT ME . Dressing wasn't on his mind 365 a year .. he also didnt try to force me to like anything .

^^^^^^ All this made a difference.

I do other stuff now.

[DianeT]

@Natalie: from past posts, it didn't seem you were in DADT, in the sense that you had discussions about the dressing with your wife, a closet for Natalie's wardrobe in the house, etc.
Has something changed? Or are you calling it DADT because she doesn't want to see you dressed?
Also you mentioned photos. So it seems your wife saw you dressed, just not in the flesh. Have you discussed with her the shock it may have caused to her? That kind of toothpaste that never goes back in the tube.
Are you leaving evidences around by mistake, or to trigger a reaction from her?
Is what you call a DADT request from your wife the result of a discussion about boundaries? Did you tell her that you want to dress to the full nines, want to go out, etc.?
I may be wrong, but you seem to be dressing every time your wife is out for some duration, you are also going out, all this means taking more and more risks, more evidences left in view, or even be caught by a wife who doesn't want a part in it, a neighbor telling her, etc. I can't see how that spiraling can end well.

[Judy-Somthing]

I feel the same.
My wife hates this side of me!

[Natalie5004]

Very true. I need to put a lid on it. I will back off for a while. But I do hate that a person is managing me.

- - - Updated - - -

Duchess, you are super smart and worldly. Thank you.

- - - Updated - - -

Just so that you know.

Yes I have a closet full of woman's clothes and my wife knows it. She comments about having 2 wardrobes.

She has seen photos of me in full display. She was looking over my shoulder at the time.

I removed those photos from my phone.

Have we solved everything? No, at times she crumbles. I stand strong and tell her how much I lover her and will never leave her.

She thinks I might be looking for a male partner for sex. That is not me. I have never said anything positive about a man other than the time we were in LA at a bistro and two young men were on a date and we both commented that they were beautiful and had sparkly eyes.

I am pretty sure we will get past this issue. But the question remains. Will I ever get freedom to dress in the house and on a special occasion go out dressed with her for dinner. That is really all I want. I love my wife and will never leave her willingly.

[Britney42]

First off I have to disagree with the first comment that suggests she doesnt love all of you, thats false. Every time I read that we dont love ALL of you I just cringe .She loves you ( so far ) just not the dressing.


Hi Dutchess It's profoundly uplifting to know that some of us may find people like yourself to spend a happy life with.

Marriage really isn't any sort of commitment though - nothing like buying a house or having children. For some women this is the position they are in when they discover these truths and the weight of risk for being true themselves and leaving or staying and putting up is precarious situation...

Indeed, your partner should be your best friend. A good friend wouldn't lure people into these traps. Yes I'm sure many CDers on here will say their wife is their best friend whilst not returning the favour. This should come out ahead of getting married - seems to be the sound foundation of the second relationship you described from experience.

Is it true that upon discovery of this all women flock to this forum and try to work it out and eventually do? Or is there a significant numebr of them that bolt immediately or try and just can't? Without knowing Nathalie's Wife I think she should consider this and what she honestly wants as well as the extremes that we have presented... Successful love is understood by those receiving it. In this case it's nobody on this forum. Wifey has every right to make the often witnessed demands of being the centre of the world and it's embodiment of femininity.

[DianeT]

@Natalie Did you tell her that this is all you want? Dressing around the house and go out with her to a dinner?
I did not check all your past posts, so I'm not sure you ever had a discussion about boundaries. If not you should have this discussion. What you wish, what are her limits, and find a common ground you both agree on. Of course, this common ground may not be everything you wished for.

[Natalie5004]

Yes I have. I asked for my Birthday or for a holiday treat.

[DianeT]

I meant did you have the famous talk(s) about boundaries? Where you discuss your wishes and your wife's limits. Where you set the rules.

[Natalie5004]

Yes we have.

[Star01]

My wife told me that she does not want to see me dressed or know about it when I do. Since retiring we are together 24/7. I have a choice, either I value the marriage and do my best or I do not and take risks. It?s as simple as that, I never dress when she is expected to come home. Once or twice a year she goes out of town and I feel comfortable enough to dress. Sometimes it can be difficult for me but she is worth pleasing.

[Sometimes Steffi]

@star I'm not sure that I continue to value the relationship.



I feel the same.
My wife hates this side of me!

@Judy Oh, so you've already met my wife. LOL.

[Beverly Phillips]

Hi Sandi, I agree with your assessment. I just wanted to tell you that the blouse you have on in your avatar... is one of the prettiest tops I have ever seen!!!! Bev