Married CD-ers: How much does your Spouse know?

[Jodie_Lynn]

I see a lot of threads in the X-dressing section, things about dating, and kissing, and exploring life as a woman, and it makes me wonder.

A lot of threads involve the CD-er 'going on a trip' and getting all glammed up while away from their normal environment. Does your spouse know? If not, how do you explain taking a full set of luggage ( for all your girl things ) for a few days away? Most guys will stuff the essentials into one suitcase. Do y'all think that your wives are oblivious? Or stupid?

IF your wife knows that you crossdress, does she know that you fantasize ( or at least think about ) being in the arms of a man, dancing, kissing, and going to bed with him? I know, I know, you may never in a million years actually DO that, but you think about it, don't you? It's one of the aspects of dressing pretty, isn't it? I mean, WHO, are you dressing up for? Yourself? Ok, fine. If you stay in your room, prance around, take a few pics, and then >ahem< 'relieve the tension', that's your business.

But, if you take the time to look and dress womanly, and go out on the town, what are your expectations? Especially if one goes to a club, or bar. By those actions, aren't you dressing for others? To be admired, desired, and even >gasp!< lusted after? Ask any of the GG's on this site and they will tell you that when they go to a function, they are dressing to impress the other women. Unless they are single and looking for a mate, THEN they dress to entice & seduce men.

Soooo, how much do you THINK your spouse knows ( or suspects ) and how much does she ACTUALLY know ( or fear )?

[Kris Burton]

Jodie...you sure got a way of driving these issues home!
I'm still pretty new to all of this, but the inner workings of my mind I am finding interesting to say the least. I've come out to my wife, so she knows I'm following a CD path. The areas you are talking about here actually came up in the conversation.She asked why I am doing this, and before I could explain fully she said "So you want to feel sexy?" I agreed, she hit it on the head, and seemed to understand. So I guess she gets it...up to a point
My persona is not at the point where I would go out yet, but I want to, and if I do, I must say yes, I do fantasize about being hit on...by a man. In real life, not a chance, but as Kris and in fantasy land..yeah, that would be a peak experience. I've read a few threads about folks that have actually had this experience and I am intrigued, living vicariously through the words I am reading. If it were to ever actually happen to me in reality (and i do hope it does!), I don't know how I would respond. In my fantasy, I respond with enthusiastic abandon. I might just want to live out that fantasy!
Now that part I know she doesn't realize and there is no need to reveal it at this point. It's all just harmless fantasy, right? Isn't it?

[Julie MA]

Jodie Lynn,

My wife knows about my bi-sexuality, and my cross dressing. She doesn't understand either, and does not want to.

I remember meeting a nice lady in Albany a few years back. That's the type of details she does not want to hear about. Although I did tell her that I was meeting a friend from this forum.

Julie

[gwencd158]

Woman are more perceptive than you think. She has known for many years my desire to dress, and even participated a little many years ago. Now I just get her sarcastic comments — I always knew coming home after a business trip that she would stare at my eyes. Mascara, even washable, dyes your eyelashes black. She has even made comments like she hoped I was not dressing up or wearing makeup on trips. I don’t think she knows the extent of my stash, but over the years has made comments leading me to believe she knows I have a stash, and/or I borrow her clothes. Believe me - they know if you are stretching out their stuff. And many times, after I have borrowed an item, that same day or next day she is wearing it! Almost as if she is telling me, yes, I know you pulled this from the back of the closet! As far as the other part of your question, nah.. I practice my hobby alone, everything else stays in fantasy land.

[Vikky]

I have had an interest in CDing for most my life but it really started properly late in life. Bought a few things (bra, forms, dress, top etc) and soon realise I needed to this more often and one day set my wife down and started to explain. Needless to say she couldn?t understand but didn?t didn?t want to know after that. So its DADT here.
However, she is willing to wash items for me and even bought some clothes, maybe in the hope it would soon tire of it. No way and its still DADT. She watches TV, I dress ? as right now.
Vikky

[DianeT]

The wanting to be seen and desired by men (whether in reality or in fantasized accounts that missed the Writers' Society section and ended up in the MtF), the longing for sexual interaction with males, these things seem more ubiquitous here than I expected in a forum where a majority seems irritated by wives asking questions about the sexual orientation of their husbands after they discover or are told about the dressing, that same majority being prompt to assure that CDers are mostly straight (or at least as much as the general population). I agree it may not be always the same persons, but clearly there is an overlap. The fact that these fantasies and encounters happen while dressed as a female is then given as a reason to not consider these experiences as homosexual ones (they would be "technically" but not spiritually). I don't say this argument doesn't deserve some thinking, but for a non-dresser at least, let's agree that it is a stretch... If I was a wife concerned with my husband's sexual orientation in relation with CDing, and ventured in these forums (remember they are public and quickly come up in a Google search about crossdressing), boy, would I keep asking the orientation question...
So, maybe we shouldn't be surprised when the wives do. I know I had to answer it after my coming out.
Answering the OP, my wife knows everything I do when dressing. And I mean everything, including my erratic watching of Supergirl episodes.
However I don't go out so it's not like I could write a book...

[Cheryl T]

My wife knows everything.
She has for nearly 20 years. We go out together, we've vacationed together as women, we've done everything together. As for fantasies, we've explored them, but they don't involve others.
We shop together and discuss clothing all the time for both her and I. She always critiques my outfits and I help her with her makeup at times. We wear similar sizes in some things like shoes and tops and essential have one wardrobe in those areas.
There are no secrets, there is no hiding.

[Ruby62]

My wife knows all. I made it a point to let her know while we were dating. It didn?t seem fair to withhold something as huge as crossdressing. We do not go out together as we are in a small town and there is a high percentage we would see someone we know.

[Stephanie47]

My wife and I will have been married fifty years in a few months. In the beginning on occasion I wore a nightgown and hosiery for bedroom "kinks." We bought nightgowns and hosiery together. After our first child was born she ask that it be toned down a little. When she discovered I had bought my first bra we had "The Talk." The end result was a deep dive "Don't Ask, Don't Tell." That was circa 1983. Not a word since. No snide comments. Nothing. Once in a while she has found a garment. She'd fold it and put it out of sight on top of the dryer. She found the browser open to this site. I suppose she knows more than I think she knows. In the beginning she told me it was alright if I joined a support group; none was to be found. She does not know the extent of my wardrobe, although it is stored in a double stack of Xerox boxes in plain sight.

Fantasies are just that; fantasies. If one does not act upon those fantasies, then no foul. I'd rather have those fantasies than the dreams and recollection of my time in combat as an infantryman in Nam. I'm sure most women fantasize about "hunks" bedding them down or remember old boy friends.

When I went out of town for business it was a rarity, but, I did take a weeks worth of fem clothing along. I femmed up after work and enjoyed my time in the hotel room. I was and am not out in public with the exception of an occasional evening stroll. I have no desire when dressing to "prance around, take a few pics, and, 'relieve the tension.' I never have in the past, and still don't. Frankly, the way you describe cross dressing seems to be probably what more wives think their husbands do than what actually goes on. Perhaps, the impression is made because many of the postings here and elsewhere have that ubiquitous hotel look; stale carpet, air conditioner, escape routes posted on a door, and security latch on the door. My wife has nothing to fear. Maybe that's why we have been married fifty years.

I am content to be femmed up and leisurely read a book in my living room and sipping a cup of good coffee.

[Natalie5004]

My wife knows I dress. She has seen my clothes in the guest room closet. She is worrying I am spending too much money on a second wardrobe. She want me to look like Johnny Rose. I prefer to look like a cross between Alexis and Moira.

She has not seen me yet. But I dress almost every day she is at work, shaved legs all the time, painted toes, longish hair. So, she knows and probably would expect to see me in femme if she just drops in during the day.

