Took the Halloween plunge .... where to go from here

[Shawn Michelle]

Mind one more late Halloween post?
I read the comments before Halloween about the pros and cons of dressing up in costume for work, and decided to go for it. I went to work decked out as Cruella. I found a truly bad wig at one store, got the main costume from a party store, then paired them with my own burgundy skirt and black high-heeled boots. I wore my own bra but instead of my breast forms I used pantyhose filled with birdseed. I used a combination of my own makeup and costume makeup from the store.
Everyone at work loved the getup (I ended up winning the best costume contest). Most people wanted to know if my feet hurt (they didn't). I did get one comment about how well I walked in heels.
Now the question is ... what's next?
I'd love to go out in public again, but I've got a looooong way to go before that happens. Even thought I was a female character, I really wasn't trying to be female (that's one of the things I read beforehand - don't try to be too perfect if you don't want to be made). I didn't change my walk or voice and my makeup was so-so.
Still, it was a thrill dressing up and I had more fun at work that day than I've had in a long time.
Thanks for letting me share.

[Helen_Highwater]

Michelle,

Well done on taking that first step. Glad it went so well.

Now, as for the next step that is going to depend upon a number of things. The biggest is having the confidence to do it. From what you describe you have all the physical things, wig, clothing, makeup to make it happen so the only thing stopping you is you.

Have you been out driving enfemme? That's were so many take that initial leap of faith. Walking the streets late at night is something many of us have done but it's not the safest thing to do. Bitting the bullet and going out to a busy shopping mall is by far the safer and it means you can hide in a crowd.

Scary? You bet but that soon passes as you realise you're not the centre of attention. Just dress to blend and you'll be fine.

[MonicaPVD]

Congratulations! You have taken an important first step. The challenge is to overcome your fear and apprehension over actually being out in public. There are ways to do this. I usually recommend the following sequence of escalating steps that you can follow at your own pace. They will steadily build your confidence.

1. Go for drives while dressed. No need to get out of the car at first. Just become acclimated to being out in the real world.
2. Get out of the car to pump gas at a self-service gas station that is a safe distance from your usual stomping grounds (for your own sanity).
3. Walk into the gas station and purchase a beverage or pack of gum. (In all my life, I have never run into an acquaintance while waiting in line at a gas station, even drab).
4. Go to a pharmacy or convenience store in the next town over to buy a few things. More than likely, you will have to wait in line for a few minutes and this is key in your becoming comfortable with being around people.
5. Visit a Walmart or mall that is a town or two away from yours to get used to being around larger crowds without the paranoia of bumping into acquaintances.

DO remember that 99.5% of people you encounter while dressed are entirely absorbed in their own little world and don't care at all about what you look like.
DO NOT go on solo night walks. They give you a false sense of comfort and cover, but aren't entirely helpful and can be dangerous depending on where you are.
Most importantly, enjoy every exhilarating and sometimes terrifying moment!

[kimdl93]

The only thing I could add to the advice given is to take cues on outfits from the women you see in the places you might like to visit. You will feel more confident and safe if you manage to blend in. That doesn?t mean you aim for the lowest common denominator, but if you chose to visit a shopping center, choose casual day attire, for example.

[MonicaPVD]

Great advice, Kim. When you are first starting out, you want to draw as little attention as possible. Wearing a cocktail dress or a tiny skirt with stilettos to Walmart will get all eyeballs on you quickly. Most cis women in the US today dress like they just rolled out of bed or left the gym, so it shouldn't be too hard to blend in.

[Brenda Freeman]

Big step Shawn, I am sure it felt amazing to be out. My first few times I was so nervous yet excited, I will never forget it. What helped my next steps was I found a supportive group of friends I met thru Trans group gatherings and events. I now have a few friends we go out for dinner every so often and just spend time as girls catching up.

[NancySue]

Can?t add to Kim and Monica?s advice?.especially blending in, not too much makeup, etc. Go out and take note of what you see other women wearing. Yes, Monica is correct?very casual. True in our area?no heels, hose, very few skirts, etc. Enjoy your adventure. It gets easier each time

[docrobbysherry]

Visit LGBT friendly bars/clubs in your area. Even if they r gay bars loaded with men. Unless you're gorgeous, u probably won't be hit on!:eek:

I think you'll find acceptance no matter how u look. And, maybe even make some CD friends in the crowd!:hugs:

[Sometimes Steffi]

I like what Monica says; it's the way to go step by step.

But, I've never done any of those things. Instead of practicing in the kiddy pool, I just took a jump into the deep end. The first time out, I went to the Maryland Renaissance Fair. I even rented a "Fair Maiden" costume there. The GGs at the costume shop were so cool about it, and were very helpful.

The second time I met someone from here at an LGBT restaurant for lunch. It was the first time that I ever talked to someone like me FtF. I was in full girl mode, and even transformed in a public bathroom.

[Shawn Michelle]

I appreciate the advice. Before I can go out, I've got to get a new wig (I've butchered two so far trying to cut bangs that were too long) and, more importantly, I've got to have a talk with my wife about what I want to do.
I was actually surprised at her reaction when I told her what I wanted to do for Halloween. I thought she'd tell me it wasn't a good idea or at least try and talk me out of it. Instead, after the initial surprise, she said OK. I think she was a little amused by the whole thing. She knows I dress and have my own wardrobe, but I'm pretty sure she has no idea how far I want to take my trip of discovery.
I'd like to find a few people or a crossdressing/transgender group to meet up with for my first full outing. I think I'd just feel more comfortable around others who are also dressed.
Thanks to everyone who's made me feel welcome in the few posts I've made. I've enjoyed reading everyone's posts and getting different viewpoints/ideas/concerns with folks on the same journey I am.

Shawn Michelle

[Connie D50]

Michelle,
Happy you had a good time I always recommend that you find a place that does makeovers. It helps with learning to do make up and confidence to go iut in the real world. I do like Monica's recommentations.

[alwayshave]

Shawn Michelle, Sounds great. Congratulation on your win.

[Krisi]

That's great, I know you had fun!

What's next? Go out in public dressed as a "real" woman. Go to another town where nobody knows you if possible, but your presentation should be good enough that people who know you won't recognize you anyway. Dress appropriately for where you're going and what you will be doing. Don't wear excessive makeup and stripper heels to the mall.

[Sometimes Steffi]

I've got to have a talk with my wife about what I want to do.
I was actually surprised at her reaction when I told her what I wanted to do for Halloween. I thought she'd tell me it wasn't a good idea or at least try and talk me out of it. Instead, after the initial surprise, she said OK. I think she was a little amused by the whole thing.

Just a warning from personal experience. I talked my wife into letting me go to the Keystone Conference, a 4-day TG conference. Quite some time later, she told me, "I only let you go, because I thought [going] would get it out of your system." Needless to say, it did exactly the opposite.