For those who are out and about "en femme"...

[Leslie Langford]

...what was your defining moment when you realized that you did, indeed, either pass/blend, or were otherwise treated just like any other GG by others whom you interacted with in public?

For me, there were several that have stood out over the years, and I am listing these in no particular order:

1) Having a young man stand up and offer me his seat while riding in the subway.

2) Random men holding open the doors to buildings for me while smiling and wishing me "Have a good day, Ma'am".

3) Cars screeching to a halt as I was attempting trying to cross a busy street to let me go by. As a man, I would likely either have been ignored or else run over by the same stressed-out, harried people.

4) Waiting at the fitting room area of a Marshall's department store with some women's clothes to try on, and having the attendant instinctively direct me towards the women's change room section as opposed to the men's.

5) Having GG customers solicit my input on their proposed choices of dresses while we were both perusing the clothing racks.

6) Having a fellow GG shopper go through the displays in a lingerie store beside me, look over at me, and then declare "If there's anything I hate more than buying shoes, it's buying bras!" I smiled knowingly at her, thinking to myself all the while "If there's anything I love more than buying shoes, it's bras". ;) :heehee:

7) Getting my nails done in a salon, chatting with the nail techs and getting no vibe from any of them that something might be amiss with me, all the while eliciting "0" attention from the other GG customers around me who were preoccupied with either their mobile phones or with how their own manicures were proceeding.

8) Being stopped at a sobriety checkpoint shortly before Christmas one year, having the police officer stick his head through the open window within 6" of my face to see if he could detect any hint of alcohol on my breath, and then sending me on my way with a "Thank you, and have a Merry Christmas, Ma'am".

So what are some of your "Greatest Hits"?

[StaceyJane]

Having a guy hold the door open for me going into a store was pretty cool.

[NjJamie]

Back in August, I had 4 days alone and completely went for the moon. I doubt I passed or blended very well but I was close enough to the middle that no one seemed to notice or care!

Some highlights, best is last!

1) My first visit to Panera as Jamie, thanks to another member here (Brandy!) who suggested it would be easier as they have kiosks set up at the front and the only face to face contact would be at pick-up. Getting the nerve to go in wasn't easy but the visit sure was, no one seemed to notice and I even sat in the open but near a door. I could see in the glass if anyone looked twice or was staring but no one did, I even went to the ladies room afterwards to fix my makeup!

2) Stopping at a supermarket and shopping for about 15 minutes, I bought flour, snacks and a new lip gloss. I went to the self checkout and simply checked myself out on the scanner, though I was glad there were no hiccups and I didn't need any assistance. Other shoppers simply went about their shopping, not noticing me at all.

3) Back to Panera, this time one with only a front entrance. I ordered my meal using my new "J" credit card, got my buzzer and filled my drink. I decided to take a seat in the open and got comfy while waiting, reading posts on this site and knowing the layout of this store would have me going by everyone in the store to get my meal. "Bzzz", times up and off I go, slipping by other tables with families and single diners, quietly picked up my meal and made quick eye contact with the staff member handling my order. Back to my table and taking my time, I eventually needed a refill. When I was just by the soda counter, I had to ask a customer to let me by. I'm sure she figured me out but other than a look back when she left there were no other second looks.

4) Target! I had such a rewarding stop in Panera that I went to a nearby Target, parked and just went in. I have so often lost my nerve just as I pull the keys out of the ignition but this time was different. I headed over to the shoe department and tried on a few pairs and other than a few second looks from a store employee (I am taller and blonde at the time) who might not have figured me out I was just another shopper. Either way, I was having too much fun to stop, went through the women's section and then the lingerie department. I saw an item I've needed for some time, a boned waist cincher, but the one in my size did not have a tag on it. With a good dose of the fog pushing me forward, I simply grabbed another one and brought both to the check out area. After about a minute, I brought the item to the SA and explained my situation and without anything other than a beautiful smile she rang up my purchase, placed it in the bag with the receipt and said "Have a good night, thanks for shopping at Target". I floated out and had a wide smile for the rest of the night, such an awesome experience!

