A "Strictly at home" CD asks--- "Is it 'exciting" out there?"

[MarinaTwelve200]

As a "strictly at home or" "closeted" CD, I have only been out in public dressed on a couple of "Acceptable" occasions. Once for a Halloween Party (where I won the costume contest, BTW) and another time for a "Womanless Beauty Contest" at Church. You can bet I had a real "Buzz" out of the situations ---and an interesting mixture of other emotions to boot. (But fear owing to the social situation, was not one of them). I was thinking about this this morning and a question came up in my mind. You CDers who go out regularly, how do you FEEL when doing it? Do you get a "buzz" or "high" or do you just feel somehow "normal"? Is any "high" "quasi-erotic" or is a a kind of dangerous "thrill seeking" effect?---Or do you just feel like "you"? I would suppose one one feel differently depending on our different reasons for CDing, but I am curious about the reasons people would actually go out in public, dressed for no special event or social activity. As for myself, I prefer to stay home and experience feelings of total "relaxation" and "separation" from both manhood and myself in general, along with the combined " highs" of an erotic buzz and "feeling pretty". I also find it fun to experiment with makeup and photography---just to see how DIFFERENT I can make myself look, which give me a feeling of accomplishment. -----However, the very prospect of going outdoors and exposing myself to the public horrifies me-----But I can understand it for those who like that feeling of FEAR and get off on it. ;)

[Julie MA]

Marina,

Like many, my outings have evolved over time. It began with challenging myself to go out, just to see if I could do it. Those early outings had a mix of fear, thrill, and comfort. The more I went out, and learned that it is not that hard, the more comfort took over, especially in familiar, and accepting places. I also learned that in those places, most people just go about their business, either unaware, or just being polite humans and not making a fuss. I am still not sure if the extra glances I get, are because they know I am CDing, or if I am just looking harder for those that notice. In other words, "It's not them, it's me.". Going out is fulfilling, feeling like the part of me that has been suppressed for so long, is finally free to live and just be.

Julie

[Sandi Beech]

For me, it has been really exciting going out, but then I pretty much only dress up for clubbing, which is not all that often. It is fun to have a few drinks and go dancing. Certainly there is nothing wrong with staying at home as I did that for a long time. Some of us, docrobbysherry comes to mind, love to go hang out, meet new people, have a few drinks and dance. For me , once I got out there, there is no going back to staying at home. It feels like a wasted effort to spend 1 to 2 hours getting all prettied up with no one to see the results of your efforts. But I totally understand why some would never want to go out. I am just saying that about myself.

Anyhow, yes it can be very exciting. Some outings better than others. If you look at my last picture post, that was one of my best outings to date. Very exciting. Great memories.

Sandi

[sara66]

The first few time was a complete rush. Fear and adrenaline fueled. Now it is much more relaxing than anything else. Just an ugly old lady out shopping. Sometimes it is fun to freak people out. They try not to be shocked when I speak(no girl voice in me). Most people either don't care or don't notice. I just try to blend.
Sara

[Jillcder]

Yes very exciting to dress in public in the past I was happy just dressing and spending the night in my hotel room but now after many outings I find it nearly impossible to dress and not go out. Fortunately the thrill remains my only concern is how to handle my outings after retirement.

[Cheryl T]

It's changed a lot since the first "real" excursion.
The first time I thought all eyes were on me. It was fear of recognition and not much in the way of excitement.
Then we joined a group and they went out all the time. The fear slowly morphed into something of a thrill knowing I had this secret and of course being dressed to the nines all the time.
Now, well it's changed again. As the song says "The Thrill is Gone". It's not that I don't love going out, but it's no longer stealth it's just me. I no longer dress to be the epitome of femininity. You wouldn't notice me in a crowd by my clothing or makeup or anything. I'm just another woman out doing average things and it's just what I always wanted to be.

