Married CD's that came out to wife

[RebeccaS]

Hi everyone, I have a few questions for CD's that came out to their wives "after" they were married.

I'm curious at what point in your marriage did you come out to your wife was it in the beginning or after many years ? Did coming out ruin your marriage or make it better ?

[mykell]

so i have some time for this.... popular girl....had story link in her signature.... read some other stories about it, my worry was when my father died the women were invited to pick up his things... the GF didnt want me there.

so it had me thinking, what happens when i die and family starts rummaging through my stuff and finds "dun dun dua" my stash....so i came out.

you seem to be looking to go down this path. i had planned it out to happen after the holidays 8 years ago this mounth, figured stress is high enough with thanksgiving and christmas holidays coming up, enjoy them they may be the last married ones for me. we have little christmas in january....got sic lost my sense of smell, "covid 5or 6 perhaps"so it was mid january.....planned out how to tell her, wrote it down also but felt she deserved to here it from me not a letter....all she cared about was were did i get the clothes, she e-mailed me the next day, asked all the questions i had answered the previous day and offered her a DADT and to keep it private, im out all the time.... just cant leave the house dressed....i make it work....she is still in bed next to me at night so i consider it a win....some folks need more and give things up to make it work for them....its not a one size fits world....

[Natalie5004]

My story is I did not "Come Out" because to me those words to me means as in coming out as gay. And I am not. If I am anything I am a lesbian. But 90% of the time I am a hetero male. I really do love women. So much at times I want to be one.

So, how did I tell my wife? I decided to tell her that I like further than what we would do during "play Times". I had a few bra's that I would wear in bed on occasion.
I mentioned that I liked dressing more and if she was comfortable with it I would like to dress completely on a Saturday night we were staying in and I would make dinner and have a few glasses of wine.

Out came the usual questions, you know, gay, leaving me, all those things that make women question what they hell a re they doing here. Is everything a lie. He does not love me anymore.

I spent the next few months reassuring her that I am the same crazy guy she married and I am doing anything but exploring my feminine side with clothes and makeup. I still have to calm her down and we do kid about my "hobby". But many a serious thing is said in jest.

We are in a DADT relationship. She saw my photos on my PC and has gone through he clothes in my fem closet. I do not hide anything but she does not want to see it either. So, I tell her do not look there and she will not be upset.

We have been married 20 years now, I told her about 2 years ago. Second marriage for both of us. I would say we are safe and almost all is well. My only wish is that she would see me dressed on occasion and we can be girl friends too.

PS: I work at home, she is in a office 4 to 5 days a week. I get plenty of Natalie time. Except those darn Zoom meetings are starting to creep in. I hope I do not forget to turn my camera off.

[NancyJ]

We got married very young. I naively thought being married would cure me. I “told” her by slipping on her panties during lovemaking. She thought it was both fun and funny. I pushed it more over time until she balked and set boundaries, and I began to fantasize more about being a woman.

Some of the most difficult times in our long marriage followed frank talks about my gender identity and desires. Although I never considered or talked about transitioning, she has always adamantly refused to see me fully dressed, saying that she needs to maintain her image of me as a man. I get and respect this. She knows about and sees my girl clothes, obviously knows I wear panties every day, etc., but I do not otherwise crossdress around her. We remain great companions and lovers after more than forty years.

I don’t think you talk about it just once. It is a process. And don’t give her a letter. I did that once and she accused me of dumping all I had to say without her having a chance to respond. Good luck, Nancy

[Kris Burton]

My wife and Ihave been married for 40 years. I came out much more recently, having denied my CD proclivities even to myself during most of that time. I did not act on them either. I finally admitted it to myself and acted upon it this past summer, and have not looked back, nor do I intend to change. I came out to my wife shortly after this epiphany, I hated sneaking around even for a short period...felt like I was having an affair, and in that I was hiding from her a big secret was kind of the same in that regard.