[Maid_Marion]

The grocery store I shop at has free ice cream cones for every $100 of purchases.
I'll have an ice cream cone in the parking lot and guys will park next to me to check me out even though there are closer spots to the entrance of the store.

Yes, guys wait for me to pass in front of them when I walk to my car.

Marion

[Christie ann]

It was probably less of my convincing presentation and more of people not paying close attention. None the less, they all made my day.
In line in the woman’s rest room, waiting my turn and just having conversations. Lots of conversations going on and then continuing outside.
Went to use a woman’s rest room in a mall where they had just had a water leak and given very precise directions to the next woman’s room.
While trying on dresses in a Dress Barn ( loved that place) and having conversations about what looked good with what with other shoppers.
Helping a fellow shopper zip up her dress in front of that really nice big mirror that they don’t have in men’s dressing rooms
And of course the ma’am’s and miss and she and her that occasionally come your way.

[Lana Mae]

One of the first.
On a trip to my then Endo to start HRT, I made a pit stop at a convenience store! I used the one stall ladies room and bought a soda! the clerk said, Thank you, ma'am! I turned to the door and a young man held the door for me! Later at I-Hop, the greeter called me "Miss"! I have been ma'amed a lot but my first "Miss"!
The last time I was with my daughter at Walmart at the eye place to get a new nose pad for her glasses! The lady that greeted us said, May I help you ladies!
There are more but these are the best ones!! Hugs Lana Mae

[Julie MA]

When it happens, I will let you know

[michelleddg]

Look who's back, Yay! You need to stop in more often.

My best passing moments have been in the big girl's chair at MAC counters at the mall getting a makeover. There are always other ladies getting makeovers, you look your best, and they love to chit chat about the experience and the event they're primping for. That you could be a boy underneath doesn't occur to them as a possibility. So much fun! The whipped cream, of course, is the other artistes always stop by to tell you how fabulous you look (whether it's true or not).

Hugs, Michelle

[kimdl93]

A few of those things have happened to me, though I still took them with a grain of salt. I recall going through the rack of tall pants during a store clothing and a fellow shopper lamented that tall girls like us would have to find somewhere else to find 35? inseams. An evening out found me seated next to a bachelorette party. One of the girls engaged me in conversation, and soon drew me into the group. I assumed she knew, but later in the evening I acknowledged what I thought was obvious and she insisted she didn?t ever suspect I was anything other than a pretty, mature woman?her words.

[bridget thronton]

I doubt I pass - but I do enjoy being greeted with good evening ladies when I sit down to eat in a restaurant

[Debs]

I think is down to confidence, when I first started going out was obviously very nervous, and beleive you me that attracts attention, but as got older and have got more confidence, and got in the frame of mind that nobody cares if Im in a dress, nobody is going to walk up to you and ask, "hey are you a man in a dress ?", also nobody is bothered, I notice this now when I go shopping, always in a public place, a town centre, a Mall, its safe in plain site, nobody takes any notice of me as long as Im dressed to blend in. I first noticed it about 10 years ago I was sat in a cafe, and the world was just going by nobody cared I was sat there, in my head I think im about 50/50 pass, but in the eyes of the world with my confidence high Im 100%

[XemmaX]

i'll let you know when i 'pass' but i dunno people are polite enough to me so maybe other people think i do. ha

[Suranne]

For me, it's the whole thing, from leaving home to getting back home and while out and about just doing normal things, normally. This is a personal thing, but I don't care if I pass (I know that sometimes I do), I blend (I think that the bulk of the time I do), or stick out like a sore thumb (I'm sure that this happens too), all I ask is to be out in the world and treated as I present, and this is what happens most often. When I'm interacting with other people, I can't do their thinking for them, so I don't. As I say, as long as they treat me right, then that's just fine.