[docrobbysherry]

Marina, I go out dressed a lot. But, only to specific, nite time, social activities for the most. Like Sandi said. Bars and clubs with friends r fun and exciting! And, folks r ever more accepting of trans in my experience! I get no sexual thrill from going out. But, definitely an adrenaline rush now and then!:)

I find going out to boring vanilla venues dressed by myself, like shopping, dining, etc. to be time consuming, distracting, and down rite stressful!:doh:
So, I just don't do it!:thumbsup:

[AngelaYVR]

It evolves from exciting to natural over time but the excitement was a byproduct of the ability to go out rather than the motivator itself. I never experienced any fear! Going out dressed is such an outlet that the pent up emotions that are expressed in many ways with the home dressers are quickly evaporated. Give it a whirl, squirrel, and see for yourself!

[Phoebe Reece]

I am typically out and about as Phoebe around 4 days every month. I do everything from meeting up with friends for lunch or dinner to shopping, visiting museums, bowling, and many other ordinary activities. I wouldn't describe getting out in public so much as exciting as much as being just more fun than doing those same things as my "drab" self. I enjoy interacting with people while dressed femme. I have found that even when people know I am not truly what I appear to be I am always treated as a woman. If crossdressing ever stops being fun for me, I'll quit doing it.

[Geena75]

I find my main response was feeling liberated. At home, I always watch to be sure I won't be seen by someone I know, the fear of being "found out." Now I haven't gone out where I would have close contact with others, but I was in plain sight from numerous vehicles passing by. I felt that I looked good, and didn't have a care or fear of who saw me. I still have the intent of getting my look complete enough to go out closer to others and just relax and enjoy myself.

[cdinmd206]

If I wrote how I felt the first time I went out in public fully dressed the moderators would probably ban me for life!!!!Suffice it to say I had a very very good time

[Micki_Finn]

As a drag queen things are a bit different for me. It’s all about empowerment and finding my inner bad b$&@h. I dress to be admired and adored. To be stared at and whispered about. To be the most interesting thing in the room.

[kimdl93]

Exciting might describe the first few ventures out. I supposed that would apply to every new experience. But after the thrill is gone..then what? Do you and I feel intrinsically different and hopefully better presenting ourselves to the world as women?

In my case, the answer is yes! After the initial rush and after the “thrill” I still prefer being a woman…just being.

[Leslie Mary S]

I started with a Halloween night out, and a Woman-less Beauty Contest too. (didn't win, they thought I was one of the back stage judge's spies). There was a small amount of fear, and a lot of excitement the first time after those starter events. I drove some 7 hours to a retired Hollywood makeup artist who does makeovers, then went straight to my first meeting of a CD club. The members took me in hand and away we went shopping at a very big mall for lunch, to shop, and another make-over since this was the second day, It was there that I bought Clique make-up for the first time. About a year later I went to another meeting for a themed event. I was dressed in a 50's black poodle skirt with Crinolines (petticoats with a white blouse, black on white saddle oxfords. (Still have that outfit) Then things changed and I went back deeper into my closet for over 4 years. I now go to the CDer club more or less monthly. The drive is now about 3.5 hr one way instead of the 7 hour drive one way. There is a small side story about that first 7 hour trip.
So as you can see you do acquire a comfort zone while dressed in public.

[TheHiddenMe]

Honestly, it's a hard question to answer.

Part of the process is thinking about/planning my next time out. I can only imagine the comparison is a junkie needing their fix. What am I going to wear? How am I going to accomplish it (often my outings I hide from my wife, so I have to be adaptable getting my girl on or off).

When I'm out, there's a feeling of satisfaction. I like the feel of the clothes, whether it's the bare shoulders of a sundress in summer or nylons in colder weather or walking in heels or a hundred other sensations. I love going to stores and trying on different clothes, and imagining where I might wear something. Seeing yourself dressed in the mirror is addictive too.

I've also made some GG friends so occasionally getting out means a chance to get together with them and talk or eat or do something else.

