MonicaPVD
08-19-2021, 07:24 AM
Earlier this week, I did an unusual thing. I accepted an invitation to have dinner with a male friend after work at a restaurant that is 15 minutes or so from my home.
This is unusual in that I usually don't have the opportunity to dress after work and usually have avoided going out dressed to popular destinations near my home base. However, since the pandemic, my dressing opportunities have dried up significantly and this was an offer I could not refuse.
I arrived at the restaurant around 6, and my male friend was already there. He was sitting at the otherwise empty bar, with two or three tables occupied in the dining room. It was surprisingly slow at this popular spot. My friend asked me if I wanted to sit at a table but I decided the bar was just fine. This way I could watch TV in case the conversation went south. We ordered drinks and food, and started catching up. The food arrived and we were busy eating and chatting when I suddenly saw two women walk into the near empty restaurant and pause near the bar. My heart nearly stopped.
One of the women is a close coworker at my company who I have been a colleague of for years. She's also very catty and consumed with appearance and always dressing to the nines. My coworker scanned the room, locked in on me and stared at me for a good ten to fifteen seconds - which can seem like a half hour under the circumstances. I made an effort not to look at her directly but could feel her eyes burning into me. My friend and dinner companion, who had no idea who she was, leaned over and asked me quietly, do you know these women? I smiled and said, oh yes. Very well.
Mind you, I'm sitting with one other person at an empty bar in a mostly empty restaurant. There was nowhere to hide or no way to try to blend into the background. I took a deep breath and thought, the day has finally arrived. Busted.
Yet, nothing happened. After giving me a decidedly catty scan, my coworker and her companion spotted some friends at a table in the back of the room and they headed in that direction. They sat down and immediately became enthralled in a conversation. Whew!
My friend and I finished our meal within 20 minutes and I decided that I wasn't going to hang around to see if my coworker had actually recognized me or not. We left and went to a nearby bar to continue our conversation.
The next morning, I got to work and ran into my coworker. We engaged in our typical coffee banter and I asked her if she had done anything fun lately. She explained that she went out to eat with some friends and had a few too many mojitos, but otherwise had a great time.
I post this experience because it was quite exciting to me and also because it further reinforces my belief that people will not randomly recognize or clock you while dressed in most circumstances.
I am sure that my coworker immediately identified me as a gender bender, which is why she stared me down for more than an instant. Yet she clearly did not recognize me as her long time coworker. I am certain of this because she is so catty that she would have marched right up to me and called me out, and then she would have told every single person at work. With enthusiasm.
Take away: Don't fret over being recognized by people. Sure, most observant people may recognize you as a trans individual, but someone who knows you won't easily make the connection to your drab self unless you actively engage them. Simply because you don't live rent-free in their head all the time. They are busy living in their own little universe. Period.
This is unusual in that I usually don't have the opportunity to dress after work and usually have avoided going out dressed to popular destinations near my home base. However, since the pandemic, my dressing opportunities have dried up significantly and this was an offer I could not refuse.
I arrived at the restaurant around 6, and my male friend was already there. He was sitting at the otherwise empty bar, with two or three tables occupied in the dining room. It was surprisingly slow at this popular spot. My friend asked me if I wanted to sit at a table but I decided the bar was just fine. This way I could watch TV in case the conversation went south. We ordered drinks and food, and started catching up. The food arrived and we were busy eating and chatting when I suddenly saw two women walk into the near empty restaurant and pause near the bar. My heart nearly stopped.
One of the women is a close coworker at my company who I have been a colleague of for years. She's also very catty and consumed with appearance and always dressing to the nines. My coworker scanned the room, locked in on me and stared at me for a good ten to fifteen seconds - which can seem like a half hour under the circumstances. I made an effort not to look at her directly but could feel her eyes burning into me. My friend and dinner companion, who had no idea who she was, leaned over and asked me quietly, do you know these women? I smiled and said, oh yes. Very well.
Mind you, I'm sitting with one other person at an empty bar in a mostly empty restaurant. There was nowhere to hide or no way to try to blend into the background. I took a deep breath and thought, the day has finally arrived. Busted.
Yet, nothing happened. After giving me a decidedly catty scan, my coworker and her companion spotted some friends at a table in the back of the room and they headed in that direction. They sat down and immediately became enthralled in a conversation. Whew!
My friend and I finished our meal within 20 minutes and I decided that I wasn't going to hang around to see if my coworker had actually recognized me or not. We left and went to a nearby bar to continue our conversation.
The next morning, I got to work and ran into my coworker. We engaged in our typical coffee banter and I asked her if she had done anything fun lately. She explained that she went out to eat with some friends and had a few too many mojitos, but otherwise had a great time.
I post this experience because it was quite exciting to me and also because it further reinforces my belief that people will not randomly recognize or clock you while dressed in most circumstances.
I am sure that my coworker immediately identified me as a gender bender, which is why she stared me down for more than an instant. Yet she clearly did not recognize me as her long time coworker. I am certain of this because she is so catty that she would have marched right up to me and called me out, and then she would have told every single person at work. With enthusiasm.
Take away: Don't fret over being recognized by people. Sure, most observant people may recognize you as a trans individual, but someone who knows you won't easily make the connection to your drab self unless you actively engage them. Simply because you don't live rent-free in their head all the time. They are busy living in their own little universe. Period.