Natalie

[Karren H]

My wife knows but does not want to know. Or wishs she did not know. Or both. she has noticed my breasts are getting larger but she thinks it is due to my pituitary condition, which it is not. And does not know I have lactated more than a few times. I have tons of fantasies which she knows nothing about and I have not shared here or anywhere, yet!

[alwayshave]

I told my wife before we moved in together, long before we were married. If she would have been non accepting I would not have gone forward with the relationship.

[Kelli_cd]

She knows that I am a "crossdresser". And I know, just from the way she says that word, that she is not a fan of it. She has seen one bra and panty set. She doesn't know I wear panties every day and bras many days each week.
She also doesn't know how much I would like to have my own wardrobe of women's clothing.
I'm very reluctant to go any further than bra and panties because of her feelings.

[GiovannaBotta]

My wife knows, told her when things got serious and we decided to move in together.
At first she was really excited! Enjoyed, helped me and was really impressed at my mastery of walking in high heels like a woman.
Then I lost my job at the time, everything was on her, and I still wanted to dress like a woman? Too much for her, something switched off in her head about this.
We entered full DADT mode, and she didn?t even wanted to hear about it. She knew that I dressed sometimes, but never talked about it again.
Then we moved to Canada, to a very diverse city and neighborhood? she?s more comfortable now. Knows that I have a huge wardrobe, says that I have good taste in shoes (I have), lets me go to events and dinners with CD friends, she just prefers me to dress when she?s not home. Don?t mind me coming back when she?s asleep?
It?s a work in progress I?d say. I try to keep it respectful, and be mindful of her space. So far, it?s working.

[Debs]

never lied to her , told her everything from day one, we had an amazing few years of going out together, then it degraded, to hate it, then bounced back over the years, I can dress whenever I want, but dont involve her, I can go away for a few nights to meetings, no problem, no issues, no backlash. I can do what I want, but dont involve her. So Ive got the best of all worlds, but being open and talking was the best tool in my box. In winter she doesnt even mind if I come home dressed from meetings, so straight into the garage, and can stay dressed.

[Sandi Beech]

My wife knows I like shaving and pantyhose, etc but has no idea that I go out dressed on my out of town trips. Of course there will be hell to pay if I slip up and she becomes aware. I understand the risk.

I have been pondering the part of your question as to who do I dress up for. Honestly, I am not sure. I think I do it for me, and for the women and men I meet in the clubs. All I know for sure is that I thrive on attention from both. I really can not explain it, but I obviously get something out of it, almost like a high. I have now been to 24 bars and clubs around the US, and numerous trips to a few of them. It is really a lot of fun, but sometimes I feel like I am different than most on the forum despite our similarities. I can not talk with anyone I know about it so I come here.

Sandi

[Jenn A116]

Been married for almost 25 years now. I told my wife about Jennifer before we were married. Actually, several months before finally proposing. She always understood that my femme side was a part of me. In fact she credits that as my soft, sensitivity that she appreciates.

Having said all that, Its also true that she is not terribly trilled when I do dress. Nonetheless, she helps me buy stuff and is certainly tolerant when Jennifer shows up.

[Pumped]

Soooo, how much do you THINK your spouse knows ( or suspects ) and how much does she ACTUALLY know ( or fear )?

She knows everything!

We have discussed gay sex, transitioning, adventuring out of the house and more. I can not think of anything we haven't discussed. Probably the main reason she is so accepting.

[suzanne]

My wife knows everything about my dressing. She sees me in a skirt every day, and has gotten to the point of telling me I'm beautiful. But, hokey smokes, it has been a long, arduous route from her initial feeling of "I'd rather see you dead than in a dress" . I have assured her that I'm not gay, or planning on a sex change. I have explained many times to her that most of the things she loves about me come from my femininity. She knows I fantasize not about being with men, but with her having a penis that is insatiable in its desire for the feminine me. People are complicated

[mbmeen12]

She knows everything!

She knows about my sexual orientation.
Her brother actually transitioned.
We've adventured out of the house as Kara...
I can not think of anything we haven't discussed.
My honesty is the main reason she is so accepting.

[SaraLin]

When we were in the early stages of dating, I told her ALL about me.

We negotiated some rules of what was and was not OK. This was mainly her saying what was beyond her ability to deal with, and whether or not I could live within those limits. I could, and have (for the most part) for over 20 years now. Would she like me to stop or do less? Absolutely! Do I want more? Of course I do. But what we have works, so we both tend to leave it alone.


Fantasize about sex (or whatever) with men? For me? Um, not really - beyond the idea that I might be able to pass well enough for a man to see me as a "true" female and maybe even find me desirable... NOT that I find myself desiring them. I guess it's more about validation of my gender-identification than it is about sexuality.

[jacques]

hello Jodie Lynn,
I dress at home in private with my wife. She borrows my tights (pantyhose) and washes my clothes. She might not know how much I spend on clothes, but she can probably guess. Sometimes she says "that's a nice dress - where did you buy it?"
Fantasies are just fantasies. I wonder what my wife's fantasies are!
stay healthy,
luv J

[Jennifer2918]

The wife knows I like to dress, but wants no involvement or information. She knows where I keep my clothes and does not want to see anything. She has seen me getting underdressed (putting on and wearing panties or nylons under my normal clothes), but nothing beyond that. No interest in see any of my other clothes, where I would like to go dressed or where I have gone dressed, what I have done while dressed, etc. She just gets that look on her face when I bring up the subject and walks away.

I'm glad for what I have, but wish she was open to me sharing more.

[Teresa.Smith.VA]

What follows is a very long answer to Jodi_Lynn’s question, “Married CD-ers: How much does your Spouse know?”

I am a strait married man with a wife who not only knows that I dress as Teresa, but almost always accompanies me when we go out in public. She has known of my love for CDing since our second date years ago. There is nothing about my CDing that my wife does not know.

I have never had even a thought of being with a man in all my years of CDing. No attraction to men at all.

As for why I enjoy dressing in femme, its actually quite simple and well understood by both my wife and myself. I frequently share the details of my CDing fantasies as Teresa so that she fully understands what contributes to my pleasure in being Teresa. My openness and honestly about my CDing fantasies has been the key to the fun we have as “girlfriends” which has never a threat to her as a woman, and to her image of me as a strait man.

When I dress en femme, I live out a fantasy that I am Teresa, a woman. I try hard to blend by wearing attire that most women would wear with great attention to what is appropriate for the time and place. My wife enjoys giving me advice and guiding me in everything from make up, hair style, and comportment.

When it comes to how my wife feels about Teresa is that she accepts me 100% and treats me as her girlfriend or lady-friend. She absolutely knows that I totally enjoy my manhood 100% when I am not being Teresa. It’s almost as though we each role play for fun. I pretend that I am a woman, and she pretends that I am a woman, and treats me as one very convincingly. Again, we have tons of fun in our little game.

As for what we enjoy doing as girls out together, the simplest answer is that we do what any two woman would do in their normal life as women. We enjoy grocery shopping, refueling our cars, having lunch and/or dinner at our favorite restaurants, strolling through shopping mall where we browse as any normal woman would enjoy browsing. We enjoy shopping for furniture, anything related to cooking, lingerie, or occasionally formal gowns or sexy cloths for clubs and dancing. We also take vacation trips where I remain Teresa for the entire time.

We frequently go to makeup stores with dual appointments for makeovers and make up advice. One of the most frequent things we do together as girls is getting our manicures and pedicures at the same time, usually at the same place where the owners know us well as women customers. During all this girl-fun, the thing we talk the most about it the fun of being girls.

Regarding our expectations of CDing in private or during our many outings in public or privately in our own home, I will summarize that we both enjoy our respective femininity when I am being Teresa. We work at not only looking our best as women, but also to enjoy the experience of feeling feminine as well. Our ultimate expectation is that we are viewed by people we encounter as two women, although we are realistic in knowing that I am usually recognized as a CDer.