I am very glad I came out right at the outset...there was no irreparable damage to our marriage, and we are not in a true DADT. It does come up in conversation, often in a gentle joking way by both of us, but it is not a dominant topic. I use only my own money for CD interests. She does not desire to see my alter ego, and I respect that. I might not get in as much CD time as I would like, but it is a small price to pay to maintain a good relationship. I do not think we could have done it if I remained secretive, and I know we couldn't have done it had I started years ago, and sneaked around this whole time. My impression is that it is the secret keeping that is the destructive factor, not the CD act itself...that may differ between all of us, but that is my story.

It's important to note that my kids are grown and have been out of the house for years, and as such do not play a role at all in our current situation. They do not know, and have no reason to know in my estimation. However, they did play a role when they were younger, and I'm quite sure they were a factor in why I denied myself for such a long time.

[StaceyJane]

I didn't really come out. My wife found something that I had posted online, Opps!
She then told my daughters but didn't say anything to me. I didn't know she knew until one of my daughters left me a letter telling me that she knew.
At first my wife was sort of okay but now she has found religion and things aren't a good.

[Pumped]

I came out accidentally after 30+ years of marriage. It was a bit rocky for a while but we got through it. I think it helped that we had a very solid relationship before. I remember my wife and I talking about my CD'ing and asking if she was thinking of divorce? She said, "Hell no! We are going to get through this!", and we have.

I dress when ever I want and we have girl's nights. We do our nails, and lately she has been trying to do my makeup.

[sometimes_miss]

Short version. Hadn't crossdressed in 10 years, thought I had outgrown it or 'beaten' it. So didn't think it important to mention before I got married. Three years into the marriage, lose job, stress level goes through the roof, apparently the crossdressing genie was just subconsciously repressed, gets out of the bottle, and I'm back in girl stuff. Hide it pretty well, just like I did as a kid. But I'm working full time, going to school full time, exhausted full time, and one night leave a slip out. She finds it. Of course, she thinks I'm having an affair, not that I'm a crossdresser. I have only seconds to decide which way to go; I go with the truth. Wrong decision. Lots of marriages survive a single incident of infidelity.

Three years of going to a therapist, initially wife seems like she's trying to be nice, even offers to buy me some girl clothes.... and takes pictures of me dressed in them. Many pictures, which would be used later on to blackmail me.
She eventually just comes out and says if she knew, she never would have married me. She's in all these support groups that have her convinced that I'm a transsexual and will eventually transition, the old joke, 'what's the difference between a crossdresser and a transsexual, two years', ha ha ha.

Her contacts at her online and local support groups tell her all these terrible things, and her anger grows, eventually she goes ballistic. Furious that she thinks I married her intentionally planning to ruin her life, it's that bad, paranoia continues, her anger intensifies. She sues me for divorce, for all our assets, and I am to take all the debts. OR she will out me to family, friends, and work. This back in 1998. I gave her what she asked. Turned out she was already seeing someone else before we split.

Not a happy tale, no. One thing I must say, is to make sure you have some cash stashed away, and some clothes outside of the house, in case you wind up locked out of your own place with a restraining order to keep you away; a woman who feels scorned can be a very angry, very vengeful thing, who can be set on destroying your life because thinks you destroyed hers.

[mykell]

i dug this up if its able to help any newer folks....

https://www.crossdressers.com/forums/showthread.php?224212-**GREAT-ADVISE**keep-a-record-in-your-stash**&highlight=letter+in+stash

[kimdl93]

I acknowledged being a cross dresser before my ex and i got married. Over time my understanding of myself evolved and after a decade and a half I was identifying as transgender, which simply proved to be too much for my ex.

[Tomi]

It was hard for me, because it was 7 years into our relationship (1,5 years into our marriage) when my CDing desire triggered seamingly out of nowhere. On top of that our first children was born just a couple of month before (clearly tha stress it caused was one of the trigger factors). Couple of weeks after the first time I put on a bra I knew I had to tell her, otherwise the shere existens of the secret would destroy our intimicy through my guilt or the fact would that I have hidden it from here for years. So for me it would be like to have an affair so keeping it was out of the question.

