Broke the golden rule - didn?t dress to blend!

[Lily88]

I?ve only been out a few times and always followed the best advice I?ve got on here about dressing to blend with the setting you?re in.

At the weekend I ventured out to the supermarket in girls jeans, jumper, coat and ballet flats (along with wig and mask of course!) and passed dozens of people without even a second look. Someone might have noticed but nothing obvious even when a supermarket assistant came up and pointed me to a checkout.

That was a massive confidence boost and I got a bit carried away so back home changed into my leather skirt and kitten heels. Wow was the result different! Within a minute of leaving the house was DEFINITELY noticed by the first two people I passed and both properly stared. In hindsight while I didn?t think the skirt was too short or the heels to high they certainly looked completely out of place in our neighbourhood in the day.

No harm done (except wondering if any neighbours recognised me!) but a lesson learnt. Still can?t believe what an absolutely massive different it makes though!

[candykowal]

Lily, I suppose most of us has been there one time or another, it just part of the right of passage.
I found out how to present civil by a mother who wouldn't allow me to wear my feminine clothes if I got dirty, had a boo-boo, or didn't wear the item as made.
I learned to properly sit in a dress, not to slosh, bite my nails, twirl my hair.
She pointed out ill mannered girls and why you should do this, or that, and NEVER show too much.
She said you need to not give the viewer too much to look at so that they could use their imagination to fill in the gaps.
Those girls in mini skirts leave nothing to imagine and they are trashy looking, not worth the time of day!
So many of those scenarios throughout history coupled with the curious on-looker only fuels the stares and on looks.
But that is just society sister, you might have actually inspired a fashion designer for the 2022 summer collection, or a lapidary to make a stone high heel.
So don't fret, life is just too dang short! :battingeyelashes:

[Krisi]

So your experience proves that what many of us have been saying all along - Dress appropriately for the time and place if your intention is to be viewed as an actual female and not a crossdresser begging for attention.

I was watching youtube videos of "crossdresser in public" recently and the majority of them were overdressed and acting unnaturally for where they were. It seems many crossdressers have a fixation on short, tight skirts and high heels. Women don't typically dress this way for shopping trips or walks in the park.

If you want to go out in public and if you want people to think that you are a woman and not a crossdresser, you have to use a bit of common sense.

[Karren H]

Blending is so over rated, IMHO! Probably why I own no female jeans! If you can not dress like you want to, then what is the point?

[AngelaYVR]

Just imagine that a short skirt gets attention! - the sole reason short skirts were invented in the first place.

My objection to all the continued blend or burn argument is that you can easily avoid dressing like everyone else (ie, blanding) and still wear skirts and or dresses designed for casual/daytime. Everybody wins. I realise that there are people here (who do not even really go out) that think if you are not wearing jeans then you obviously must be wearing a micro mini and stripper heels as how can there be any other options?!

I salute all the girls who defy the fashion police and go out dressed like a person with an independent sense of style. Look nice and maybe persuade a few more to not think the lowest common denominator is the pathway to happiness.

So while normally a leather skirt seems a bit much for sorting though the lettuce, luckily there are THOUSANDS of skirts designed for a more casual look. Dressing to a higher standard is admirable!

[kinky_caitlin]

I totally agree with Karren. Life is way to short to fit in with other peoples opinions. Also since we are already breaking societal norms, why worry about being "societally proper" ? any female clothing we put on is already against being societally proper to begin with. So why not enjoy it and wear what you want.

[Kimberly A.]

So, you didn't "dress to blend"..... Meh, so what? LOL Sometimes I don't dress to blend, but I really don't care. However, I have taken advice from the good folks here and I often do dress to blend, depending on where I'm going. But I'm glad you got a big confidence boost and sounds like you had fun en femme, that's what it's all about! LOL

[docrobbysherry]

Blending is so over rated, IMHO! Probably why I own no female jeans! If you can not dress like you want to, then what is the point?

When I want no one to notice me? I've perfected "dressing to blend". I go out in drab with nothing female showing. It works perfect every time!:devil:

Like Karren said, Sherry wouldn't be caught DEAD dressing to blend!:doh:

[NjJamie]

If you really want to "blend", try a grey wig! I'm not really kidding on that one, I have to say almost everyone I ran into just ignored me or didn't really glance my way much. I'm on the larger side and wore a 2" heel, making the end result over 6' and 250lbs, not the prettiest little package but I work hard at looking good!