I should also add that my appearance must be acceptable enough because in our years of being out as two women, we have never been treated badly or rudely by anyone. Our expectations of blending appears to have been accomplished. In fact, it’s fair to say that men and woman we encounter in public have been nothing but polite to both of us. Only once did a young teen worker at McDonalds address me, without even thinking about it, as “ Sir” when taking my order. Once she filled my order, I said, “thank you mam.” She blushed, which told me that she recognized her error and meant no harm.

Jodi_Lynn asks, ...”aren't you dressing for others?” Yes, I suppose we are, but only to achieve our objective of appearing as two women. However, never, ever do either of us attempt to attract attention, especially from men. Our objective is to avoid attracting attention and to be seen as two women who appear poised, appropriately dressed, and who appear to be enjoying themselves.

Finally, to answer Jodi_Lynn’s question, …”how much do you THINK your spouse knows and how much does she ACTUALLY know…”. The answer is that my spouse THINKS she knows everything and SHE ACTUALLY DOES KNOW EVERYTHING, to include what is takes to make my feminine fantasies come true.

Yup, I am one of the lucky ones who enjoys every second as a part time cross dresser with a lovely, loving wife.

Teresa

[TheHiddenMe]

I see a lot of threads in the X-dressing section, things about dating, and kissing, and exploring life as a woman, and it makes me wonder.

A lot of threads involve the CD-er 'going on a trip' and getting all glammed up while away from their normal environment. Does your spouse know? If not, how do you explain taking a full set of luggage ( for all your girl things ) for a few days away? Most guys will stuff the essentials into one suitcase. Do y'all think that your wives are oblivious? Or stupid?

My wife knows I dress; my clothes are in our walk-in closet. Does she know I dress sometimes when I go out of town (like recently when I went to Milwaukee for a couple triathlons)? Maybe? Do I want to rub her nose in it? No. So we don't talk about it.


IF your wife knows that you crossdress, does she know that you fantasize ( or at least think about ) being in the arms of a man, dancing, kissing, and going to bed with him? I know, I know, you may never in a million years actually DO that, but you think about it, don't you? It's one of the aspects of dressing pretty, isn't it? I mean, WHO, are you dressing up for? Yourself? Ok, fine. If you stay in your room, prance around, take a few pics, and then >ahem< 'relieve the tension', that's your business.

How insulting.

I am sure that some do.

However, surveys suggest most CDs are married and straight, and therefore aren't interested in sex with men. If CDs were interested in men, they'd either be 1) gay or 2) bi, and most surveys show that less than 10% of men are gay or bi.

Yes, I dress up for me; have wanted to since I was 7 (or so) years old.

Ask any of the CDs on this board and I can almost guarantee that only a small fraction have had sex with a man.


But, if you take the time to look and dress womanly, and go out on the town, what are your expectations? Especially if one goes to a club, or bar. By those actions, aren't you dressing for others? To be admired, desired, and even >gasp!< lusted after? Ask any of the GG's on this site and they will tell you that when they go to a function, they are dressing to impress the other women. Unless they are single and looking for a mate, THEN they dress to entice & seduce men.

Soooo, how much do you THINK your spouse knows ( or suspects ) and how much does she ACTUALLY know ( or fear )?

If I go to a club or bar, it's likely with a GG friend of mine, and it's where SHE wants to go (like Hooters).

If a person, male or female, sees me, I assume they know I'm a CD. As most men aren't interested in MEN, why would they be interested in ME?

Also, why to do suggest women only dress up to attract men? They could be trying to attract women, or they could be dressing up just because it makes them feel good to feel sexy? I dress because it makes ME feel sexy.

Your assumptions are inaccurate and insulting to many on this board.

[Teresa.Smith.VA]

TheHiddenMe made some very fine points in her comment, especially those related to men cross dressing to attract men.

[Judy-Somthing]

I don't think she knows due to learning how to hide my dressing.

I don't like that I have this secret life but as far as I can see she gives me no choice if I want to stay married.

[Jodie_Lynn]

First, let me thank all who responded to this thread, it tells me that my small contributions are of some value to the community. Thank you!

Second, it is very comforting to see that so many are open with their spouses, and even if the result is not all that was hoped for, honesty & communication are very important for a strong relationship.

I would also like to apologize to anyone who was offended by my use of the word "prance", it was not meant to be derogatory and I probably should have used another term, but I couldn't think of one. I live full time, and when I get a new dress or skirt, I like to see how it moves and flows, so yeah, I prance & primp in front of the mirror too! :) Same with shoes, you have to break them in, so what better way than to practice my catwalk. ;)

As for the "relieving the tension" comment, we all know that for many, dressing is a sexually stimulating adventure, ending in a quick shedding of womenswear as soon as the person reaches the...uhm... er... 'peak' of the moment? And I hope that I am not coming across as degrading or demeaning by bringing up the subject. We all have our reasons for why this is important to us, yes?

- - - Updated - - -


My wife knows I dress; my clothes are in our walk-in closet. Does she know I dress sometimes when I go out of town (like recently when I went to Milwaukee for a couple triathlons)? Maybe? Do I want to rub her nose in it? No. So we don't talk about it.



How insulting.



Your assumptions are inaccurate and insulting to many on this board.

So you are insulted? By what, exactly? I NEVER stated that this applied to ALL crossdressers. A line from Shakespeare comes to mind, I'll let you figure out which one. HINT: it's about protesting... ;)

You also chose to nitpick my sentence about women dressing to attract a mate, and chastised me for stating that the mate would be a male. You were right. I should have left it at "attracting a mate", but are you suggesting that 50% or more GG's are lesbians? If so, please present your evidence.

And you have proven the point of my questions by stating that you go out, dressed, when out of town, and are unsure whether your spouse knows or not. But as long as you 'don't rub her nose in it', it's OK? And if I may be so bold as to ask: WHERE do you go, when out of town & dressed? And WHAT do you do? Your spouse knows about your crossdressing, but not the extent of it ( you hope ).

Personally, I don't give a fart in a firefight what you or anyone else does in regards to crossdressing or anything else, as long as it harms no one. And that includes deceiving your spouse about the extent of your crossdressing activities in regards to harm.

It's like saying: "My spouse knows I spend $25 a week on lottery tickets, but she doesn't know I spend $100 a week at the casino..." A Lie of Omission is still a lie.

And to illustrate how people ( women especially ) are more observant than we think....

I had purchased a pair of women's jeans. My wife knew and said they looked good on me, and she was dead set against crossdressing! They were light blue, slight flare at the ankle, with ZERO feminine stitching or anything else. Except for.... the pockets. They were typical of women's jeans, small and almost useless. The three of us ( me, wife, daughter, who was 14 ) were going to a family event, I was wearing those jeans, and as we walked to the car, my daughter asked: "Are those women's jeans?" Not missing a heartbeat, I responded: "No, they are my jeans."

I post that to illustrate how people are more perspective than we think. And we are not as clever as we think when it comes to hiding things. And women, young or old, seem to have an uncanny knack for deducing more than is apparent.

And so, 'TheHiddenMe', you can take your unrighteous indignation and shove it into a deep dark pit of deception. And I sincerely hope that your spouse never discovers your deception.

[TheHiddenMe]

I don?t know, where do I go?

Maybe here?

https://www.kandis-land.com/birthday-boys-part-2/

Or you could read about it here?

https://www.kandis-land.com/author/dee/

Or one of the 75 or so threads I've written on the picture forum?

FYI, I go out when I'm out of town. I go out when I'm in town. My wife knows about my going out; not all of the time, because she has told me to "lie to her".

When you use terms like prance, you are insulting the members here.

When you write that people dress to masturbate, you are insulting the members here. Maybe some do, but it?s none of your business.

When you write that members here dress up simply to attract men for sex, you are insulting the members here.

When you write that women go out to attract men, you are insulting women--because they might want to go out simply to have a good time.