But it was hard nontheless because the biggest fear for me was that even though she would want to divorce me she wouldn't because of our new born daughter. But i confessed to here and she understood it. It was certainly not a huge surprise because by that time she knew about my other heteroflexible fetish which started a couple of months earlier. It was foreshadowing my CDing as it turned out. But I knew it's a whole other story than dressing as woman so I wasn't sure how she would react.

After that a couple of usual questions then DADT which I respected of course.

I 100% certain that if I would have kept it secret for years it would have destroyed tha marriage WHEN she found out about it.

[Stephanie47]

For me it was not a case of "coming out" to my wife. It was sort of an evolution. In my teen years I had dabbled in my mother's lingerie draw. At some point in time I physically outgrew her size. I was drafted after college. I was married at 24. One night I tried on one of my wife's nylon nightgowns. The short story is we ended up incorporating nighties and some hosiery for me into the bedroom scene. There was some mutual benefit to it. My interests started to grow; slips and panties. I bought my first bra at Christmas time, circa 1983; about 12 years into our marriage. Our three year old daughter got into the bottom drawer of my armoire and pulled the bra out of the box I kept my stuff in. That precipitated "The Talk." Yes, it was all those questions and accusations. I tried to encourage her. I finally realized she wanted no part of Stephanie. We settled into DADT. Last weekend we celebrated 50 years, if you can call it celebrating with Covid lurking around. My interests did not ruin my marriage. My wife and I have not discussed my cross dressing for over 35 years.

[Billie]

8 years living together, 5 years married, 2 young kids and on my birthday in the shower, wasn't the time, place or way to answer the question she asked. She stepped back and said she wanted a divorce. Lots of other things were going on in our lives at the time. We didn't get divorced, we got through the other issues and raised two great young adults over the next 15 years.

We back burnered talks about dressing, only brought when she found something. Till I had a life threatening/changing injury 3. I began to be a little more open about what I wanted to wear, going full-time women's pants/shorts, panties had been "OK" if they weren't too girly. I'd started getting my nails done also, something that she finds funny and likes, not something she likes to do herself. My wife knew I had clothes, and hated that I bought and hid them, But didn't want to be told. She admitted it was a hard spot for me, but for her too.

Then she had a medical emergency two months ago and a few days later decided she needed to leave work early due to a headache, knowing that I was working from home alone and would probably be dressed. She didn't call to say she would be coming in and she did find what she thought. She wasn't upset, we had a short conversation, and then a longer one a little later. We talked about how I would like to dress and what that could mean. I told her that if something bothers her to let me know and I can change out of it. She told me she loved me and that we are on a journey together. I've since added a few women's t-shirts and sweaters to my normal clothing rotation and started wearing bras more. And we've gone out together like that recently.

Then this past weekend happened. And WE had a great weekend together. So things are changing. Monday I walked in while my wife was getting dressed and she pushed on my chest, and said she was checking if I had farty breasts today. She was joking about how on Sunday I had breast forms on and when squished they made a fart noise. Today I dressed, but no make-up or breasts and nothing was said, other than she liked my new jeans.

I am trying to pump the brakes, I don't want to upset her. This is our journey together.

[kellyanne]

I avoided that conundrum.

As a TG , by age 27 based on my feedback from women on their view of crossdressing and especially my girlfriend ,I thought it wise for me to never marry.

My GF in HS and UNI was the same lady and by every measures a most Liberal GF and would publicly defend any TG or Gay right and be 10000 % tolerant - except in her own life.

Like many, she was accepting at first but rapidly concluded it was a zero sum situation and my crossdressing - was viewed as markedly depreciating her privileged female status in the relationship and all advantage that came with it.

It was as if she found out a coin was false. One night I donned a garment and she appeared stunned and said:

" I sure hope this is not some type of role reversal in this relationship" a month earlier she said : " of course there is no issue with wearing women's clothing - if this is part of your sexuality we have to embrace it"

She was the most Liberal women I knew and I knew if she was anti CD - my chances were slim and I thought : " Why give up a life of certain happiness and prosperity for extreme uncertainty and a lifetime of potential misery as I am happy go lucky by nature?"

