What is most hard for you as a CD?

[GiovannaBotta]

What do you find most difficult? For me without a doubt is body language! How to walk, sit, gestures... been doing some training but it?s hard!

[Geena75]

I find walking and posture the most bothersome. I have an annoying tendency to walk like a man in drag. The more I concentrate on moving as a woman, the more I over compensate. I have found that the right shoes work wonders, and posture. I tend to slump forward, and need to keep my head up, as though I were suspended from a spot between my shoulder blades.

I probably would add developing a fem voice, but I haven't given it much thought thus far.

[GiovannaBotta]

I?m using that hip matrix training video from Lucille Sorella. Really helps with the walk! But posture is very different.

[mbmeen12]

What is harder for you as a CD?

Fitting my male frame into a hour glass figure.

[Karren H]

Mine would be talking when out and about enfemme. My feminine voice is horrid!

[kimdl93]

My hands.

[Connie D50]

My body language, fitting my male body in a hour glass figure, my voice and my hands. Just kidding Voice and my walk.

[Teri Ray]

no doubt its my voice

[Jillian Faith]

Definitely my voice, my wife says it sounds feminine, but I've listened to myself recorded and I'm not so sure I agree.

[Geena75]

LOL!! This thread is dangerous. I'm learning so many more things that I find difficult! It really is a good read. Thank-you for starting it.

[Krisi]

I'm going with the voice. Body language would be second.

[GretchenM]

The main problem we males have in this regard is that we are anatomically different from females. We have less flexible joints, our bones are larger, and, of course, our bodies are shaped differently. It is a matter of biomechanics. But also women have been doing the graceful motions since little girls and they have it down really well. Takes a lot of work to achieve that - just ask a male ballet dancer how easy it is for him to emulate a ballerina. But with practice males can do some of what females do, but it is unlikely to ever be as good.

Hands are literally a big problem. Voice is extremely difficult as male voice boxes are slightly lower in the throat and that creates more resonance in the chest which gives it a deeper tone. Female voice boxes are a bit higher and smaller which produces a bit more of a nasal tone and a higher pitch. But with training a male can do female, but it takes nearly constant use and practice.

[Cassiek]

Definitely voice!

[Ressie]

I don't think body language is a gender thing but I understand what the OP is saying. Body language is just a form of nonverbal communication. Gestures, walking gait, stance, movements are a better ways of putting it IMO.

I try to walk differently when en femme. Years ago I filmed myself walking in heels (trying to walk like a female) and the results weren't very good. Keeping arms close to the body didn't even seem to make much difference!

Voice? I sometimes talk in a slightly higher pitch (not falsetto), but I eventually go back to my low voice without realizing it. Have to accept that I'm not fooling hardly anyone - it really doesn't matter that much to me. I enjoy being dressed even if I don't pass or blend.

[GiovannaBotta]

I found out that some strategies work... the hip matrix, doing some stiletto dance classes... observation of very feminine women and then trying to emulate. It also helps to stay en femme, the more I stay dressed the more natural it feels. Voice I don?t even try.. but demeanour is something that gets me in the zone, if you know what I mean.

[Cheryl T]

For sure it's my voice.
My walk and mannerisms are fine, but I just can't seem to speak in a convincing voice.

[Joyce Swindell]

When I first read your question My first thought was not being able to go out dressed as I want without concern of family not being accepting. But then I opened the thread and seen other answers and thought OH....duh! lol

Not having hips is my biggest thing as well as my voice. I can buy hips and eventually will but now the voice I struggle with when out. It's hard to be loud enough and not projecting my bass>

[Stephanie47]

I would not even try to talk when en femme. I've heard my voice on our answering machine. Not feminine at all. I suspect if I tried to talk in a feminine tone it would be hilarious. Maybe, I should learn American Sign Language. Of course, how to I deal with my six foot frame and 200 pounds? That's not going anywhere soon, either. I do go out for evening strolls. To some extent walking is the only thing I can control. As a male I probably take longer strides than walking in female mode. I try to consciously take shorter strides. I walk in a wedge so I do not have to worry too much about how I am putting the sole of the shoe onto the ground. At home I can wear 3 1/2 inch heels all day with no problem because I am only taking short steps doing domestic chores.