[Krisi]

I have had men hold the door for me and I have been called "Ma'am". One of those guys in the kiosks in the mall chased me down insisting that I try some "miracle" product designed to reduce wrinkles.

But, on the downside, I have gotten dirty looks that sent me home early. Honestly, that was in my early days when I hadn't gotten my presentation as good as it is now.

[Bobbi46]

There have been a couple of memorable moments for me, the first was going into my local shop after haveing been to the recycling depot, dressed in dirty old drab clothes because of what I8 had to take there, to be greeted by Mireiille in the shop telling me to "go home and put a skirt on, we are more used to seeing you in one". The second occasion was when I was ordering my new cooker hob and was asked how would I like to be adressed, miss, m/s or anything else. Whatever level of dressing one is at, whether one is accepted, glanced at or stared at, very few of us will completely be accepted as being truly en femme. I think the best thing one can do is not to dress so as to "stand out" but more to blend in.This is what I aim to do each and every time and it works for me. If I do get looked at a bit more than a glance, a polite smile and a hello i find goes a long way. Once in the check out queue of big DIY shop I felt i was being looked at and behind me was a couple the woman was looking me up and down me like a ,yoyo I waited a moment then smiled and said hello. I think after the husband must have had a ding dong with wifey because whe I saw them as left in my car hubby was walking on one side of the road and wifey on the other, made me laugh quietly.

[Jacqueline Vivaldi]

Most of the time I feel that I pass when I am in the public. But then, I began to look at the evidence and decided that I did not really pass. For years I would go out very stylishly dressed to some social event with many people around me, and every time 5-8 women would go out of their way to tell me how gorgeous I looked. A few men also did this. Then I asked myself whether gals typically go up to women who they do not know and make such comments. I concluded no. My mirror tells me that I am a vivacious, well built female when I am dressed up stylishly. Thus, I think the comments that I receive are honest and sincere. However, I now think that they are the results of especially enlightened and accepting women and men who recognize me as an especially attractive crossdresser. I am happy with that, because I dress up because it make me feel delightful

[docrobbysherry]

U know you've passed when guys look u over in straight clubs/bars. Then, they come over to chat u up and realize you're trans when u speak. Suddenly, they excuse themselves!:eek:

I have had a number of guys see me from the back in clubs and want to see more. So, they walk past me to see what my face looks like. Their eyes get big as saucers when they see my old man face on that sexy babe's body. Then, they run away!:devil:

[StephanieCLT]

For me, there have been several that come to mind:


I'm with those that it means a lot when someone holds the door for me or allows me to exit the elevator first. It's awkward in my own head because I'm not used to it, but I love it!
I love it when I'm addressed as "Ma'am." I've also overheard a couple of conversations where the two people talking are referring to me (e.g., servers in a restaurant) and they refer to me as "she."
I've had my earrings, boots, and dress complimented by GGs, even in the ladies room, and that has been affirming.
Speaking of the ladies room, when asking for directions to the bathroom, being clearly directed to the ladies room. That said, there were a couple times I was directed (clearly) to the men's room, and that was less fun.

[Leslie Langford]

...Speaking of the ladies room, when asking for directions to the bathroom, being clearly directed to the ladies room. That said, there were a couple times I was directed (clearly) to the men's room, and that was less fun...

Well done all around, Stephanie, and that reminds me of 3 other, similar incidents that I have experienced in the ladies room, but omitted to include in my OP:

1) Standing in line in front of a women's restroom with a number of other cis-women at a theater venue, and when I arrived at the front of the line, I saw a woman frantically waving to me from way back in the restroom with a big smile on her face to indicate an available stall that she had just vacated.