I share the view that for most men modern romantic love creates more problems than it solves.

There is little reliable sociological data on women's views on crossdressing largely because women are reluctant to admit their SO is a CD but what data does exist makes me feel confident - that for for me and my disposition - the decision was the correct one.

Women in relationships with cross-dressing men: a descriptive study from a nonclinical setting
https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/7998813/

[Kitty Sue]

I told my wife after in 2020 after 6 years of marriage. Before I start I want to say I believe our S.Os have a right to know.

She was more than a little surprised. Before we were married I told her I had previously had sexual experiences with men. I did not tell her about the CDing. I don't know why I found that to be the bigger hurdle to jump. A few times when we were first married she gave me a couple of her pairs of panties to wear when my men's underwear were in the wash.

Anyway, when I told her she said she was a bit shocked, but her only stipulation was not to dress around our little daughter as she would find that confusing. I totally agreed with that.

She asked me if I was gay? I said no, I am bi when I cross dress, but not gay. She said she was worried that she could not please me, and might leave her. I said no, that is not true as cheating IMO has nothing to do with gender or CDing. I said straight, gay and bi people all cheat. However, I told her I loved her and am with her as I choose to be, not because I feel obligated. She said the same to me.

She has offered to do my makeup on more than one occasion, but I have declined. She has also said I could dress around her. Again I have declined, telling her it is generally something I prefer to do alone. In saying that I have gone out dressed but that was before I met my wife.
I may have a bigger issue with dressing around my wife than she does.

I think it is important for me to remember my wife married me as a man. I was dishonest and chose not to tell her I was a CDer. So I think by being a man around her as much as I can I am being respectful of the image I presented to her when we married. In saying that I should have told her about my cross dressing before we married.

I believe I married an amazing woman who I love immensely. Basically, she just rocks.

If you are going to tell your wife think it over carefully as she will likely be shocked initially. Remember also, just as it is your choice to tell her, her it is her choice whether to accept the new you or not.
I wish you and your wife all the best.
I do think our significant others have a RIGHT to know. Not telling my wife was dishonest and a lie. Interestingly I found it easier to tell her once I found out she had triple the amount of student debt she originally told me.

[Cheryl T]

For me it was after we married.
I had tried to subtly initiate some "play" at times before we married. We'd be making love and she'd have on a slip and pantyhose and I'd tell her how sexy and silky they felt, that they must feel wonderful to wear but she didn't take the bait. I made other comments to no avail.
Then 10 years after we married I was "discovered". She found a few photos I had taken and that began lots of talking, crying and so on. Of course I promised to throw it all away and never do it again. We all know how that song goes. Fast forward 15 years and of course I'm still in the closet and she is unaware as I've been much more careful. Well all this is wearing me thin. I can't go on this way and I tell her "we have a problem". It's do or die now as I tell her it's part of me and not something that's going away. If it's not something she can handle or what ever then we have to decide what the future holds. She agreed to learn more about this.
After much crying and talking and actually her becoming a member of the FAB section here, reading messages and discussing the responses and my feelings about the issues she began to understand my feelings. Eventually I fully dressed for her, then we would go out for a late night drive. Then we attended a support group meeting and became members. She saw others from all walks of life, all levels of education and backgrounds and learned that we are not "perverts". She became fully accepting and we go everywhere together as girlfriends. We've even done a "girls only" vacation. For the last 18 months I've dressed daily and am practically full time.

We went through all the usual concerns, "are you gay", "am I not enough woman for you", "are you competing with me" and many others. They are all legitimate issues that most any wife will have as concerns. We worked through them by talking and loving.