I've gotten over the fear. Mostly these days it's the satisfaction of doing something I've wanted to do for most my life.

[Leslie Mary S]

MarinaTwenty200, you are lucky to have some friends to ro out with. I who live in a much smaller town do ot have much chance to go anywhere locally because I (guy me) am well known. None of my GG friends want to go out with me.
So Marina, have fun at any place you can go to. I know of three different places you can go.

[Helen_Highwater]

Marina,

For me it was about the need to fully express my femme side. Four walls became a prison. I wanted to feel the wind against my legs, the sun on my back, to be about to walk more than a few yards from one room to another.

Early sorties, drives after darkness fell, were stressful, scary and exciting all at once. As my outings grew in duration and included daylight hours, the nerves still remained but the determination to do more, the broader my experiences grew too.

A meeting with other CD'ers triggered the biggest change. Up until then I'd never been into a shop. That changed the next day. Butterflies the size of eagles, convinced the store security backed by the mob would throw me out into the street, I stepped inside. And, nothing, no Claxton or alarm bells, no crowd gathering to stare and point. Nerves calmed and soon I was shop hopping, still a little on edge but learning to relax as the minutes ticked away.

So you ask, why do I go out. Well it's because I want to go out just like everyone else does and I want to do it in the clothes I chose to wear.

Yes there's still a little adrenaline rush as I first mingle with the muggles and a smidgen of apprehension but as a CD'er that's good as we still have to be aware of those around us. 99.9% of folks pay us little or no attention but we still need to look out for the one neanderthal.

There's one other thing worth a mention. Albeit a shop assistant or someone queueing to pay, someone sat next to you on a bus or train, engaging in conversation and it being the most normal of things, you the person talking with another is hugely validating. Those are perhaps some of the most satisfying moments making Helen truly exist.

No matter how many reply, it's like parachuting or abseiling, until you've tried it you won't understand it and why folks do it over and over.

[DTelia]

Quick history for context:


Feelings started at around 4 yrs old. Never intentionally dressed, but always wanted to. Always scared of being caught and the implications of people knowing I had these thoughts.

Shared feelings w/Girlfriend/Fianc??, now wife, but still didn?t fully dress until I was probably 32 yrs old (first time!)

She surprised me w/some purchases and encouraged me to get more into it about 9 years ago, so I took her advice Currently dress maybe a handful times a year (pre-Covid - maybe 10 times a year? During and now - only once or twice.


During this time, I never had a desire to go out, but the walls of the home, watching TV…has limitations - so over the last couple years, Ive wanted to try it. I got close during a vacation to Mexico but I wimped out. Im not sure where to do it, and/or how. I can kinda pass, but since Im not 100 percent there…i.e. my voice, etc…I dont know how to Own It and I think you have too, in order to make it work (my opinion).

I would love to go to a place where they could help me get a little closer to passing - but dont know where. I don?t know recommended locations in Vegas, which would probably be the best and easiest place for me. But I think Im willing to try now.just to do it w/my wife. We’ll see

If anyone has recommendations for makeovers in Vegas area…please let me know :-)

[Angela Marie]

I have been going out for about 15 years. For the first few it was exciting; especially after a makeover. As I got better with makeup the thrill persisted; but I was always a bit nervous and apprehensive. A few months ago I finally admitted to myself, after years of denying, that I truly was transgender. My perceptions and feelings changed. I?m am much more comfortable in my feminine appearance because I realize the feelings are not a result my clothes but of my true sense of self.

[Barbara Jo]

For those who are afraid to go out....
Once you realize that no one will point or laugh out you , you can begin to just really enjoy being a female in public.
Yes, in the very beginning it can be easier said than done but, it gets easier an easier each time you go out, until mentally you become a female when out.

Now you can even wear a mask.