Other female mannerisms seem easing to adopt; smoothing my dress when sitting down; entry into a car; whisking away a stray hair from the face; crossing legs at the knee and not the ankles; etc.

[docrobbysherry]

My figure!:sad:

I can imitate the look of most women.:daydreaming:

But, not those thin model types. With their long, slim arms and legs! And, 16" waists and giraffe necks!:eek:

[GiovannaBotta]

Yes definitely the voice. I don?t even try and I am okay with it. But I try to practice walking. Also I notice that the legs, if you know how to take advantage of your clothes, really help to look and feel more feminine. I may disclose that I?m biased, because I have naturally long legs!

[JocelynJames]

Giovanna,
Gee I thought the most difficult things were makeup/ contouring, and confidence when going out. Then Cassie mentioned voice and someone else said posture . Then of course the whole thing. Clothing might actually be the easiest!

[GiovannaBotta]

And of course, each one has its own view of what?s most difficult.. I really want to improve my posture now, then later on my gestures, and so on. I am a Pok?mon and not even close to my final form, I would say.

[BTWimRobin]

Well for starter's just about everything. Lately, it's been really hard to find the time to take care of regular female maintenance ... you know, do your nails, wax your legs, practice your makeup. Sometimes, I wonder how GG's do it. Then again they are not trying to get it all in in during the few hours their spouse is not home.

[KymG]

Two things:
One,
The fact that some of my friends know and even though they claim they dont care, i still have trouble dealing with that. All the time.
Two,
I have realised that it prevents me looking for a relationship.

I know you this isnt quite what you meant, so ill answer with having to hide the adams apple all the time. I use a choker but it doesnt look quite right.
Have only one dress that covers it.

[GracieRose]

Definitely voice. Not only pitch and timbre, but also speaking a little more slowly at the right speed, adding more of a sing-song lilt and adding more words. I was trained as a guy to respond in grunts and use as few words as possible as quickly as possible. I hear that from guys all the time, but less often from the ladies.
Oh yeah, and posture. I have to remember to get rid of that slouched forward caveman look and push shoulders back and tits forward.

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Gionanna :hugs:, My biggest problem is Perfecting my Makeup, Orchid**o:daydreaming:o**

[GiovannaBotta]

I always thought of getting some dance classes. Has anyone done that? Did some stiletto dance classes but it was geared more to club dancing, not movement...

[Gilly68]

There's so many things for me 😩

But at the moment it's makeup... I've been trying to practice mascara, and all I succeeded in doing is poking myself in the eyes so many times with the wand. I've got to the stage I've given up, before I really hurt my eyes. I really don't know how you girls do it...I think I'm just really uncoordinated and don't have a delicate enough touch.

[SavannahVee]

Trying to do eye makeup without my glasses on. Especially eyeliner.

[Denice]

Why do I have an urgent need to listen to "Lola" by The Kinks?

[Erin Lafleur]

I suppose that voice would be near the top of the list for me as well but since I don't venture out, it's not an issue for me. It's the old "if a tree falls in the forest" scenario for me.
The top of the list then, for me, is walking, sitting and bending over like a lady (loading the dishwasher etc). Without trying to sound too cliche, I really enjoy cleaning and organizing my home while channeling a well dressed 50's or 60's woman complete with swing dress, petticoat etc.
As a big part of that, I wish that I could sit comfortably with my legs crossed at the knee rather than at the ankles. I love the look of smooth legs in stockings, open toed heels and anklet with a hint of my slip, and thigh high lace top showing. That's as feminine a look as I can present, just wish it was more comfortable and natural feeling...

[MonicaPVD]

Seems like we have a lot of hangups over not being ladylike enough. Fact is, we will never be ladylike enough. As was mentioned here, a 30-50 year old woman has been acting,walking, talking and even standing still like a woman for 30-50 years. Game over. I spent many years worrying about this, until I learned to accept me for me. Not going to try and fool myself or anyone else, because all it does is create anxiety. All I can do is be myself and try to minimize my male characteristics to a reasonable extent.