Lots of members here wish they could go out dressed. I did too, until I read stories here and decided if they could, I could. I tell my stories about going out, and people have written numerous favorable comments, both here and at Kandi's.

You wrote the original post, asking for comments. My comments were that your post was inaccurate and insulting. Your answer proves my point.

[Pumped]

I believe you are taking Jodie's post to literally.

There certainly are members here that fit her comments, but I don't believe she meant we all fit her comments.

There are CD'ers that are gay and want to attract men, there are CD'ers that prance around and act all fem, there are CD'ers that dress for the sexual release, but of course not all do. All of her points get discussed here regularly so I don't get the "insult".

[TheHiddenMe]

Here is the money quote:


IF your wife knows that you crossdress, does she know that you fantasize ( or at least think about ) being in the arms of a man, dancing, kissing, and going to bed with him? I know, I know, you may never in a million years actually DO that, but you think about it, don't you? It's one of the aspects of dressing pretty, isn't it? I mean, WHO, are you dressing up for? Yourself? Ok, fine. If you stay in your room, prance around, take a few pics, and then >ahem< 'relieve the tension', that's your business.

So if someone crossdresses, and their wife knows about it, it MUST be to attract a man? Isn’t that her statement verbatim?

Jodie_Lynn could have asked the question about members' motives for dressing and going out, but she assumes IN HER QUESTION it's only for ONE purpose--and the same for women too.

Surveys show that about 5% of the population is gay/lesbian or bi, so for every ONE person who is interested in same sex relationships, there are NINETEEN that aren't. So to suggest that everyone on this board fantasizes about that--which is exactly what she states--is contradicted by the facts.

[Pumped]

Again, I think you are taking her comments to literally. I don't believe she thinks all CD'ers feel that way, certainly some do. I don't take it that way.

[Jodie_Lynn]

Here is the money quote:



So if someone crossdresses, and their wife knows about it, it MUST be to attract a man? Isn’t that her statement verbatim?

Jodie_Lynn could have asked the question about members' motives for dressing and going out, but she assumes IN HER QUESTION it's only for ONE purpose--and the same for women too.

Surveys show that about 5% of the population is gay/lesbian or bi, so for every ONE person who is interested in same sex relationships, there are NINETEEN that aren't. So to suggest that everyone on this board fantasizes about that--which is exactly what she states--is contradicted by the facts.


And may I suggest that you take a chill pill? Point out where I stated that ALL cd-ers are looking for sex with a man. Also, please cite your references for the "5% of the population is gay/lesbian or bi".

From your very hostile responses, it would appear that a nerve was struck. IMHO.

Regardless, you go on and have a great life. I'll ignore you, if you ignore me.

[Rachelakld]

I started crossdressing at the age of 4, because the girl next door was pretty and I wanted to be like her, not "to get a man"
Anyone else here, start at the age of 4 or 5 "to get sex from a man?".

Okay, I wore my sisters Tutu and was seen by my whole family, soon after my mum allowed me to wear female pyjamas (age 6) and at the age of 12 she got me a night dress (long t-shirt with a pretty picture on the front) - non of these things were to get me a man.

Being male gave me privilages when it came to career (military), but the female within still wanted a life.

I know quite a few gays, who go to bars to find men, but NON of them dress as females

It's actually easier to "get with a man" when your dressed as a man - I saw reviews from a gay club, so many gay men "complaining" about crossdressers attending when they just wanted a man.

[Kris Burton]

I'm really sorry to see that this thread became a flame battle. Personally, I took Jodie's original post with a light heart, and responded that way...so I'm quite surprised and yes, disappointed. Hostility limits participation and invites further hostility. That is all.

[char GG]

MOD NOTE/WARNING

Stop the back and forth bickering. If you want to respond to each other, take it to PM and don't cause the thread to be closed because some don't agree with each other. Anything else about the disputed topic will be deleted.

[MonicaPVD]

This is a quite entertaining thread. I would love to believe that my wife knows nothing, but she's much smarter and more perceptive than I am and I have to assume that she has simply adopted a DADT attitude. I don't do anything at home and don't keep any of my Monica things at home, either.

The endless debate over what % of what we do is gay or bi is obsolete in my opinion. You do whatever makes you happy or brings you fulfillment. I don't have to justify the fact that I am a mostly hetero guy who enjoys the company and attention of men when dressed as a woman. For me it's simply the completion of the role and its quite enjoyable. That's all. Whether that makes me gay or bi or extraterrestrial is besides the point. I enjoy what I do when I do it, and I also enjoy being a boring average hetero guy who is married to a wonderful person.

[Krisi]

My wife knows I dress and I occasionally dress when she is around. She doesn't know that I have been out in public a few times when she was out of town.

I don't pack suitcases and travel to go out as a woman and I don't have fantasies of being with a man or even kissing a man.

[tifftg]

I don't think she knows due to learning how to hide my dressing.

I don't like that I have this secret life but as far as I can see she gives me no choice if I want to stay married.

My story is pretty much the same as Judy-Something. I had a confessional moment about 10 years ago when I forgot about some makeup brushes I had taken out and left in a drawer while she was out of town. She knows I have dressed, suspects I do a lot and does not really want to know more. I am very very careful and rarely get the opportunity in these Covid everyone is home time. Doing what I can within the needs I feel I have to keep my marriage together.

[ReineD]

It's interesting how your post is about whether wives know about the fantasies of being with men, yet many thread responses skirted around that beautifully - while not denying it either. :) I've also noticed over the years both how often this seems to come up here and the sheer number of hits these threads get when members prefer to read them even if they choose to not respond. So I don't blame wives for wondering how "straight" are their CDing husbands.

To respond to your question directly, I can say that in the beginning I also assumed that most CDers were attracted to men. And I used to get upset when my SO dressed in a manner specifically designed to make men's heads turn (tight, short dresses with heels, etc). But, I chose to believe my SO when he told me that he wasn't interested. He had fantasized about being with men before he met me and he did have sex with a man to see if it might fit, but he discovered that the reality of the experience did not measure up to the fantasy. And so he determined that it wasn't for him. I strongly recommend experimentation for anyone who has these fantasies. It's the only way to dispel any mystique about having sex with a man while you're presenting as a woman - that is, assuming you're straight. Obviously, latent gay men would enjoy it.

So over the years I've come to understand that fantasies of being with men are rather common among CDing men, but as one member above put it, it's more about enhancing a feminine-feeling, or rather, flooding the system with endorphins (like putting on the clothes) than an actual attraction to men.

As an aside, I'd like set the record straight on something else you wrote:


Ask any of the GG's on this site and they will tell you that when they go to a function, they are dressing to impress the other women. Unless they are single and looking for a mate, THEN they dress to entice & seduce men.

This is just so not true! I have never dressed for other women. My friends don't dress for women. My daughters-in-law don't dress for women. Believe me, I've asked, after having read this so often here. :) Most of us are confident enough in ourselves to not need other women as a barometer. I'm guessing that if a woman dresses for other women, she would have serious self-esteem issues - and the people who believe that this applies to most of us have fallen prey to myths and stereotypes.

If you're at all interested, I can tell you what motivates my choices in clothing: When younger, yes I dressed to be attractive to men when I went out. But there is an age for everything and eventually I settled in a relationship. I then dressed to present a professional and polished appearance at work. As I aged, I dressed to minimize signs of aging and I did my best to remain contemporary, yet steer clear from trends. I never dressed to show off boobs, legs, derriere, etc, even when younger. I saw myself as a great deal more than a collection of body parts, and I found that most men responded quite well to what was left to the imagination. :) At times, when meeting a client for example, I also dressed to reflect power and material success (not unlike the motive for men to dress up). Now I dress casually and comfortably. I still do dress up on rare occasions when circumstances dictate, but this happens less and less. Most people I know don't really dress up anymore, but this could be a side effect of living in a small town. I can't tell you the last time I saw a man wearing a suit and tie, or a woman in heels.

