The truth will never hurt you

[GypsyKaren]

It's been a little over a year now since I came out of my prison of a closet, first to my wife Kat, and then slowly to the rest of the world. It's been an amazing time of growth and discovery for me. I've gone from hiding in the darkness, to now being Karen full time. Who would have figured? Anyway, I've learned so much on my journey, so I thought I'd share a few things I've picked up on with you. Maybe it will be of help to some of my sweet sisters out there who are thinking of coming out too.
How deep was I in the closet? My closet was more heavily fortified than Ted Kennedy's liquor cabinet, that's how deep. Seriously, I had lived for many years with the firm decision that I would kill myself if anyone ever found out the truth about me. You can't get much deeper than that.
I came out because I couldn't do it anymore, it was make or break, so I rolled the dice, fully expecting to lose everything I had on the table. And then a funny thing happened...
I knew Kat would leave me, I mean, why would she stay with such a freak of nature? Instead of leaving me, she loved me instead. She's been so awesome and supportive, I'm still shaking my head about it. That's not to say it's been all teddy bears and lollipops for us, but we manage to work through the problems that face us.
My kids are all happy for me because they see how happy I am now. They don't understand it, which is cool, because I don't understand it myself. Try telling your kids you're really a woman sometime, but they never flinched. I have lost a few friends over this, but now I see they weren't really friends after all, so I'm better off without them.
I knew when word got out about me at work that I'd be set on by a pack of hyenas. I work in a steel mill, pretty tough audience there. I posted a letter explaining about myself, and readied for the worse. Never happened. People came up to me to shake my hand and tell me they'd always be my friend, one guy even gave me a hug. So I'm pretty much all out now, and here's what I learned.
The truth will never hurt you, but a lie always will. I learned that you have to put faith in love, otherwise your spinning your wheels in the sand. I found that the people who love you before still do, the others won't, and I really don't care about them. You know, I came up with so many excuses to justify my lies and secrets, and for me it was such a waste of precious years lost. Such a shame, to bad, so sad. I assumed everyone would hate me, I didn't have faith. Never again. You are what you are, you have have enough courage and faith that others will see the good in you, even if you are different.
I'm not telling you all to do as I did, your situations may be different than mine. I like to walk the high wire, and I work without a net...works for me. You do what you gotta do, only you knows what's best for you. I'm just saying that some of you might be suprised, is all. And if you feel that staying in the closet is your way, that's cool too. Don't feel that you have to come out, and don't feel you're any less of a person for it, because you're not. Ther's no "Must Come Out" chapter in the tranny rule book, so go in peace.
I'll be sharing with you other things I've discovered now that I'm Karen all the way from time to time, maybe it will help some of you. Whatever you decide on, please accept and love yourself for who and what you are, a beautiful person. And whatever you do, be happy! Time is moments gone forever if not firmly grasped, so don't let them pass you by. Thank you all for listening.

Karen

[ronni]

That's really great advice, Karen, and you have shared a lot of insight.
It worked out well for you, and you're probably right, honesty is the best thing.

Sometimes it is necessary to keep a secret, not lie, but hide.
Someday I may follow your example, but for now...

[Kitty Sue]

Great advice Karen, thanks.

[jackie]

hey Karen ,sounds like the weight of the world has been lifted off your shoulders and are happy , I don't think I will ever go as far as you have ,but know how you feel just comming out to my wife ,as far as the rest of the world they'll just have to wait, for now this forum and all the wonderful people in it is enough, and one thing I have learned over the years is to 'assume nothing' . so good luck with your jurney, hope you have a fun ride!Jackie

[Julie Avery]

I like to walk the high wire, and I work without a net

Inspiring words, knowing that you're living them - and not just the ones I've quoted. Thank you for this post.

[Sharon]

The truth will never hurt you, but a lie always will. I learned that you have to put faith in love, otherwise your spinning your wheels in the sand. I found that the people who love you before still do, the others won't, and I really don't care about them. You know, I came up with so many excuses to justify my lies and secrets, and for me it was such a waste of precious years lost. Such a shame, to bad, so sad. I assumed everyone would hate me, I didn't have faith. Never again. You are what you are, you have have enough courage and faith that others will see the good in you, even if you are different.

It's an excellent post, Karen, and I admire you so much for your forthrightness. I have learned through the years, slowly however, that the above passage is unmistakingly true.

It's amazing, actually, to see how closely your last year mirrors my own last couple years, all except the work situation which doesn't apply for me (I work at home). And while you are all out to everyone, I am still closeted to one person -- my 81-year old mother -- who I have no desire to burden with this.

You're an inspiration to me, Karen. While you walk the high wire, I usually look for an easier, less nervy route on the ground. It's something I don't always like about myself, but fifty years of caution are sometimes difficult to overcome.

Go girl!! :happy:

[PennieS]

Great post and insight, we can all be proud of you:thumbsup:

[Sam-antha]

Years lost, but years to come. Different years Karen but we do hope they will be very happy ones.
I do not know who is more to wonder at, you, Kat or the kids.
Whoever, it is improtatnt that they take you for yourself. Thats what you married for. Not that you ever in the beginning expected such a reposne. That must have been a difficult letter, the one for work, and posting it up must have been hard, will I, can I...
Done it.
Congrats from me for the butterfly.

[jamie_44]

Karen, a real story of courage, how good you must feel to be who you have always felt like! You are right too, true friends will always be there. I will close by saying I wish that I had just an ounce of your courage, you really go girl!

[Patty]

Thank you - very good advise

[Kimberly]

Wicked advice...

