Three Cheeses

[MonicaPVD]

So, while I know that this is a dicey subject for some of my friends on here, I wanted to open a thread about the kinds of men who are usually attracted to CDs. Now, I know that many of you are happily hetero and happily committed to wonderful relationships. However, it is a fact that most of us who go out into the real world dressed must often contend with interactions and advances from interested and/or curious men. This can be useful background information for any CD who goes out into the real world.

In my experience of interacting with men over the years, I find that there are three most common types who are attracted to CDs.

First, there's the deeply closeted CD who doesn't have the ability, opportunity, or courage to be a CD and therefore lives vicariously through CDs that he may encounter or chase after. These are usually the most boring and obnoxious guys, because they are persistent yet unexciting, and they want to tell you all about how they, too, love to wear panties or nylons or whatever, etc. No thanks.

Second, there's the guy who is open-minded and genuinely finds you attractive. These are the unicorns. They are far and few between, but they are definitely out there. Usually, he is an older man who is much more secure about his identity and orientation at this point in his life. I have met and dated some fantastic gentlemen who fit into this category over the years.

Third, there's the perv who sees a CD as a walking sex toy and just wants to have sex. They are turned on the minute they see you and would want nothing more than to use you for their gratification RIGHT NOW. These guys can range from amusing to annoying to quite dangerous. I have been approached by this type at all hours of the day, in vanilla settings like a pharmacy or bank, and while I was dressed modestly and fully blending in. They have great CD radar! Unfortunately, these can be the most common type - motivated and emboldened by all the stereotypes about hyper-sexualized and promiscuous CDs and transwomen in the endless porn universe.

Talk amongst yourselves, ladies...

[docrobbysherry]

I haven't spent as much time with CD chasers as Monica has because I'm not into males. But, one thing I found in common with most of them is they r interested in oral sex.:o

Getting it, not giving it!:devil:

[Kelly DeWinter]

I am a people person, and love getting out, you nailed the 3 types, however there is a Fourth type, The openly hostile, they seek out CD/TG to harass and intimidate . Usually they are with 2 to 4 other people and create a pack mentality to harass, belittle and at times assault any CD/TG in public or on social media. I've think they have a hidden attraction to us, but because they are in public with friends they feel the need to openly deny what they don't wont any one to find out about.

[MonicaPVD]

Hi, docrobby, you are correct. Unfortunately, much of the information that men receive about CDs revolves around porn and, therefore, they often expect us to be submissive, willing and eager participants in their gratification fantasy. It's actually quite astonishing how bold and aggressive some can be.

Hi Kelly. That fourth type is out there but in my years of interactions and travels, I have honestly encountered very few of these. That's why I did not include them. I also agree that many who fit this description are usually younger and may be motivated by secret desires that cause internal conflict. This makes this kind of person highly unpredictable and dangerous in an isolated setting. If you ever encounter this type of person, make yourself as conspicuous as possible and seek out public spaces. They are outliers and the general public will not condone their behavior. They know this and will leave you alone. Again, in my travels I have only encountered this type of person maybe two or three times, despite having hundreds of interactions in all kinds of places - urban, rural, small town, overseas, etc.

(EDIT: This is a good time to insert my PSA about not going out on solo walks at night. Cis women do not go out on solo walks in the dark for a very basic reason: it leaves you with few exit strategies if you were to ever encounter a hostile, aggressive or violent male.)

[Charlotte Haynes]

What about the ones who tell you how beautiful you are, and then after you have satisfied their lust, shake you firmly by the hand?

[Sandi Beech]

Interesting analysis Monica. I have not run into group 1 as of yet, but definitely the other two. Oddly enough, I have had women try to defend my honor a couple of times before I even had a chance to respond. Not all women put up with it. Unfortunately, the Internet does not help us. Just Google for crossdressers and look at all the porn hits. It kind of hurts our image.

