Feelings of guilt

[KellyT]

Does anyone else feel like this and if so how do you deal with it? Since telling my wife about my crossdressing last year she has been understanding and supportive. Despite this I still have huge feelings of guilt. We have spoken about it on several occasions and she is fine with me wearing items of female clothing but would not want to see me fully dressed and made up. I think this may be at the root of my dilemma. I love my wife dearly and I know she has reservations and fear etc etc and because of these I end up being so conservative that I don’t bring up the subject or wear any of the items of clothing she is happy to see me in, for fear of hurting her. I know I should be very happy to have a wife that is so supportive (and I am), but I can’t help but feel frustrated with myself. I think I’m probably not fully accepting of everything myself. I’m also very scared that if I do start to wear more feminine clothing that my wife doesn’t mind, then I’ll still not be satisfied and want more. I don’t want to keep pushing the limits of what she’ll accept to the point where she doesn’t accept me anymore.
Is anyone else in the same situation?

[Patty]

You are so lucky to have a supportive wife. Take small steps do not push you might loose her.

[KellyT]

Thanks I will, and I do realise how lucky I am to have her

[Sharon]

I think I’m probably not fully accepting of everything myself. I’m also very scared that if I do start to wear more feminine clothing that my wife doesn’t mind, then I’ll still not be satisfied and want more. I don’t want to keep pushing the limits of what she’ll accept to the point where she doesn’t accept me anymore.
Is anyone else in the same situation?

It is possibly your own inner feelings and doubts about yourself that makes you feel guilty. I went through the same thing.

I was with my my wife for twelve years, and she knew about me from the beginning and was almost always very supportive. Despite this, however, I never quite got over the feelings of guilt that I was less of a man than she would have wanted if she had a choice. It was all on me, as she continually tried to tell me that it didn't matter. Even after going to joint couseling sessions, I could never completely let go of the inner anxiety and remorsefulness.

But that's me, it doesn't have to be that way for you. I wish I knew how to advise you to get over these feelings, but I never quite figured it out for myself while she was with me.

Good luck and don't stop trying.

[Casey Morgan]

I'm not married but I can already hear what the married girls will tell you (CDs and GGs). It's good to be aware of how she is feeling at any given point. And her feelings are likely to be different each time, swinging back and forth from acceptance to struggling with this. So keep checking in with her. If each of you knows how the other is currently feeling, I'm sure it will make things easier for both of you. Even if for no other reason than you both know you can be honest about how you feel.

[joannejoanne]

Kelly. One thing I learnt very quickly was not to be full on, take each day at a time and include her in every thing you decide to do, make sure you give her space when needed and above all listen to her views and opinions. Hope your relationship goes from strength to strength.

[Marla S]

As Shoron said the guilt feelings are probably, at least in parts, caused by a lack of self-acceptance and doubts about yourself.
I think for me an important step has been to accept CDing as given and as a part of my identity and not to see it a disease or disorder. A consequence of this view is that I don't fight against me anymore. The "enemy" isn't me but the lack of social acceptance. Though there are still a lot of doubts and frustration, I haven't felt guilty since.
I don't have an advise either, but my story seems to have some similarities. My SO knows about my CDing, knows most of my clothes (including skirts) and is at least accepting. Nevertheless I still have conserns to present me in a skirt to her, I am sure I could but I feel uncomfortable. On the other side my SO sees me most every day wearing thigts or penties. We are both ok with it.
The point here is that in neither situation there are guilt feelings involved, since I learned to accept myself. The concerens are now more in a way that I don't want to disturb or bother her in order not to confine her life. Coming out of the closet to a SO is more an invitation to share the closet with you.
At present I handle my CDing like a stereo: You just don't turn up the music during the night while your neighbours are asleep.

I wish you the best

[KellyT]

Thanks for all your advice.

The "enemy" isn't me but the lack of social acceptance.

I totally agree with this. I've always been quite shy and usually want acceptance from others in most parts of my life. Saying that I spent most of my youth rebelling against what was acceptable. Part of that was because I never felt I fitted into any of the "normal" peer groups at school. Then I found a group of girls and boys who listened to different music, dressed differently and took pride in being different to the norm. I revelled in this and as my confidence grew, my shyness dissappeared.

I feel the more we talk about it the easier it becomes. It's just that it's not the easiest subject to open up about and as i've said I don't want to hurt my wife.

It does help to speak about it here and it does feel good to be part of a group of people who are proud of the people they are.

[Yes I am]

You should talk about your feelings with your wife, tell her about your fear of hurting her and also about your guilt and hurt about the desires you feel. Telling her you like to dress is a huge first step, but now you and her need to delve into the motivations and feelings and emotions attached to it.