Update of my journey to stop CD-ing

[Tomi]

Hi All,

It's been a while since I was here, but I thought I give an update of my progress to anyone who is intrested in it. Unfortunately the original thread has been closed, so I can't post updates there, but I still believe that this is a discussion worth heaving, so I opened a new one. Here is the original:

https://www.crossdressers.com/forums/showthread.php?273697-Stopping-without-anxiety-and-stress&highlight=stopping%20without

So anyway, I decided to stop CD-ing 7 months ago because It causes me more troubles and probrems than actual good feelings. It's just a personal experience and I know it's not a choice for many but I wanted a discussion about it so the ones in the same boat can read about such experiences.

So I stopped 7 months ago and still going. I truly believe that the reason I'm still going and going without stress or anxiety is tha fact that I started CDing only about 4 years ago so it's not rooted in me so strongly. And the other hand because of everyday meditation.

I stopped meditating about a month agou because of lazyness and the urge which came about once-twice a month before that, came back on a daily basis. Ant I think that the reason for that is that meditation bringed a balance which I maintained with CDing. Or more precisely it bringed BACK the balance I had before CDing. Maybe I'm not the only one who had no signes of CDing for decades and then suddenly a series of events triggered it in teenage/adult life. So I still believe which I believed when I stopped 7 months ago, that for me and maybe for many others (NOT ALL CDers, I can't stress it enough) the CDing is just a symptom, a manifestation of an inbalance. And it's totally OK to bring that balance with CDing, but maybe there or others who want to stop but thinks that CDing is the only way to bring that balance.

I think it's not but I'm open to debate and if anybody is intrested further in my experiences, feel free to ask.

Cheers,
Tomi

[franlee]

I think you are right on it not being as deep rooted for you. But some of us it grab's on the 1st time much less years or even days. I think it's great that you are following your own path and I know CDing is not for everyone. I do believe it's hard to quit but it can be done if you really want to, much the same as smoking or drinking. But it aint easy, or at least not for me(smoking). Best wishes and I hope you find happiness no matter your quest.

[kimdl93]

Tomi, CDing is a behavior, something some people may choose to do for any number of reasons. It can become obsessive, which in and of itself is only a problem if it interferes with the remainder of your life in some way. It sounds as though you have experienced problems that you are able to avoid by not indulging the desire to cross dress. And it sounds as if you have found a way to manage the compulsion through meditation. Even better!

[Mermaiden]

I came to crossdressing late too, and modulate my behavior passed on opportunity.
I go for weeks not CDing, and function just fine. But the thought is never too far away. Maybe because I know I?ll be CD?d in a few weeks?
Don?t really want to ever give it up as I do like it.

[Kris Burton]

I read the original thread you referenced here...fascinating stuff, I hope others read it too.

I think CDing is different for each of us, and I have been where you are now. I managed to stop for 25 years, only to have it barrel back like a freight train - a very welcome freight train as it turns out. Psychologically speaking, I have not felt so good in years. Clearly, my efforts to repress those feelings only caused undue stress. Now my only question is how to balance CD with the rest of my life, and so far that is going well. I feel more in "balance" with CD a part of my life, my psyche. It looks like for you, the opposite is true. I think either path can be valid, but it is not one size fits all, and not for everyone by any stretch.

[Paulie Birmingham]

Good job and thanks for the update.

[Stephanie47]

I think what you are describing may be applicable to any and all activities. There is just so much "free time" in a day to do something. On average how many hours are spent sleeping and working? How many hours are left to do "whatever?" Endless hours of unproductive activity? I do agree that CDing for some is "just a symptom, a manifestation of an imbalance." I am happy you're having some success controlling whatever you felt was wrong with CDing. Frankly, my problem is an imbalance the other way; not having the ability to engage in CDing to the extent I need which really is stifling my inner self. That too can produce a multitude of negative feelings. The anxiety and frustrations that arose within was due to my own non acceptance, self loathing, etc. It had more to do with the negativity thrown my way by society and others rather than my actually CDing. My meditation led to self acceptance. However, I still have to deal with the problems of other people. So, should I have anxiety about myself or rather anxiety dealing with others?

[Pumped]

I started CD'ing very young, maybe 5 years old. I remember stopping until my late teens, access to clothing was a big reason why I stopped. Starting up, then stopping again when I go married. Access to clothing and no place to hide anything was a problem. (How do you CD in a tiny one bedroom apartment when you work the same hours as you spouse?)

Years went by and I ended up with a job where I was one the road and stayed over night in motels 3-4 nights a month. The freedom was intoxicating! In a strange city I could shop in comfort and go to the motel and dress. Needless to say I got a bit out of control.