As for your PSA, that is spot on. It is temping for a newcomer to go to isolated areas. Definitely risky. I have done it when younger myself, but no more. Since I go clubbing a fair amount, I have found the safest entry to be to take Uber or Lyft so I can be dropped off and picked up right at the front door. The owner of the bar I was at this week asked me if I wanted to wait inside which was very nice indeed. I can not imagine that walking out to a remote and dark parking lot at 2 AM would be safer. It is good to keep bringing this up for those new to venturing out.

Sandi

[MonicaPVD]

Charlotte, that's a whole other story. That sensation of guilt and shame that can overwhelm an insecure man after the fact can prove dangerous or deadly to an unsuspecting CD or transwoman. As humiliating as that can be - and it can be terribly humiliating even after the fifth or fifteenth time - you count your blessings when the post-incident clarity ends in a handshake or an abrupt goodbye. I don't want to get into details because most of our friends on here will never get that far into the weeds with another person. Anyone who has questions can feel free to inbox me! [JUDGEMENT-FREE ZONE]

[ellbee]

Putting a label on people or putting them into a certain "category" isn't always the best. We are all individuals.

Yet at the same time? Yes, there can be patterns & such, as you come across a large-enough sample size.


I do agree with the analysis of the 4 types discussed, for the most part.

But dare I say? There may be a *fifth*! :confused2:


It may not pertain to every CD'er, or even all the time, at that.

But sometimes there are some men out there who are initially attracted to what they believe to be a GG who they have never seen before. The female visual cues are there, drawing the attention... They like what they see. :thumbsup:


Upon continued further inspection (i.e., checking them out), they feel something may be a bit "off" -- but not sure exactly what.

Then it eventually dawns on them...

"Wait a sec... Is that a *dude*?? Nah, no way. Couldn't be."

Or is it? :devil:


They can't help with the attraction -- yet at the same time, also the confusion & wondering.

Perhaps they've never really been in such a situation before. This is really throwing them for a loop.

1.) They're not sure if it's a GG, a CD'er, a TS, etc. Still trying to figure that out, from a distance.

2.) And if the focus of attraction actually *is* a non-GG? "OMG! What does this mean? Am I gay or something?? :eek:"


I do feel bad for this type. It could be their first real-life experience of something like this. And it can really mess with them, at least for a bit.

I don't believe it's the "fault" of the CD'er, who is simply living their life, out & about doing something as a "normal" person would do.

But, here we are. :wave2:


Good chance that this type will keep their distance & won't approach, as they try to process what exactly is going on -- outwardly in this situation, as well as in their minds.

Guessing they'll probably be doing so for a while, long after the focus of attraction has exited the environment.


And now that I think about it? This may not be a true "type," after all... Perhaps more like a "pre-type"? :strugglin

IOW, this real-life experience of theirs may very well lead to going down further into this world -- eventually potentially turning them into one of the 4 main types as discussed above.


Perhaps? :thinking:

But this type of guy is definitely out there. And TBH, they're kinda cute, in their own little way. :heehee:

[MonicaPVD]

Hi Ellbee,

Thanks for your input. I agree that there are some men who might fit into that category but it has been my experience that most who engage in that behavior pattern are trying to hold onto their "Plausible Deniability Get-Out-Of-Jail" card in the event that they are somehow outed. That's just my personal experience. Now, I'm not saying that a man might be genuinely confused and befuddled by a gorgeous 20-something tiny, size 00 beauty. No doubt. But it's safe to say that none of the ladies in this forum fit into that category.

Again, these are just comments based on my personal experience and not meant to contradict or minimize the experiences of others.

[Kris Burton]

I think most GG would agree with your analysis, Monica, of the three types. Most GG's have experienced all three types, hopefully with #2 the most frequently, although as you suggest that is also the rarest type. The important thing here is how we, as out-and-about CD's or TG's, respond.

I have always felt that in socio/sexual relationships, the woman was always in control. The male is the pursuer. The woman is the pursued, the prize, with the capability to accept of reject the advances of the male. I don't know if most GG's would agree with this, but that is always how it seemed to me.It's important to realize that we, now as CD's or TG's have that control and capability. And that knowledge should help to keep us safe as we enter, with tenuous footsteps like myself, into the community. In short I suppose, that's part of how it feels to be a woman as well.