I said it before but this is all important.....
When out, you must have the mind set that you are just wearing the lingerie and clothes that females are supposed to wear and are not wearing or doing anything out of the mordancy
Then just go about your shopping etc as any female would/

Personally, I was always a bit more female than male ....mentally and somewhat physically. .
So, being able to appear in public as a female.... having the public see me as I see myself is a dream come true for me.

[Christie ann]

Is if exciting out there? Oh yes! For what ever reason, I feel like I should be a woman and to be out and about as a woman just feels exhilarating and normal at the same time. To be in female spaces, trying on dresses ( or even a wedding dress) or sitting in the big girl chair getting make up lessons for all the world to see and be accepted as a woman. Or, to be out in the world as a woman, pumping gas, going grocery shopping, getting feed at the COOP.
It’s not all cookies and cream out there. Be careful, choose your places wisely. I have found most women accept my being there and will even enter into a conversation. Guys are a little more difficult to predict.

[CynthiaD]

I would describe the feeling as "normal." I don't feel normal in male attire. It's grating, like having a stone in your shoe. After an extended period, I start getting the blues. In female mode, I’m just a regular person going about her business.

[SaraLin]

this description came to me this morning, so I'll share it...


Exhilarating.
Terrifying.

Elevating.
Mortifying.

Liberating.
Normalizing.


Life - with the volume turned WAY UP. How loud do you like it?

[Ressie]

the very prospect of going outdoors and exposing myself to the public horrifies me

Ask yourself what it is that you're afraid of. Maybe you're afraid of the actual experience because you imagine something negative will happen? But what is the main thing that horrifies you?

I've dressed in public maybe 10 times over the last 10 years, that's all. When going out with other CDs in places that are known to be friendly I don't get very nervous anymore. Going out solo in the general public still causes anxiety. I think for me it's a fear of men! I tend to gravitate away from men and toward women when out solo. That's a fear that I'll have to work on and face up to. I've talked to men while dressed in gay bars but that's about it so far. Straight men may find me attractive which would be something new to deal with!

I think if I had more time and more opportunities to go out dressed I'd become more relaxed and at ease. Yet there are hurdles to overcome.

[Denice]

I dress, though you may have to look close to notice it. That's as far as I want to take it.

[Kandi Robbins]

I've been at this for almost seven years, been out close to a thousand times. I guess I can best describe my feeling as being "natural". I get no high, but I am almost always filled with joy, happiness. That comes from two things. People are wonderfully accepting and almost always make me feel special. Happened this morning, quite a few times. And having morphed into somewhat of a fashionista, there is great satisfaction to an outfit well done. We are all snowflakes here, every one of us coming at this from a very different angle. My advice, do what makes you happy, as long as you do so safely.

[ShoeziQ]

I think I have heard the term "underdress", and I think that's what I do. It does excite me. I will wear bra/forms/ stockings, and even high heel boots under jeans. I have been to the mall (straight in to Torrid, then back out), and the local adult stores ( totally non judgmental!), but that's as far as I've taken it so far. I think my next step is an out of town bar. Not ready to be recognized , yet.

[Davina2833]

Kandi,

Great advice! BTW love your column, read it every day!!

Davina

[Krisi]

Is it exciting out there?

I suppose that might describe the feeling. Certainly it's a bit different after one gets more used ot it. I don't get out often, perhaps a couple times a year so it is exciting but a bit more normal now that I have been out a half dozen times or more.

I think we all have different reasons for going out and we approach it differently. I know some people go out as "crossdressers" and get a thrill out of that. Me, I go out as a "woman" with the hopes of being seen as one. It's like I am playing a part and going out in public is my test of how well I am doing at it.

[Stephanie47]

I'm six foot and 200 pounds which is great in guy mode. In girl mode; not so much. When I was younger I did the Halloween routine of getting totally dolled up and venturing into grocery stores and a doughnut shop. I do go out fully en femme in dresses and heels to satisfy the urge; made up short trips and long strolls. After awhile the stroll gets boring because all I am doing is nothing. I have no desire to force any interactions with other humans. I tend to compartmentalize things I do. And, I have nobody to share this side of me. I rather be dolled up at home and getting something done around the house.