The clothes do make so much of a difference. This weekend I had 4 days to be me, went so much farther than I could ever have hoped and I do believe I was able to blend or let's just say "not really noticed", sliding towards "nothing to see here". Each day was a bit different, classy but casual, and as long as I could come close to a feminine walk and not talk, no one turned to watch in Panera, Macy's, the main mall, Target, etc. I even hung out in Panera and came close to a woman when refilling my drink, she did look twice when leaving but by that point I didn't care. From there I went to Target and spend about 45 minutes shopping in the women's sections, lost my nerve at going into the dressing room (next time!). I did settle on some shapewear which didn't have a tag, so what to do? I wanted it so I screwed up my nerve, waited for no line at a register and just strode up to the young woman to check out. My voice is maybe medium but there was not a hint of anything other than pleasant customer service as she took care of my order.

To everyone who is hesitant, JUST GO FOR IT! No one really cares that much about you either way, except for perhaps family and friends, so get a few towns over and go have a great time.

[MonicaPVD]

Sounds like you had a fantastic time in both instances. As long as you took it in stride, it's all good. There are moments when being the center of attention can be fantastic, exhilarating, and fulfilling. There are other times when that's not the case. The culprit here is not your personal style but, rather, the slippery (and sloppy) slope of feminine casual wear in the US. Go to Italy, France, England or most any other European country and you will understand what I mean. Women and men there take care to look attractive and stylish before heading out the door for any reason. Women here are all about comfort, leggings, jeans, sneakers, bland but comfortable footwear, etc. Of course people will be surprised to see a woman decked to the nines.

[Pumped]

Blending is so over rated, IMHO! Probably why I own no female jeans! If you can not dress like you want to, then what is the point?

It depends on you tolerance to attention. Some people thrive on attention, some people just want to blend in and not get noticed.

[Natalie5004]

It is all in your mind. If you want to blend in, short skirts above the knee should be left home. Unless you are 20 to 30 years old right? Most of us here are on our second go round with 20, some like me are on the third go round.
Also, is it only me but most knee length dresses hit above my knees.

I like maxi dresses and skirts for blending in. But to each your own, go for it and own it.

[Stephanie47]

Blending is so over rated, IMHO! Probably why I own no female jeans! If you can not dress like you want to, then what is the point?

I totally agree. Not one pair of pants or any garment that looks like it was co-opted from a male fashion look. Each to his/her own. That being said, any time I wear a dress it is one that will blend in with other women wearing dresses. Yes, dresses are a rarity in Wal-Mart. However, when I am out for an early evening stroll it appears as if I am returning home after a day at the office. Tie of day also comes into play. I do see many women wearing dresses at Target or Fred Meyer grabbing something on the way to work. If I had an inclination to go to church on Sunday I would not wear a mini-skirt and fishnet stockings.

[Aunt Kelly]

Blending is so over rated, IMHO! Probably why I own no female jeans! If you can not dress like you want to, then what is the point?
First of all, am not a CDer, and so, don't have a dog in this fight.

You are correct, of course. Anyone can and should wear whatever they want. The problem is that blending is exactly what a lot of members of this forum want and need; to avoid undue notice. You want attract attention? Great! By all means do so, but please stop denigrating those members for wanting to blend.

[Alice Torn]

Aunt Kelly, Karren and some of us have talked jeans in a tongue in cheek, comical way, for many years on here. It's kind of like, I don like sauer kraut or brussels sprouts.

[Maid_Marion]

My style is to flaunt my petite hourglass figure. I've been told that if I dyed my hair I could pass for twenty. My doctor agreed that I was a little underweight and it wouldn't hurt to gain a few pounds.
So, no, I don't dress to blend in. I try to wear nice rather than edgy clothes. I wear a lot of pink. I'm short so I often wear heels. I get around easily in heels.

Marion

[Karren H]

Aunt Kelly, Karren and some of us have talked jeans in a tongue in cheek, comical way, for many years on here. It's kind of like, I don like sauer kraut or brussels sprouts.

I do not like sower kraut, Brussels sprouts or women?s jeans. Nothing feminine about any of the three!

[Leslie Mary S]

Snip - -Most of us here are on our second go round with 20, some like me are on the third go round. --- Snip

I am sneaking up on the fourth round (It's just two years and 20 days away.)

