Came Out to My Wife

[Kris Burton]

Simply stated, I came out to my wife tonight. Eve though CD is new to me, I decided it best to move in the direction of full disclosure and avoid sneakiness.
I'm pleased to say the results were very good! She was very surprised but also very interested...lots of questions, and very supportive and understanding. Her only requirement is that she not see me en femme. Since we have been together for 41 years she thinks it would be unsettling to see me as another person. That is fine with me especially at this point in my CD development, so it's a very good arrangement indeed. I like the questions, now that she knows i find I'm very interested in talking about it with her. Kind of a turn on, actually.
My fantasy is that she becomes secure enough with this to help me with makeup...that would be incredible...but if not, still this works for both of us.
So its been a great day...as it is said, the truth will set you free...and i feel free at last.

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Kris :hugs:, Welcome to our Forum, Just be careful and try not to Overwhelm your:love:Wife with this Program,

Slow and Easy, You are so Blessed to have an accepting:love:Wife

>>>>>>>>>>>>Orchid**O:daydreaming:O**

[Helen_Highwater]

Kris,

Glad it went so well for you. As is often said here, baby steps. Don't push things too quickly and overwhelm your SO.

Given time her curiosity may bring her more towards seeing the femme you.

Enjoy your newly found freedom.

[Teri Ray]

Hi Kris,

Being honest and open with your wife is normally a good thing. Since there is nothing normal about a crossdresser/ wife relationship be sure to take things slow. Not that there is a method that applies to all situations, I would recommend that you make sure that you remain open and honest about your desires to dress but make sure your wife understands that she is you most important desire. I am happy for you that things are going well. Best wishes to you both.

[Crissy 107]

Kris, Congrats for getting that behind you and good for your wife being ok. This can at times be a roller coaster so just go slow. Continued good luck in the future!

[Di]

That is great !
Here is a thread that might help.

https://www.crossdressers.com/forums/showthread.php?12890-Now-I-Like-It-Now-I-Don-t

You had all these years to sort it out give her the same courtesy.
We have a section here just for us GGs if she wants a safe place as basically she now is in the closet with you.
About the makeup if she enjoys makeup and occasionally asks to do it …that is cool.
But some cders expect it, and sometimes that in itself is an annoyance because it can feel like a chore if it is expected.so let that be her suggestion only.
The cding is your thing and there are tons of utube videos to to teach yourself .

[GretchenM]

You definitely did the right thing. Definitely better than hiding it for decades and then coming out and getting hammered by accusations of being deceptive, lying, etc. (some of which are actually true but often explainable). That is the part many women hate more than the different appearance.

But be careful to not drown her in talk about your feelings. Keep in mind that she married a man and she has expectations in that regard. She will more likely than not be more accepting of the girl in you if she sees that the girl doesn't replace her man but complements him to soften his behaviors and show the more gentle traits and characteristics we expect to see in females that are not just perceptions but a vital part of being female. In other words manage your new aspect with sensitivity and care for her feelings and not just what you want.

Di's suggestion of your wife visiting the GG section and seeing how other women feel or deal with husbands or significant others engaging in this behavior is really a good idea. When I was in gender therapy the organization offered therapy for my wife. She didn't take that much advantage of it but what she did do was helpful at the start. It is definitely not a one size fits all reaction and I am sure your wife would find talking to others helpful. "Happy wife, happy life."

[Angela Marie]

Good choice. I came out to my now wife on our second date. She has been super understanding over the years. She does not want to participate which is her choice. I cannot imagine hiding this while in a relationship.

[DTelia]

as others have said….Go SLLLLLLLOOOOOOW!!!! CDers are notorious (as observed on this board) to think and talk of nothing else. You could wear her out fast. Even if she’s excited and crazy interested. It will more likely stay that way if you are slow and remain unselfish and more interested in her happiness. But the vulnerability you have shared is really strong in helping couples come together….don’t lose that.

[DianeT]

Kris my wife survived the blow of my coming out in part thanks to the FAB forum (which means I owe some to the GGs there who cater this haven that my couple is still standing). At least she can vent there, since no one else knows in our relatives and friends and she can only share the burden with her therapist.
Your are right to say that the truth is freeing, however coming out after so long doesn't always go as smooth as in your case, so it's definitely something you want to prepare for, in the best interest of both members of the couple.

[Julie MA]

Hope you don't get the boomerang in the back of the head, like I did. She was supportive and positive at first. Then she started reading articles on the web. Mean attacks followed. I do not regret telling her. But, it is hard being married to someone who is embarrassed about who I am, does not accept part of who I am, and does not want to see or discuss anything about it.

Julie

[char GG]

Lots of good advice here. There are many threads about coming out which may help you. The thread that Di hightlighted is particularly good information.

Some mentioned "going slow". My opinion, but I don't think going slow means eeeking out small bits of information at a time. Such as: I only wear panties, now I want a bra, now I want forms, now I want a wig, now I want to go out dressed, now I want to..... you get the picture. We call that the "drip drip drip" method and it often backfires because the SO is constantly lead to believe and accept some things, then something else is added. Again, just my opinion, that's when an accepting SO turns into a non-accepting SO. I think they mean go slow - as in don't talk about CDing too much of the time. Take ques from your wife about how much is too much.

Also keep in mind that most women don't talk about makeup and fashion on a regular basis. That was something they may have done when they were 14, but adult women just do their routine but it's not often a topic of conversation. If you want to talk makeup and fashion, keep it to a minimum unless that's something she is totally on board with.

Also, unless your SO loves to shop, don't expect her to love to shop for or with you. (Personally, I have a shopping limit of about 2 hours, once every few months!). You know your wife best. It has to be about both of you.

[Geena75]

Good for you! I will join the chorus and urge you to take it very slow while she digests it. It is really great that you like answering questions, because I think a lot more are coming. Remember the love for your spouse comes first. This is a great thing for both of you.

[docrobbysherry]

Kris, I found your post both positive and ironic! U came out honestly. After 41 years!?:eek:

And, were pleased to find your wife has questions. Altho, after 41 years I'm not sure why she wouldn't?:heehee:

However, I found it odd that the only thing she said she doesn't want/like about it seeing u as Kris. And yet, one of your 1st hopes is that she'll help u with your makeup?:doh:

[Crissy 107]

Kris, Great advice from Char in post #12. You should read it a couple of times, advice from GG’s here can really hit home

[Kris Burton]

Hi docrobbysherry - I recognize this post is made with a light heart and no harm is intended. Still I feel the need to clarify:
I did not come out to her honestly after 41 years. I came out to myself honestly after burying my feelings for a lifetime. Once i did that, I came out to her within days.
And yes, I was very pleased she had questions. If not, it would mean she did not accept this and was at best indifferent. The opposite of love is not hate, its indifference. That would be devastating.
And, I think you misread my initial post. I do not hope that she will help me with my makeup. It is a fantasy - very different - that she does so. If she doesn't want to for whatever reason it's OK. It's just a fantasy...
So again, no offense taken here...just clarifyin'.

[Davina2833]

Kris,

Great advice from Char in post # 12, and Di in post #6, click on the post and read post #1, very important. actually read the whole post.

Good luck.

Davina

[Mermaiden]

Marriage advice columns always say communication is essential to a good marriage, and personally being able to share my inner thoughts, feelings with my wife is what I want most. So I?m sure this feels good, and congratulations to you.
Seems different women accept crossdressing differently, and she may be up and down with it, sometimes on board and other times less supportive.
I wish you the best .