Of course, then there is the #3 group. These are predators. They see the relationship as predator and prey, and act that way. It's important to know the signs to avoid dangerous situations. And if you find yourself there, get yourself out immediately, call management, mall security, the bouncer, whatever. It is yours to do, and I think a collective responsibility to keep our community safe.

In short, be able to as best as possible recognize what type we are dealing with, and act accordingly. This thread should go a long way to promoting that. Glad you were able to put it into words for us to discuss, Monica.

[ellbee]

Monica,


Well, I will say in response, never to underestimate the undeniable power of cluelessness & apparent blindness of horny men with a few alcoholic drinks in them, looking for some action, surrounded by a bunch of gussied-up GG's who are "working them up" even further, in a semi-lit environment like a vanilla hetero bar/nightclub where the expectation of seeing someone from the TG community is near-zero. :roflmao:


Will the GG's there be "fooled"? Nope.

Will some of the guys there be, even if only temporarily? Absolutely. :devil:


Heck, putting the shoe on the other foot, even *I've* been one of those guys I just described above! You'd think I, of all people, would "know better."

Apparently I didn't. :heehee:

[char GG]

This is a good time to insert my PSA about not going out on solo walks at night.

Monica, thank you for adding that quote.

So often, I see CDers here, especially new ones, talk about their post midnight solo walks in deserted areas/parks/streets/cemeteries. That is so dangerous! My thought is that is where people hang out that don't want to be caught or have something to hide. Not a good idea for a CDer to run into those types. It is rare that you will find a GG in that situation.

[MonicaPVD]

Thanks, Char GG. Speaking as someone who has made more than her share of poor decisions over the years, I cannot stress enough how much I shudder when I read our friends describing their solo walks in the dark, especially in desolate neighborhoods, parks, etc. Being alone in the dark is an invitation to disaster. I would rather (and can speak from personal experience) be in a crime-ridden, post-apocalyptic-looking urban neighborhood surrounded by people (plural) than take a chance walking in a dark park or desolate area by myself.

[kimdl93]

Probably a fair characterization, although I suppose there is almost infinite variation in between. I have been fortunate not to have more than a couple unwanted overtures. The overtures I wanted came from several surprisingly attractive women?go figure. Of course, I was married at the time and had to pass. Darn the luck!

Totally agree on the matter of late night walks in dark places. Horrible idea that in part may account for some of the some of the sad outcomes experienced by transwomen. For those who are just venturing out…go to a gay bar with well lighted parking and if possible in a group. Remember there is safety in daylight, busy venues and numbers.

[MonicaPVD]

Kim,

Yes, there are endless variations but these are the three general archetypes I have consistently encountered over the years. Curiously, I haven't had many instances where women came onto me. I have, however, made more than a few female friends while out and about. Fantastic times!

[MarinaTwelve200]

I can think of at least two MORE "types" some "gays" usually looking beyond your appearance and thinking you are one of them and very insecure types who are insecure around REAL women.

[XemmaX]

oh yeah during my time i have come across the third kind for sure those are usually the people who turned up to cd nights here in berlin when i used to go to them and thinking it cant only be about sex. kinda crazy but at least they know what they are looking for as no one wants to experience the 'omg i just slept with tranny moment' as that really is scary. lets also not forget that all these people for some reason identify as 'straight'.

[MiniRock]

