Iam having a problem...

[Stephanie 334]

I haven't fully dressed in about 8-9 years...long story, but for valid reasons of health with my wife.

My wife recently passed from long-term illness.

We spoke in detail about how I would live going forward after she passed away. We knew that the likelihood was there.

Told her that I would be staying home mostly, and probably spend 4-6 days as a female/woman/girl pick your term.

Also said that I wasn't looking to date or find someone else to have a relationship with.

I just want to live as a female/woman etc....

Here's the problem....I want to sit down and start doing my makeup and practicing the skills or techniques that have gotten rusty over the last 8-9 years.

However, I can't bring myself to do it. I think the issue with me is I'm afraid that I won't be able to achieve the look I want to have and end up looking like an old hag or worse...ugly.

Any suggestions on how I can get it going again??? I know its crazy, but it's becoming an issue for me.

Guidence please!!!

Thanks

Steph

[Karren H]

Really sorry for your loss! I would go schedule a makeover with a reputable makeup artist. Find out now how good you can look and then go home and build up your skills until you recreate the same look.

[Micki_Finn]

The best I can tell you is to practice when you have no plans to go out. That way there’s no pressure to get it “right” and if you screw up you know nobody is going to see it but you.

[Suzih]

Stephanie: I'm very sorry for the loss of your wife. I hope your out look on your life moving forward improves and you find the skills necessary.
SuziH

[Debs]

Believe me, Ive planned to go out at 7pm, after washing my makeup off several times, finally got the look I want about 9pm, and sometimes gone out not thinking its perfect. Just keep practicing and experimenting with different foundation etc. My biggest problem is always my eyebrows. PS a bottle of wine whilst getting ready helps, lol

[Helen_Highwater]

We all go through the phase of learning what works and what doesn't.

All you can do is try, be prepared to fail and know that with practice you'll steadily get better.

What I would say, and this is from personal experience, getting your foundation matched in-store can be a game changer. Having done it some years ago I realised that I'd been using foundation that was too light so more towards the clown end of the spectrum.

They'll also match blusher and lippy to give the best colour combinations. As I say, game changer.

[Linda K.]

Stephanie - By the looks of your avatar, the re-learning curve is going to be pretty straight. You'll be just fine! Love the outfit by the way!

[MonicaPVD]

Sorry for your loss, love. I would recommend that you find a makeup artist to walk you through an initial session and dispel any fears or questions you may have. It's not a lot of money but definitely money well spent.

[jenabrooks]

Stephanie, That was how I felt and I'm sure a lot of girls the same. First right tools to do the job. Go to a good cosmetic and have them match your color you need and skin care products very important . Go home and practice remember less is more. Once you start getting it you will feel so much better. My makeup artist told me when you get up every morning put on your makeup in a week you will have your look you love. She said cleansing and night cream is the most important part of healthy skin to get your face looking and feeling soft its true. Trust me Jeana

[Cheryl T]

So sorry for your loss.

We all want to look fabulous. I'm sure most of us are also disappointed at times by the reflection in the mirror.
I still suffer that image issue, but mostly have gotten over it. I'm not doing this for anyone or everyone else, I'm doing it for ME! It's how I feel much more than how I look to others. I've accepted the fact that I'm older, a little out of shape, a little wrinkled and not that pretty gal I was in my 20's.
But that's ok.

I'm still me and it's me I care about. Don't let those issues stop you from being and enjoying who you are.

[NancySue]

I thought the same thing as Linda. Just go for it. The pink fog will take over and you?ll be on your way back. Probably quicker than you thought. Keep us in the loop as you progress.

[Natalie5004]

If you want a suggestion to get the flow and pink fog rolling again, put on a bra. After that your natural instincts to dress should kick in.

[docrobbysherry]

Steph, when you're ready, there's no time like the present to move on with your life!:)

If looks r as important to u as they r to me, a 78 y/o? Just do what I do to create a look in the mirror u like. :daydreaming:

CHEAT! I use every trick in the book to look attractive and sexy!:devil:

[Stephanie 334]

Everyone's got good suggestions here and I appreciate your input.

I use to have my makeup down pretty well. My wife and I use to have a "girls night out" once a week, with her going out to a friend's country bar where she knew the owners and I would go to Nashville to a gay bar where I had a small group of other girls.

But the wife got injured back in 2013 and she couldn't go out anymore so I stopped going out since she couldn't.

So I stilled femme up around the house to some degree but not with all the makeup etc because it was more work than I needed to do.