I don't know why so many CDers like to believe that we dress for other women. It's not the first time I've read this here.

Edited to add:

I have to admit that the unfavorable assumptions many CDers make about GGs is a pet peeve, and so I feel the need to try to set the record straight even more. lol

If you think about it, what would possibly be a motive for women wanting to impress one another. Would they want to show how much better off they are financially with expensive clothing and jewelry? That seems rather small-minded. Or what might be a motive to show another woman how much more attractive one thinks one is. This seems petty and self-centered as well, not to mention that we all have different personalities and styles, our own aesthetic preferences, and I might not choose for myself what another woman thinks is the epitome of an elegant or sexy outfit. :)

I suppose an argument might exist in favor of women vying with one another for a particular man's attention. They might then try to "outdo" each other in an attempt to dress in what they think is the best way to get that man's attention. But although I've seen this in movies, it's not something that I have personally experienced or witnessed. Maybe the CDers who think that we dress to impress other women fundamentally believe that most women are petty, self-centered children? :strugglin

[BillieAnneJean]

I keep no secrets from my SO. Besides she is more important to me than anything. I believe that is the foundation of a great relationship.

I was a late bloomer. I started after we had been married a long time.

Before I started I asked her for her ok. That ok was a process. Mostly because she found a LOT of narcissism in the online words of CDers. I had to convince her that contrary to what she sees online, I will always tell her the truth.

Once I proved to her that she would always come first, and she always will, then she became quite supportive.

How can a person hurt someone loving and trusting?

Besides, nothing imagined could ever compare to the real thing. And I get to be with her.

[char GG]

Reine said this very eloquently...

I don't know of any women in my circle of friends/co-workers that dress for "other women". Most are strong women and confident in themselves and their ability to dress in what they feel is appropriate for them. Meaning, that we dress for ourselves. Not for other women or men.

We also dress for the occasion. Clothes to run to the grocery store are different than those to go to a formal event.

Maybe some single ladies are dressing to attract someone's (anyone's) attention but I don't personally know them. The more a woman gains confidence, the more she creates her own style.

Back to the OP:

My SO has kept me informed all through his CD journey. This was the result of lots of communication. My opinion is that it's a rare woman who would rather have her husband keep secrets or have to give a warning call/text as to when she is returning to her own home. I wouldn't stand for that. However, everyone has their own system that works for them.

[Dutchess]

If Im only going to be around other ladies only I dont care at all . I'm just super super straight . I have my own bohemian/Carnaby street style I've kept 45 years. My parts are covered , showing stuff/too short/too tight at my age sends a pathetic message. I dont want men thinking of me that way .

My ex husband oh boy , could not tell the truth even if the truth was better . He learned to do this from years of hiding and lying about who he really was and even though I asked him before we married he still lied about it completely . I caught him a few years later . He was another one who insisted and STILL insists he is totally straight yet really gets into advertising himself all social media in lingerie to other males / transfolk and had a VERY active online sex life with chasers and other trans/cd folk , so much so that I finally was left out completely . I just simply didnt have the right parts .
If I asked him about this he would blame me for not wanting sex ,, which I see here alot too so I really wonder..I finally got tired of it and we had separate rooms. He would not disuss it any further .

The thing was is that he was ok with all this behavior and really enjoyed his hidden/second life but when I would pose the prospect of an open marriage ( I was trying to remain together for my youngest child ) he would explode ...
so .. I was to put up with all the chasers and his extra activity with cd'ers ad transfolk but literally stay alone in my room or by myself through the rest of my life . I finally declined and he was still very shocked and very angry . My counselor helped me see that I was a cover for him to his family and friends back in the Netherlands . When I left home and went with Kat I was still accused of cheating .. so it was going to be really bad for me no matter what . He can do whatever with who ever ..but I had to stay a nun ...

I know I m not alone ,, there are some here who know exactly what I am talking about too .
I hope my words help someone do better.

[OrdinaryAverageGuy]

My wife pretty much knows all. She knows I like and prefer "women's" clothes, both for comfort and for appearance, although she doesn't understand why I like to wear a bra. She knows I have no desire to become a woman, or to be with a man, although she knows that if there was some sci-fi or Harry Potter magic way of switching places for a weekend I'd be all for it. She knows I'd love to have real boobs, but she also knows that I know that to be unrealistic. She's said that if I got them she'd still love me, we've talked about fantasy methods of getting them, such as a million dollar bet (she also told me then that if the haggling takes that figure down to a half million I'd damn well better get them anyway!) We've talked about minor makeup, like eyes and such, but she also knows that I'm not going to buy the stuff myself so it's up to her, and since she keeps not buying it I'm guessing she really doesn't want to deal with that. She's so used to me wearing little things like a toe ring and an anklet that she doesn't even notice them anymore, even if we're going out (once she did and congratulated me on leaving the anklet on). She knows I sometimes drive "comfy" and she knows I'm getting waxed later this week. And she gives me hand-me-downs, including lingerie.
Yeah, she pretty much knows all.

[MichaelM]

Everything.

Having lied about it for a number of years, when it came out, I had to get it all out in the open.

Horrible for her to hear. Horrible for me to talk about. But very cathartic once out in the open.

But then I'm pretty mild on the crossdressing scale.

[Jodie_Lynn]

Just to clarify a point that seems to be misconstrued, when I said that women dress for other women, it was NOT meant in any kind of sexual way, but that they sometimes dress to compete with, or impress other women.

One of my co-workers had to attend 3 wedding in a 10 day period, and quite a few people would also be attending all 3 weddings. She had 5 dresses she was agonizing over, and asked my opinion of which 3 she should wear. Because, she couldn't let everyone see her in the same dress at all three events. Meaning other women, because most guys are pretty clueless about these things. I mean, many guys can get away with wearing the same suit to every occasion, but if a woman wore the same dress/gown to an event, tongues would be wagging.

Apologies for any confusion, sometimes my brain works faster than my fingers, and I assume people are in tune with my thoughts.

[DianeT]

Jodie, regarding women dressing to impress other women, the answers you got from Reine and Char didn't allude to anything sexual. They simply opposed the very assumption you made (and that a lot of crossdressers here tend to make as well). Reinie through her description of her own lifelong evolution in dressing sampled for you the various reasons why a woman can dress a way or another. Your example with the wedding is very specific and can't be generalized, especially if we are talking daily routines.

[kimmy p]

My wife knows almost everything. Only thing I keep to myself is that I would love to have real breasts. But that is not feasible anyways so....

p.s.---- Yes I want to keep all my boy bits. I am fond of them.

[TheHiddenMe]

MOD NOTE/WARNING

Stop the back and forth bickering. If you want to respond to each other, take it to PM and don't cause the thread to be closed because some don't agree with each other. Anything else about the disputed topic will be deleted.

Duly noted.


Also, please cite your references for the "5% of the population is gay/lesbian or bi".

The Gallup poll is referenced here.

https://www.crossdressers.com/forums/showthread.php?273392-Who-we-are&highlight=

[Stephanie Voorhees]

My wife knows everything 100%. I hide nothing from her. See fully supports me and has even told me she would be with me, even if I transitioned, which I'd like to do, but it's just not feasible.

[OrdinaryAverageGuy]

Women DO dress for women. We men don't care. Hell, they could show up naked and most of us wouldn't mind a bit.

And my wife fully knows that, even if she rarely shows up naked. (sigh)

[MiniRock]

Your assumptions are inaccurate and insulting to many on this board.

It takes more than a question on a forum to insult me. A lot more.

[confused_cathreen]

Women DO dress for women.
So despite 3 women, and adding my self there which makes 4, you are still insisting that they DO? Wonderful. The same way that crossdressers dress for men, right?


We men don't care. Hell, they could show up naked and most of us wouldn't mind a bit.