Interesting thread Monica. As for me, since I've only properly been into a bar dressed a couple of times - reported on here :), I've not had chance to encounter men. In fact it seems quite the opposite, I seem to encounter women way more easily than I would in normal attire, which I feel, like Sandi, is a bonus prize. However, I can think of three occasions when gay men have taken a liking to me when I've been in bars, two of those times when I've been suited up and handsome after work. If I go into a bar alone, I'm usually open to conversation with anyone who finds me interesting and can be overtly charming if I so choose. In all cases, I misread their interest and they started to become a nuisance and I was forced in the end to give a straight "back off!". The time that sticks in my mind the most was in Copenhagen. After the event, the man's companion told me he had been drinking with him for years and he'd never for a moment seen any sign of homosexuality! That same evening in the same bar, I then met a young women who invited me on to another bar with her. I showed her photos of me in girly things. At that time, I'd never gone out en femme; I could do much better now, thanks to this forum. Anyway, she wanted to drink shots and unfortunately, I got very drunk. Well, to cut a long story short, I misread her signs as well and she ended up telling me to back off! I remain ashamed of that incident to this day. I also distinctly remember arriving at the airport on the train after sleeping right through my stop and feeling extremely ill.
Coincidentally, I'm back again in Copenhagen for a few months, and I was out shopping with my partner at the weekend and we found ourselves in an outlet shop. I bought a glorious sexy pink rusched skirt and a brown top to go with it, But otherwise I have left all my CD stuff in Vienna. And now she's talking about going out to a bar or nightclub as two girls, something she's never suggested before. So I'm glued to my smartphone searching for a blazer and other accessories so that we can make it happen.
As a final point, several ladies have mentioned the dangers of going out at night for those initial forays in the wrong clothes. Those of you who have been here for two or three years might also remember that I was one who did precisely that - also reporting it here. Thinking back now after having arrived at a point where I am able to go out in daylight - albeit not in total comfort, I could not have done it without first building my confidence at night. Is there an alternative to that? Because I can't think of one. Other than going out very early after the revellers have gone home and staying out through dawn. Even my inspiration seems to be most comfortable like that.

[TheHiddenMe]

So, while I know that this is a dicey subject for some of my friends on here, I wanted to open a thread about the kinds of men who are usually attracted to CDs. Now, I know that many of you are happily hetero and happily committed to wonderful relationships. However, it is a fact that most of us who go out into the real world dressed must often contend with interactions and advances from interested and/or curious men. This can be useful background information for any CD who goes out into the real world.

Talk amongst yourselves, ladies...

Well, maybe in your world "it's a fact" but definitely not in my world.

I've been out about 500 times over the last five years and I've been approached by men twice, to the best of my memory. Once was on a commuter train and the other leaving a casino at one in the morning.

If you are at places that encourage interactions--like bars--you are likely to get interactions. It's more of a target rich environment.

If you are trying on clothing or shopping in women's departments, you are a lot less likely to encounter men. I've also been to restaurants, a couple of concerts, and multiple casinos too, and zero approaches by men.

Part of my purpose of posting on these boards is there are lots of non-member visitors who read our posts who are trying to gain their confidence to dress or go out. Suggesting that if you go out that you are going to be approached by men on a regular basis can be extremely frightening for those non-members.

So I can't comment on the categories you mention, because I haven't encountered them.

As to nighttime walks, I agree 1000%. Don't do it.

The irony is the more people that see you, the safer you are.

I decided to go solo to see U2 at an arena in downtown St. Louis. Been to the arena (and the nearby baseball stadium) tons of time at night. Park car, walk to arena/stadium, no problem.

No way I was going to do that in rock girl mode. I took the Metrolink train. Lots of people on train, lots of people walking from train to arena. Yes, lots of people to see I was a CD, but lots of people to make sure I was safe.

I didn't have an issue.

[AngelaYVR]

Oddly, I've come across Type 2 the most, my favourite was the guy who ran out from a restaurant which he was renovating to ask me out, very polite and earnest. He did, however, annoy me a little after I turned him down by saying "I hope you find what you're looking for" - I wasn't looking for anything, I was just out for the day! Never have I seen a Type 1 but there have been a handful of Type 3. I have also had talks with random guys who start chatting about various things but never make any attempt at asking me out, I always assume these are fellow dressers.

[LilSissyStevie]

You forgot the main type. CDs who are attracted to other CDs. There seems to be a lot of cross pollination going on at those T-conferences and T-Bar events. Not that I would know from personal experience. I only know what I read on the Internet.

[MonicaPVD]

Hi Stevie. I left those out because they're not men. They're CDs and they come with their own set of rules and regulations. 😂

[Krisi]

I have not been approached by men because I have not been out very many times and when I have been out it was in broad daylight either in the local shopping mall or on crowded city sidewalks in the tourist part of town. And I have always been dressed conservatively, not trying to attract attention. If I was approached by a man in a "romantic" way I would probably be shocked and not know what to say. But, I'm not interested in being with a man so I would have to find a way to say "No" and move on.

I see the thread took a left turn at some point to the subject of walking around at night, dressed. I have posted many times on that subject. It is a very bad idea. Not only is there the risk of being accosted by someone who wants either your money or your body, there is the risk of having the police called on you or just being stopped by the police if they see you. While it's not illegal to walk around at night dressed as a woman, it's unusual and something they may want to investigate. There are men who dress as women and provide sex for money.

[Stephanie47]

I totally agree with staying out of potentially dangerous places; closed parks, cemeteries, strip malls, etc at 2 AM. If you're going to go out en femme for an evening (not 2 AM) stroll, maybe you should check it out en drab before going there. What do you observe? What kind of people do you encounter? In an urban residential neighborhood there is a lot of activity occurring in late fall and winter when the sun goes down at 5:00 PM. Use common sense.

[LilSissyStevie]

Hi Stevie. I left those out because they're not men. They're CDs and they come with their own set of rules and regulations. ��

Last I checked CDs were men - albeit, men trapped in men's bodies. Otherwise, in what sense are they crossdressers? Also, the difference I see with your type two and type three chaser is whether or not the attention is desirable. He's a unicorn if you desire the attention or a creep otherwise.

BTW, attraction to CDs, TGs, TSs, Femboys, Futanaria, sissies, etc. is known as gyneandromorphophila (GAMP.)

[MonicaPVD]

Stevie, I appreciate your elaboration. Thanks. However, my initial post was discussing the men we encounter who look and act and present like men and inhabit the vanilla world that we sometimes choose to venture into. It does not apply to men who are actively engaged in crossdressing when we encounter them. That's a whole other branch of the evolutionary tree.

Also, the difference between type two and type three is that #2 treats you like a human, with attention and consideration. His approach is, let's get to know each other. #3 treats you like a sex toy. His approach is, how fast can I put my willy inside of you.

Sometimes #3 can be a blast, but the difference is night and day.

[Lori Ann Westlake]

Like Krisi, I haven't been out in public very much (including a couple of times with my wife) and have never been approached by any men. For that, like Krisi, I feel grateful, because I wouldn't be sure how to respond either! So I'm afraid I don't have anything to contribute in the way of personal experience with men while dressed.

However, I am curious about what drives these "chaser" types, #3. Why would a purportedly "straight" man be especially attracted to crossdressers?

If many chasers are looking exclusively to receive oral sex, as Doc mentioned--and I do get that impression from other sources--that at least seems understandable. The chaser can indulge in that activity while still maintaining the illusion that it's a woman who is "servicing" him, while other forms of sex might seem altogether "too gay" for a straight man. Yet that still doesn't explain why they find CDers so unusually attractive compared with women.

Is it because some CDers (NOT all) go "over the top" in trying to look sexy and alluring, compared with ordinary women?

Or is it because these chasers have a perception, rightly or wrongly, that a CDer is "hot to trot" and ready to give them instant sex, compared with the average woman who, if she's willing at all, certainly prefers to be "wooed" a little?

None of these explanations seems adequate to me, and I can't help thinking that these chasers are not so much "straight" as covertly bisexual. Making it with a CDer fulfills the fantasy of romping with both sexes at the same time: the "best of both worlds" to anyone with dual orientation, It certainly fits with Stevie's description of gyneandromorphophilia. What a glorious word! I wondered for a moment whether it wasn't more euphonious to call it 'androgynemorphophilia," until it struck me that "AGMP" is not a pronounceable acronym, while "GAMP" is. It's also slang for an umbrella, named after Dickens's "Sairey Gamp."

Monica, I wonder whether you had any particular cheeses in mind when you titled this thread. I was thinking about plain Cheddar for tyep 1, fine Stilton for type 2, and pungent Limburger for type 3.

[MonicaPVD]

Lori Ann -

You make some salient points, but the bottom line is that the world is full of hetero-normative men who are into CDs. There are a million reasons why they are, but they are nonetheless. Now, it has been my experience that the motivation behind their interest dictates their behavior directly. Some are closeted gay, others are closeted CD, others are just very curious individuals, and others are just horny and motivated by the stereotype or trope of the sex-crazed CD or transwoman. There are plenty of "straight" men who would not turn down consequence-free sexual gratification under any circumstances and with any willing partner. Ever. Porn plays a big role in perpetuating that stereotype but we gurls are often guilty of that as well. It's all good. My intention was not to make value judgments, simply to map out the most common variety of hetero-normative men who may typically come onto us when we are out dressed. As I have stated in other responses, this is based on my experience and may differ slightly or immensely from other CDs' experiences.

[TheHiddenMe]

However, I am curious about what drives these "chaser" types, #3. Why would a purportedly "straight" man be especially attracted to crossdressers?

Can any of us fully explain why WE choose to dress in the clothes of the opposite sex? I just know it's something I've wanted to do since I was about seven years old.

The same can certainly apply to chasers. They don't know why, they just do.

There are some (only a handful, I'm sure) women that are attracted to MTF crossdressers too. Again, why? Who knows?

If we don't want others to judge us for the way we like to dress occasionally, then shouldn't we have some tolerance for those men who have an attraction for us? Shouldn't it be a two-way street?

[AngelaYVR]

HiddenMe, you are so correct. I also believe these men can be called nominally straight because it is the feminine facade that attracts them, I doubt they are chasing after men. Just as many of the self proclaimed straight CDs here would take the first opportunity to jump into bed with another CD. I was told by a woman who took a fancy to me that the whole thing is just erotic, the female form with the male appendage turned her on greatly and she otherwise called herself straight. My wife agrees, she loves the whole look (mostly the stockings, part of the reason I wear them exclusively). I think, therefore, that we can agree that what's good for the goose is good for the gander! We're equal opportunity when it comes to admiration.

Finally, for those who fret about being hit on by guys: you aren't suddenly going to turn gay. If anything, it's a huge compliment and I personally think it's very sweet when some poor sap gets up the gumption to make a move - I feel bad for them when I turn them down.

[josie_S]

This is a good thread. I've encountered all three types before, although by far I've encountered #3 the most. Sometimes I think I've encountered the second type, but they became a #3 very fast. In fact, I'm certain I've encountered a "unicorn" only once, and *I* was so nervous and jaded that I turned him away. Part of me still kicks myself over it :straightface:

[Kris Burton]

Finally, for those who fret about being hit on by guys: you aren't suddenly going to turn gay. If anything, it's a huge compliment and I personally think it's very sweet when some poor sap gets up the gumption to make a move - I feel bad for them when I turn them down.

A perfect example of the male/female, pursuer/pursued dynamic I was talking about. You might feel bad when having to turn someone down, but that's the power we did not wield when playing for the "other team."

- - - Updated - - -


In fact, I'm certain I've encountered a "unicorn" only once, and *I* was so nervous and jaded that I turned him away. Part of me still kicks myself over it :straightface:

I think most GG's have at least one "that got away". You might kick yourself over it, but having the power to make that selection among pursuers to me is huge. As it is said however, with great power comes great responsibility, to yourself and others.