As I said before, she and I spoke about life for me after she passed and she was OK with my idea of being female most of the time.

Now that I am trying to pick up the pieces and move forward with my new life I have this block...not sure if it's because I have aged 8 years or if my skills are so rusty I'll end up looking like a clown or I just think that it's too much of a PITA to sit down and do all that it takes to get that right look.

I've gone out the past several months and spent over $400 on all new makeup. Did it once time about a month ago and it came out better than I expected but in the pictures, I didn't like the way I looked.

So I guess I might take one part of the makeup process like apply primer and then foundation with a sponge and work on that until I get it right...then work on brows and lips and play around with eye shadow and liner until I get it where I am happy with it. I've got a bunch of Youtube videos downloaded and I can use those as a tutorial.

Just need to get my motivation going again.

[Sandi Beech]

I am curious what bar you used to go to in Nashville. Have you ever gone to the Lipstick Lounge? I have only been there once. Seemed kind of small but a fun group.

Sandi

[RADER]

Sorry about your Wife. My Wife made me promise never to go outside dressed.
When she passed 8 years ago, I keep my promise to her. I dress at home every day; and under dress
all the time. I miss her.

[Stephanie 334]

Tribe up on Church St. on the left coming from I-65

[TheHiddenMe]

After about 5 years of going out, I am finding less is more. The less I do, the less I can screw up.

I don't have a heavy beard, and it is part white, so I don't need a lot of foundation. I try to get that on, along with powder, and a little concealer.

I wear glasses, so I figure people aren't going to see my eyes, and if people are close enough to see my eyes, they probably have already figured out I'm TG (especially if they are talking to me). Therefore, I usually don't do a lot of eye makeup. Brows, mascara, a small amount of eyeliner, some Rouge, and done.

Then I try not to screw up my lipstick.

I figure I'm not fooling anyone, so getting my makeup perfect versus good enough isn't going to make the difference and is not worth the extra time it takes to get it perfect.

[SaraLin]

Now that I am trying to pick up the pieces and move forward with my new life I have this block...not sure if it's because I have aged 8 years or if my skills are so rusty I'll end up looking like a clown or I just think that it's too much of a PITA to sit down and do all that it takes to get that right look.


I am so sorry for your loss.

I don't have any "how to" advice for you, but I'm sensing something else that I think might be going on.

I think that you're not through mourning the loss of your wife yet, and there is probably some lingering depression going on. This could be stopping you.
I also wonder if maybe you feel that stepping back into full-out femme mode is somehow closing the door on your life with her - and you're just not ready yet.

I'd suggest that you don't push it too hard or try to force it. When the time is right, you'll jump back in.

[alwayshave]

Stephanie, You have my deepest condolences on the passing of your wife. Practice. Start small and build. There are lots of YouTube videos that can help you start.

[Genifer Teal]

Maybe you could look at women of similar age to set new expectations. Start with a target you can reach. You can aim higher next time.

[Geena75]

I am so sorry for your loss. I think what you are dealing with transcends dressing, make up and the like. Shock and loss are always a part of it, no matter how long you had to prepare. My only advice is to take care of yourself. When it feels right, dress up, practice make up, do what makes you feel good. I wouldn't force it beyond what you want to do. Just follow your feelings.

[susanmichelle]

So sorry for your loss just hang in there morn your loss and carry on with your life. It?ll come in time. Genna great advice.

[Stephanie 334]

First of all thank you all for the kind words concerning my wife's passing...

I've been reading your comments and you are all correct with your comments.

I've been sitting around over the past 4 months going through all of the memories I've accumulated with my wife over the past 27 years together and 6 additional years we were friends...tons of memories of good times, bad times, and times dealing with traumatic illnesses for both of us. But also what my future is going forward.

I'm going to just proceed on a day-by-day basis and step by step.

I've got a bunch of Youtube makeup videos I can look at in my free time sitting around. I'm going to just start from step one and the basics such as foundation and concealer .
See how they are applied and practice each one until I get it down to where I am satisfied with each step. Then when I get each step done and play around with my own creative applications I'll be hopefully at a point with makeup, not only pleased but skilled with it as well.

I don't see where I'll be going out to any clubs etc, because age-wise, them days are long gone and far in the review mirror of life.

Just want to wake up in the morning, and go to bed at night as Stephanie for 2 or 3 or 4 days in a row and then probably need to be my male self for a day or two.