[GiovannaBotta]

Monica is right of course. I try up to some point... also because what I try to improve is not for passing or anything like that, it is for me! So all part of my transformation process I guess. But there is no frustration or feelings that I am not woman enough. You have to be happy the way you are.

[jacques]

body shape - bigger around the bust and waist than the hips

[Gilly68]

Bigger around the bust would be a plus point though, wouldn't it Jacques, if you can fill a bra naturally! :

[Jane G]

Well I have always been a dancer, ballanced and light on my feet still as I rock climb these days and thin as a rake for my build. I have a natrualy soft voice too. None of which will ever make up for being 6ft 7 in heels and having spades as hands and size 13 wide anvils as feet. The most hard, confidence. I had some when I was young and indomitable, I have far less these days and stay hidden at home. But life is still very good for me on the whole. :)

[Sometimes Steffi]

There's a lot of ladylike things that I'd like to improve, but I'm fine with what I am.




I always thought of getting some dance classes. Has anyone done that? Did some stiletto dance classes but it was geared more to club dancing, not movement...
Um, I took a belly dancing class. It was really fun because I could be as femme as I wanted.

I also tried to sign up for a hula dancing class. The woman said that they didn't teach the male parts. I couldn't find a way to tell her that I wanted to do the female parts anyhow.

[GiovannaBotta]

The idea of this thread was to get a cross section of our - pain points - and see if they overlap... I see a lot about movement, posture. And how do we solve for that? Practice, practice! For the walk, search for the hip matrix, helped me a lot.

[Ressie]

Someone posted the hip matrix (or something like it) years ago and it is an eye opener.

However, I also came to this conclusion:


All I can do is be myself and try to minimize my male characteristics to a reasonable extent.

I've found that trying too hard to mimic female gestures, walk, talk etc. can cause an exaggeration of these attributes; Like an actor overacting. For me, it's better to reduce masculinity rather than increase femininity. YMMV

[April Rose]

Sadly, after all these years, and with an accepting wife and son, and open minded friends, It still comes down to self acceptance. All the other issues, while they certainly could use some work, pale in comparison to my inability to overcome my own timidity, and the feeling that I am being judged based on my gender non conformity.

[Taylor186]

The hardest thing for me is knowing that, no matter how much effort I make, I will never pass, even for an evening.

[kellyanne]

Hand size & height.
I'm very skinny so a shaper helps with an HG figure but hand size and height always bothered me.

I manage the height by avoiding long wigs and vertical stripes, sticking to a top - bottom jewelry approach layered look.
Usually wear some type of patterned top like a floral to break up the verticals further.

Tried to find some good false nails and lashes but still have none - always went au natural in that regard - but I think false nails would help at least psychologically.

- - - Updated - - -

Hands and height.

[Genifer Teal]

A natural feminine walk is very difficult. The mechanics are automatic for women. It's very difficult for a man to change muscle memory the way he walks. I've lost most of the male walk and can say I don't have a distinctly male walk but I know I haven't completely switched over. I don't know why I'm trying so hard on this and not bothering more with voice voice is probably the most difficult.

[Violetgray]

All this talk of voice reminds me of this guy:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8UoJ-34Ssa0

[DianeT]

The bloody eyebrows. Arrrrgggghhhhh :facepalm::hmph:

[Elise B. wren]

For me, the hardest part is about holding shape and mimicking a female body language at the same time. Being a little overweight as I am, achieving an hourglass figure can be quite painful sometimes. I Generally use waist cinchers In order to compress my belly and make it more even. It works, and I get some curves I wouldn't ever be able to achieve naturally, but it has a cost. The compression makes it a bit harder for me to breathe, and sometimes I lose focus on the body language.

My country's weather is also something I struggle with. To make my legs smoother and more feminine, I like to wear a black, thick pantyhose. To achieve a nice cleavage with realistic breasts, I use a silicone vest with gel-filled breast forms from roanyer. The vest goes all the way down to my belly, and it's also great to hide my shapewear, creating a more realistic look. However, as I live in a tropical country, using them under this hot weather can be a challenge. I end up sweating a lot, and on some (quite frequent), occasions I have to dress up without pantyhose. When that's the case, I have to shave my legs with extra care if I want to pass.

I have a rather masculine figure, due both to my height and weight, so I can't even think of passing as a girl without my shapewear. But when I do that, I have to endure a lot of compression, which takes my attention away from my body language and my voice acting. When I'm focused, I can do a rather convincing female voice impression, as well as mimic a feminine body language. They are both important things for those who want to pass. Basically, my main struggle is to keep myself comfortable when I'm presenting as a female, while I'm trying to pass convincingly. I hope one day I'll be able to do everything at the same time more naturally. I can say that it's the hardest part of crossdressing to me, but I'll keep practicing until I achieve it.

[BustyOlivia]

Bigger around the bust would be a plus point though, wouldn't it Jacques, if you can fill a bra naturally! :

That?s how I have to be in order offset my height and everything. It sure is fun though!

[IleaCD]

make up, I've tried several tutorials online, bought several make up kits and still can't get the hang of it.

[Sandra_Dodds]

Improving my make-up skills is certainly on the list but I avoid speaking when out, so the voice isn't that much of a problem.

What really gets to me and I find hard is being unable to shave all over. I would so love to wear a sleeveless dress and not see hairy arms, or a plunging neckline without chest hair but that's strictly off limits in a DADT relationship. I've got away with legs because the hair was patchy but that's it. That's why winter dressing, with long sleeves and crew neck sweaters are my preferred fashion. As much as I'd like a gorgeous floral summer dress, I just look like a MIAD.

[NaughtyMichelle]

For me, it's something I can't overcome. I'm 6' and 200#. The good thing is I've seen a lot of taller/larger women recently.

When my friend and I go to the casino I'm not the tallest/largest "girl" there. I do leave my beloved high heels at home to blend a little better.

I'm really happy with the body language stuff, but learning to sit with my legs together did put some stress on the thighs at first. :o

[sometimes_miss]

Someone posted the hip matrix (or something like it) years ago and it is an eye opener.
You mean this? https://www.biomotionlab.ca/html5-bml-walker/

In response to the OP's question,
the complete inability to even try using make up, and the rest, trying to make myself look even remotely feminine. Having had surgery on my face when young, leaving a non symmetrical scar on one side of my face, there would never be any way to look right, no matter what I did. Perhaps a professional theatrical make up artist, with all the skills that could turn Karloff into Frankenstein's monster, could make my face look normal, but me, I just don't have that ability, and it would never be able to make me beautiful, anyway. I'd just be a homely female with a facial deformity, instead of a male one.

[Adriana]

For me it would be my figure, I'm 6' 4" and built like a brick house....but oh well ;)

[SaraLin]

Now you've gone and done it! I'll be forever getting that tune out of my head!

... she's mighty mighty, just letting it all hang out....:dance:

[Sarah Doepner]

Looking back at when I identified as a cross dresser the hardest thing I had to do was not transition. The battle was to be happy and stay distracted from my gender issue as much as possible until I had a good window to work with. Finally, just over three years ago I gave up that fight. YMMV.

[Linda K.]

I am new to this site and this is my first post. I have recently decided to start dressing more often, especially when my roommate is out of town. I love dressing as a woman and, so far, have been pretty pleased with all the clothing I have bought for myself. I have a brown pencil skirt with a nice blouse to give me that "professional" look, and I have a beautiful blue floral print dress for the "casual" night at home, but not really much of a wardrobe yet. I have shaven my legs and armpits before but usually in the winter for obvious reasons. I decided to shave my legs today because I have never wore my pantyhose with shaven legs and really wanted to see how they looked. However, what I am finding difficult to make a decision on are the final touches, makeup and wig. I buy most of my items on Amazon because I can be discreet but you know the quality of those products can be a crapshoot. Also with the makeup, I have no idea where to start or how to apply it. Like Sandra_Dodds, I am having trouble finding a good tutorial online to give me some pointers. I would really like to learn how to do this because I want to eventually go out, at least at night, for a drive or even a walk while dressed. It is exhilarating to be outside like that, but I want to be somewhat passable and unrecognized as me.