[DianeT]

Hi Rebecca, I came out 36 years into the relationship. We don't have kids. Hard to say if it ruined the marriage or made it better, because I don't see it from this angle. It made our life complicated. But since part of our relationship and marriage was based on a big lie, it is probably a better relationship now in the sense that it is much more healthy. Some may think that what you don't know can't hurt you. I used to think that for my wife about crossdressing. But that is based on something you can't control, the assumption that being found out is your decision*. Mishaps happen. As for me I simply came out to my wife because I had been pondering it for years, and in the recent ones, reading GG testimonies in this site convinced me it was the right thing to do. Yes the risks are high. It is your decision to make, no one should judge. We can only share our experience and thoughts.

-- EDIT --
*In reality there is more to it than the risk of being found. There is the fact that you are simply lying to the person you love, who may be trusting you entirely while you don't return the favor. Even if it never gets revealed, this has an effect on the kind of relation you are having, one where lying is deemed legit (as far as I know my wife never lied to me, and never gave me any reason to doubt her).
There are also other consequences such as taking away her choices, which have been covered in various threads.
In the end of the day, I believe that "what you don't know doesn't hurt you" is simply not true. It doesn't really sustain a close analysis. But this wasn't the reason I came out. I did it to include my wife into my entire world, and not just the bits that I decided. So she would be fully part of my life, like she let me be of hers.

[gwencd158]

Well actually having the talk—-15 years in, kids were young. Actually crossdressing? She tolerated bedroom play since we were in college. Now, strict dadt for many years, and as I have indicated before, probably knows I have a stash, and probably knows I would cd on business trips. She has never seen me fully dressed.

[Giselle(Oshawa)]

i told my wife 10 years ago as i was late picking her up from work. She was livid that i was late( i had been in Toronto getting a makeover at an Mac Outlet)
i just blurted out i like to wear women's clothes and it went downhill from there.
in the ensuing weeks my wife and i both had nervous breakdowns and any physical part of our marriage was over for good.
Eventually my wife became somewhat tolerant and has even attended some support group events with me.
However if someone we know ever finds out about Giselle i don't think our marriage will survive.
Think hard sisters before coming out to your wives or girlfriends.

[Karren H]

My wife found out after we had been married 28 years. Had two young kids at that time. I did not come out because I wanted to either. She found some of my fem clothing. That had to be the worst day of my life. Lots of crying and carrying on, she was pretty upset too! Did not help our marriage but we struggled through it. Still struggling today. It is hard to earn back trust that was lost that day even after 17 years. Probably never fully get it back. Does not seem that long ago. Wish I had a chance to do it all over again.

[DianeT]

Rebecca, "lying" is how most wives see it (testimonies abound here) so since they're the offended party in my opinion I decided that this was the most accurate and honest way of describing it. It helped a lot in conversations with my wife when I started using that term. Why? Because you recognize the victim status of your wife, while using "hiding" doesn't. If you ever come out to yours, it may be something to ponder. As far as I'm concerned, it also cleared up my ideas about what I was doing to my wife and helped me being more honest in my conversations. Your mileage may vary.

[Laura912]

Coming out to my wife occurred after 20 years of marriage at a time she was dealing with a serious issue. It was an effort to help her not feel alone. It worked. She realized that we all try to cope with those things or thing that haunt us. Thirty five years later, she accepts that the gender mess is part of me, and together we deal with it and her problem.

[sometimes_miss]

Rebecca, "lying" is how most wives see it (testimonies abound here) so since they're the offended party in my opinion I decided that this was the most accurate and honest way of describing it.
Our therapist referred to it as a 'lie of omission', and that my wife had every reason to feel upset by it.
But it seems that women reserve the lies of omission for themselves; we're not allowed to.
My ex had a history of major depression and institutionalization for it, but never mentioned THAT to me. But of course, that was just fine with her and the therapist; apparently it was only my omissions which counted.

It seems that only men are chastised for lies of omission. In our society, women are often allowed what they refer to as 'little white lies', and to deceive as they wish. I chalk this up to, the fear they have of having sex with a deceptive man, and being saddled with raising his offspring for the next couple of decades on her own when he changes his mind and doesn't want to marry her and have a family.
Doesn't make it fair, though.

[Sometimes Steffi]

My wife recently said, "Why didn't you tell me this before we were married? I'm not sure I would have married you." YMMV

Why? I figured that one I got married that I would have all the sex that I could handle, since crossdressing was a fetish then and was just a way to get aroused. Yeah, right.

But, my wife didn't tell me that she didn't really enjoy sex. Is that a lie of omission? Maybe a bigger lie than mine.

[DianeT]

I don't know about that type of approach. If I was a wife, I doubt I'd want to hear about my own shortcomings moments after my husband dropped such a bomb on me. Two wrongs don't make one right, and calling out your wife about her own lies seems like you are not taking your responsibilities. She will feel like you are justifying yourself, ergo she is not a victim, ergo things will probably go south at some point. If you want to address your wife's lies, maybe do this another time, after the dust has settled and your credit as a husband as somewhat been recovered (if it ever does).
Also, I don't know your situation, but in my case the dressing was the reason for my wife's damaged libido. She had no issues before the reveal. All kinds of reasons for that (I should probably write a thread about it): blurred male-female lines (is she really the only woman in the couple?), cloth crossovers (I wear hose and it excites you, you wear hose and it excites you), damaged trust (sex in a couple requires some level of confidence and alignment of vibes), etc, etc, etc.

[Kelli_cd]

Steffi, your last line strikes with me. We were married about 20 years when she told me the same thing.
That started me thinking about my life and nurturing my own happiness.

[luuv2dress]

for me it wasn't so much as coming out it was a just told her what's going on in my life we had been married for about 4 yrs but together for a good 18.
I contemplated it for a long time having times where I said todays the day and it never happened because I got way to nervous about the possible outcome.
but one day sitting at the table I just said I need to tell you something and spilled my guts. At first she thought it was a joke because I'm the prankster but after some minutes she understood I was serious. She had the normal are you gay, do you want to be a woman questions etc etc and I explained to her from when it started to the current day in a quick but point driven synopsis.

She's been understanding and caring about it all and doesn't hold it against me. I provided her with some resources that I had previously gathered. we chatted some more and I made it clear if you have any questions just ask me, if I go to far where it makes you uncomfortable to let me know, and that if and when's she's ever ready to see Tiffany I will make it happen. We also agreed to keep this away from our young child for now and that I'd do everything in my power to not let her see me fully dressed until she's ready. I gave her time to process it all.

since that time she's asked a few questions which is good, she knows I wear panties most days and she's fine with that stating its just clothing you're not killing anyone. She's even borrowed a few things :) babe you have any knee highs? babe you have any mascara? yep! sure do in the drawer take what you need was the answer.

I would say its made the marriage better, the stress relieved that day from not having to constantly hide things and knowing she wasn't going ape shit was enough for me to be better in our marriage. I can move about now without worry, although there are limits I'm fine with them.

[Kelly DeWinter]

Karren;

Just curious, what would you do differently ?

Kelly

[Geena75]

On the point of "lying" there is a lot of comparison with "hiding." Now, suppose this: A married guy has a friend he meets occasionally, a woman. They do not engage in sex, but do hug and kiss. Primarily, they are friends who enjoy each other's company. The guy doesn't tell the wife, after all it only happens once every month or two. He insists that, if asked, he would tell her everything. How does this stack up to lying?

[DianeT]

Since you both agree, now, suppose this: A married guy has a friend he meets occasionally, a woman. They DO engage in a lot of furious sex, do hugs, kisses and sample the whole range of Kamasutra positions. Primarily, they are lovers who enjoy each other's body. The guy doesn't tell the wife, after all it only happens once every month or two. He insists that, if asked, he would tell her everything. How does this stack up to lying?

In my opinion, the murky aspect of making a difference between hiding and lying is that it can take you anywhere, and justify anything.
Now I can give you my own, very simple way of knowing when I am lying: if I am 'hiding' a piece of information to my wife that I know would probably upset her if she found out, then I am lying.

But frankly, call it hiding, lying or frolicking around the heather, it doesn't really matter. Because when it comes out, voluntarily or not, the only important thing will be the broken trust. And whatever word you used to characterize your dishonesty will make no difference in the amount of damage. At that point, if your wife calls it lying, you will have to decide between acknowledging her feelings or sticking to 'hiding' to justify your behavior. I did the latter for a while, then switched to acknowledgement. Honestly, I still think that I have been hiding not lying because that is how I felt at the time I did it. But that is my problem. My wife's problem is that I have been lying to her, that is how she feels it, and that is a word that explains the damage I did to our couple. And I am here with her to talk about the damage. So I talk about lying, because that is how I can connect to her and start solving things together. When I say that 'I lied', I acknowledge that I did something wrong and it is the beginning of a path to honesty. When I say 'I lied' today, it sounds much more true than 'I hid'. It doesn't discard my old 'hiding' feeling from back in the days, but how I feel about it today, seeing the damage I did to my wife, is simply 'I lied'.

I hope it makes sense. These things are not easy to explain.

[Katya@]

Hi! I rarely check the CD section of the forum. I have transitioned socially and have been on cross-sex hormones for 4 years. The topic of coming out to your partner never gets old, and typically, it is just the beginning, and only the first talk of many. I first came out as CD few months after being married, 17 years ago. I still think of this that I feared she would not marry me if I told her before. Two kids were born later. Then I came out as non-binary, and now I would call myself a trans woman. I think our marriage has survived the transition for 2 reasons. First, we sorted all other issues through marriage counseling before. Second, I was moving slowly by taking into account where she is at and adjusting the course and pace without ever slowing down though. So many years later, we still have hard time to have discussion on how my transition has affected our family but next week we finally going to start seeing a therapist together to discuss the transition and sexual life, that too was affected by my transition. One thing I want to do is Facial Feminization Surgery, but this topic has been in the air since February, as she is not ready to talk about it. We will, but I'm OK with a delay.
We are friends, love each other, and both are happier today than 17 years ago but it is marathon, not race for both of us. And yes, kids are fine with female dad. Good luck. PM me for questions!

[Melissa in SE Tn]

In my opinion, the younger married cd has a greater chance of some form of acceptance by a wife. Older married cd?s that come out late in life to their wives have difficulty & uncertainty. I truly wish you & your wife peace with your decision.

[Elizabeth Marie]

My wife, now ex-wife for reasons that have nothing to do with my being transgender, found my small stash of lingerie a little more than a year after we got married. I was able to convince her that I was a crossdresser, and not having some kinky affair. After a tear filled (both of us!) afternoon and evening, she agreed to stay married if I saw a therapist who could "cure" me. After I had several individual sessions with the therapist, we had 2 or 3 joint sessions with him, and she had a couple individual sessions, he was able to convince her that it was nothing that could be, or needed to be, "cured" and we were able to work out how to navigate through it.

My point is to not hide this from your wife, to be upfront about it as early in the relationship as possible, and be open to marriage and individual counseling. It may mean the end of your marriage, but it's better for you not to live in fear of being caught, and better for her to know exactly who her husband is.

By the way, my ex and I had 22 more wonderful years after that, and she was comfortable enough with it that she would surprise me with clothes and nightgowns she found on sale that she thought I would like, even though she never wanted to see me as Beth.

[Charlotte Sparkle]

Hi Rebecca, I came out to my Wife about four years after we got married, shortly after the birth of our second child.

Luckily it didn't ruin our marriage and in some ways it make it better as she understands me better now. She's been accepting to a point and tolerates me shaving my chest, back and legs and she's even accepted me having my ears pierced. She has made it clear that she doesn't want to see me dressed though, she says it would mess with her head.

Me having more female attire than mens attire can sometimes cause friction but we get through it.

[KarenCD334]

I came out to my wife after we had been married 36 years. We are now working on 48 years. So, I guess telling her wasn't the end of the world.
She doesn't like to see me fully en-femme and doesn't like me leaving the house en-femme. But, somehow, I continue to dress and I continue to go out of the house fully dressed.

I came out to my wife when our daughters were in their teens. I'm pretty sure my youngest knows and she can't keep a secret so who knows.