Some of you girls have your female look down better than 90% of gender females and I have some before and after pics of girls done by professional make artists and yes, that is the keyword...they are artists in doing top-notch makeup. That's what I want to achieve.

Perhaps some people in my situation of being alone now take up painting, woodworking or whatever interests them now and becomes their hobby or new life's passion....mine will become "face painting"...AKA makeup.

Let's see what happens...

Stephanie

[Stephanie47]

Stephanie, sorry for your loss. This year my wife and I will have been married fifty years. If she were to pass away it would definitely leave a big hole. She is a breast cancer survivor so there were several years when it was dicey. At 74 years of age, I look 74 years of age. Not much I can do with the gene pool. I am an in-home dresser who does go out for evening strolls. In my younger days I did go the full route of makeup and nail polish. I found that I had as much serenity (probably more) just being en femme. Oh, on occasion there is some light makeup; primarily lip color. I stay away from mirrors with the exception of the full length mirror I can see from across the dining room when cooking. The scent of some light makeup is sufficient for me to feel better than I probably look. I am fortunate that my gene pool has given me light facial hair. I can go without heavy makeup for the entire day; no beard shine. No leg hair. No underarm hair.

I looked around at the women my age (60-70's) and very rarely do I see women attempting to look like they're in the 20's and 30's. My wife only applies lip gloss when she has a social engagement; nothing else. Once I accepted my age in its entirety, I found life to be more enjoyable. From what I've seen, older women who dress smartly and act their age, get more attention than others.

[Stephanie 334]

Stephanie47...

Yes, we are close in age...Nothing that we can do about that.

I do not plan or have any desire to dress sufficiently well enough to go out clubbing anymore. There are several reasons outside of dressing for my reasoning behind not going out.

I've come to realizing or understanding that I'm probably going to have to work at going back to the basics and start from square one and work each process of the "art of doing makeup 101" and go from there...Hey, I've got the rest of my life to do that and my schedule is extremely light!!!!

There are some of the profile pictures of other girls that look absolutely total female and it's all due to one's makeup be it applied by a professional or by themselves ...doesn't matter other than it came out great. That's what I want to archive and it's going to require me to get out of the "parked spot" of my life and get it into gear and move forward.

I know that I'm not going to look 20 or 30 or even 50 years old...But I want to look as good as I can.

My profile picture was taken when I was 63 years old. I clubbed when I was 58-63 years old and generally, my age was around the late 40, early 50's by those I asked when the topic came up. So I know I was able to pull it off back then but I'm sure that I've gathered a significant amount of rust in my techniques and trends have changed as well. So that's what I need to work on and I need to get off my butt and get going.

So tonight I will shave up and down and then sit down and start with Youtube videos and basic conditioner, primer, foundation, and concealer. I will do that process for the next week or two until I get it done to the point I'm pleased with it. Go on with the next process like brows or eyeshadow etc until I get it all together.

Some days being home I'' do just average makeup and days when I feel like "sparkling" I'll go for a more glamourous look ...I'm a woman and I can do however I want to look.

Just got to get this going to perk up my life going forward...

But I must say this...I miss my lovely wife far more than I ever imagined I would. But I'm glad that I didn't die on August 11th, 2019 and my wife would be going through what I've gone thru...

[Sabine Janus]

Sorry for the loss of your wife.

Don't worry about the make up, it will come.

The journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.

[Marissa Q]

Stephanie 334: As other girls here are, I'm so sorry for your loss, especially when it's one so close and special; that kind of grief -- while natural -- is also naturally ongoing.
I have to say that, while reading of your challenges in this thread, I'm so impressed by how you came up with such a well thought-out plan. I love the idea of gaining makeup experience facial section by facial section, all the moreso since the method had never really crossed my mind. I have no doubt you'll do really well, Stephanie.

[Stephanie 334]

Marissa...

Trying to find the ambition going forward...hopefully, if I can do that, then I can bring that to the "fun" level for no other reason than to make it fun.

I'm not planning on going out anymore...those days are long gone. It's strictly for my own satisfaction. I've got a few wigs that probably need some trimming out...guess who's going to get that done??? ME!!!!. No need to get them done at a hair salon, because I'm not going out. So another thing in the dressing process. If I screw it up, so be it. I'll just go from below the shoulder wig to an above the shoulder wig.

This whole dressing thing is going to become a fun hobby for me going forward...some go golfing, some go fishing and I'm going "femme"!!!


Tell me I'm wrong...LOL:daydreaming: