Tears of joy and relief

[Jessicajane]

As I write this Ive just finished a good cry not tears of sorrow but tears of relief .
My wife and I have come so far we have a great relationship but wow my transitioning has caused such a strain .
She has somehow found a way through this ordeal that I have heaped on her she has supported me at times reluctantly but none the less standing by my side as I came out to friends family and at work.

There are rules limits red lines and I am happy to respect those for the opportunity to live how I want..although I have faced the scorn of more than a couple of trans women who disapprove of my acceptance of no surgical interventions or legally changing my name.

So why the tears?
I got back from the endocrinologist today with a heavy heart my hormone levels/ existing medication needed some additional assistance and this would mean infringing on a part of the red lines that I have considered a no go zone for the last few years.
I sat my wife down and explained what I wanted to do with a dread that this would cause a serious melt down
She was so calm.. no melt down no problem she made a joke about getting mad later and then held my hand giving it a little squeeze.
I am so relieved and thankful for her sanctioning this next step..

I truly feel blessed to have a partner with the strength to cope as she does. X

[GretchenM]

Jessica, you and your wife have accomplished a major feat in getting through all the transitioning in one piece. That is not the norm. Good communication and compromising is always an immense help. Keep up the good work.

It is sad that some scorned your not "completing the job" with regard to your transition. That is not fair. You must do what you feel is right and proper for your circumstances and so long as it is working well I recommend you continue to make your own decisions regarding your life because that is what works for you. We are all different and we all have different circumstances and needs. They have theirs and you have yours. So long as it works and dysphoria is not a major factor and well controlled then you are in the right place.

Your wife is a gem, indeed. Hang on to her.

[alwayshave]

Jessica, It is so great that your wife is supporting and adjusting to changes.

[kimdl93]

Not to be a downer, but the question occurred to me: is this initial calm simply her way of beginning to process the information you shared? If this was crossing a bright red line, the consequences or her reaction may be initially subdued but might not be representative of consent and acceptance.

[Aunt Kelly]

As I write this Ive just finished a good cry not tears of sorrow but tears of relief .
My wife and I have come so far we have a great relationship but wow my transitioning has caused such a strain .
She has somehow found a way through this ordeal that I have heaped on her she has supported me at times reluctantly but none the less standing by my side as I came out to friends family and at work.

There are rules limits red lines and I am happy to respect those for the opportunity to live how I want..although I have faced the scorn of more than a couple of trans women who disapprove of my acceptance of no surgical interventions or legally changing my name.



First of all, let me apologize for those who insensitively "disapproved" of your non-op status. That's a very personal decision and there are many reasons for not choosing that particular intervention. On the other hand...

Your use of the term "transition" to describe your situation is going to ruffle the feathers of those how have truly transitioned, or are transitioning. No, it has nothing to do with medical or surgical procedures. Transition means living life, fully, as a person of the gender you've identified. Unless you're doing that, fully committed (including legal name change) you have not "transitioned". Again, I do not mean to slight you or your choices. I've made similar choices - in order to secure our financial future (for my wife and I), I have chosen to delay most surgeries and legal name change. I have NOT transitioned and would not dismiss the extraordinary challenges faced by those who have by equating my experience with theirs. Please be more understanding of the differences here.

[Sometimes Steffi]

As I write this I've just finished a good cry not tears of sorrow but tears of relief.

I sat my wife down and explained what I wanted to do with a dread that this would cause a serious melt down. She was so calm. No melt down no problem she made a joke about getting mad later and then held my hand giving it a little squeeze. I am so relieved and thankful for her sanctioning this next step..

It sometimes seems that someone is always moving the end zone. I'm really glad that your wife accepted this.

I don't care what Aunt Kelly says and you shouldn't either.

Let it be said that I strongly disagree with her.

[docrobbysherry]

That's all good, JJ. But, I can't help but wonder what this huge step over the "red line" is?:straightface:

I promise if u tell me what it is, I won't mention it to your wife or friends!:battingeyelashes:

[Jessicajane]

Not to be a downer, but the question occurred to me: is this initial calm simply her way of beginning to process the information you shared? If this was crossing a bright red line, the consequences or her reaction may be initially subdued but might not be representative of consent and acceptance.

Having enjoyed a 30yr relationship with my wife?I have learnt to read the tone and nature of her reaction?I?m confident I?m all good I just need to manage the new dosage properly.

- - - Updated - - -


First of all, let me apologize for those who insensitively "disapproved" of your non-op status. That's a very personal decision and there are many reasons for not choosing that particular intervention. On the other hand...

Your use of the term "transition" to describe your situation is going to ruffle the feathers of those how have truly transitioned, or are transitioning. No, it has nothing to do with medical or surgical procedures. Transition means living life, fully, as a person of the gender you've identified. Unless you're doing that, fully committed (including legal name change) you have not "transitioned". Again, I do not mean to slight you or your choices. I've made similar choices - in order to secure our financial future (for my wife and I), I have chosen to delay most surgeries and legal name change. I have NOT transitioned and would not dismiss the extraordinary challenges faced by those who have by equating my experience with theirs. Please be more understanding of the differences here.


I read your reply with interest..and indeed think it would make an interesting discussion point as a thread on its own ?when do you consider you have transitioned..
My personal belief is that I have? I base that on a number of factors

I have socially transitioned in that I am Jess and I live my life as Jess ? I work as Jess and go out socially as Jess..whilst the legal name change isn?t happening I personally don?t see that as defining me as it has little if any impact on my day to day life.

I have medically transitioned in that over the last 2 years my T and oestrogen levels are in the female range not the male one

As for ruffling feathers?well my experience of the trans community is that there are always some who believe a transition is achieved by ticking boxes or how much they have had to suffer? for me Transitioning is a personal journey therefore the end point or transition is were I choose it to be? not what boxes I have ticked.