[Lori Ann Westlake]

Monica, thanks for your illuminating comments. The complexity of human sexuality is a fascinating topic, and I?m sure you?ve had more adventures in this field that I have! I may have been laboring under an illusion all these years. I always thought that if a man was truly "straight," he would usually have a positive inhibition, even a repulsion, toward sex with other men--and perhaps vice versa for gay men. On the "gay" side, I've never forgotten reading long ago about a covertly gay radio personality who allegedly told someone--and I quote-- that "the touch of a woman's hand made him feel sick." Of course that's an extreme, even pathological example of such repugnance toward a "non-preferred sex." I had to feel sorry for the fellow with such colossal hangups. Maybe he had serious "mother issues" or something. I don?t imagine for a moment that most gay men feel that way about women. And speaking for myself, of course the touch of a man's hand doesn't "make ne feel sick." It just isn't sexual, that's all, and speaking for myself, I wouldn't personally want to have sex with another man. Never in a male role, at any rate, and probably not at all. So this is an illustration of the kind of inhibition against "non-preferred sex" that I'm talking about. Incidentally it makes sense to me that while Nature would implant a strong drive within most of us to copulate with the opposite sex in order to ensure procreation of our species, it also makes sense that Nature would implant inhibitions in most of us to ensure we didn't fritter away this powerful drive by copulating with the "wrong sex," or with the "wrong species" such as sheep, etc. Some of us are just different, that's all.

These inhibitions against "non-preferred sex" may be true of some, but it also seems from your comments that for some people, sexual "preference" means just that. In other words: "This is the kind of sex I prefer, but if not, I'l take anything going!" Well, we live and learn!


Can any of us fully explain why WE choose to dress in the clothes of the opposite sex? I just know it's something I've wanted to do since I was about seven years old.

The same can certainly apply to chasers. They don't know why, they just do.

There are some (only a handful, I'm sure) women that are attracted to MTF crossdressers too. Again, why? Who knows?

That's another interesting difference between people. Some of us like to analyze things and understand the "why," including how human minds work. Others apparently don't care. This topic was briefly touched on in another recent thread. Somebody said "Why worry about analyzing things?" Well, I do agree we shouldn't "worry"! All those needless worries like "Am I gay?" and the rest of it. Luckily that never bothered me. Self-comprehension on the other hand can be rewarding, if we have that mindset. I've figured out a couple of intriguing things about myself as a crossdresser. If I were a "chaser" instead, I know I'd want to figure out "why" as well.


If we don't want others to judge us for the way we like to dress occasionally, then shouldn't we have some tolerance for those men who have an attraction for us? Shouldn't it be a two-way street?

It's not clear to me from anyone on this thread that "tolerance" (or lack of it) is an issue, or that anyone is being judgmental of certain men simply because they're attracted to crossdressers. I think it was clear from Monica's initial and subsequent posts that if there's a "problem," it's not with the nature of anyone's sexuality per se, only with "unwanted attention"--especially persistent unwanted attention from some people, irrespective of their sexuality, Thats's a separate issue. After all, enough women complain about unwanted "sexual harassment" from perfectly straight men. And one member here complained recently about being followed round a bar from one spot to another by a literal "chaser" who just wouldn't take a hint, and she couldn't get rid of him. "Obnoxious behavior" is a completely separate matter from sexuality. In other and different situations, some CDers wouldn't be having any fun without those chasers, as I think Monica was pointing out.


I was told by a woman who took a fancy to me that the whole thing is just erotic, the female form with the male appendage turned her on greatly and she otherwise called herself straight.

There is more in this remark than you know, Angela. In sexual orientation it is perfectly possible to have what I'd call "crossed wires," which can only be understood by a process of analysis (as I mentioned earlier,) which means literally "breaking something down into its component parts" and comprehending how they can vary separately and indepdendently of one another. I ought to start a thread about that.


...for those who fret about being hit on by guys: you aren't suddenly going to turn gay. If anything, it's a huge compliment and I personally think it's very sweet when some poor sap gets up the gumption to make a move - I feel bad for them when I turn them down.

Well, if any of us are trying to look feminine and attractive, certainly it's a compliment! But if anyone feels disconcerted by being unexpectedly hit on by a guy, that's understandable in view of the possibly complex emotions involved. Anyone might feel confused and awkward if they don't have an appropriate response prepared, and perhaps (as we humans are prone to do) illogically inclined to blame the guy for "making" us feel awkward. So as you say, it's best to think these situations through in advance and to be prepared with a suitably diplomatic response to a compliment!