2) I was sitting in a stall in a shopping mall women's restroom when I heard a knock on one of the partition walls along with a woman's soft voice asking if I could possibly hand her some toilet paper underneath it as she had just run out. Apparently, this type of thing happens quite frequently in women's restrooms, and no one is taken aback by it. I'm sure that the lady in question was very grateful for the accommodating crossdresser in the stall beside her at that critical moment, albeit unbeknownst to her. :heehee:

3) I was in the women's restroom in a large shopping mall fixing my hair and makeup and minding my own business when a group of teenage girls nearby got the idea that this would be a terrific time and place to take some group selfies. No doubt, I inadvertently photo-bombed some of these...their loss, not mine, once they looked at the results more closely (who was that old crossdresser in the background, anyway??? - LOL!)

Ah, the surprises that "Life" sometimes throws our way, (a.k.a "serendipity"). ;)

[Sandi Beech]

Leslie,

I am not going to try to list all of my moments, but all I can say is the life as Sandi is a lot more fun than as my drab self. Similar experiences to those posts here prove it is not a fluke. People treat us much differently when dressed as a pretty woman - passing or not, and I really like that I have experienced that. I would not trade it for anything.

Sandi

[lingerieLiz]

As I walked up to the store's entrance I held the door open The woman behind me said we should be holding it open for you.

[Helen_Highwater]

I've shared many of the examples described above but if in looking back I had to pick one it'd be when I had my foundation matched in store.

Firstly the SA was totally unfazed and engaging but more importantly as I sat on the stool being pampered I could see all the other shoppers going about their business and totally ignoring me.

I guess I already knew I could blend but this gave me a double confidence boost. I not only improved my presentation significantly but I also confirmed I could interact with people for a more sustained period than say just paying at a checkout or sat in a restaurant or cafe.

Following that I've spent time on public transport chatting to fellow travellers, even the next day being stopped as I left a shop by a woman who asked, "Was it you sat opposite me on the train yesterday?" and we then chatted for a little while.

[Ceera]

A few of my ‘defining moments’ for realizing I really am passing:

* Early in my crossdressing days, at a point where I only went out late at night, to go to a neighborhood LGBTQ nightclub, I decided to be bold, and stop on my way home at a fast food place to get some french fries and a small soda. In the restaurant, not at the drive through. Total non-issue. Half a dozen other customers and the two people working the counter all acted as if nothing was amiss.

* Got more bold, stopping for late night grocery store purchases, or grabbing a desert at a restaurant in the afternoon. Still no unusual reactions. Marvelous.

* After about a year of going out publicly while cross dressed, decided to tempt fate. My fully-accepting daughter and I spent all day at the city’s biggest mall, with me en-femme. Walked through a crowd of moms and kids buying back to school clothes, and got no comments or weird looks. Got makeovers at Sephora, and while the staff knew, so they could deal with issues like extra concealer for beard cover, to keep any beard shadow from showing, none of the female customers in the shop acted as if anything was unusual. Several women even chatted with me and complemented my results! At each store, and walking through the mall as we shopped, my devoted daughter tagged along far enough behind me to observe reactions, while not visibly being ‘with me’. She confirmed no one was giving me weird looks or reactions behind my back! Ended with dinner at a restaurant, and the hostess complemented my outfit, and said to me, “I love it when a tall girl rocks a pair of heels!” That one day, more than any other so far, convinced me I really was fully passing. Not just occasionally, but all the time!

* A few months later, accepted an invitation from a female rock musician friend and a second lady who knew me, to ‘spend a day on the lake on someone’s yacht’. None of the other eight people were told I was cross dressing, though my two female friends both knew, and accepted. Spent all day in a bikini, and even accepted a jet ski ride from a passing stranger who was chatting up all the girls on our boat, and no one reacted in any way as if they saw me as anything but female! (Went home with a sunburn and great tan lines!)

* Enjoying casual chats with women in the lingerie or shoe sections of stores, or in the ladies bathrooms. About shoes, jewelry, and other female topics.

