telling Friends

[tabitha_az]

i want to tell to of my female friends that i crossdress, but i am afraid to. Has anyone had any experience. Everyone is different and i wonder how they will react. Will they shun or embrace me?

[Tamara Barclay]

It is REALLY hard to guess how someone would react. I shared my dressing with an "open minded" female friend once, and she freaked. On the other hand, when my super uptight ultra christian ex mother in law found out, she thought it was wonderful!!!
I guess the best advice I can give is to ask yourself "why" do I need to tell this person.

[Jennaie]

I prefer to let the old friends stay in the dark. I don't want to risk my friendship. I tell those who I meet that I would like to be friends with. If they can't accept it, then I look for a new friend.

I recently, last week, told a person whom I had a great deal of respect for. She responded by telling me that she felt it made me more interesting. She then started telling me about all the gay friends that she had. Then told me that she would love to have me come to one of her parties. She said that her halloween and Christmas parties were the best.

You never know, but I don't tell anyone when it may cost me a good friend.

[size7satin]

It all depends on your friends. I can count on 1 hand how many of my friends know. Some just ignored it others have seen S7S, that choose is thiers. You can only be a friend back no matter how they react.

[Glenda]

It sounds like you need to tell some friends. It's not as much fun living life without having friends to experience it with. Most, if not all, of my friends have been accepting. I guess it depends on your situation. Friends can be encouraging and understanding. They can help us feel justified in what we're doing and rid us of a lot of the guilt and embarrassment that we often feel. There may be some good natured joking but I imagine they already joke with your male personna. Mine do. They may also respect you for being open.

Some can be discreet. It is also possible that they'll tell two friends and they'll tell two friends, etc. You may find yourself out to more people than you think, but perhaps not. Many of my friends didn't like the fact that I didn't socialize with them as often as I had previously. They valued our friendship as much as I did and were more than willing to tolerate me femme side. It's made life a whole lot more interesting.

[JeanneF]

I've told a handful of very close friends, the ones who I know have dealt with sexuality issues themselves or that I felt were openminded enough that it wouldn't cause an issue (and that I trust to keep their mouths shut). So far, everyone I've told has been either fascinated or at least very supportive. Most have wanted to see what I look like as a girl.

On the other hand, most of my friends are very much in the dark. Some don't know only because I know that if they did, they would tell EVERYONE, and I'm just not quite ready to deal with that yet. Most though I don't tell because I know that the reaction would not be good.

[Kitty Sue]

LisaK I agree with what you said. I have a couple of GG friends who know and they have no issue with it. It is nice being able to talk about hair removal, underwear and the like with an understanding GL. But just like those men in my life who know I am Bi and a CD I am selective in who I tell.

Perhaps watch Transamerica with them and guage their reactions. If they are okay with it you could always say nonchalantly "Yeah I do that sometimes."

[DawnLabelle]

Four of my closest friends know, two of the GGs that I told replied with "well, duh, yeah I knew that, I was waiting for you to tell me". The third GG was surprised but really didn't care, and even helped me fix my wig and give me one of her tops for my one night out en femme. I also came out to the third GGs boyfriend (my best male-friend) and although he was *really* shocked and taken a-back, he doesn't really care either.

but ofcourse, YMMV
Dawn

[GypsyKaren]

I've found that those who loved you before will continue to do so, the rest still won't. It's a good way to find out who your true friends are.

Karen

[Holly]

Tabitha, as you said, everybody is different. There are several people that know about me including my wife, my adult son, my adult daughter, two GG friends, a hetro couple, and a gay couple... and the list continues to grow. If you want to tell people just to see their reaction, I wouldn't bother. If you desire to deepen a friendship, then providing you have chosen your friends well, go ahead.

[joannejoanne]

Tabitha. I have a view that it is our own inhabitions that stop us telling our friends & family. the difficult thing is you never can tell what their reaction is going to be.good luck in ever you tell.

[sparks]

Kinda like buying Panties in the store hon! Which one will freak and hide or which one will smile and help! Just take em to the counter! Put the smallest on top of the pile wink and break out the wallet!
I still don't want my friends to know! hell I don't want the cat and gold fish to know! But blinky is a superfish and I can't hide the truth!
NATCH!

[tiffiany]

The way I look at it is, it all depends on how well you know and trust that person. I know what your going through as I had problems with the same issue and eventually came out to my female friends and all of them were more than alright with it. You never know until you try, there reaction might suprise you.