To the OP, I don't mean to put down what you have done, but seven months isn't much time. I didn't CD for thirty years and it just came rolling in like a hurricane.

[sara66]

I managed 11 year to quit. During a particular stressful year the walls came crashing down. Told my and a good friend of mine and have not looked back. Good luck and i hope you can kick this monkey off your back.
Sara

[Linda K.]

I don't really think I had the "urge" to crossdress, just the desire to be something else. I found that CDing gave me that sense of being a different person, someone less angry, and hard. I feel more relaxed when I am dressed and home alone. I can let my softer side emerge and it feels invigorating. I am not trying to impress anyone with the way I look, I am just expressing the inner person I typically hide from the world. Will I ever get to the point where Tomi is at? Right now, I don't have that need. Tomi, you have to decided what is right for you and if you think you need to stop, then by all means, stop. For me, I have to do this right now and it feels great, especially with all the support from the great people on this site. I hope you are successful in stopping, if this is what you really want, but it would still be nice if you stopped in from time to time to say "Hello" and let us know how you are doing. Good luck! :)

[docrobbysherry]

Tomi, I used meditation to relax effectively when I was young. Quit when I didn't need it anymore. Now, let's jump ahead 25 years later to when I began CDing out of the blue!:eek:

Comparing meditation to what I get from CDing? Would be like comparing tap water to 5 shots of tequila!:devil:

[Tomi]

Hi All,

Thank you for all your responses. It feels good to me that many of you are intrested in my thaughts and eyperiences. After all that's the reason I'm posting about it so someone else can benefit from it. Either because it strengtens their beliefe that CDing is for them or it opens up a new possibility of living. Either way I'm happy if I can provoke thinking and selfreflection.

For docrobbysherry, it's an interesting aspect of meditation. I also did stoped and started many times before, and after years of experimenting with it, I came to the conlusion that there is no such time when "I don't need it anymore". If I stop meditating the effects are still there for a xouple of weeks but slowly the effects of the outside world (stressful situations, arguements, fights etc) kick in and I see myself reverting back to the same spot I was in when I started. For me only the everyday meditation works, thats what is capable of maintaining that "I'm happy with the way things are, I'm not beating myself over tha past nor fear the future". Come to think of it, it's a similar feeling when I CD, just without the clothes and all day, not just when I'm dressed. Not the same feeling, deeper and more spiritual, but similar.

So back to docrobbysherry's question, the tap water-tequila analogy is correct in a sense :) If I drink tequila, that resolves stress, anxiety by putting a layer of fog on my mind. CDing is kind of that in the "escaping the world" sense (if that's the reason for CDing, i know there are other, completely different reasons for that). Meditation is indeed like drinking water because it's neutral. You drink water because your thirsty and that's it. Meditation is like that because it connects you to the reality around you and the reality that your desires and thoughts are not concrete. They flow, come and go all the time. But we as humans are so attached to our thoughts that whenever one rises we must act out. For example when your SO sasy something hurtful, you got offended and response immediately like a programmed machine. But if you wait and don't say anything you start to feel that your angriness starts to fade and it becomes hurting. And if you wait hurting maybe becomes interest of "why she said that". And if you response that way you will not maintain the circle of fight but beginn to resolve the problem. It's a simple example but I experience it everyday and that's the result of meditation.

Tomi

[GretchenM]

It is complicated and obviously there are many different reasons why a person wishes or needs to present in a different gender from that expected based on their sex. Medically, those of us who adopted this early in our lives and the behavior has continued, perhaps off and on, ever since are more likely to be fundamentally that way and following the stereotypical expectation does not work for us as individuals. But late starters likely have a different kind of trigger that may not really have anything to do with having a fundamentally and biologically reversed gender to some extent. We are all different in SO many ways.

I suspect your late adoption of this is very likely in the latter category and so it may be possible for you to quit permanently. At the same time, don't be surprised if at some point it comes back for awhile. It is well recognized in the medical world that when strong stressors are affecting us some will turn to crossdressing to escape the tension but others go the other way until the stresses are gone and then they dive into crossdressing and gender reversal in a huge way. In some of those it may eventually fade away, but in others the behavior becomes a life-style and they need to go deeper.

All behavior comes from the brain and all behavior is based to some extent in genetics. But the phenomenon of brain plasticity which allows the brain to solve the same problem in a multitude of ways and do so by "rewiring" itself creates our individuality. Tomi, I wish you the best irrespective of what path or paths you take. The guiding rule is be yourself even when how "yourself" is defined and what it looks like shifts around. It is an adventure and a journey.