323072
And, yes, I wore it out in public. I was the photographer at a Drag Queen Show.

[TheHiddenMe]

Geez, I didn't know there was a rule book.

I like going out.

I like wearing dresses.

I like wearing heels.

If my goal was to dress like most women, I'd never get to wear what I like to wear most of the time.

Yes, pick your spots. No evening gowns to go grocery shopping.

But I'd rather hear what I hear from my GG friend Michelle; her 11 y/o daughter wants to go shopping with me because I've got good taste.

[Helen_Highwater]

Lily,

You also have to realise there's a big difference from walking on the street and being in a busy supermarket. The real test would be to wear the skirt and heels in the same place as the more conservative clothing and then see what the reaction is.

[Lily88]

So your experience proves that what many of us have been saying all along - Dress appropriately for the time and place if your intention is to be viewed as an actual female and not a crossdresser begging for attention.

I was watching youtube videos of "crossdresser in public" recently and the majority of them were overdressed and acting unnaturally for where they were. It seems many crossdressers have a fixation on short, tight skirts and high heels. Women don't typically dress this way for shopping trips or walks in the park.

If you want to go out in public and if you want people to think that you are a woman and not a crossdresser, you have to use a bit of common sense.

I think my surprise was how easily that line is crossed! I wasn?t wearing my microskirt or 6 inch red patent Mary Janes (they?re strictly for home!) The skirt was dark leather a little above the knee and the shoes were matte black 2 inch pumps so in my mind I was just on the conservative / blending side of the line but actually turns out I had massively crossed over onto the stand-out crossdressed side!

I did look great though?

- - - Updated - - -


Sounds like you had a fantastic time in both instances. As long as you took it in stride, it's all good. There are moments when being the center of attention can be fantastic, exhilarating, and fulfilling. There are other times when that's not the case. The culprit here is not your personal style but, rather, the slippery (and sloppy) slope of feminine casual wear in the US. Go to Italy, France, England or most any other European country and you will understand what I mean. Women and men there take care to look attractive and stylish before heading out the door for any reason. Women here are all about comfort, leggings, jeans, sneakers, bland but comfortable footwear, etc. Of course people will be surprised to see a woman decked to the nines.

Ah I?m in England but sadly the order of the day here is trainers and jeans too - unless on a night out which I haven?t tried yet!! Ballet flats to do seem to be making a bit of a comeback though which is nice?

- - - Updated - - -


It is all in your mind. If you want to blend in, short skirts above the knee should be left home. Unless you are 20 to 30 years old right? Most of us here are on our second go round with 20, some like me are on the third go round.
Also, is it only me but most knee length dresses hit above my knees.

I like maxi dresses and skirts for blending in. But to each your own, go for it and own it.

Early thirties - where does that leave me? ;)

[Krisi]

Blending is so over rated, IMHO! Probably why I own no female jeans! If you can not dress like you want to, then what is the point?

"The point" is different for each of us. Personally. my "point" is to be taken as a woman by everyone who sees me so it's important for me to dress appropriately for the time and place.

For others. the point may be to wear stripper heels and lots of jewelry and makeup. In most cases, this will draw attention and they will be recognized as crossdressers, but if that is their "point", that's fine too.

The term "crossdresser" covers a wide spectrum.

[Cheryl T]

There is no Golden Rule.
If you want to be noticed it's just so easy. If you want to be stealth that's easy too.
Sometimes we just want that Rush that comes from showing off and knowing we have gotten everyone's attention. Sometimes in a good way, sometimes not.

[christine55]

Around here I feel overdressed in just a casual skirt and top.

[Leslie Mary S]

An Idea just came to mind we each go to some place public that women shop frequently. Then sit with a note pad of something and record when you start. then make a column for women in dress and another for women not in a dress. then each time you see a woman make a mark in the column that their clothes fits in. when you are ready to leave, record the time. Add up how many, and record each column. now you can figure out the percentage of women wear a dress when shopping. Let the rest of us know your results.
This should give you an idea what you should were if you want to blend in.

[TheHiddenMe]

"The point" is different for each of us. Personally. my "point" is to be taken as a woman by everyone who sees me so it's important for me to dress appropriately for the time and place.

For others. the point may be to wear stripper heels and lots of jewelry and makeup. In most cases, this will draw attention and they will be recognized as crossdressers, but if that is their "point", that's fine too.

The term "crossdresser" covers a wide spectrum.

So if you "blend" people won't notice that you're a CD?

Or if you dress exotically people will automatically assume you're a CD?

Nonsense.

When I'm out, I never know who thinks I'm a guy in a dress. I just assume all of them do; they just don't know it's me in a dress.

I think that's a much better assumption than thinking that if you are wearing jeans and a top people will think you are a woman, because you are simply deluding yourself. Most CDs do NOT pass.

If you wear what you think other people expect you to wear, you are letting unknown "people" run your life.

I prefer to run my life and dress like I want to dress.

[Maid_Marion]

I find that socializing is much easier dressed as a woman. Seems I intuitively know how to interact with others as a woman but not a man.

Marion

[Sherie]

I don't understand what drives me to dress and go places where people see me but it's a powerful and I'm a very closeted CD. With that said my biggest fear is to be out somewhere and an adolescent teenager, or intoxicated girl, boy or worse a small group and be outed and with one of them walking or following me and pointing saying hey everybody that's a guy dressed up like a girl, with other people around. A real recipe for disaster that could escalate badly. and without saying be recognized.
Like any female that's 6' and 200 lbs. I strive to be attractive and present a complete package. My first wife refused to go out of the house without putting her face on, I always thought well???, now I spend 45-60 minutes doing the same thing. When someone sees me in a normal public place, I don't want them to see anything other than just another attractive female wearing the appropriate clothing for where I am and that could be jeans, skirt or whatever. That's what drives me to do more. AND Yes I go to safe but appropriate places and wear 3" heals, hose, 4-5" above the knee skirt, corset for shape, with form fitting top, quality forms, 60 min makeup, my hair is 5" below my shoulders so I spend 20 min on my hair with plenty hair spray, a some jewelry and love it.
Point being different clothes for different places just like every other normal female.

[Krisi]

So if you "blend" people won't notice that you're a CD?

Or if you dress exotically people will automatically assume you're a CD?

Nonsense.

When I'm out, I never know who thinks I'm a guy in a dress. I just assume all of them do; they just don't know it's me in a dress.

I think that's a much better assumption than thinking that if you are wearing jeans and a top people will think you are a woman, because you are simply deluding yourself. Most CDs do NOT pass.

If you wear what you think other people expect you to wear, you are letting unknown "people" run your life.

I prefer to run my life and dress like I want to dress.

"Nonsense"? That's a pretty strong word and you seem to like to use it a lot, especially when replying to my posts.

Everyone here is entitled to their own opinion and I would like to think that everyone could respect other people's opinions and not insult them with words like "nonsense".

I happen to think that under certain conditions, I will "pass". Who are you to say that I won't? Have you seen me dressed in public? I doubt it. Do you know the conditions where I think I will pass? Again, I doubt it.

I would like to have the freedom of posting my opinions on this forum without the risk of you calling them "nonsense". In return, I will grant you the same respect and freedom.

[Pumped]

So if you "blend" people won't notice that you're a CD?

Or if you dress exotically people will automatically assume you're a CD?

Nonsense.

When I'm out, I never know who thinks I'm a guy in a dress. I just assume all of them do; they just don't know it's me in a dress.

I think that's a much better assumption than thinking that if you are wearing jeans and a top people will think you are a woman, because you are simply deluding yourself. Most CDs do NOT pass.

If you wear what you think other people expect you to wear, you are letting unknown "people" run your life.

I prefer to run my life and dress like I want to dress.

So you dress in tiny latex miniskirts tight tank tops and thigh high boots when you go out?

I bet you wear what most any woman would.

I think the point here is sure, wear what you want. But if you dress like a hooker you will attract attention. If you like the attention, then fine. If you are trying to blend and pass by unnoticed wear what a typical woman would wear in the situation.

[TheHiddenMe]

If anyone is interested in how I dress when I'm out, there are 22 blog posts here:

https://www.kandis-land.com/author/dee/

Or you could look here:

https://www.crossdressers.com/forums/search.php?searchid=9889150

Or here:

http://www.femulate.org/2021/07/someday-funnies_0525365090.html

Instead of telling people what they SHOULD be wearing when they go out, I show people what I wear when I go out, with the idea being if I can wear it, someone else can do the same.

[Ressie]

I dressed to blend last time I went out with a few CD friends. That is, I wore skinny jeans; my friends all wore dresses. Of course my blonde wig sticks out more than a brown wig would have.

I don't believe I'm passable either way - at least not within 6 feet. Although there are times when someone will look at me with that "I'm not sure" look on her face.

Over the years there have been times that I had that look on my face. There's a thought that comes to mind; "There's something different about that girl that's attractive and I don't know what it is..." After a closer look there will be one tell or another. But there's been a few times when it takes a lot longer to conclude on one gender or the other. It's fun to strive for that near pass-ability whether it's achieved or not.

Just have fun when going out OK?

[AngelaYVR]

Well as fate reveals her sense of humour, I saw two women out today wearing leather skirts, about 1/2 hour apart from each other at lunch time. Add in my polka dot skirt and slowly we are chipping away at this low point in fashion history!

[Beverley Sims]

I have done some extreme dressing at home and dreamed, but it is a great strain on my full length mirror.

To be an extreme dresser, you have to look extreme for a start.

How we have all wished for that at some time.

[TamT]

I started dressing in private, and I bought a lot of stuff I wanted to try when I saw some attractive women out there. I wore few of those outfit in midnight walks a long time ago.

When I decided few years ago to go into public at lunch time, for sure I wanted to blend, but that is not easy for me because I'm very tall. I wore some of outfit common those days (current fashion), but I realized that I had lots of old garments that I also wanted to wear.

So, I've tried many of those old garments (fashion always comes back) in combination with newer or current ones, trying to find the best place and time to use them, in order to minimize prying eyes, because I know I would not blend anyway.

Of course, sometimes I didn't find the right place (if any) for some garments and I did it anyway, just like saying "I'm here, look at me!". But it was a great feeling and a fun experience :o

[Asew]

Some of the stuff I like doesn't blend and I definitely don't wear it as often as a result. But comfort and modesty are nice to have most days anyways :)

[Genifer Teal]

I have two separate thoughts on this so I'll keep them in two different post if the system lets me. I now see they are combined with a division in the middle. I guess that's how it works.

One time waiting on the train platform there was mostly business people going home from work. There was also one young woman dressed to go out like she was heading into the city for a party or a club or something. She was dressed very very nicely but obviously different. Probably heels and definitely a very short skirt. So this girl is dressed appropriately for where she's going but at the moment she really stood out. My observation was how everybody noticed her. I could see many many eyes looking her way, not necessarily checking her out but studying how she was dressed. everybody men or women we're looking at her. I could only imagine how she felt with all those eyes on her. It just goes to show you sometimes the attention will be because of how you're dressed. Dressing to blend in can help us "pass" in two Ways. Being dressed similar to those around you makes it look like you belong there like you fit in . Dressing down and or appropriate to the surroundings also diverts attention from us. The last thing we need is more eyes checking us out which could then lead to us getting discovered. It was an eye-opener to see how dressing a certain way gets you more attention.

- - - my second thought - - -

I also see this from another perspective because of my height LOL. It's hard to explain to someone who doesn't experience it, how much attention height gets you. I'm over six feet. I think that's a point where it starts becoming an attention getter. Put me in heels which I love to wear and forget about it. How does this relate? No matter how much I try dressing to fit in, I still stand out. No amount of dressing down or otherwise could take this attention off of me.
It was awful in the beginning because I just wanted to blend in and do my thing and not get that extra scrutiny and be figured out. This made me super conscious about always dressing appropriate for where I'm going. In the end I had to become more confident that they were just looking at me because I'm tall. I stand out like that girl on the platform dressed for the club. Reference to the first part of this post.
Overall it made me a more confident person in social situations. I'm always super conscious that my look is on point even if sometimes it's a bit over the top. Better to be overdressed than underdressed but I still try to keep it appropriate. The attention we all get to some extent is just something you have to mentally sort out in your head and figure out a way to deal with it so that it doesn't show as nervousness and awkwardness that can cause concern in the people around you. If you go shopping in a store that would be a place to be dressed appropriately. more importantly if you're all nervous and acting awkwardly that's going to draw attention that might concern the store. That's where you want to show confidence like you belong and you're just your average shopper.

Such a long post and no apology for it! LOL if you got this far you enjoyed reading along. You could have stopped at any time. Don't mind my humor. Lol

[TexasLegs]

I'll never pass. Trying my hardest, I'm often made from 50' away.

I say, screw the golden rule. Dress how you want to dress. I like to dress where I feel sexy. I'm not trying to blend, I'm trying to turn heads.