Speak for yourself, not for men. My experience says otherwise

Everything that Reine said, ditto.

[Jodie_Lynn]

Off Topic, but I find it very interesting how easy it is for some people to invalidate others experiences, while claiming that their own experiences are the true facts.

4 women say "No, that doesn't happen." Others say "It does." So whose life experience takes precedent? Is it not fair to say that we don't all know the same people, and that both viewpoints are valid? And, just for the record, I don't recall saying "All women...", or "All Cd's...", and If I did, then I misspoke.

If ten of the people who responded to this thread went to the same restaurant, and ordered the same meal, you would get varied reviews. Some might say it was the best they had and that the service was A-1, and the price reasonable. And some might say the food was awful, the service terrible, and the price astronomical. So who is right? Who is wrong?

[DianeT]

Jodie, dressers here are speaking on behalf of women, and the only 4 persons concerned (GGs) who responded opposed what was said (this assumption that women dress for women, to compete or whatever). Scientifically speaking, the experimental facts are not backing the theory so far. When you speak about "life experience", it is a woman's life experience, right? In which case, to answer your question, yes, I consider that what women have to say about their own life experience beats, by and large, what us, dressers, have to say about it. Do you not agree?

[Jodie_Lynn]

Diane, let me see if I have this right. Bear with me, I'm stupid.

Four people with a certain anatomy can speak on behalf of ALL people with a similar anatomy, and therefore, any other point of view is invalid, if made by anyone with a different anatomy. Is this correct? I am asking, because I wish to learn.

And if it is correct, then I apologize for wasting everyone's time.

[confused_cathreen]

Everything, literally, that you need to know on the subject was in Reine's post. TL:DR, self-assured women don't. Women who have self-esteem issues for whatever reason for whatever amount of time might occasionally do. Sometimes even self-assured women might dress for attention but only when they are looking for a sexual partner. But ALL women dressing to impress women? Absolutely not. Never ever. It is always centered around sexual attention. Your restaurant metaphor cannot apply. Hence why the vast majority of women think that all crossdressers think like us. If I were you, I would pay particular attention to what Reine said about sexual feelings towards men, when dressed. My binary brain is convinced that any anatomically male person that gets attracted to another male, whatever the circumstances, is at least in some way bisexual. And if they have such thoughts, exactly as Reine said, it should be tested (when single). Gay only when dressed is just a justification, imho. Which is unnecessary, homosexuality is not illegal in the fortunate times we live in the west.
p.s. on the point you made in your second paragraph, the answer is yes, it is invalid. No man can speak with the authority of a woman on what it means to be a woman. The same way that I can't speak with the authority of a doctor on health issues. That I can't speak with authority on what it means to be a man, especially when my experience extends to just wearing trousers. The clothes don't make a gender, no matter how many times it gets repeated here. Still does not make it true. And I am sure the mods will think that I am being too harsh or aggressive, you did say you want to learn though.

[DianeT]

@Jodie Cathreen answered you. To address a specific point you raised, the higher legitimacy of a genetic woman's point of view lies not in her anatomy, but in the distinct life experience that stemmed from this anatomy. Sure, one woman's experience doesn't represent all women's experience. But it still is far more relevant in my opinion than that of a male (CDer or not) looking at this from the outside. And please don't say things like "I'm stupid". It is only damaging the conversation and I really don't think I patronized you in any way, I just tried to lay out some observations. There was no intention to hurt you.

[ReineD]

... Because, she couldn't let everyone see her in the same dress at all three events. Meaning other women, because most guys are pretty clueless about these things.

Sorry but you've got it wrong. This is just taking pride in one's person, which is more about not wanting to look poor or shabby, in the sense that wearing the same outfit to several events is an indication that you can't afford more. It's like not wanting to be seen in tatty shoes or a jacket with worn out and tattered elbows, or not wanting to drive around in an unfixed car that has suffered a fender bender. Or not wanting your front planting bed to become overgrown with weeds. These things might not be a priority for everyone (male and female), but they are for some people (male and female). Your example has absolutely nothing to do with dressing for women.

Also, you claim that most guys are clueless about such things? That's not true either. Crossdressers, gay men, and women don't have the monopoly on noticing what other people wear. Believe it or not, there are many observant men out there. :) And there are also lots of women who cannot remember what another woman wore the last time she saw her. I know, because I am one of them. :) Clothes are not a priority for me (they never have been) ... they are utilitarian. I know what I'm supposed to wear for certain events - for example, fancy restaurants, business meetings, hanging out at the local beer hall, and going to the beach all require different outfits - and I dress accordingly, but once the outfit is on I forget about it. And I don't pay attention to what other people wear unless their outfit is way out of keeping for the event, for example wearing tattered jeans and a paint-stained top and flip-flops at a wedding. In other words, being observant (or not) is not tied to gender or sexual attraction.

- - - Updated - - -


... I find it very interesting how easy it is for some people to invalidate others experiences, while claiming that their own experiences are the true facts.

4 women say "No, that doesn't happen." Others say "It does." So whose life experience takes precedent?

I challenge you to ask all the women you know (not just one or two) whether they dress for other women or not. The majority consensus will be "No". And setting the record straight when you make false assumptions about GGs is not invalidating your experience, because you have not been socialized as a GG.




... I don't recall saying "All women..."

You said exactly this:
Ask any of the GG's on this site and they will tell you that when they go to a function, they are dressing to impress the other women.
... which implied women in general. Unless you think that the GGs on this site are not representative of women in general?

[Di]

So despite 3 women, and adding my self there which makes 4, you are still insisting that they DO? Wonderful. The same way that crossdressers dress for men, right?
Speak for yourself, not for men. My experience says otherwise

Everything that Reine said, ditto.

Make it 5 and that makes it every GG in this thread so far telling you . As the thread is about how much your spouse knows…..but we read an opinion about GGs that is off base, it is hard to let that stand unchallenged.

Speaking of this thread let us get it back on topic RIGHT NOW

How much I knew , was told before meeting, and we discussed everything from there on out.She hid it with first wife and did not make that mistake with me. I had a choice and I jumped in both feet .I had a thing about hiding, keeping secrets from a former marriage ( gambling ) made it clear deal breaker for me . In our case made for a very intimate relationship, it was our thing .


Back on topic

[Virgin1A]

I agree Hidden, I dress for myself having started when I was about eight or nine. I have zero interest in attracting men and would be horrified if I did (unlikely). I was married for forty years. My wife was ambivalent about my girly side but was happy enough to pierce my ears and do my hair from time to time.

[MonicaPVD]

Few things are sillier than a mansplainer in a dress. When a woman says women are/do X because of Y, I tend to believe the woman.

[jjjjohanne]

My wife knows "everything". She know that matters, meaning if she hears anything, it wouldn't surprise her. She dislikes that I am a crossdresser and does almost nothing to support it. At best, she allows me to do the grocery shopping while dressed pretty. But, it seems like that has almost stopped happening.....
On a different front, she went on a date with me and permitted me to wear shorts and pantyhose a few weeks ago. Nothing significant happened.

[Charlotte Haynes]

I asked my partner and she said she dresses in a way that she hopes would impress or outdo other women. I tend to wear male clothes and shoes that I hope would give a favourable impression of me to other males. Not in a gay way, either. As to the original question, this is the only time that I have asked my partner her view on a post on this site. She does not know I am on here or other sites.

[XemmaX]

she knows what she wants to know and i dont ever over step the mark or whatever so she feels like there is no need to have her nose into everything. obviously new developments would be mentioned etc. people dress for other people in subcultures to general fashion we all like to feel cool and they we all have a good look, like everyone! i dont get the argument here tbh.

[NancySue]

She knows everything. I told her before we wed. The best, but scariest thing I ever did. This was followed by long periods of heart to heart dialogue. Neither of us understands my dressing, but it is..what it is. She not only accepted my dressing, but has been the source of help and advice. Occasionally, she will buy things for me. Last week, she bought me some new thigh high nylons. I hugged her. Life is good.