* Spending a weekend en-femme at the beach, again with my daughter. Went to use the hotel swimming pool one evening, with wig, makeup, breast forms and in a one-piece women’s swimsuit. Got joined by a mom and her two grade school aged sons, none of whom had ever met me, and they all treated me as just another woman using the pool. (Learned I really needed to select waterproof makeup, as I ruined my mascara.)

* Guys rushing ahead of me to hold doors open for me, and them smiling and speaking nicely to me, as I accepted their courtesy.

* Actually becoming used to being addressed as ma’am or miss by strangers. Feeling kind of odd when not out as a woman, and they call me sir.

Such a wonderful feeling, when you accomplish it effortlessly and consistently! And those were long before I decided to medically transition, or to live full time as a woman!

[MonicaPVD]

A lot of common themes in the replies. Men who are genuinely courteous and helpful, women who are compelled to small talk in public spaces, being hit on at the supermarket and bank while dressed rather blandly. Lots of fun.

[NancySue]

My Highlights include, having a door opened, a GG compliment on my makeup and my skirt and top. Occasionally, a GG will make eye contact and smile. All Very enjoyable. I?ve not had any Ladies room experiences.

[Helen_Highwater]

I forgot one: an "Excuse me dear" by a GG and bringing to my attention that, having used the ladies I'd walked out with the back of my skirt tucked in my tights. Girls together eh!

[VivianNewkirk]

A college girl complimented me on my legs. I was insufferably proud of myself for a week after that! :)

[josie_S]

I love getting "ma'am"ed and I've even been "miss"ed before...that just feels good!

[Angela Marie]

I have been told that I pass. Now I don't know if that is the women at Sephora's being nice or truthful. I do know when I go out to eat i'm always treated like a woman. Again do they know and are just being nice or do I pass that well. At 5ft 6 135-140 ads. I do have a feminine build so perhaps that overrides any questions they may have.

[TheHiddenMe]

I don't believe I pass, but I have been treated with decency.

1. Trying on clothes at Nordstrom, and chatting with my SA friend Karla, a GG who was also trying on clothes said "so cute".

2. First time in the ladies loo, the women next to me says "that's a beautiful dress". Wasn?t expecting that.

3. A guy waiting on his wife at Nordstrom says "you've got phenomenal legs you might as well show them off."

4. A young woman at Savers tells me I should stick to short dresses because I've got great legs.

5. A sales agent at a White House Black Market in Chicago, who I met earlier that day, was giddy about seeing me try on my latest buy from another store.

6. A store full of friendly SAS at a store in Melbourne, Australia, including one who referred to me as "her favourite customer".

7. Plus making multiple GG friends from being out.

[Jean 103]

First there is no need to pass.

Whether they see you as a GG or a trans woman there is no difference in how you are treated.

What makes a difference is who you are as a person. That is once you get past hello.

For me it was when the girls at the bar took me in, and I became one of the girls at the bar. This is a small town locals hang out.

[MonicaPVD]

I really dislike the term "pass" because most of us will never truly pass or be confused with a cis woman. The defining moment for me is when people treat me like a woman and not like a freak or curiosity. Humanity, kindness, empathy, and the ability to relate is where the magic happens. These are all possible even when we look like a man in a dress. All of these.

[AngelaYVR]

I may fool people from a short distance but if you are talking to me you know what is what. People are mostly civil and friendly no matter the circumstances and that is what matters, it has nothing to do with passing. When you experience that you quickly learn to appreciate just how easy it is go out in public without fretting about having your secret discovered.

[Linda K.]

Angela - This is very encouraging to hear. I am hoping this is true for me too but the first time is going to be nerve-racking. I think for me it would help if I was to meet up with others CDer's in public for the first time. That may help me relax and give me the confidence to venture out on my own. I am planning to visit a place in the near future that hosts a gathering of others like us on a monthly basis. I can talk with others in person and learn first hand how to be confident going out in public. Thanks for the positive advice! :)