I was nervous in telling my best friend but the reaction she gave me was what I ultimately needed and I ended up gaining a greater bond with her than I did before. To be able to talk to someone who was understanding and accepting was a great weight off my shoulders.

[Darlene Rochelle]

I have only told one friend.Colleen(gg) is my best and dearest friend.She is totally supportive of me.She has been a lifesaver.:happy:

[ronni]

I can't get up to telling friends directly either, tabitha.
A few of them have seen my painted toenails (a subtle pink shade) or maybe noticed the pink blush on my cheeks but I leave them guessing. I'm guessing some of them have guessed!

[Joy Carter]

I'm on the out side at the moment because I was outed. It's been hard to take, friends for forty years then nothing. I guess it's hard for them to not knowing what to say. Waiting for a hand to be extended because I don't want to force them to accept me. Oh well my friend are of the four legged varity and here, Thanks everyone !

[Eugenie]

i want to tell to of my female friends that i crossdress, but i am afraid to. Has anyone had any experience. Everyone is different and i wonder how they will react. Will they shun or embrace me?

I have somewhat talked about this subject in a post on the "Dressing in front of friends" discussion. There a indeed a few friends I told about my X-dressing, all female, and a few TG girls whom I hope to make friends with...

The first GG friend I told about being a transvestite was in fact a lover (see my other post for explanations). We had a great sex fun with an extremely guiltfree relation, no tabous. I felt that I could tell her. Actually I took the risk to show myself to her wearing women underwear, having warned her that she would be in for a surprise... She entered right away in my game. After that we had very often the occasion to make love while I was "en femme" her condition was that I would also be a "male" from time to time.

My wife knew about the affair I had with that friend but she didn't know about the fact that I had shared my x-dressing with her...

One day my wife discovered that I had a blouse in my cupboard. I told her that is was a gift from my friend. My wife reacted very badly for two reasons:
1/ She was upset that I had told that friend about my x-dressing.
2/ She didn't like the idea that x-dressing was far more for me than just wearing women underwear as a pure sexual fantazy. This is stil what she dislikes most about it.

Our relation started more than 25 years ago, I told that friend two years after we had started being lovers... We are still friends and lovers. My wife and I are seeing my friend and her husband as friends too...

Much more recently, year before last, I told a second GG friend, whom is also a friend of my wife. I told her as I knew that she was very tolerant. I only said to her that I wanted to share a very private secret and that I would not mind her reaction but I was only fearing that she would laugh at me. She said she wouldn't and she didn't. I explained all my story, from childhood to adult and then during my married life. With this other friend the relationship is purely friendly. We spend a lot of time and talk a lot together.

Being incapable of hiding anything, of course after some time my wife discovered that I had spoken to her friend. Again she wasn't very happy about it... I'm sure she would have prefered that we had an affair together than me telling her about my x-dressing.

One thing I can tell is that it is really wonderful to have friends whom to speak freely about our "femme side". Both have helped me tremendously with developping a more feminine look. In particular the second one whom I see more often and who has helped me modernise my style...

Of course I would also like that my wife would accept to speak about it with me, but she can't. We had several meta-discussions on that aspect. Her position is that it is OK for me to x-dress, but she doesn't want to see me "en femme" nor speak about it.

Well I recognize that I should feel rather satisfied with this in comparison with having to hide all the time.

I hope this helps a bit.

Love from France

[CharleneCD]

Tabitha, I mostly agree with all thats been said. It can be liberating and you find out who your true friends are. Just one warning. Once you let the cat out of the bag, it is out forever. Anyone you tell has the potential to out you to others. Personaly though I am in favor of telling. It is so nice not to have to hide part of myself or constantly worry what I might let slip.

[jodybi35]

I have told about 10 or so people I love wearing female clothing. I always called before going shopping for myself, so the sales girls would not be caught off guard. I have told several of my gay guy friends, and one of my
lesbian girlfriends, and several gg friends at work. Gotta be careful there though and know your friends well before sharing with them. I have never had the bad experience of having someone freak on me. My lesbian gf told me she thought I was into cd'ing as I seem to have some femme traits she
picked up on. Jody

[gennee]

The only person who knows that I dress is my wife. I'll have to educate her on crossdressing issues because, for now, she doesn't approve. My support group knows and that's it. I'm content to keep it this way.

Gennee