Surprising kindness

[Marcydelane]

Have read much here, but barely ever posted. But I had to share this small thing.

My wife and I have a very strong relationship, but up and down (of course) with the CD thing. It has been a topic in our relationship for the past few years, with some small acceptance, usually followed by a period of non-acceptance, and back and forth. She has not cared what I do on my own time, but sharing in this has been difficult. For me, I?m tired of hiding or being alone with it, without my best friend. Of course, I understand what a hard subject it is, and can be. I?m sure most wives never accept it, even a little.

But a couple of months ago, we had a real breakthrough getaway weekend where magically, it all seemed light, easy to talk about, and even fun. She bought us matching panties out of the blue. She encouraged me to go shopping while she went to the spa. The next day we had a laughing, great time where I put on a fashion show for her in our hotel room, and I felt more free than I ever had. It was a monumentally good time.

Since then, she has made a few positive comments about it, saying how cute I looked, but there haven?t been any ?dress up? times. On Friday, I told her that I really was feeling a need for another time to express that side of myself, before the holidays came with family, obligations, trips, etc. I was very open and honest, but she seemed to kind of take a deep breath, almost like a ?what have I done?? kind of expression.

We had a very busy weekend with friends and a concert, and this afternoon she broached the subject she knew was on my mind. She said ?I know you want to have your time today, but I?m just exhausted and I don?t think I?m really into it.?

I was 100% expecting the usual ?I?m fine if you want to take some time for yourself without me?, which I was okay with, but a little disappointed. BUT - instead, she said, ?I?m not sure I can be your cheerleader today, but what if we postpone it until tomorrow? I won?t be as tired, and I just think it would be more fun then.?

Wow - how lucky am I? Still taking it day by day, but I sure do love my wife.

[Crissy 107]

I think overall you are doing pretty good, this can be such a up and down thing for our wives. The comments your wife made are very encouraging so hold your breath and hope things continue in a positive vein.

[kimdl93]

Its probably best to let her take the lead, pick the time and so on. I totally get the energy part?we can be exhausting!

[Helen_Highwater]

What I take from this is your wife is discovering that sharing your dressing can be fun. She gets something from it to.

Your wife is finding out that your dressing isn't ending the world. That you remain the same person. Baby steps is the way forward and slowly you dressed becomes part of the normal.

[Maid_Marion]

Hi Marcydelane,

What you could have done is to take the lead and offer to help with some of her stuff after the concert when she was tired.
It may be awkward at first but the more you get in the habit of doing stuff like that the more your relationship will grow.

Marion

[April Rose]

What I love about this was that she communicated how she felt. She didn't just give in, or say "no", she said "I'm not up for it today, what about tomorrow?" that, I think, is a good sign.

[Marcydelane]

Yes - that was what felt so good. She could have just left it at “not tonight”, but she suggested just postponing it a day since she knew it was something that is important to me.

And to be clear, she wasn’t exhausted because of chores, etc - we had just stayed up too late with old lifelong friends, and maybe had a couple of extra glasses of champagne. Fun but tiring.

I’m hopeful there is still some Marcy time tonight. We will see. The weekend we spent 2 months ago was so fantastic, I’m almost afraid to try it again because I can’t see how it could get any better. (If that makes sense.)

[Patty_cd]

She probably deserved something back from you now ?
Just to make it a win/win thing.

[Marcydelane]

She deserves all I can give her, for sure. Lately, I have been helping out quite a bit with her aging mother, and overall I think we feel pretty even keeled in the marriage. We are beginning to travel again, and that has been fun for us both. AND - I am always on the lookout for nice gestures to let her know how appreciated she is!

[Sometimes Steffi]

I would call it surprising acceptance not surprising kindness. After all, she is your wife.

You wouldn't call taking care of your kids "babysitting" would you? After all, they're your kids.

BTW, I'm so jealous. My wife and are are in deep DADT.

[alwayshave]

Marcydelane, Your wife gave you an honest assessment of how she felt at that moment, but told you she would support you the next day. Honesty and support are a good thing in my humble opinion.