My situation now is more something like: I wanna just come out, and then be able to dress out too. I'm so damn bored... maybe bored is the wrong word... aggrivated that I have to keep this side of my personality away from everyone else, even though I have come out to my close friends. I suppose the challenge is the moment of coming out. The unknown - and the fear of it. The expectation of being cut down by human beings who think they're better than you because they're comfortable in themselves, even though they're your friends.

Those who I have come out to are brilliant about my transgenderism - thought most haven't seen me dressed. Some have seen pcitures, only 4 people have seen me dressed in front of them.

I suppose what I am saying, and asking, Karen, is how much does it take to be "open" with everyone? Like you said you did it in stages: wife, friends, work etc. But how long was that process? And was it a burning desire over a few weeks, or a snap decision to come out?

xx

[Cheery GG]

Gypsy karen,

In light of this thread...i would like to ask you a question.....Do you think i should let my family know about lisa....theyve all met darren, and although he isnt the kind of guy that they would pick for me, they let me get on with it.

However they have no idea of lisas existence, so should i tell them....we both find that we hide alot of things, and in fact tell small little lies to cover up where were going etc....it bothers me, but if they knew i would loose my parents, and certainly my sister...in fact they may even goes as far as trying to take my children away....

I would appreciate your comment, advise or any feedback.....

Bye the way, well done on coming out of that closet....damm dark place.....

cheery
xx

[ChristineRenee]

Great post Karen and very well spoken...in all aspects.;)

[sharifemme]

Karen..

I'm so glad for you. Maybe someday I can be honest with everyone. Right now, that number of people is small. We all have to decide what risks we are to take to be who we are. You gambled and won BIGTIME!(HOORAY!). I don't think we would all be that lucky. I do know of many who are not.

Anyway, I'm so glad for you!

Sharifemme

[sparks]

Well Karen! My closet holds a lot of comic books and I'm not coming out!
Really though it feels amazing just to have one person to talk too about the real you! And that's the key I'm working with right now the Real Me!
I gasp at the courage that you possess! Do we all have that courage and strength in us! I've never walked the high wire well I've never gone up that first rung on the ladder!
Baby steps is what I working with here! You are flying successfully off the ground! Keep that wind in your hair Girl!

Amazing!

Sparks

[paulaN]

thanks for sharing. your story wont get me out of the closet,except for the wife she knows. It does give a girl something to think about. again thanks for sharing your word of wisdom.

[GypsyKaren]

Wicked advice...

I suppose what I am saying, and asking, Karen, is how much does it take to be "open" with everyone? Like you said you did it in stages: wife, friends, work etc. But how long was that process? And was it a burning desire over a few weeks, or a snap decision to come out?

xx

I came out to Kat a little over a year ago, the rest came in shifts when the situation seemed right. I didn't rush into anything, once I threw a stone in the pond I waited for the ripples to settle before I tossed out the next one.

How much does it take? A hell of a whole lot. I'm tapping courage I didn't know I had, but it's like a snowball rolling downhill, I keep getting stronger and stronger. I guess I just figured that if I had the guts to go to the grocery store in a skirt, I could stand up to anything. I think we're all a lot stronger than we realize.

I just want to repeat one thing I said, and that's I know what I did isn't for everyone. You all have your own situations and issues to deal with, and that's cool. I'm not advocating anything, I'm just pointing out what works for me, is all. I had gotten too desparate, I couldn't go on like I was any longer, maybe you can. We each have our own path in life to follow, this is mine.

Karen

[Trisha51]

Thanks so much for sharing your story.
I have learned so much about myself from reading the posts here.
I am considerably more comfortable in myself since coming here some months ago.
Almost fifty years of darkness in my closet and the light is finally getting in.
Next step is to come out to my wife - still preparing and procrastinating, but reading of the experiences of others is encouraging.

Heartfelt thanks to all of you ,
Hugs
Trisha

[ChristineRenee]

The really wonderful thing here is that you and others who have come out are positive examples for the rest of us. Yes Karen...not everyone's circumstances may allow for them to do this. But I think that it's a big plus knowing that maybe we do fear the negative so much that it inhibits us from being on the outside (and by that I mean in public) what we are on the inside. To those who really know you..and love you...it should not alter their opinion of you as a person. Karen...you can also take a lot of pride in the fact that you are willing to take the slings and arrows, so to speak, to be the person that you are. It is a very courageous step, but moreover, it gives hope and encouragement to all of us that want to be able to achieve this goal someday. So thanks Karen for sharing this with us all.:)

[RenaCD]

Karen a very beautiful story and told by a Kind and Beautiful Person.
I have talked to you about many subjects at length and not only do you walk the high wire, You do it with Style and Grace.
This Community and the World is a Greater Place because of you and I am very Proud to call you Friend.
Maybe someday we will all find the Courage and Conviction that will put us in the light that you have found.

Very Big Hugs Rena

[Ms. Donna]

Hi Karen,

Truely inspiring.

Thank you so much for sharing this with everyone.

Love & Stuff,
Donna

[michelle19845]

i'm very glad that things are going in your direction.it's gotta be some of the toughest stuff to deal with in life.i hope everything goes your way and you feel better each time.




michelle19845

[Jennaie]

Karen:

So happy that your life is turning for the better with all this. Hope that it always does. Thanks so much for sharing your experiences with all of us. Your a very valued member to these forums and I admire both your courage and wisdom.

[Tracy Lynn]

Hi Karen,

Nicely written. I'm glad evrything worked out for you. Sounds like you're making your dreams come true. Good for you.