[Pumped]

Voice, walk, mannerisms. I can pad and squeeze my body and get pretty close. But the rest I find impossible. The reasons I will never go out.

[susanmichelle]

Mine would be talking when out and about enfemme. My feminine voice is horrid!



So are people shocked like going through a drive thru and when you finally get to the window to pickup order and they know a man ordered the food and a woman picked it up. I can?t tell you all the times they?ve bent over looking for a man somewhere else in the car. LOL The expressions are priceless.

[Kimberly A.]

I've actually been waiting for a thread that I can relate and answer to. LOL Anyway, well, I'd say the hardest thing for me as a CD is hiding it from people whom I do NOT want knowing that I'm a CD, such as my dad..... I live quite close to my dad, he's only like, a 15 minute drive from where I live and he also has a key to my place just in case he needs to come to my house for some reason while I'm away, so I have to go through lengths to hide it from him.

For example here a while back, (close to a year now), I had to go to orientation for my current job in Flowood, MS which is about an hour and a-half south of me and I had to stay in a hotel room in Flowood for three days. Also, I have a dog and couldn't take my dog with me, so I had to have my dad to come over to feed my dog, give him water and let him go outside to do his business. So, I bought a few boxes from Walmart, packed up all of Kimberly's clothes in those boxes, loaded them, as well as my makeup and jewelry boxes into my car before I went to Flowood. I also put clear Scotch tape on my closet doors (as sort of my own, little silent alarm system), one of which I keep my men's clothes in, the other I keep my women's clothes in and I did that to see if my dad would open either of my closets when he came by and while I was gone..... And sure enough, when I got home from Flowood, the tape that was on my men's clothes closet had been disturbed, which meant that my dad had ACTUALLY opened up my closet. Yeah, my dad is quite nosey..... Smh. Ooo, I was SO pissed about that! But I didn't confront him about it, because I knew he'd lie about it anyway. So, it was a REAL good thing that I took Kimberly's clothes as well as my makeup and jewelry boxes with me! LOL

Now, while hiding my CD'ing from my family is difficult, it is doable..... But another thing that's hard for me is, when I go out CD'd, I always go to a town that I don't live in, somewhere that no one knows me, but there is always the possibility, (albeit a small one), of running into someone who knows me. But that's actually fine with me, I guess, because that's a risk that I'm willing to take. Another thing that's difficult for me is, of course, my voice. Like, when I'm out in public at a restaurant and ordering my drink or ordering off the menu, I try my hardest to speak in a feminine voice, as my real voice is deep and very masculine. Another thing that concerns me is, when I'm using the ladies' room in public and I have to sneeze, (this actually happened to me yesterday while I was out CD'd and needed to use the ladies' room, or anywhere else in public that I might be and have to sneeze), I was in the stall and I had to sneeze.... I tried my HARDEST to stifle it, but it came out loud and I have a loud, masculine sneeze! LOL THANKFULLY though, I was the only one in that restroom. LOL

And of course, there's the feminine walk, mannerisms and conducting yourself as a woman in public to at least try to be as passable as possible..... *Chuckles*, "As passable as possible," try saying that five times fast! LOL
But anyway, those are really my main struggles being a CD.

One more thing I wanna add..... Another hard thing for me being a CD, in Mississippi, in the summertime is this darn southern US heat and humidity! That's one reason why I went a whole month without CD'ing. I am hot natured and even today while I was out, I couldn't hardly walk from my car to inside Walmart without breaking out in a sweat.... Which is why I didn't wear a shaper of any kind yesterday. LOL Also of course wigs, especially in the summertime, make my head really, really hot. They can feel like you're wearing a wool hat! LOL

[prene]

For me it is my Voice, hands and height.