[Monique65]

My wife knows I enjoy wearing panties and has even helped pick them out for me. As to the extent of my dressing, I’m sure she suspects but the topic doesn’t come up. Do I fantasize about being with another CD when dressed? Absolutely. Will it ever become a reality? Absolutely not.

[VickieBonne]

My wife dresses to impress herself and to a lesser extent, me. When male me dresses up it’s to make me feel confident and impress my bride. Knowing my wife is not lesbian, my cross dressing is to only satisfy my need but hopefully with her seal of approval. She’s not going to be sexually attracted to Vickie but she can appreciate the look and effort I put into it. So, the look I am going for, male me is attracted to. I’m dressing to look and feel pretty. While I’d be happy that a man (or woman) would find me attractive, that does not mean I want to “seduce” men or women other than my wife. Even though sometimes we get amorous while I’m “Vickie” on the surface, it’s her husband my wife is kissing. And, I’m one of those that is not interested in sexual attention from males either way I’m dressed.

I think there is way too much stereotyping going on in this string. Thanks to the mods trying to keep us on track.

[WillowHanna]

My wife knows everything. I'm still new and exploring what dressing like a woman feels and looks like for me.

I've only just started wearing women's panties around the house, but I've worn panties around the house the past 2 days and love the feeling. It helps that she has been very supportive, and willing to help me find myself in our marriage. We've only been married a month and a half, but we are very open as to what we to experience both sexually and non-sexually.

And to think it started with kinky sex and porn.

[Stephanie 334]

My wife knew EVERYTHING!!!! After all, indirectly she got me into finding my "female side". It wasn't exactly what she had planned on but as it progressed to where I wanted to see what it was like to be a female and dress fully she was on board and helped to get me started.

[Misty_cder]

My wife of 21 years has known about my dressing after our third date some 30 years ago. She has helped me with purchasing clothing, heels, and make up, and is very honest when she thinks an outfit doesn’t look good on me. We joke I enjoy wearing dresses because she doesn’t. As our relationship developed, she asked I be careful about my reputation in our careers. When we first started, our industry was still very much a traditional men wore men’s clothing and women wore women’s clothing. In today’s all inclusive work environment, I probably could openly blend my clothing, but I’m not ready to start coming out. When we started having kids, my wife did ask me to keep it hidden from them which I had no issues with. Regarding the discussion of dressing for men, I did have a sexual relationship with a guy before meeting my wife, but I never dressed for him. There were times when my wife and I were intimate we would fantasize about me being with a man while dressed, but that is as far as it has gone.

[crobeson96]

I think Jodie_Lynn began a provocative thread which elicited some controversy but read as a whole is fascinating and worthwhile.
We are a diverse group, aren't we, but we have more in common than differences.
Think how comforting that is, how powerful - our common interests and loves and dilemmas and trip wires.
I love this place and find it inspiring and a source of strength.

- Camilla

[Kitty Sue]

My wife knows I crossdress. She also knows I am bi. We haven't really talked about our sexual fantasies. If she asked I would tell her. As when I do fantasize I frequently remember the times I was with men or think about being with them while dressed.
When I dress, since I am married, I am not dressing for anybody but myself. I don't dress for other men or women as I am faithful to my wife.

[Robin777]

My wife has known about my cross dressing since before we were married and that has been 42 years. She has never had any problem with it. I keep it confined to home , as it has been my choice. We shop for clothing together and she has purchased woman's clothes for me when we weren't together. To her it's normal to see me dressed. She has even told me to go dress after I have came home in a bad mood after work knowing my mood would improve.

[AmandaM]

My wife knows everything. Almost. She knew before marriage. She helps buy me clothes and makeup. Sometimes we discuss makeup, etc. I wear something femme most days. On the weekends I can be completely made up. I have some fantasies that I haven't shared. But, not a big deal to me and if she asked, I'd tell her. I have had a bi experience. She knows I went all the way in the femaie role. It wasn't bad, not the bee's knees, so I haven't done it again. Could I? Yes, but probably not. While the fantasy of me as a woman in bed is very attractive, I'm 80-90% straight so if I was to cheat, it'd probably be another woman. I'm considering transition. Would I change over to guys if I did? That's a strong possibility. Once in a woman's body, you know. I don't know, perhaps I'd be a lesbian. So, there you go, I'm ambiguously female. And no one knows the real me, including me, at least not yet.

[OrdinaryAverageGuy]

I would like to apologize for my horrible comment that men like to see women naked. Someone suggested that women dress for women, others objected, I responded that women could show up naked and we'd be ok with it, and it was off-topic and apparently wrong, men don't like that at all. I am sorry.

I'm fortunate to have a wife who gets me and doesn't mind me wearing whatever I feel comfortable in. She's suggested that I can wear a skirt to the sports bar, I'm not sure how serious she is, but I don't see that happening. :)

She also offered to take me naked. Pretty sure NO ONE wants to see that.

[FeliCD]

My wife knows everything. I have always fantasized that a gf or spouse would ask to gender play which would open the door to CDing. One night over a billiards game my wife suggested that we try it. The experience was amazing for both of us and my femme self basically evolved from that night forward. The pink fog can be overwhelming at times for my wife but we communicate openly and even joke about things day to day. She doesn?t fully understand the why but fully accepts and supports this part of me.

[Chloe from Colorado]

My wife knows everything in regards to sex and crossdressing. She is an amazing woman who has made me feel comfortable telling her stuff that I hadn't told her before. I know I am lucky in this regard! I have never been with a man while fully dressed, but she has volunteered to help find someone and be there with me if I desire.

[Alice_2014_B]

I'm one of the fortunate ones; my wife knows everything.
She has even helped me shave my arms and has shopped for dresses and makeup for/with me.

That being said, I do not dress up on a regular basis.

She is totally alright with me doing stand-up en-fem, YouTube videos, and all.


:)

[Alexis00]

After some previous bad experiences started telling any woman I dated. More than half ended the relationship, assuming I either planned to transition, or dressed to attract men. The first girlfriend I told said what others probably felt, ?I don?t want to date another girl.? A very few were tolerant and really only one liked to play with gender expression.

My now ex-wife happened to know a couple where the husband cross dressed and had been out with them. So she was relatively accepting when I told her and we went out to parties and clubs, mostly around Halloween.

After our relationship started downhill, it became a source of tension. I wanted to express myself more femme, and this started to bother her.

When on my laptop she found some lingerie pictures I?d taken it really set her off. The relationship was already badly broken but she was quite mean about it.

Everyone handles this differently. A former gf and lover I?d like to get back together with has ?friend zoned? me. I really appreciate her support - and she?s been great - but she does not want to be a lover anymore.

[Suranne]

My wife knows all and is a great trans ally to have

[Debs]

Hi, Im 63 now and have been married for 16 years, I told my wife from the beginning within 2 weeks of us dating. I've been dressing all my life so when I met her I knew from past experience to tell her straight away, so I took the gamble of telling her within 2 weeks of starting our relationship. Better to do this rather than spending years of hiding, hiding your stash, sneaking around causing suspicion.Anyway all went well for the first 4 years, I could dress, we went out together, I got lovely presents, then we got married, then we had our first real tiff over whatever I can't remember, then it happened, me dressing was brought into the argument, I just looked like a man in a dress, my makeup was ugly, I looked like I was in a pantomime etc, etc. and from then on it was DADT. We functioned as brother and sister from then on. I never dressed in front of her, and had to go and stay out all night to dress. So this went on for years,in the meantime we bought a holiday home 40 mins away on the coast, so I could go there, over time she mellowed greatly, until one morning she got up early and I was dressed (no makeup) in the front , she never batted an eyelid, had my usual good morning and we discussed what we was doing for the day, so I took the opportunity to ask if Im ok to dress in front of her?, she said why not, no problem. So that's how it went till COVID
Same again one morning she got up early, I was fully dressed with full makeup on and wig. Usual conversation, I said am I ok wearing makeup and a wig, she said, ``No problem, you cant go and stay out due to covid, so its ok, just don't let the neighbours see you. Since then I can do whatever I want, dress all the time if I want, but I don't, I keep it down so as not to push it in her face. And its amazing I have the best of all worlds now, going to meet some of the girls from the forum on the 15th of this month in Manchester, we are going shopping in the afternoon and going out at night. My wife is even going to let me get ready at home then drive in Manchester, as I can go into my room till 2pm, so this will save time. Shes going to get an amazing xmas present, lol

[Alexis00]

Debs, that’s lovely!