[Kris Burton]

Since I've barely begun my journey, I'm no place near being able to take my persona publicly. But, as I continue, it looks like that is a goal. I find I have fantasies about this - where I would go, what I would wear, appropriate makeup and the like. In the past, I always would look and shop for the prettiest or sexiest outfits to wear at home - now I find I'm looking at good-looking casual attire as well...items that are flattering and feminine and yet appropriate. In short, items that I could wear, get and project the same feminine feeling, and yet be out in the community.

Does that sound exciting? You bet! I'm going to try to get there Some of you describe having gotten used to it...I hope I never do on any level. I'm enjoying all of this WAY too much!

[Steph7]

I'm totally new in crossdressing, started with a furnace down at home, working on the computer it was not a pleasure. My wife gave me a pair of her winter stocking and she smiled with an interesting look, "nice legs baby" her words. One night I sneaked in bed with her stocking, she was interested but a little surprised. We did more times. Another night, she was late from work, I prepared dinner all dressed up with her little shoes (painful next day). What a night, she never stopped to look at me.
Another night, I'm a beginner, a bought my first dress but it was small and she gave me her ( too big for her) and we had dinner at home, we are talking and we decided to go out for the first time. We went to a LGBT bar, she drove, she bought me the drinks, we talked all night and when we left some guys and girls give me compliments for my dress and compliments to my wife. The final surprise, she opened the door, drove back at home touching my leg. Yes we were more than excited, nervous at the beginning but really excited back at home.

[Larissa Cassandra]

It's funny, but before coming out to my wife last year, I never even considered going out in public dressed. I was lucky to find enough time to do it while she was out, and back then I didn't have much of my own clothes or makeup to play with. But now that she's accepting and supportive (and I have an entire wardrobe and lots of makeup), I have a totally new outlook. She's even said she would go with me! But the challenge is to find the appropriate place to go. (My area is known for it's progressive, accepting culture, but I haven't been able to find any CD-specific clubs, bars, etc. I'm not sure if "LGBT-friendly" would always include CDs.) In the meantime, I'm "testing the water" by going on walks in my neighborhood with my hair (past shoulders) not hidden in a ponytail, a little lip gloss, women's sneakers and socks, and/or leggings. I know some of the people I encounter regularly (just to say hi; no names), so it will be interesting to see, as I increase my femme appearance over time, what their reactions are, if any.....

[Steph7]

Oh, my...I'm a new crossdresser, terrifying, nervousness..with my wife decided to go out for the first time. We were both terrified and nervous. At the bar she bought me drinks and opened the door of the car when we left.We where so excited to go home asap. She so great that we are going out again soon.

[AshleyClaireSnider]

I'm kind of jealous of open CDers, but I have a hard enough time just leaving the house in general. Maybe the stars will align some day and I'll find a partner or friend that encourages me to show this part of me to the world. I've always felt like cosplaying at some kind of gaming convention would be right up my alley. Combines some of my interests and there would be lot of people in costumes.

[Karren H]

It is exciting to me! Jump out of that closet and come on out into the daylight.

[Beverley Sims]

You bet your sweet bippy it is!

[Leslie Mary S]

Showing your age You bet your sweet bippy - Rowen and Martin - Laff In 1963. I always wanted to get painted like Goldy, or tell one liners on the laff wall.

[mollymulligan]

I just went out for the first time this summer and can say that it is definitely worth it! I live in a liberal community so it may be easier, but stepping out of the car the first time in a wig, makeup, skirt flats, etc. is not easy. I just held my head high and owned it and met two of the most wonderful girls that helped me relax. It was definitely worth it!

[Asew]

I don't know about exciting. I would describe it more like nice. With a large dose of anxiety at the beginning which is pretty small now that it is normalized. It is nice to be able to wear an outfit I like vs man clothes I hated all my life before.