[Maid_Marion]

Working with my hands without trashing my nails.

[Angela Marie]

Definitely my makeup skills. I do a decent job but when I see some women i'm so jealous of how good they are with makeup.

[CynthiaD]

Several things:

1. Dressing up in weird clothes (male clothes) for work and church.
2. Forcing myself to put on makeup when I’m switching back to normal clothes.
3. Acting/walking/talking male when in male mode. Female voice and mannerisms are much more natural to me.
4. Getting out of the house regularly. I’m not afraid to do so, but I have nowhere to go.
5. Showing restraint when buying new female clothing.
6. Doing anything without breastforms, including showers.
7. Taking off my wig to shave my face.
8. Forcing myself to stop admiring my presentation in the mirror, and just getting on with my day. Vanity, thy name is woman.

You get the idea. Once I fully accepted the idea that I’m female, have always been female, and always will be female, I’ve found that doing things that negate that in the slightest degree is extremely difficult.

[Linda K.]

Taylor186 - "The hardest thing for me is knowing that, no matter how much effort I make, I will never pass, even for an evening."

I don't know why you would think this! From the looks of your picture, your makeup is beautiful. I only hope that one day my makeup looks that good. You are gorgeous!

[BrendaPDX]

A lot of good comments! Voice and grace in heels. LOL However in the Great Pacific Northwest being feminine is a nice fitting pair of jeans and shirt, forget heels.

[alwayshave]

Giovanna, I agree, with me it is body language.

[ShirleyN]

Body language and voice without doubt. Voice is probably the biggest giveaway of them all really.

[Samm]

What do you find most difficult.....?

...Changing back

[Linda K.]

I'd have to agree with you Samm.:)

[LovelyLeesa]

My voice of course. I also wish I had better access to clothing. I really want heels but no idea how to find the right size. Ordering online is fine but I'm worried about not being home when packages arrive. I also really need a wig. I have short hair for work but really love having long hair while dressed. Better forms would likely feel good too. Lol so many girl problems!

[mollymulligan]

For me it's mainly three things:

1. Height - I'm 6'2" and love to wear heels, so I tower over most everyone. However, I will say that I notice a LOT of tall women. When I was in Home Depot on Saturday, I noticed a tall women walk in just before me who what probably an inch taller than me in her flats. She was wearing a nice summer dress, long with side slits midway up the thigh. She was very pretty and statuesque and I noticed that nobody gave her a look twice (other than me).

2. Hands and Feet - I have giant feet, size 14 womens and it's hard to find shoes to wear, especially booties. I can squeeze my foot into a 12 wide, but it's not long-term fun. And I have large hands with short fat fingers. Not very girly

3. Voice - I have a deep voice, but luckily it's not the thing that gives me away, at least at first.

[Mackem Sue]

...Changing back


Agreed. Changing back to male mode when necessary does make you slump somewhat.

Sue.

[Al1986]

Trying to avoid attention to my chest when it?s cold and nipples start to protrude?but that?s my fault for liking and wearing unlined bras.

[Steph7]

Voice...but my wife she's happy that I don't want to try.

[XemmaX]

Being 190cm kinda sucks and having not the best posture.

[Barbara Jo]

Facial hair...... let me explain fully

I have a quite adequate feminine body ....plenty good enough to pass easily
I can walk etc and speak as female

I was born with an undecended testicle.
The common thing was to give testosterone shots to try to make it come down but it did not and it was removed at about 12 yeas old.
However, the testosterone seemed to give me early facial hair growth. Add to this my mom was 100% Italian.

I do not havy heavy facial hair by any stretch and it is now mostly turning grey but it is still an issue that I wish that I did not have .
A close shave and light application of a pan stick with some setting powder coves it.
However, i wish i could go out in public as female without any of that sort of "cover" make up... particularity in the summer..

[Charlotte Haynes]

Walking and make-up. Facial and body hair battles - I have small victories but will never win the war. I have never even considered my voice being a problem. I am not trying to pass so much as look like a competent transvestite.