[Monique65]

I gave my wife another opportunity to open a discussion about my dressing. The conversation went something like this.

Her - I need to return some things I bought on line.
Me - Ok, why?
Her - They’re too big for me.
Me - Maybe they’d fit me.
Her - They’re pretty girlie.
Me - (in my best Monty Python voice) Are you suggesting that I don’t like girlie things?
Her - I don’t think you’d like pink pajamas.
Me - Well, you never know.
Her - (crickets)

After several minutes of silence, she resumed the conversation on another unrelated topic.

It was a brief exchange, but did provide her the chance to ask any questions or make a comment about my hobby. Just another missed opportunity to have the “talk”.

[OrdinaryAverageGuy]

lol Monique! A while before the scope of my weirdness came out my wife had left her PJ's out on the bed while she ran a kid's friend home. I put them on and laid down on the bed reading, waiting for her to get a laugh. It worked, she laughed! Then she noticed something, let's just say that a certain part of me was expressing how much I liked the outfit, and she said as much, that I must really like wearing her clothes. I managed to reply "would that be a problem?" It went nowhere from there at that point, but little things like that got me to the big reveal. So I'm thinking you might be on to something! Keep nudging!

[AnelineM]

lol Monique! A while before the scope of my weirdness came out my wife had left her PJ's out on the bed while she ran a kid's friend home. I put them on and laid down on the bed reading, waiting for her to get a laugh.

OMG! If my wife came home and I was lying on the bed wearing her pajamas, it would not get a laugh. It would be WWIII. My wife once gave me a pair of bicycling shorts she said were too big for her. 6 months later she noticed me wearing them and said "What the f.. are you doing wearing my shorts! What is wrong with you!" She totally forgot. Didn't accept the explanation that she gave them to me and then forgot. So I gave them back. End of story. Glad it worked out well for you.

[OrdinaryAverageGuy]

Women are weird, Aneline. My wife has surprised me with skirts and tops, she's given me hand-me-down bras and panties, but the day she saw me wearing a toe ring it was as if I had scheduled a sex-change operation without telling her!

[Cacique82]

I kept things from my wife for a few years and the entire time we were dating. She knew I was always into lingerie. But one night I told her I wanted to put on her stockings. She really opened up to it knowing how difficult it was for me to tell her. She could tell I was nervous, even after being together 17 years at the time. I started wearing more and more to bed, [I already had some boxes full of things for a while] One night on vacation I mentioned I wanted to get a nightgown, and she didn't care at all. "Get what you want" was the phrase she used.

[Celee]

My wife knows but we haven?t had THE TALK(mainly due to my cold feet). We both have medical issues and she has anxiety so I don?t feel right adding to it. When we were younger she would make a comment like I love my new dress you should try it but the tone of her voice told me it wasn?t a good time for discussion. As we get older it seems her attitude has seemed to soften on it. Just last week she couldn?t find her favorite bra so she looked at me and said do you have my red bra? Not accusatory or judgmental just normal conversation. I said no and that was that.

[Alexis00]

Women are weird, Aneline. My wife has surprised me with skirts and tops, she's given me hand-me-down bras and panties, but the day she saw me wearing a toe ring it was as if I had scheduled a sex-change operation without telling her!Spent hours getting ready for a Halloween party with my [now ex] wife, from lingerie on up. All good.

Stop at a gas station to get gas. While I’m at the pump, hair gets in my eyes so I toss my head to get it out of the way. This simple (necessary) gesture set her off!

Too “feminine.” :straightface:

[Paulie Birmingham]

She knows enough for us to have fun together but not the full extent. I wear many things 8n front of her and she buys me sruff too. But there are some bras and lingerie i haven't worn in front of her. She knows i had some.bras and lingerie but maybe not the new stuff i own. I don't hide my stuff anymore and keep it in my drawers. If she ever looked through my drawers she would know everything. Lol.

[DebbieCD]

No, she knows nothing even after 25 years of marriage (yes, I feel VERY guilty about it) and several house moves . I guess I'm just VERY good at hiding but I REALLY live in fear that one day she'll decide to go rummaging though the attic looking for something. While everything is quite well hidden and disguised, it wouldn't take long before she would appear from the attic with a VERY confused look on her face and a mountain of tough questions!

I WISH I was brave enough to have "The Talk".

[Josephine_A]

I know exactly how you feel Debbie. Although I have only been dressing for a few years, I have not told my wife a thing and since the lockdowns had to bring my stash home. I used to keep it in the office. Ever since I have lived in dread that she will find it and have no idea what to say to her if she did. It’s going to be pretty hard to laugh off size 15 heels and size 20 dresses. I envy the ladies who have been able to tell their wives. I just don’t have the courage to tell her and suspect she would not be understanding at all from comments she’s made in the past. It?s also torture that my outfits are nearby and I can’t wear them because someone’s always home.

[Monique65]

Does she really want to know? As a life long cross dresser, happily married to a wonderful woman for forty eight years, I must ask myself this question. I’m positive she has a clue, but we have never had the talk. When she found me wearing panties, she suggested I get some of my own, and even helped pick them out, and although I wear them daily, she has never mentioned it again. I have attempted numerous opportunities to bring the subject up, but she either changes the subject or worse, remains silent. It is as if she knows, but chooses to ignore it. Although I would love to be more open, I see no reason to rock the boat, so I’ll remain in the closet for now.

[Jessica Secret]

Not married and I'm actually living the fantasy you describe Jodie, I dated girls in my teens but I currently have a boyfriend. What drove me to wanting to be with a guy was a combo of my dressing, feeling fem 24/7, not wanting to worry about what a gf/wife thought about it and knowing that being with a guy would be the ultimate girly experience, and it has definitely been. I can see why CD'ers fantasize about wanting to be with a guy, it's heaven if you find the right one like I have and he not only approves of my dressing but likes it and encourages it (probably because I wear lingerie to bed for him lol!). If anyone is interested in what it's like to have a relationship with a boyfriend don't hesitate to PM me.

[jessicabf]

My wife knows everything. We discovered this side of me together.

Side, part, aspect? it?s me. It?s we.

And as some know, so does my SIL. 😜

[NebraskaCD]

I have many exciting stories I could tell you, but I am not much for a writer. So, my apologies up front.

Tony was my wife's ex boyfriend. My GF (now wife) and I had been dating for several months. She knew about my cross-dressing very early in our relationship when I told her.

One Saturday night, my wife and I were going to a local club with some other cross-dressing friends. We had invited Tony to join us there. We were all sitting outside on the patio when he showed up.

Tony of course gave my wife a kiss. Then when I was introduced to him, he gave me a friendly hug. We all sat around talking and drinking for a couple hours.

We decided it was time to take the party to our house and cool off in the pool. My wif changed into a one piece suit and I changed into a two piece. Tony didn't have one so he just swam in his boxers.

It was a fun nite with friends!!!
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[Beverley Sims]

I go shopping with my wife as Beverley, always trying on clothes and we have both had a number of bra fittings over the years.

She needs to be fitted but one woman in a prosthetics shop insists that I get fitted for forms now and then. :-)